


Going for the Gold, or, The Greed of Tachibana Makoto

by orphan_account



Category: Free!
Genre: Airplanes, Alcohol, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Drama, Feels, First Date, First Time, Fluff, Frottage, M/M, Makoto wants to be sexy, Makoto's POV, Misunderstandings, Olympics, PDA, Practice makes perfect, Props, Relationship Trouble, Rimming, Road Trip, Sei learns to swim, Stripping, Triple Date, University Life, alcohol is bad for you kids, beginning relationships, bottom!Sei, boys being dorks, boys touching each other, can i tag fluff again?, hazing?, i did the thing, life goes on - Freeform, needing space, no RinHaru bashing, rin being stubborn, spring storms, the mikoshiba family, the reigisa is more of a background thing, too rough sex (slightly graphic), tryouts for Tottori, tryouts for the National Team, very small amount of angst in the beginning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-03
Updated: 2014-06-13
Packaged: 2018-01-21 18:56:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 122,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1560632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto's personal journey of growing up, watching friendships change, relationships change.  Over time, he may even discover he's changed a bit himself.  This is also a story about swimming, and why we choose the things we do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Haru? Are you home?” There's no answer as I wait on the porch. Not that I really expected one. At least Haru's gotten better about locking his front door over the years. Going around back, I muse on how much _hasn't_ changed, even with all that has since the school year started.

“Haru-chan, I'm coming in” I say almost to myself, sliding open the still-as-ever unlocked back door. In the span of just a few short months, Nagisa came back into our lives, and so did competitive swimming. Then came Rei, and of course, the stunning sort of reunion with Rin a few weeks ago at Regional's. It's so good to see Rin smile and laugh again, be part of the team. Haru's even been a bit more lively now that the weight of their misunderstanding is off his shoulders.

Even though it's a Saturday, and we don't have anywhere to be, I still go through my normal routine. It's called habit because you've done it so many times, right? Down Haru's hall, I check the laundry room for signs of him being either out or in. You never know, he may have gone to the store, or for an early morning swim in the ocean, since it's warm enough right now.

A thud just before I draw the curtain back makes me frown. What on earth could he be doing to make that kind of noise in here? The fabric parts silently, and it takes me a second to adjust to the dimmer lighting. There's only one small window in here, right above the washing machine. Thankfully waiting to be able to see what's going on properly keeps me from saying anything at first.

It looks like Haru's silhouette in front of the window, but it's off, muddled almost. Then my eyes adjust the next instant and it's like every single detail is seared across my vision at once. Haru is being pushed up against the washing machine by Rin. And they're kissing. They're kissing, and Haru is clutching desperately to the back of Rin's blazer. Rin's blazer is falling off his shoulders, and they're kissing, and Haru _moans_.

I backtrack in shock, covering my mouth with a hand as if the surprised smile forming there is somehow not allowed. Well, if either of them saw me, they would definitely not like being smiled at. Did they notice me? My heart is thumping a mile a minute in my chest, and I stand frozen for a second.

Then the distinct sound of Rin uttering an expletive reaches my ears. It's not a swear of being discovered though, no. It sounds like the kind of swearing you would do behind closed doors with your lover. Not that I would know. It just, it sounds way too intimate for him to have meant _me_ to hear it.

Stepping slowly back the way I came, I hope they stay as oblivious while I let my self out as when I let myself in. My cheeks, neck, ears...my entire body feels flushed with embarrassment as I slowly slide the back door closed again. Out on the street, I can't help but take a peek at Haru's house while I walk away. No, I decide, there was no way for me to know what was going on inside before I barged in. I guess from now on I'll have to call first before just coming over...

 

“Oh, Makoto, honey, weren't you going over to Haru's?” my mom asks. I don't think I have ever lied to my mom before. It rolls off my tongue before I even have a chance to think about it though.

“He wasn't home, I'll just call him up later” I say jovially, heading to my room. She doesn't say anything else, thankfully. I don't know why it bothers me that I so casually fibbed. I mean, it's not as if my mom knowing they were making out would change anything. It just feels, weird. Weird like, there's this weird energy inside me that I don't know what to make of.

I sit on the edge of my bed and rest my hands on my knees. It finally happened. They're going to leave me behind.

No. I shake my head. Just because I've feared it, doesn't mean Haru would actually do something like that. I always tell myself I'm silly for thinking things like that. It's hard though, when he and Rin are locked eye to eye in some battle or another. I'm usually left timing it. No one asks if I want to join in too. But I guess if I was more competitive, I'd just _make_ myself part of it, like they do.

Without wanting to know why, my eyes begin to fill with tears. I think I've been trying to hold them back without admitting it to myself. But suddenly I feel really, really tired. I don't want to cling to my happy exterior anymore. I don't want to think about Haru kissing Rin. Did I secretly like the fact that Haru hadn't really let in anyone but me this whole time? I hate feeling selfish and useless in the wake of that revelation.

Frustrated tears slip down my cheeks, and I think I'd feel better if I just admitted to a broken heart... Crap. No, it didn't make it feel any better. A sob threatens, and I lay down, burying my head in the pillow. I'm such a selfish liar. I pretend my friend's happiness is so important to me, but really, I want to be happy too.

What Haru and I had wasn't perfect, but it felt special. I guess it wasn't the kind of special that turns into kissing though... I only thought once about kissing Haru, but I decided against it. We were too good of friends, you know? Well, crap, I guess now I got what I wanted. We'll be _friends_ forever and ever, and he'll kiss Rin, and no one will kiss me.

Tears start coming more forcefully, and I feel like all the air has been let out of my chest. Even if I wasn't _in love_ with Haru, he was always there. I never felt alone because I was always with him. Now... Now he'll want to spend all his time with Rin, I'm sure of it. He already has been working toward it when I think about it.

I don't want to be alone.

The sobbing is full force now, as this horrible feeling of isolation washes over me. It takes a long time for me to calm down. Eventually I have to interact with my family, so I can't just stay curled up, fully clothed, in bed all day. It's strained though, and I'm pretty sure my mom heard me crying. She asks several times throughout the day if I'm ok, and I lie some more. I'm just not ready to deal with telling them that Haru's moving on without me.

Sunday, I call Haru to see about hanging out, but there's no answer. I shouldn't take it like the blow I do, because he never answers. I feel childish and petty as I mope, and I don't like it. Going to spend some time with Nagisa and Rei helps a little. It's not like I was only friends with Haru _because_ I wanted to be with him. Those kinds of things were just a vague sort of outline in the back of my mind.

It's funny that for all the unspoken communications between us, Haru never picked up on that. Maybe I hid it too well. Since I'm only just realizing it myself in the face of losing him, I guess so.

When Monday comes, I turn to the comfort of habit to try and get out of my funk. Haru is as quiet and contemplative as ever on the walk to school. I don't ask any questions, because I'd rather not hear the details.

Is it because his mind is preoccupied with Rin now, that he doesn't notice things aren't quite the same between us? That hurts more to think about than I would have thought. So for the rest of the day, I try not to think about it.

A week passes, and my efforts to not think are becoming legendary. I think I may be failing English now... When Friday comes, and Rin shows up at Iwatobi for our practice, it's awkward. But he's still Rin. Watching the two of them flirt but most decidedly _not flirt_ actually makes me smile. I can't be _mad_ at them, it was never about that...

Because I'm watching them so closely, I catch a hand lingering where it wouldn't normally. Rin and Haru are standing next to each other, drying off. Nagisa is making a commotion, swinging around a floaty and teasing Rei with it. I can hear the disgruntled “tch” sound Rin makes when the flailing gets too close to them. His hand moves up to the small of Haru's back, an almost protective gesture, and lingers there.

I don't think I've ever seen that look on Haru's face before. It's sort of “what do you think you're doing, mister?” mixed with “what took you so long?”. Rin just grins back, both of them blushing lightly. I've seen that look on Rin's face dozens of times, always directed at Haru. Damn it.

Just as I'm about to look away, Rin's eyes flick around to see if they've been caught. They settle on me with surprising speed. Of course my first instinct is to smile, everything's alright and always will be... But as my lips form the gesture, I see such relief light up in Rin's face that it actually becomes genuine on my part.

Rin's been through so much, he's obviously been _in love_ with Haru for a long time, now that I'm seeing all these things come together. And here I am with my complete family, complete lack of pressure on me, wallowing in self pity. I still don't feel great about being on the outside, but the smile we trade is a warm one. I could never begrudge Rin for being in love, or Haru either. Maybe it's better that they found each other, because I am apparently a lot more selfish than I used to think.

It still hurts a little. Every time I see them holding hands, a part of me wishes there was someone I was close enough to, to hold hands with too. It does get easier to be happy for them as the weeks go by though.

 

One day Rin puts his arm around Haru's waist after practice, and leaves it there. Is this it? Are they ready to come clean about it to everyone now?

“Alright dorks, listen up” Rin clears his throat, coughing into his free hand conspicuously. Haru watches Rin instead of any of us, his arm wrapped loosely around Rin's waist as well. This is it. I don't know why I've been waiting for this, but apparently I have.

“So, Haru is my boyfriend now, and when the season ends, I arranged for him to be able to practice with me at Samezuka everyday” Rin declares boldly, daring anyone to argue.

I already knew the boyfriend thing, but swim at Samezuka? Everyday? I wonder what Rin had to offer Captain Mikoshiba to make that deal happen... Probably Kou's phone number, email address, and how she likes her coffee. As soon as I think it, I mentally take it back. Rin's way too protective of his little sister to offer her up in a trade like that. It's just me being petty again.

“Wow, like, _boyfriend_ boyfriends?” Nagisa squeals in delight. Even Rei looks pleased. I guess that really is the more shocking and/or important of the two declarations.

“Mako-chan, isn't this exciting? Now that Rin-chan's getting laid, he'll be in a much better mood” Nagisa winks knowingly at me, making me blush from head to toe.

“Um, I wouldn't know anything about that...” I stutter, rubbing the back of my neck. Thankfully Rei has come up and put Nagisa in a head lock as he gives his congratulations. He's gotten much better at 'taking charge' with the young blonde. It keeps Rin from doing anymore than bristling over the comment, so that's good. Finally Rei is convinced Nagisa has settled down and releases him a few minutes later.

“I know, we should go on a double date!”

I can't possibly have heard the words that just came out of Nagisa's mouth correctly. Rei looks like he's covering his face with one hand to hide his blush. He smoothly turns it into a motion to adjust his glasses though, and raises his head defiantly as Nagisa clings to his side.

“You and I can barely agree on what constitutes an appropriate 'date' between the two of us. I think it's highly unlikely that we will be able to accommodate all four of our tastes and interests into one outing” Rei admonishes.

“Wait, you guys are dating too?” I sputter, looking at them in disbelief. Nagisa flashes me a peace sign, and Rei nods curtly.

“Yes, Makoto-senpai. We didn't want to make a big deal of it though” Rei explains.

“Oi, Mako-chan, how come you weren't all surprised to hear Haru-chan and _Rin-Rin_ were together?” Nagisa asks sweetly. He is such a little shit.

“Oh, um, well... I, I kind of figured it out already- but I didn't want to say anything since you guys hadn't yet” I'm deep red with embarrassment and a fair amount of dejection as I fumble through the words.

“Urgh, I told you not to call me that, you little shota” Rin snaps at Nagisa. Haru just rolls his eyes and apparently decides the important parts of the conversation are over, because he jumps back in the pool.

Since Rin is ostensibly going to wait for Haru to be done now, and Kou will wait with him, I leave locking up in their care. I don't know how the 'double date' conversation ended, and I really don't want to. For once I'm not the last person on the team to leave the school. It doesn't feel like a break or anything though, it feels like the world is crumbling out from under my feet.

Everyone has someone now. Everyone but me. Well, Kou is still single, but because she wants to be... It feels suffocating, the ache in my chest, the loneliness. I've always hated being alone, ever since I was a kid. I was so glad when the twins came along because then I was needed all the time, even when Haru wasn't around.

“Makoto, dear, I got a call from the school counselor today, we set up a time to go over your college applications next week on Tuesday” my mom smiles excitedly as soon as I get in the door.

“College? Isn't it a bit early for that? It's only the end of second year...” I argue without really arguing.

“Well, you need to decide which ones you're interested in now, so that when application time rolls around, you're prepared. Some schools and programs have deadlines to apply as early as a few months from now” she informs me. I know she's trying to help, but it just makes me feel worse when she adds, “I thought I'd give you a heads up so you can confer with Haru-chan before the meeting” she winks.

“I don't think I'll be going to the same college as Haru anymore” spills in defeat from my mouth as I slump into the kitchen chair. I think my mom's eyes widen a little when she hears that, but I look down and away.

“Makoto, what do you mean? Did you and Haru have a fight?” her voice is filled with concern. I've always trusted my parents, they're good people who love me a lot. I know they've been really understanding about this weird thing between me and Haru all our lives. I wonder now if they thought it was more than it was too...

“No, we didn't fight. It's just, Haru...” my voice cracks and my eyes start to water, and I feel my mom's arm around my shoulders. “Haru and Rin are together now, and... and he's spending more and more time with him. They're both _swimmers_ , you know? They'll probably go to college together, and the Olympics and all that. I would just get in the way, I don't want to hold the clipboard and watch anymore.”

I don't know where the last part of that came from, it was almost like a confession rather than telling her what's going on, but it felt good. I'm also crying by the end of it.

So now my mom knows. She doesn't say much except for comforting noises, but it helps. I'm pretty sure she'll tell dad later too, she's good about that kind of thing. Not that I don't want to tell him, but it's bad enough to bawl in front of my mother at 16. She lets me go to my room after that, instead of entertaining the twins, and I'm grateful. As much as I don't like being by myself, I don't want to be around anyone else right now while I sulk about being alone.

I am completely pathetic.

 

There's still a few weeks of warm weather left for the year, and Rin and Haru have taken to alternating the schools they practice with. Even aside from our regular joint team practices. I guess I'm glad, because somehow the Iwatobi swim team has degraded into madness. Sure we swim, but, there's no competitions anymore this year. I have a harder and harder time getting Nagisa to listen to my gentle prodding to get back in the pool, or to stop teasing Rei.

I don't really blame them, it's hard to stay focused when the end of the season is so soon. I feel bad though, because if Rin and Haru are going to go on to a college level swim team, they need to be the best they can be. Rin's pretty good about sticking to his routine even with the casual chaos that's developed. Haru tends to ignore it more often than not.

It's that Friday when I come up from finishing my own stretch and find I'm the only one swimming. Nagisa and Rei are wrestling over Rei's prescription goggles on the cement next to the pool. That's fairly typical. But as I look around, Haru's not even floating in the water. Instead, Rin has him pressed up against the edge and they're _kissing_. Kissing _in the pool_. In front of everyone, like there's nothing else important going on.

I'm done.

I pull myself up out of the water and head for the locker rooms. I've lost control, and I don't know if I really ever had it to begin with. I don't admonish anyone, I don't smile and try to get people to see reason. I shower. I get dressed. I leave and let them figure it out. Because I am tired, and I don't feel like they're being very good friends _to me_ right now either.

I can't remember the last time I didn't try to do the responsible thing. Guilt overcomes me before I'm even halfway home, but, I've already left now. I don't want to go back.

Maybe I'm not cut out to be captain. It's entirely possible that it worked before because we were all such good friends. Now that everyone's more focused on their boyfriends than anything else, it's falling apart. My 'leadership' that is.. Is it really such a different skill set, being a good big brother, and being captain?

I think about the twins, and I refuse to believe I'm not a good brother. Maybe I just need some advice on how captain-ing is really supposed to be. Because at this rate, I may have to resign the title next year if we really all want to go to Regional's again...

I don't think either of my parents had much experience with sports. My dad likes to go camping because they never got to do stuff like that when he was growing up. When I get home, I head straight to my room, and do probably the least productive thing for the situation. I lay on my bed and just stare up at the ceiling, thinking. We only have one more week left before the forecast is calling for a cold snap. Should I just let it go? Will things be like this when practice picks up again next year?

I can't imagine Mikoshiba just letting Rin and Haru make out on the side of one of the lanes while everyone's swimming. They should know better. Suddenly an epiphany hits me. Mikoshiba is one of those cool, help you out because he wants everyone to be their best, kind of guys. He's offered to give me pointers before, but Rin told me to politely turn them down because he was afraid it was a ploy to get to Kou. I never thought that, but it seemed easier to just appease Rin when I wasn't in any dire need of assistance.

It's not that I care so badly about staying captain. I just don't want to muddle through and ruin things for the others by not being able to do the job.

Next year will be our last year together, and I'm scared of how much things are going to change after that. We need to go to nationals. I want that one big, happy memory for us to end with.

“Hello?” a curious voice picks up on the second ring when I call captain Mikoshiba's phone.

“Hi, um, this is Tachibana Makoto, the captain of Iwatobi's team?” I say with a lilt, as if questioning his memory of me though we see each other at least a couple times a month. I've had his number since that first joint practice, but I've never used it.

“Tachibana? Sure! What can I do for you?” he answers the hesitance in my voice.

“Well, I was wondering if you happen to be free this weekend... I know you offered in the past to give me pointers, but I never took you up on it. It's not too late, is it?” I ask hopefully. There's a small pause on the other end of the line.

“Nah man, it's not too late! What time were you thinking?”

“Tomorrow after lunch maybe?” I proffer, relieved that I didn't miss the opportunity.

“That should work. My place or yours?”

I hadn't thought this through enough to consider location. These 'issues' I'm having with the team aren't exactly something I want the twins hearing us discuss.

“Let's do your place” I decide.

“Sure, great. Maybe we can even get in a little hands-on experience while you're here then” he suggests. I hadn't thought of that.

“That might be helpful. I'll be in your debt, Mikoshiba-senpai” I admit.

“Really?” his voice sounds disbelieving.

“Um, well, yes. You're an amazing captain, and I could really use your advice.”

“I see. Well, there's actually something you could do for me in return, if you don't mind. We can talk about it more tomorrow. Oh, and lay off the 'senpai', we're both captains here” he laughs into the phone.

“Sure, and thanks. I'll see you tomorrow then, around 1pm.” We say our goodbyes, and I feel a little bit better. At least I'm working my way toward progress. And hopefully if I focus on this, and applying to college, and graduating next year, then I can forget about how all my friends paired up.

 

Saturday morning is warm and clear. A perfect day for swimming in the ocean. Which is where I'm sure Haru and Rin are at. I used to wait until afternoons to try and contact Haru on days like this, because I know he'd be in swimming in the sea. I always used to worry too, about him being out there alone. I guess it's a good thing over all, that he has Rin with him now. I actually worry less today than normal.

The train ride to Samezuka is actually a little stuffy, but I don't mind. Mikoshiba said he'd meet me at the pool, so I head there first. Combine that with the implication that there will be a 'hands-on' portion to the session, and I decided to bring my swim gear.

Mikoshiba is one of those people who when they smile at you, it makes you feel like you're being let in on something important. I wave back as he lifts an arm in welcome as well. He's wearing normal clothes, but he does have a gym bag at his feet.

“Tachibana! Right on time! I thought we'd talk first and then go for a few laps afterward, if that's ok with you?”

“Sure, thanks again for having me” I smile back. The pool only has a few guys working out in it right now, and we head over to the bleachers to take a seat.

“So, why don't you tell me about your normal routine, and then we'll take it from there” he says, motioning to the benches.

I sigh. I'm pretty sure this sounds ridiculous on several levels as I describe what our practices have degraded into.

“Wait, wait. I meant _your_ workout routine... Isn't that what you wanted pointers on?” Mikoshiba looks like he's trying not to laugh at what I've just laid out.

“ _My_ routine? No, I meant, I need help being an effective captain. Ever since they all paired up, no one's really listening to me, and I have no idea what to do about it” I explain. “Wait, you though I wanted help with my own technique?”

“Well, yeah...” Mikoshiba smooths his hand back through his slicked yet spiky hair. “I mean, I'd be happy to help with that other stuff, if I can.”

“Thanks. I guess I know I could do better with my own form and stuff, but I'm not like a _serious_ serious swimmer...” I laugh and sort of trail off. Everyone knows I'm not in the same league with guys like Haru and Rin and even Mikoshiba himself. When I get done rubbing the back of my head and smiling sheepishly, I'm greeted with crossed arms and an intense golden gaze. Wow. The shift was abrupt, but it captivates me right away. I know I've done something wrong, but I don't even know what yet.

“Well there's your problem, Tachibana” Mikoshiba's eyes bore into me, assessing. I know I'll be found wanting, and look away. “How can you expect them to take you seriously, if you don't take yourself seriously?” he asks quietly. He's not trying to shame me, and I appreciate that, but at the same time, I don't think he knows what he's talking about.

“It's just, I'm not like you guys... Like Haru and Rin and you. I got made captain because I'm responsible, not because of some outstanding skill” I inform him.

Mikoshiba shakes his head, his arms still crossed.

“You're an amazing swimmer, Tachibana. I only have one guy on my team that can consistently beat you as it is, and this is Samezuka. We're the best of the best. Guys come from all over Japan to attend this swimming powerhouse. If you gave it your best, put your heart into it all the time, you could be just as good.” He stands there, waiting patiently, but I'm flabbergasted. I have no idea what to say.

“Um, thank you, Mikoshiba... Do... Do you really believe that?”

“Of course” he sits his flaming red hair down beside me, and looks out over the pool as he continues on. “Backstroke isn't as 'popular' as freestyle or butterfly, but it's just as essential. I have a feeling that with your personality, if you just took _yourself_ seriously, then everything else would fall into place. If the guys see you pushing yourself, beating your times, striving, reaching, it makes them want to be a part of that too.”

“Just because I'm doing it?”

“Well, it doesn't work for everybody, but I think you have the charisma for it. You're one of those guys that people want to be around, and you're cute enough that they don't question your motives” Mikoshiba chuckles.

“Did you just say I was cute?” I blurt out, blushing furiously, before my good judgment can kick in.

Mikoshiba scratches the side of his hair for a moment, then looks at me.

“Well, you are. Why? Am I not allowed to say that?” he says, like he's not sure if he's done something wrong or not.

“I... Um... So, what kind of pointers were you going to give me?” I stutter and then blatantly change the subject. Nice one. He probably thinks I'm some kind of homophobic caveman now.

“Stuff about your kick, that's a weak point for a lot of backstrokers. Have you never had anyone say you're cute before, or is it just 'cause I'm a guy?” Mikoshiba answers my question, and then to my horror, changes the subject right back.

“I, uh...” I have to think about the question for entirely too long. A couple girls have confessed to me over the years, but I didn't take it or their wording as anything serious, I hardly knew them. In retrospect though, comparing _any_ relationship to how well I knew Haru was probably a mistake. I look up to Mikoshiba, trying to read his intentions here, but his face is a pleasant mask. Ah. That's enough for me to go on, actually.

“I get 'amazing' from people I barely know a lot, but not 'cute' so much” I tell him, intrigued to see if he'll repay honesty with honesty. “It's not because you're a guy, I don't think I care about that kind of thing.”

“You 'don't think' you care?” Mikoshiba says, giving a disbelieving tilt of his head and raising of his eyebrows all at once.

“I mean, I wouldn't really know. I haven't been with a guy or a girl, so, I just, I don't know for sure...” I feel heat creeping up my face, and Mikoshiba gives me one of those 'guy' smacks on the shoulder.

“Fair enough, man, fair enough. So about your kick...”

 

For the next half an hour, we talk swimming with no hint of awkwardness. Like I didn't clam up in a conversation about my sexuality with him at all. Then we change and hop in the water. My legs burn like few other times before by the time Mikoshiba is done with me.

“Why are you doing this?” I ask as we're lounging in the lanes afterward. It's not a traditional warm down, but it's effective. Hinted at motives and snippets of previous conversations swirl in my head.

“You mean as in, why would I help you get better when you're on a rival team?” Mikoshiba grins as he pulls off his goggles.

“Yeah.”

“Well, this is my last year here. After this, you're Nakagawa's problem” he laughs, indicating the current vice-captain. “We went out with a bang, even if our last win was due to your disqualification. Plus, if you keep up with this, I might see you around sometime when you get to college too.”

It's casual, like everything with Mikoshiba is, but I can't help a faint blush from cropping up.

“What college _are_ you going to?” I ask, letting the relay issue slide away as I play with the plastic of the lane markers.

“Actually, I'm going to the University in Tottori. Even though they don't have a famous team _yet_ , they just got a fabulous coach there who's putting together some amazing athletes. It should be a really exciting time. Fun, but a lot of hard work too. I kind of like the idea of going to a place that doesn't have a huge reputation.”

“So there's less pressure?”

“Not exactly” Mikoshiba laughs, “It's easier to stand out when you don't have a bunch of other people's past accomplishments to measure up to. I'm enough of a self starter, I don't need the push you'd normally get from all that.”

He certainly is confident. I'm still going in circles over if I want to follow his advice, really get serious or not. We climb out of the pool and go to shower, my head still a mess. It's probably for the best that I'm a bit out of it, or else showering with him might have been awkward. I don't even realize I'm mostly going through the motions until we're dressed.

“Hey, you doing ok?” Mikoshiba asks when he sees me spacing out.

“Oh, sorry. It's just a lot to think about... Do you mind if I ask you something actually?”

“Sure, fire away.”

“Why do you swim? I mean, what drives you? Do you love the water, or, is it to make your family proud?...”

“I guess I like the water” Mikoshiba says after a moment of reflection, rubbing his chin with his towel. “I was good at swimming, ever since I was young, so I decided to stick with it. I don't always love it, but I certainly don't do it for anyone else.”

“What do you mean? Don't you feel a team spirit?”

“Of course, but, you asked _why_ I swim. I don't do it so I can get praise. I do it because I enjoy doing something that I'm good at. It's funny, they actually ask that question on the entrance exams here” Mikoshiba grins at me.

“I'm afraid of the water” I hear myself saying out of nowhere, completely unprompted and unrehearsed. Mikoshiba's eyes widen.

“You? You're afraid of the water? How... You must have balls of steel, man” he shakes his head in disbelief. I almost choke.

“What?” I'm confused, and it shows.

“You get in the water everyday, you're the second best backstroker in the prefecture, and you're afraid of the water? That's guts, man. I mean, that's a kind of brave most people wouldn't be able to keep up day after day.”

“Thanks...” I'm not sure what to say to that. I'm not brave. I freeze up and I let people down and, and, I'm not brave.

“So, why do you swim, Tachibana?” Hearing him address me by my family name while we're discussing my deepest fears just seems silly.

“You can call me Makoto, it's ok... I, I swam... for Haru, in the beginning. At first it was so we could hang out, and my mom wanted me to take the lessons anyway. I think she thought it would help me get over my fear. Anyway, I never would have done it on my own. Then I progressed to swimming for the team, to be close to my friends, but now...” I feel a pinching sensation in my chest, but I will it away with everything in me. I am not going to cry in front of Mikoshiba.

“Now you're trying to figure out if you still want to swim at all, aren't you?” he says softly. There is an intelligence in those golden eyes that I haven't seen before.

“Sort of...”

“Hey, by the way, call me Sei. Mikoshiba makes me sound old” he adds, pushing my shoulder playfully with his as he sits next to me.

“Ok, Sei... I guess I used to feel best when I was swimming with my friends, like I was part of something bigger than myself. Now, I'm just starting to feel even more alone when I'm with them. Like they're flaunting, even though I know they're not. Ok, maybe Rin is a little... But I'm just lonely, and I don't know if I want to keep doing this to myself.”

“So your options are clear at least, it's pretty cut and dry. Either stay as captain and swim your heart out, or quit the team and just eat lunch with them everyday instead. I actually see this a lot, the lonely, questioning feeling. A lot of the guys who come here haven't ever lived away from their home and their friends. Only most of them are too hesitant to admit it. The being lonely part that is... I think you're mature enough to make the right choice though.”

“Um, thanks.”

“Hey, no worries. You'll figure out what's the right thing for you. You're the one who has to live with your decision after all.”

“That doesn't make me feel a whole lot better” I mumble out of tiredness and frustration. Sei is smiling a huge grin at me.

“Nope, only deciding will” he claps me on the back. “I did want to offer you something though, that might help. Remember how I said I stay in shape by swimming on my own later after I get done helping everyone else at practice?”

“Yeah, you said you call it your 'captain's swim'?”

“Well, last time I checked, you were a captain too. You should join me this week. Curfew isn't until 9pm here, so there's plenty of time. It would help you make an informed decision too, as to what giving it your all would really mean” he says, nudging me in the side. I have to smile, because Sei is like a puppy with a lot of energy, he doesn't hold still for long. It's kind of neat that he thinks _I'm_ cute. He's the cute one.

“Sure, I guess it can't hurt. Well, other than my muscles anyway.” We both laugh and grin. I had a surprisingly good time, for all of the heavy topics. While we're heading out of the building, Sei grabs my arm to stop me for a minute.

“Oh, I almost forgot about that favor you could do for me” he says nonchalantly.

“Right, how can I help?” I ask, my curiosity piqued not only because I forgot about it, but because of our recent streams of conversation.

“Well, I was hoping you could run a little interference for me with Gou...” he says, blushing slightly. Ah, I guess I should have known...though, I didn't expect Sei to be the kind of guy to play games like that...

“What do you mean?” I ask, feeling more deflated than I should.

“Ok, here's the deal. Gou's not into me, and that's fine, but I've gotten myself into a bit of a situation here...” he looks at me with almost apologetic eyes, and it's one of those moments that I realize he's just a little taller than me. Because _I'm_ looking _up_.

“What kind of situation?” I prompt him, because this isn't making any sense at all now.

“You know how Matsuoka's are... Gou made it clear she's not interested, so I backed off. BUT, now I think she's gotten it in her head that I'm the perfect way to _tease_ her brother. She's always getting closer than Rin would like, talking to me and stuff at the joint practices. It's seriously cutting into the team dynamic, but I don't want to call the practices off because that would just piss him off even _more_. Plus, having you guys in the pool really puts a fire under my own team. Anyway, I kind of noticed that when she's around me in a group, he doesn't get so hostile. I was hoping maybe you could kind of butt in if you see her doing that from now on. It would make my life a whole lot easier, man” Sei pleads with feeling.

“And free of shark bites...” I comment, nodding wisely. “Sure thing, I'd be happy to cock-block Rin's little sister for you” I smile knowingly.

“Aw, come on, it's not like that. She doesn't even really like me” he huffs with mock embarrassment. The light in his eyes is playful though. It's a nice picture... Those eyes stay with me for a long time on the train ride home, golden and twinkling with mischief. Cute isn't the word for it.

 

I'm actually looking forward to Monday, almost as much as Rei does when he knows the grades from a big test will be given out. I ask Haru how his weekend was, and predictably, he spent almost the whole thing swimming with Rin.

Nagisa had text me Friday after I walked out of practice, promising to be on their best behavior. There's no unease between us for it, so I'm glad. I decide that since it's the last week, I might as well try my hand at what Sei said. I'm the first one in their suit, and waiting by the starting blocks when the other's come out. And that's saying something for a team that has Haru on it.

Be serious about myself.

I look over Kou's workout routine, for the first time evaluating it not based on if it 'would do', but if it was as much as we _could_ do. I add about 20 laps total to the regimen, and everyone is feeling it by the end of the day. Since it's new, I do it with them, instead of enforcing most of it from the sidelines like Sei does. My team is a lot smaller than his anyway, so I don't need to be able to see the whole pool at once all the time.

I vaguely wonder if I'll be able to walk home after practicing _again_ with him after this...

Rin even pats me on the back and says “Nice workout” as he's leaving. If he was heading back to Samezuka right now, I would have suggested we go together. From the way he's got his arm flung over Haru's shoulders though, it looks like they'll be heading back to Haru's house first.

Thankfully, I don't have time to hang out, even if they did ask me. Not that I want to sit there and watch them be all couple-y, or whatever passes for it with those two.

I told my parents that Samezuka's captain was helping me see if I could go farther with this swimming thing. They seemed really encouraged by that. So I have the week off so to speak, free to head over each night without checking in. When I get there, Sei is still in his suit from their practice. I wonder for a moment why my parents trust me so much, until I remember I really am just here to swim.

Blushing, I wave back, and hurry to get changed so we can start. Since their practice let out over an hour ago, even the most diehard swimmers from the team have gone now. It's just Sei and me in the half lit pool, our voices and laughter echoing slightly.

He runs me through a few drills to warm up, swimming along with me. Then he gets out and has me sprint, watching my tired movements. With a splash he's back beside me, helping me adjust a few things here and there. He has me hold onto the edge, floating on my back, and shows me the difference in angle between what I'm doing and what's optimal.

His hand on my stomach makes me burn bright red, but I try to stay professional. As professional as two soaking wet, half naked teenagers can be. I don't think I've ever been so glad that the pool water was _cold_ before this.

I know I've been thinking way too much about the question he posed over the weekend. Do I like guys? My first sort of crush was on one, so my assumption would be yes... But I never pictured anything more than maybe a few chaste kisses with Haru. He just never seemed to have that kind of passion in him.

I can picture the hands that go with those gold colored eyes doing all sort of passionate things though. Sei gives me a knowing grin, our eyes locking several times throughout the evening. Only when I'm starting to fear I won't be able to get out of the pool myself, from sheer exhaustion, do we stop. He gives me a hand out without saying anything, he can see how wiped out I am.

As I'm shuffling toward the showers, he puts his arm over my shoulders in a good natured way. I never really thought anyone would be able to do that casually, given my own height.

“So Makoto, you find the answer to that question yet?” he asks, almost teasing. I try not to blush, but I fail. Not for his words, but his proximity.

“Uh, I, haven't really had much time... I was thinking of waiting until the week was over, to decide if I'll stick with it” I say meekly. What's the protocol here? Rei would know. Is there a certain amount of time that his arm on me is 'ok' for, before it becomes more than just friendly?

Sei turns, pushing backwards through the door to the lockers and showers. His hand slips across my shoulders as the casual touch leaves. I can't help but think it was a little more contact than was necessary. The thing is though, do I mind? I really don't think I do.

“That wasn't the question I was talking about” he says, that spark flashing in his eyes just briefly as he holds the door open for me.

“Oh, what question did you mean then?” I wonder, having gotten a bit distracted. It strikes me as we're walking to the back where the showers are, that we're alone again. We're alone in the locker rooms, about to shower, and any number of things could happen here. Well, could happen to someone who wasn't me.

I'm not confident like that, like Rin, to just do something wild and unexpected. I've never kissed anyone, couldn't even imagine being shoved up against the lockers, or shower wall... Ok, maybe I could _imagine_ it...

“I meant the other question about you _thinking_ you like guys.”

The color drains from my face.

“It's just, you gave me a couple looks in the pool back there, that seemed like you _had_ made up your mind...” Sei suggested, “But I don't want to like, freak you out or anything if you were still thinking...”

Because that _is_ something I'd do. Freak out, stutter, and break something on accident because I'm still not used to being over 180cm yet. I grew 10 of those in the last year, and judging by my dad's height, I still have some left to go.

It doesn't look like there's anything breakable here in the showers though.

All this flashes through my brain in less than a second. I wonder if his eyes stayed with me for the whole train ride, how long the feel of kissing would last. Could I carry it around with me for an entire day?

“Well, I'm definitely leaning in one direction...” even with my face in flames, I manage to meet his eyes. It helps that he's peeling off his swimsuit, and I'm terrified to look down. “Maybe you could help...” I want to say 'persuade me', but, that sounds like I want to actually fuck him here in the shower. I'm trying something new here, but I'm not about to insinuate _that_. I doubt I'd be able to pull it off even if I tried anyway... I end up pausing a little too long, and puttering out with a too soft “...me...”

“God, you are so adorable...” Sei mutters. He is naked, completely naked now as he soaps up in front of me, but he's so casual and confident about it. It makes me slightly jealous that he could be that comfortable in his own skin. “Look, Makoto, I can't claim any real experience in that field either. I had a girlfriend once, but we broke up when I came here, too long distance” he shrugs.

I am desperately trying to keep my eyes on his face, or at least upper chest, which I've seen a dozen times before. Actually I've seen his ass before in the showers, but I've never tried to purposefully get a look at the, uh, front. He takes a couple steps toward me as he's talking. I didn't think this could get much worse, for my level of embarrassment, until I feel myself starting to get hard. Yes, body, that is the perfect, most helpful response you could have in this situation.

“I know Tottori is kind of far, but it's not _that_ far really... I mean, shit, I'm getting ahead of myself here...” Sei takes a deep breath and puts his hands on my shoulders. “What I mean is, even though the school year's almost over, I don't think that's a good enough reason not to see where this could lead, you know what I mean?” he asks hopefully.

I'm trembling. I can feel it in my legs. Soon, soon it will spread to the rest of me, and Sei will be able to feel it because his hands are on my shoulders. I set forward and awkwardly close the distance between us. I want this kiss so bad, but I've never done it before. Sei is strong and vibrant, everything I wish I could be as a captain. As a person in general.

His lips feel hot, and they smile against me. They're a little chapped from all the chlorine, but so are mine, so I hope it's ok... Sei puts a hand up to cup my face, and I'm lost. God, I'm in so much trouble. I melt against his heat, there in the cold of the tiled shower. I forget to keep him from pressing against me, and a moment later his throaty chuckle rises up between us.

“Are you really that eager, or are we just having a guy moment?” he says in a conspiratory tone.

“Oh god, I'm so sorry! It just, _happened_ , it's not like I can control it!” I apologize, trying to cover my face with my hands, and my hard dick with my hands at the same time. Sei kisses the tip of my splayed fingers where I'm clutching my face.

“No worries, I just didn't want to take it as an invitation, if it was only an accident... I will take it as testament to my awesome kissing abilities though” he winks, drawing out a laugh from me even though my cheeks literally hurt with the intensity of the burn.

We break apart, and I keep my back to him as I peel off my own suit and shower. I do catch him checking out my ass rather blatantly, and I'm more pleased than I should be. That damn heat starts spreading through me again, and I have to turn the water a little colder. Then I think for a moment, if he's going to look, why can't I?

The moment I choose to turn my head and steal a glance, Sei is letting the water just run down him. His head is tipped back, eyes closed, and I figure out what word describes him better than cute. Sexy. I feel like I'm being bad just by thinking it of him, but I'm almost a man now, so shouldn't I think these things? I know looking at pictures of naked girls never made me want to pass out like this, so it's definitely much more than just _cute_.

I leave the showers first, because I need a head start to get dressed before he walks into the locker area. Well maybe not _need_ , but only if I don't want to spontaneously combust. I manage to get my lower half dried off and clothed before Sei comes over. I peek the tiniest peek at him, and discover he's got his towel wrapped around his waist.

I must have audibly sighed without realizing it.

“Was that relief, or disappointment?” he teases, but it's lighthearted and actually cheers me. We talk some more, switching from serious athletic tips to flirting and back again. I realize that's what this is as we dress, he's flirting with me. It's kind of nice to not be the one holding up the entire conversation. It's _really_ nice to be the focus of someone's attention...

Finally there's nothing left to be wrung out, folded, or put on, and it's time for me to go. He walks me to the front gate. We don't hold hands, but he's closer beside me than I remember him ever walking before. We're saying goodbye in the light from the street lamps, because it's almost 8:30 at night by then.

Sei makes this sort of 'come back for a sec' motion with two fingers, the look on his face like I forgot something. I step toward him unconsciously, even though I hadn't really started to leave yet.

He kisses me while I'm standing there looking confused. It's a brief, light brush of lips, but it cements everything that happened already between us quite nicely.

“See you tomorrow then, right?” he smiles that confident smile.

“Yeah, see you then” I practically whisper, my voice caught in my throat. He nods, disengaging and heading back into the campus. I realize I'm staring, and turn to go a little too quickly, accidentally starting off in the wrong direction. I consider circling around to the next block just so that I don't look like an idiot. My legs remind me I'm far too tired to care about that right now though.

I cross back in front of the gate, and I notice Sei is a little ways across the courtyard, watching me from the edge of a planter. I can see the raised eyebrow even from here.

“Excuse me sir, do you need assistance?” he cups his hands and yells across the open expanse. I roll my eyes and flip him off as I head back the correct way. I can hear his booming laughter following me, and I can't believe I just flipped off the guy I like. I also can't believe there is a guy I'm admitting I like. And that I kissed him. And that he kissed me back.

A huge smile spreads across my face while I think about those kisses, and the fact that he caught my little mix up. He wouldn't have seen it if he hadn't looked back...

 

My body is a mass of pain the next morning, but I still wake up with a smile on my face. It seems like it's been a long time since that happened. That simple kiss has changed a lot.

When we get done with the 'captain's swim' that evening, Sei slips his tongue in my mouth under the spray of the showers. We both have our suits _on_ this time, so it's much less awkward for me. I can still barely believe it. Kissing him leaves me breathless and lightheaded and aching for more. It's way too soon to ask for it though. It's only been 24 hrs since we became a 'thing'.

Plus, I wonder how things would play out between us if I really do give up on swimming.

I don't know if the deliciousness of the ache in my muscles each morning is because I enjoyed it, or because I was with him while it happened. Do I really want to trade one influence I'm swimming for, for another? It doesn't seem healthy. Look what happened with Haru... What if Sei and I don't end up working out? Will I have no more reason to swim then either?

It sounds almost like I was swimming for the wrong reasons, but it didn't feel like that at the time. There was nothing more natural than wanting to be at Haru's side, at all my friend's sides. We're still friends, but maybe getting to swim with them should be more like a perk? At the higher levels of competition, you can't guarantee your friends are going to be there with you.

Rin certainly has more drive than to just swim with his buddies. We all talked about our experiences swimming that relay together. It was an excellent bonding moment, to be sure. A lot of them said they felt like they were recapturing the _fun_ of swimming all over again. I guess that's what I need to decide. If I can find fun, find happiness in it even outside my friends. We'll all be split up after high school anyway, so it makes sense to decide what I want to do now. Kind of like my mom and the appointment with the school's academic adviser.

Unfortunately, the meeting came at a time when I wasn't really ready for it. I ended up telling them I was still deciding, and that I'm keeping a range of academic and athletic schools in mind.

Wondering how Sei's influence might be affecting my view takes some of the fun out of this week... But I don't think it's overwhelming or anything. His kisses, him wrapping his arms around me and sighing contently in my ear, _that's_ overwhelming.

 

Wednesday during school, Nagisa decides we should celebrate the last day of swim practice on Friday. Haru shoots him a look that makes it obvious his 'celebration' better not infringe on the actual practice time. Everyone in the club can read that look, no matter how long they've know Haru.

“Don't worry Haru-chan, we can do something fun after practice, like go to a movie, or have a slumber party at your house!” Nagisa suggests. Friday is my last day to decide what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. Ok, maybe that's a tad over dramatic. It's a self imposed deadline anyway, to correspond with my extra training sessions with Sei.

These few days have made me wonder if I'm really an athlete or not, between normal practice and the captain's swim. When we were just talking in the locker rooms yesterday, Sei let slip that he actually practices in the morning each day too. He assured me it was only for 45 minutes though, just to get the blood flowing.

He may be a little insane about his workout, but the conversation is also interspersed with other information. Like about his family; how they live almost 5 hours away and he hardly ever sees them... About childhood pets and favorite foods, and he always asks me about my life as he's going along too. I tell him about the twins, and the little white kitten that lives down the street.

“Um, Friday after practice isn't good for me” I speak up before they can get too carried away with their plans, “How about we all get together on Saturday instead?”

“What? You're already busy on a Friday night, Mako-chan? Is it a hot date? Is it? Is it?” Nagisa is immediately driven hyperactive by the news.

“He babysits the twins on Fridays, so his parents can go out” Haru interjects, surprising everyone. The look in his eyes seems guilty, and I instantly know he's trying to stick up for me. He really has felt bad about the amount of time he suddenly turned over to Rin.

“Thanks” I say simply, but I look away before I'm tempted to give him that smile I usually would. I think I'm starting to realize those kinds of smiles you should only give to one person. Haru already has someone who smiles at him like that. I almost start to feel sad and empty again, when I remember how special Sei's grin of a smile makes me feel. How special his lips _feel_. Turns out I'm not so depressed about everyone pairing up anymore I guess.

I let Haru's excuse stand, because I already have too much bumping around in my brain right now. I don't want to have to explain all of this to them until I've figured it out. They make plans to meet up Saturday at Haru's for movies _and_ a sleepover that night to make up for having to wait a day. That's Nagisa's reasoning of course. I chuckle and agree, and hum to myself as I make my way to Samezuka after practice that day.

My legs feel like giant lead weights by the time Sei is done with me. Like I'm somehow supposed to walk and balance on these unresponsive lumps afterward. It's all I can do to drag myself into the shower. I collapse on the bench that runs down the middle of the rows of lockers once I'm reasonably chlorine free. Laying down on my back helps a little, at least the dead weights that are my legs balance on each side of their own accord.

I have no idea how I'm going to get out of this towel and get dressed.

“How am I going to make it to the _train_?” I moan worriedly. I have never, ever felt anything like this before.

“What was that?” Sei's already smiling when he comes around the corner.

“I can't walk, Sei! How am I going to make it home?”

“Will a kiss help?” he asks, bending over and pecking me on the lips.

“It's not my mouth that's numb” I retort, though I pull down on his shoulder to have another.

“Yeah, I had something different in mind for those” he practically smirks.

“Like what?”

“Nothing bad, you just need to rub them a bit to break up the lactic acid” he assures me, moving to the bench. Sitting down, he pulls my calf up onto his lap. I make an extremely embarrassing sound when he begins to massage it, his strong hands moving with surety and experience.

I'm sure he's given lots of sports massages before, but I think this one's different. I seriously doubt he grinned so gleefully at the noises he extracted from the other guys. Or held their gaze so long while he worked his way up under their towel.

“Can you sit up?” he asks, switching legs just when he was getting dangerously close to _things_.

“I can try, but I make no guarantees” I groan. Sitting pulls on the hamstring that runs down the back of the leg he's currently working on, and I almost don't make it. Sei holds out his hand, and I take it, the leverage of our arms helping pull me upright.

“Here, go like this on your upper thighs” he shows me the movements to make. I do as he instructs, and I watch him as he moves over my other muscles. I can feel the soothing and calming sinking in right away. I figure if I do make it to the train by some miracle, then I'll need to rub them again before walking home.

“Where did you learn this?” I ask after he's done and I'm basking in the relief.

“My old man is a physical therapist, he's taught me some sports medicine stuff over the years. I'll probably focus on that for my career, and try to coach on the side where I can” Sei expounds.

“What about swimming? Don't you want to go to the Olympics?”

“Sure, but after that, I have to work for the rest of my life, so it might as well be something I enjoy” he grins a grin that has come to be purely 'Sei' to me. I lean over a little bit more and kiss him on the shoulder. He puts a hand under my chin and lifts it to kiss me properly. When I'm with him, alone like this, it feels almost like his confidence can wear off on me. I'd kind of like to be in a situation where we're fully clothed, so I can make out with him more intensely.

“Mm, we should do something that involves keeping our clothes _on_ ” I murmur without really thinking about it. The look in Sei's eyes is thoroughly amused, bordering on laughing at me, when I realize what I've said.

“Clothes _on_ , huh?” he replies as I blush, “How can I refuse an offer like that?”

“You know what I mean” I look away, but at least I don't cover my face with my hands. Apparently I'm getting a little more used to this already.

“Yeah, I know... I guess a date would be good, I mean, this is great for bonding and all, but the locker rooms aren't very romantic” he hitches a thumb over his shoulder as he's talking, and winks at me.

“A date? I, that wasn't... Well, I mean I wouldn't, uh... You want to go on a _date_ date?” I sputter, not having meant to imply that.

“Sure. But only because you asked so nicely” he teases me. There they go again, those golden eyes shining with mischief. “Are you free on Saturday?” he follows up with, but there's a slight loss of casualness in his demeanor. Like even he isn't totally impervious to the nervousness of asking someone out.

I could kick Nagisa and his stupid sleepover right now. Well, maybe not _kick_ him, but definitely not share my bento with him during lunch.

“Uh, actually Nagisa made us all promise to get together for a kind of sleepover party thing to celebrate the end of our swim season. Personally I think it's just an attempt by him to pry into Haru's life, but I already agreed...” I explain lamely. Why would we want to _celebrate_ not being able to swim anymore anyway?

“No worries, how about Sunday?” he suggests. My chest feels like it's expanding to twice it's size.

“Sunday would be great” I say a little breathlessly. I think I forgot to breath properly while I was watching his eyes.

“Cool, say in the afternoon, so you don't have to wake up early after your party?”

“It's probably not going to be much of a 'party', I mean, our team is really small” I say, trying to downplay it since it's not appropriate for me to invite him along, “But that would work well... Should we meet here, or at, like, a certain place?...”

“Hmm... Let's meet here. That way, where we're going will be a surprise” he's smiling at me again. He wants to surprise me. I think my cheeks might break if I smile back any harder.

“Sounds good” I breath out another standard reply. My brain is just not capable of anything witty or remarkable right now.

Sei walks me to the train station afterward, since I'm in kind of rough shape. He offers to see me further, but that would mean he'd miss curfew. I don't want him to get in trouble because of me. Besides, I seem able to handle a gentle pace. I'm fairly sure I can make it back from the train to my house on my own. Thinking about what tomorrow will feel like makes me shudder though. When I wake up, and when we finish the extra swim for _that_ day...

 

The next day when lunch rolls around, I give in and share with Nagisa after all. It's not like he did it on purpose. I've managed to get through the afternoon fairly well, considering how abused my poor muscles are. I'm probably guilty of taking it a little easier than I normally would during our practice. It's only because I know what's coming though.

Sei doesn't _tell_ me he's taking pity on me, but I know the number of laps we do that evening is less than before. He throws a still slightly green banana at me after we finish.

“Here, you look like you could use the potassium” he recommends and admonishes all at once. My legs were cramping up a bit in class earlier, but I walked them out during our breaks. It's a good idea though, with the extra strain they're under.

“Thanks. I guess if I keep this up, I'll have to watch things like that more closely.”

“What? You mean you're not completely and totally regretting your participation so far? Wow, I guess I'm losing my touch...” Sei says like he's stumbled upon an anomaly that couldn't have been predicted. A snorting sound escapes me, and I'm glad once again that it's just the two of us.

“If I was only here because I look forward to the work out, I'd have quit yesterday” I inform him. I'm not sure I'm supposed to admit something like that before we've even had our first date, but it's too late now. I'm pretty sure you're not _supposed_ to kiss before your first date either, but, maybe it's different for guys?...

“Careful there, _Tachibana_ , that was dangerously close to flirting with the captain.”

“Maybe you need to read your rule book again, because it's ok if you're a captain too” I can't believe I came up with that off the top of my head. Sticking my tongue out at him afterward may have detracted from the snappiness of it though... I guess it didn't matter, because Sei's laugh is reverberating off the walls and floor, filling the whole room with it's joyousness.

It's rare to see someone as old as he is still laugh with so little restraint I realize. It reminds me of the way the twins aren't afraid to laugh hysterically at whatever tickles them. I can't help but join in, it's infectious, even though it was my own comment that started it.

I miss my train that night because Sei and I made out for too long against the fence that runs around the academy. There's another on the schedule, but it stops at Iwatobi much later than I would normally get back. My mom thanks me for calling to let them know I'm running behind. I don't volunteer _why_.

There's a little flutter in my chest as I hang up. Am I breaking her trust by not saying that I happen to be making out with the guy giving me these extra lessons? She didn't _ask_ though...

My parents, especially my mom, have always been really understanding. She let me hide behind her 'strictness' growing up, when there was something going on that I didn't really want to do. Maybe I have an exaggerated idea of how strict she is because I occasionally exploited it to keep from trying things? Or maybe she's just waiting until I'm face to face when I arrive to question me...

It's just, the way Sei was kissing me, it was impossible to pull away. The closest way I can describe it would be like being eaten alive, slowly, mouth first. I had no idea there were that many nerves or receptors or whatever in just my lips. Or that each part of Sei's mouth would produce a different effect. His lips against mine is an entirely different proposition than his tongue swiping along them, or his teeth grazing them...

I have to stop thinking about it eventually. Even though I'm alone in the car, I _cannot_ exit this train with my current raging erection. Thank goodness very few people would be heading _to_ Iwatobi at this time of night. Not that it's ridiculously late when I finally do get home. After 10pm though is pushing it on a school night, even for special circumstances.

“So, what happened dear? Is everything alright?”

Mothers are still mothers after all. I should have prepared myself, but I was too distracted. Besides, you only need to 'prepare' if you're not going to tell the truth. I can at least admit that much to myself. Since the twins are already in bed, I take a seat at the kitchen table for this.

“Um, actually, everything's fine... I just, got distracted and didn't realize what time it was... Because Sei kissed me...”

A little shot of cowardice runs through me, for making it seem like he started it. As if that makes it less my fault somehow, in case she's upset. It's a feeling I'm not used to, even though I don't consider myself 'brave'. Like I said, I usually just avoid the situations that will take me out of my comfort zone. If I didn't have the friends I do, my life would probably have had zero interesting experiences in it. I'm not really sure how I got myself into this one...

“Sei, _kissed_ you?” she repeats, her eyebrows raising just a tad. She doesn't sound upset, just like she wants to make sure she heard me right. I can't exactly blame her.

“Yeah...well, it was kind of, us both...” I peter out on my more in-depth explanation.

“And that was something you wanted?” the barest edge of concern is entering into her voice now.

“Um, yeah... I mean, is that ok?” I have no idea what I'll do if she says it isn't. I can't picture her saying it's not, since it's kind of already been established that she's ok with me liking guys.

“It's fine, honey. I just wanted to make sure what kind of situation you were describing here, that's all.”

I can tell from the teeny tiny tightness around her eyes that there's more she's going to say, but I'm hoping she decides against it. I really think I might melt of embarrassment if my mom were to bringing up anything about being 'safe'.

“So, when do we get to meet this young man?”

Ok, so, the 'be safe' conversation might not have been such a bad option after all...

“Well, um, this is all kind of new. I mean, we haven't even had our first date yet, that's supposed to be on Sunday...”

My mother nods wisely, and I'm afraid to meet her gaze and see all the wheels turning in her head.

“But if things go well, you'll bring him by soon. Your father and I are very interested to see what kind of boy he is” she smiles warmly. I'm so relieved I think I audibly sigh.

“Thanks mom. I will, I promise.” I don't think Sei will have a problem meeting my parents. He strikes me as one of those guys who's good with adults and impressing them. I just don't want to spring all that on him right now, before we've even gone out...

“No problem dear” she hugs me, and since I'm sitting it works with my head tucked underneath her chin. “We just want you to be happy” she whispers into my hair, and it chokes me up a bit. I manage not to actually cry though.

I go to bed vowing to pay more attention to my diet, with training this brutal. I'm still able to walk afterward though, so I guess I'm getting used to it?

I spend a lot of Thursday night laying in bed and thinking about what I want out of life. I know I like kissing Sei better than almost anything else I've ever tried. I want to stay close to him, but like he said, he's going to college in a few months.

There are other colleges around in the Tottori area. It's not like I would _have_ to go to the same school as him if things go well. Even though I've known him in a casual way for a while, it's not like I'm about to _follow him off to college_ just because he kissed me. So that set of weights and measures comes out balanced. I tell myself there's nothing necessarily there to sway me toward one option or another.

The other things are more complicated though, my fear of the water, my friendship with the guys, Haru in general. I'm fairly sure that me quitting the swim team would be a rift between all of us. Maybe on some level Haru would understand, but I wouldn't be able to count on him vocalizing it.

I don't want to end up doing it _just_ for them though. I do like the feeling I get, of facing my fears, even if it's a much more controlled environment than the open sea.

I still haven't made up my mind by the time I finally drift off to sleep. One thing is paramount in my brain though. It's Sei's encouragement, his idea that doing something because you're good at it can be a reason in and of itself. If doing what I'm good at happens to please other people too, it's a win-win, right?

 

Friday is chilly enough that it's obvious we're not cutting practices too soon in the year. Haru's lips are looking a little blue, so I suggest Rin harass him into getting out with the rest of us for once. The frown Haru gets when he hears me suggest that makes me wonder if he fears the two of us ganging up on him. It would be for his own good if we did. I don't have any plans for it though.

My plans revolve around red hair and speedos and enthusiastic laughter.

Sei knows about the decision I'm trying to make of course. He's ready and waiting with a stopwatch when I get there.

“Alright, let's see if you can manage to beat your personal best today” he somehow winks in a no nonsense manner. I suit up, feeling nervous but determined. I shouldn't _be_ nervous, it's not a race. I want for Sei's time to have paid off though. Part of me is still looking for a good sign as to which way to go, also. If I haven't improved, then it may mean I'd be wasting that time if I truly commit.

If I've gotten faster... Should I make it that clear cut? If I go all out, and beat my time, then I'll dedicate the rest of my efforts to this? Can it be that easy? Would I have second thoughts and regrets later having decided that way?

I jump into the water with my mind a jumble, but I let the bubbles produced by it leech away my nerves. Focus. Swim first, decide what it means afterward. I only need a small warm up since I've just come from Iwatobi's practice.

Sei instructs me to take my place, and I grab the bar beneath the starting block. I've done this a thousand times, and the little flutter of anticipation in my stomach never changes.

When 'Go!' ripples over the water around me, I fly off the wall. My start is excellent. I don't let myself fall into the same rhythm I always use, so many strokes, so many kicks, so many breaths. I push myself instead. I hold the week's running theme in the front of my mind and just _go_.

I know how close I am to the wall by the little flags strung up above the pool. I reach the point of doing my flip-turn an entire stroke earlier than usual. The thought almost makes me giddy, but I can't think about that now. My lungs are on fire from the effort. This is the back stretch now, and a time to wring every last drop of strength from my muscles.

I crash into the wall at the end of my 100m and just _breathe_ afterward, pretty sure I did well. I feel a hand on my head, and it's Sei squatting down next to the edge. Removing my goggles, I look up at him hopefully. The smile on his face isn't so much huge as it is knowing.

“Take a look for yourself” he says, holding the watch out close to me.

“Half a second?” that's fairly substantial, what people would call a good, solid improvement. “Awesome” I add, still out of breath. Sei is cupping his chin with the free hand that's resting angled off his knee. He shakes his head slowly.

“Uh, uh, you better look a little closer...” he indicates, keeping the timer outstretched.

I blink, furrowing my brow as I check it again.

“A second and a half!” I was only really paying attention to the tenth's column.

“You been holding out on me?” Sei asks almost seductively, his eyes seeming to see things even I don't while they take me in. There's no possible response to that except for blushing from me. I have to look away, but a moment later my face begins to split with such an enormous grin that I just have to share it with him.

Sei offers me a hand out, and pulls me from the pool. For once I see that the gesture means the same thing to the other person involved as it does to me. There's an intimacy that passes through our finger tips that I find thrilling.

“I've never seen you swim like that before. You almost looked like you had something to prove...” he comments, “I just hope it was to yourself.”

“I think it was... I'll admit, I've been having a hard time making up my mind. I guess I was using this as a sort of test since you suggested it. Plus, I certainly don't want to let your excellent training down” I'm feeling lighthearted, but what Sei says next brings me back down to reality.

“Makoto, don't put this on me. You shouldn't use me as an excuse.”

I'm a bit taken aback by his seriousness, and I frown slightly at him.

“You're not an _excuse_ to me.”

“What I mean is, you can't go through life always doing things for other people. I don't want you to swim for me, or to make me proud. I want you to swim because you believe in yourself, believe you can do it and are worth working hard for. You _can_ do it Makoto, you've got what it takes. I've _seen_ you do it, you just _did_. It's all about whether _you_ _want_ to do it or not. I don't want you to do it to please me, because I don't care if you're a swimmer or not. I mean, it's not like we're going to stop hanging out and seeing each other or anything just because you're not captain of your swim team anymore... I mean, at least, _I_ wouldn't want to stop...”

I'm stunned, speechless, and having a hard time breathing properly for a very different reason now. It's not a package deal. I really can have Sei, even if I don't swim. I told myself he seemed ok with me making either choice, but I guess in the back of my mind I wasn't completely convinced. I feel tears forming, and Sei's face softens from tough-love to comforting.

“Thank you” I whisper as he pulls me into a hug, rubbing my back.

“Shhh, don't worry about it. You'll figure it out... If you want, you can even keep coming to see me and we can splash around together and stuff. No matter which way you end up going.”

I smile into his shoulder, my tears drying up.

“Splash around, huh? I might just take you up on that.”

“Plus, you never know, we might have fun doing the 'stuff' part too sometimes, just to switch things up...” he teases me. I have a feeling there's some innuendo in that, and I don't mind at all.

“Sei?”

“Yeah?”

“I think I want to swim...”

“Are you sure, Makoto? Do you mind if I ask why?”

“I think it's almost because I _don't_ have to. I don't know for sure, it's kind of hard to explain... Like, swimming became _a thing_ for our group of friends, and I've almost been feeling like I _have_ to do it to stay connected to everyone. It's like this weight's lifted off me now though. When they all started pairing up, I was afraid of getting left behind. But we're all still friends after all, and life is probably always going to have distractions in it, isn't it?”

Sei nods in confirmation. Even though he's only a year older than me, it feels like he's much more mature and experienced than me. Sometimes anyway. A pleased smile stretches over his face.

“If you're going to swim, you could use the pool here too, you know.”

It takes me a second to catch onto his meaning. That's right, he already agreed to let Haru come to the practices here with Rin for the rest of the year. I'm not sure what Haru, or either of us, will do after that, but it's an issue for later. Right now we still have a precious few months left of Sei's reign.

“I'd like that” I say, smiling genuinely. I kind of wonder what the look on my face is when I say that, because it makes _Sei_ blush. I don't think I've seen any more than a light dusting on his cheeks before.

“Well, it'd be kind of shitty of me to encourage you, and then you not have anywhere to actually swim afterward...” he rubs the back of his head, cheeks aflame. I take a step forward and kiss him, as thanks for so many things.

“It's a shame we won't have this time to ourselves anymore though” I sigh.

“It's probably been asking a lot of you to come here each night, when you live so far away. I didn't mean to occupy so much of your time” Sei apologizes almost sheepishly.

“Well, I will have some catching up to do with homework, but it's not an impossible amount. Besides, if I'm not going to two practices a day, I could stay a little longer after the first one here, then still have time for homework, I mean, if you want...”

“Yeah, I want that” Sei says without any hesitation. His eagerness to spend time with me sends one of those thrills of being special running through me.

We kiss for a long time in the showers, and while we're dressing, and again at the gates of the school. We're getting fairly into it against the fence when a loud beeping interrupts us. I set a timer on my phone earlier so that I don't miss my train. Sei's eyes laugh when I explain, then he steals one more kiss before letting me go.

I haven't told him about the conversation with my mom yet. I figure that's a better post-date topic. We text each other back and forth for the better part of the night, since it's Friday. I started to feel bad later about Nagisa and Rei not getting the opportunity to swim too... So, long story short, Iwatobi will unofficially start practicing with Samezuka every day for “joint practices”. With the provision that we don't need to bring our manager along _every time_ , for everyone's safety and sanity. Especially since it's 'unofficial' and all...

Sei's last bit of parting advice to me that night is that Nakagawa has a soft spot for cinnamon flavored anything. Because we are going to need to be in _really good_ with him after Sei's gone if we want to keep this up. I don't want to think too hard about Sei going off to college, but he's right, it's prudent to plan ahead.

 


	2. Chapter 2

I sleep in so late after staying up texting Sei, that I barely have time to get all my chores done before going to the sleepover. I don't know why, but I'm surprised to see Rin is here. I shouldn't be. We've all been a sort of weird, multi-school team for a while now. Rin being Haru's boyfriend hasn't changed the way he interacts with the rest of us, and I'm thankful for that.

It kind of makes me wish I'd had the nerve to invite Sei though... But no, I don't think the other guys would have seen it that way. He's not a part of our group like Rin is. It wouldn't have been casual and relaxed for everyone. Also, I'm not sure I'm allowed to spend the night at the same place Sei is sleeping, now that my parents 'know'...

We're a _long_ way off from doing anything like having sex, but I would be cautious, if it were my kid. It gets me thinking though, about the fact that Rin is spending the night at the place where Haru sleeps. And Haru doesn't have any parents to be cautious over him. Not that it's my business. They could be spending the night together all the time and no one would know. It's not like they're going to get each other pregnant.

Suddenly it strikes me as funny, how I'm willing to make so many excuses for them. Yet I hold my own actions with Sei in a different light... Even just realizing that makes me feel like I'm not the same person I was the last time I stayed over at Haru's. I'm also starting to feel like maybe being a little selfish, thinking of yourself now and then, isn't such a bad thing. I don't know if I'll ever be good at putting myself first, but just the fact that I'd consider it feels huge.

I still help set everything up, and make sure everyone's needs are seen to as the party progresses. Rei is a very helpful guy too, and we generally end up on clean up duty together. A lot of it is Nagisa's mess, and it's Haru's house we're imposing on. Everyone is going to sleep on pallets in the living room at the end of the night. Thankfully no one gets too touchy-feely with their respective partners since we're all together.

As good of a place as I've come to, it would still be beyond awkward for me if everyone was making out. I guess the high energy, sugar rush sort of feel to the event helps keep that at bay. Nagisa did plan it after all.

There's only one point where I feel uncomfortable. I don't think the aim of it was directed at me though. It was probably done out of Nagisa wanting to know more than he should about Rin and Haru's 'progression'... We end up playing truth or dare, but every time it comes around to Nagisa, he questions Rin about Haru or Haru about Rin.

They're probably wise to stick to 'truth' when it comes to Nagisa. The blonde is exploiting the threat/fear of what a 'dare' from him might entail, and I think everyone knows it. Besides, if he asks something _too_ bad, they could just refuse to answer and call an end to the game. I don't really want to hear about which one of them has the bigger dick though...

“Nagisa, don't you think that's enough? Come on, leave them alone” I sigh, sounding more tired than I meant to.

“Oi, Mako-chan, don't ruin the fun now!”

“Can it you little perv, we're not answering that anyway!” Rin looks like he's perfectly capable of lunging across the floor at any moment. Haru rolls his eyes and looks away, blushing hard. His arms have been crossed over his chest for a long time now, so I know he never liked the line of questioning.

“I can't believe they put up with it for as long as they did...” Rei mutters, almost as if he's observing the situation scientifically.

“Look, just ask me something instead” I urge Nagisa, who's pouting already. And here I was going to start thinking of myself occasionally. I should have known better than to say that, even so. Nagisa's eyes get a little of their mischievous sheen back.

“But Mako-chan's not as fun, his limit's even lower than Rin-chan and Haru-chan's!” Nagisa experimentally complains.

I'm going to regret this. I already do, and I haven't even said it yet. But I don't want Nagisa to _die_ of multiple puncture wounds if he keeps targeting them like this...

“Alright, as long as it's not a question about my, uh, _dick_ , either, then I promise I'll answer it.”

“Three, and you have to promise to tell the truth” Nagisa counters right away, smelling fear and going for the kill.

Haru frowns like he knows I won't go along with that, but I agree before anyone else can say anything. What have I got to lose, really? I'm already a lot more resilient than I used to be. Nagisa probably only wants three honest questions because he figures the answers will be boring anyway.

“Okay!” he chirps happily, “Have you ever been kissed, Mako-chan? And not like little kid stuff either, I mean like a _real_ kiss” he extrapolates, his eyes boring into me seriously. Crap.

“...Um, yes” I think it would have been easier if I had lied, but I did promise...

“What? When did _that_ happen?” Nagisa's disbelief miraculously gives me the perfect out.

“Well, as to 'what', I kissed another guy, and 'when', it was last week. There, that's your three questions, let's play a different game now, ok?”

The living room erupts around me. I didn't think of myself as 'hiding' it, but I definitely haven't been volunteering information. Plus, Sei and I haven't officially agreed to be 'boyfriends', and again with the no first date thing yet...

“Oh my god! Mako-chan's been hiding a secret lover from us! Who is it Mako-chan? Tell me who! Please, pretty please?” Nagisa looks despondent at first that he wasted his questions, and then ecstatic at the possibility of more information. All I know is that right now, giving him any more would be a mistake.

Rei is mildly shocked at my admission, and I'd be more insulted if it wasn't a valid response. Rin is chuckling, grinning like the cat that got the canary, and looking like he is perfectly willing to jump onto Nagisa's side for more info now.

When I finally meet Haru's eyes, he looks hurt. Like, betrayed, 'how dare you', _hurt_. What's with that look? He's with Rin, what does he care if I kissed someone? Suddenly Haru stands, and heads into the kitchen. I know, from years of experience, that he wants me to follow. Does he still have the right to just expect that I will anymore, without him even asking? I sit tight, waiting to see what he'll do. I'm just full of surprises tonight.

“Makoto” Haru's voice calls out from the doorway after he notices I didn't budge, “Come into the kitchen.”

I already told myself that I wouldn't go unless he asked, and now that the miraculous has happened, I'm kind of stuck complying. Hauling myself up, I feel like him actually asking was both progress and a wall between us at the same time. I don't remember when things started feeling this complicated, but I don't like it.

It's not until I'm in the kitchen that I notice Rin has followed me. Not that he's not allowed in Haru's kitchen without an invitation... But the way Haru looks surprised to see him is awkward. Everyone's quiet. Rin's acting casual, but after a few seconds, he sighs, giving Haru a look.

“This is going to be one of _those_ things, isn't it?” he says, hitching his head in my direction. Haru doesn't answer him, just goes and opens the fridge, getting out something to drink. Rin rolls his eyes and says “good luck” to me as he leaves. I humor him with a smile, since I have no idea what's going on here.

Why is Haru upset with me? Why would Rin not take the hint up front that Haru wanted to talk to me alone? And then leave so casually?

“Why didn't you tell me?” Haru demands softly, anger lacing his quiet voice in a way I've seldom heard.

“Tell you what? About the kiss?”

“Yes. Why?”

Haru's always been a man of few words.

“Because... I... I'm not sure I'm supposed to at this point” I want to say something like 'besides, you didn't tell me', but I'm not mean like that. “It's really new, I mean, I think it will turn into _something_ , it's just, well, not quite to that stage of announcing yet, you know...”

Haru looks thoughtful at that, probably thinking to his own experience with Rin. I wonder for how long they'd been fooling around in his laundry room before I caught them that time.

“But, you would tell me, we're still best friends, right?”

There are so many issues and unspoken fears wrapped up in those handful of words, I can't help but feel like it encompasses our entire history. Our history and how Haru started letting it go. And how I let him, with a smile.

“We'll always be best friends, Haru. I promise you'll be the first one I tell when it's time” I assure him. That seems to sadden him more than anything else.

“I'm sorry” he sighs, and it's a few seconds later that he adds, “...for not telling you right away either. I guess it's fair. I think I might be an even worse friend than I am boyfriend.”

“You're not a bad friend. Maybe that dopey, irresponsible teenager phase is just hitting us a little late?” I offer, knowing I could never say anything to hurt the little self esteem Haru does have. “I don't know all the details, but Rin looks like he wants to keep you, so you can't be that bad of a boyfriend either.”

Haru's face is mostly blank until I say the part about Rin wanting to keep him. Once he hears that, a smile I don't think he's in complete control of spreads over his face. I used to wonder, worry really, about what I could do, what things could possibly bring a smile to Haru's face. They were so rare and so treasured for my stoic friend.

I realize I haven't thought about how often Haru is smiling in quite a while.

“Thanks, Makoto” he kind of coughs, as if trying to force the display of happiness to pass more quickly.

When we head back into the living room, Nagisa immediately pounces again.

“Haru-chan! Did Mako-chan tell you who his secret lover is?”

I can see Haru's eyes rolling even through the back of his head.

“No. He'll tell when he's ready.”

Nagisa makes a very disappointed noise. Thank you, Haru, I send out mentally.

“So what were you guys talking about then?” he rebounds, sounding suspicious. I know Haru isn't going to offer anything more, so I take this one. I have a pretty good come back too, if I do say so myself.

“The size of Rin's dick” I say casually, making the red head literally choke.

“Oh god, please don't bite me” I flail and hold a pillow between us as Rin makes a fake start in my direction. Everyone is laughing at that point, even Rin can't help but grin. It's not as if the comment was at his _expense_ or anything.

I make a mental note for this to be the last time I ever let Nagisa talk me into playing truth or dare.

 

The next morning, Sei texts me a quick “Hi” as he's getting ready for his swim. Thankfully the noise isn't enough to wake Nagisa, who is a heavy sleeper. Haru and Rin, who are close by, both peek an eye open at me. Pretty much anyone I'd be texting is already in this room, unless it's _him_. If it were my parents, they'd just call.

“So he's an early riser?” Rin kind of whispers as he stretches. It's 6am right now.

“Uh, yeah” I blush a lot more than that comment deserves, because it's Rin's captain I'm texting, and he doesn't know it. Neither of them make a move to try and see or steal my phone, though it looks to me like Rin might have briefly considered it.

“Leave him be” Haru mumbles, as if he saw it too. He grabs Rin's arm and pulls it over him as he lays back against Rin's chest. I'm tempted to snap a picture of them, because that's the most adorable I've ever seen them look. It would likely cost me my life though... After I'm done with my phone, I make extra sure to lock it. Just in case.

 

I don't linger too long at Haru's house once we all get up for real. Normally that would be no big deal, but now it extracts a round of teasing about me ditching them to go meet my boyfriend. Which I kind of am. I'm leaving so I can go get ready for my first date. I pretend I'm purposefully changing the subject. They don't know it's actually the same guy it all revolves around.

“ _Anyway_... I have an announcement I wanted to make, for the team, as your captain” I huff loudly, trying to get their attention.

“Oh, an announcement Mako-chan?”

“What is it, Makoto-senpai?”

Haru frowns, and Rin raises an eyebrow, probably that I actually used the title of captain to describe myself.

“Well, now that it's too cold to use our own pool, I arranged for us to continue our joint practices at Samezuka, everyday, starting tomorrow.”

The first to react is Rin, who blushes.

“It's ok, Rin, I think we all understand the need for Haru to be with the water” I don't hold it against him that he didn't include all of us in his plans. It would have been a much bigger deal for him to even try asking anyway... “I know it was probably a lot for you, to even bring it up regarding him, but it's ok, as captain, I have a little more leeway to be allowed to request things” I assure him with a warm smile.

Haru looks pleasantly surprised at the turn of events, and Rei is grinning. Nagisa is looking at me like I just pulled a baby unicorn out of a silk hat.

“Mako-chaaaaaan!”

If I was any smaller, or he any bigger, it would have been a tackle. I manage to stay upright under the onslaught though. Rei joins in to, and even Haru and Rin do a little group hugging from the edge.

“That's our capable Mako-chan! Always looking out for the team!” Nagisa's squeals of delight reverberate through all of us in the close proximity. After the hug breaks up though, Rin stays standing a little closer to me than he was before. Obviously he wants to say something. I give him my attention, thinking he might be feeling guilty still.

“I thought you kind of liked the break, from the water?...” he asks softly. It's something I would have only expected to see silently expressed in Haru's eyes before.

“I guess” I kind of laugh in a self deprecating manner, “But I think I'm ready to take things a bit more seriously now. Next season, it's our last year together... I want it to be memorable, you know?” I look around, and all the guys are contemplative. Both Rin and Haru seem to get it, with just the slightest edge of nervousness. Probably because we're the older ones, and will be 'moving on' to the next phase of our lives, whatever that may be. Nagisa and Rei look a bit sad, but determined.

“We promise to do our best to make that last year worthy of your fond memories, Makoto-senpai!” Rei looks like he wants to bow, but holds back.

“Thanks, Rei. And I really wish you'd drop the 'senpai' already” I admonish him for like the millionth time. He shrugs his shoulders, not committing to anything in that area. Oh well, it'll have to do for now.

I have a hot date to get ready for, and my stomach is already feeling just the edge of fluttery thinking about it. I say goodbye to the guys for real this time, and head the block and a half home. When I get there, I almost crash into my dad, going through the door at the same time.

“Whoa, son, easy there. No way both of _us_ are going to fit through at once” he chuckles. I already stepped back to let him by first of course, but he puts his hand on my shoulder. Sliding the door closed behind him, he pulls me to the side of the porch.

“You know, since we happen to have a moment alone right now, there's something I wanted to talk to you about...”

On the front porch? Really? This is where he wants to _talk_ , where anyone could walk by and hear???

“Oh, um, couldn't we go inside, maybe?” I ask weakly.

“Well, your mother and the twins have commandeered the living room to make costumes for their play. I don't know if we could make it through unscathed” he tries to be humorous. Normally I appreciate it, but right now it doesn't help my stomach from starting to knot.

“Don't worry, son, it won't take long.”

“Oh, ok, right...”

I sit on the bench where he motions me, and since it's our house, it's actually big enough for the two of us to sit on it.

“I guess it's more of a reminder, than a talk” he starts off, looking out over the little strip of flowers that mom planted next to the walk. “I know we already went over all this a few years ago, but I just want to be sure you understand how important it is to be safe when dating.” My dad's face is slightly flushed, and it makes me feel a little better that he's embarrassed too.

“Right, I remember.”

He pats my knee, then speaks again a second later.

“Your mother and I have had a while to get used to the idea that when you started dating, it probably wouldn't be with girls... It's ok of course, but, we still expect you to be responsible and respectful. There are plenty of other kinds of shame that a person can bring on themselves, based on their conduct, besides an out of wedlock pregnancy.”

“What do you mean?” I ask, but not because I don't understand the concept. I'd like to know if there are any specific shames he's thinking of.

“Well, your mother and I appreciate your honesty so far, and we expect it to continue. We also expect you to keep following the rules of this house, and society in general. I'm sure this 'Sei' fellow is a nice person, but you should always remember to evaluate things independently of what you think will make him happy” he tells me.

That makes me smile, because I've heard pretty much the same thing from Sei himself.

“You don't have to worry about that, dad. I think I'm probably more my own person now than I have been before. And Sei _is_ a good guy.”

“Good, son, I'm glad to hear it.” My dad's smiles aren't quite as warm and nurturing as mom's, but I guess that's appropriate, right? I can tell the one he gives me is sincere, and that's what counts.

“Also, I left a couple boxes for you in the top drawer of your desk, out of sight of the twins” he says, patting my knee one more time before standing. “Well, I'm off to pick up some ice cream for when the project is done, any requests?”

“N-no, I'm good” I stutter a little, knowing exactly what he means by _boxes_. At least he didn't personally hand me the condoms, so I guess it could have been a lot worse.

Having advanced warning of the obstacles awaiting inside, I opt to use the side door after my dad's gone. I call out a greeting to my mom, letting her know I'm back, then bolt for the stairs with my cheeks burning. I need to put those boxes somewhere a little more secure before Ren and Ran come in looking to borrow a pencil.

Not that they should have any idea what that kind of thing is at their age. It's the curiosity you have to watch out for with them. Now that I think about it, I myself have never actually held one.

There's no lock on my door, but I do have a chair from the desk that I can quietly wedge under the knob. Opening up the top drawer, I look at what's been deposited there. Two 6 packs of condoms stare back at me, boasting 'multicolored'.

“Why on earth would you want different colors?...” I wonder to myself as I pull them out. My hands shake a little as I open the package. The wrappers on them are clear, so you can see the color of each, uh, _one_ , through them. I'm tempted to actually open the blue, just out of curiosity. That color seems the most silly to me for actual use. But, what would I _do_ with it afterward? I can't just throw it away in my wastebasket. I'm certainly not carrying an opened condom around with me until I find a secure enough disposal site.

Taking such a thing with me on my first date seems sort of ridiculous. I mean, I'm not that kind of guy, and there's like -5% chance of me needing it. It rings like a grandmother's wisdom in my ear though, “Better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it”. Plus, my parents are concerned enough to buy them for me...

I stick the blue one back in the box and take out the red. Things _down there_ get kind of more that color than anything else, so it seems less silly. But only slightly. Putting it in my wallet just about gives me a panic attack.

What if I trip and fall, and it flies out? What if Nagisa wants to borrow a hundred yen? What if Sei sees it somehow while we're on the date? I planned on trying to pay, or at least suggesting we go 50-50 in whatever it is we're doing. I don't want him to think I just carry one around with me all the time. Even more than that, I don't want him to know I'm only carrying it because I'm out with him.

Time constraints win out over my nervous thoughts, and I have to shower now before any more of it goes by. I get squeaky clean in record time, my heart pounding all the while. I try to dress in a casual yet nice way, like one, maybe two steps above what I would go to the mall with the guys in. My palms are already sweating when I search through my closet for my slightly nicer jacket. It's not _cold_ yet, but it does get a little chilly after the sun goes down.

I feel like I'm over thinking all this, but I can't help it. I'm going to spend the afternoon with Sei, interacting in a way that has nothing to do with swimming. I hide the rest of the condoms in a place more inaccessible to little fingers. Then I say goodbye to my family and walk to the train with a giant knot in my stomach. I've gone on this train ride almost everyday this past week. This time it feels very different though.

The streets, the people walking down them, everything is a blur until I reach Samezuka. Even if I hadn't been looking for it, that crop of red hair stands out vividly. Sei is already waiting for me at the gates. He's talking to a group of other students, though it's obvious he's dressed much more nicely than they are. There's no hint of track suit on him.

His eyes catch mine from down the block, and his entire face lights up.

“Hey, I've gotta go guys, see you bright and early tomorrow morning” he slaps a few shoulders and waves off from their midst. I recognize most of them from the swim team, but I don't know all their names. I give a sort of casual wave to them I think, but my smile is all for Sei. He looks amazing in those khaki's and trendy shirt. His hair seems to have a bit more product in it than usual, because it's behaving better. I didn't think to put anything in mine.

“You clean up pretty well don't you?” he grins, looking me over as he approaches.

“Thanks, you, look good too” I subconsciously run my hands over the front of my shirt, smoothing it down as he grins at me. A warm arm is thrown over my shoulder a second later, and Sei starts steering me down the street. Part of me wants to look for subtle clues about it being ok with him, for us to be open about this. The majority of me is just pleased to be so close to him.

“Don't mind those guys, they were just goofing around in the courtyard when I got there” he says as we're walking away.

“I wasn't even thinking about them” I say honestly. With someone so easygoing and likeable as Sei, it's easier to flirt than I thought it would be.

“Good” he replies confidently, “The only thing that should be on your mind is wondering what awesome activities I have lined up for us.”

Suddenly I'm picturing us rock climbing and kayaking, going for a bike ride up the side of a mountain or something with the way he said 'activities'... I don't think he'd be wearing what he is though, if it was anything like that.

“So there's more than one?” I prompt him, watching his profile while he watches were we're walking.

“I thought about doing karaoke, I really love that, but, it's more of a group thing. I was thinking maybe we could head down to the skating rink, before it gets too cold to want to do freezing stuff” he suggests. I can tell he's pretty pleased with his choice, and so am I.

“Ice skating? That would be a lot of fun. I haven't gone in a long time. Last year the twins got sick the weekend we were going to go, and with things so crazy around the holidays, we never had a chance to reschedule.”

“So you do know how? Excellent. Not that I would mind catching you a few times if you needed to learn” Sei winks. I don't think I'll have any trouble keeping warm in there with him. Sort of tentatively, I put my arm around his waist as we're walking. He's had his arm around my shoulders this entire time.

He pulls away, and I retract my arm like it got burnt.

“No, hey, I just meant to do this, cause, walking like that is kind of awkward, don't you think?” he explains, taking a hold of my hand. I don't think I've ever seen Sei look genuinely nervous before.

“Oh, ok” I squeeze his hand a little, feeling much better for the explanation.

“I should have spoke first, then moved” he almost seems like he's pep talking himself, but it's still kind of directed at me.

“It's ok, Sei. We'll work it out. That's the point of this kind of thing, right?”

“Right, Makoto” his posture relaxes again, and he pulls gently on my hand, leading me down the street again. It takes a few minutes for me to realize we haven't held hands before. The two of us are walking down the street, plain as day, so he must not have too much of a problem with people knowing.

We actually don't talk much on the walk over. Not that it's unpleasant. I know I'm more focused on the feel of his hand than making small talk anyway. I've always loved it, you know, for the week it's been happening, when he cups my cheek with that hand.

When we get to the ice skating rink, it's practically deserted. It is a Sunday afternoon at an odd time of the year after all. I don't mind. It means there's a better chance of Sei and I actually finding skates that fit. They're not perfect, but the ones we do rent don't make my feet hurt, so I'm happy.

I'm fairly quick remembering how to do it, and start gliding toward the opposite side.

“Feel free to crash into me a few times if you start feeling needy” I tease him, earning myself a twinkling golden grin. We skate nonchalantly side by side, just going around in circles for a bit. Then Sei falls a tiny bit behind, before passing me, on one skate, facing backwards.

“Show off” I fake grumble above the noise of the 'ambiance' music. Speeding up, I get close enough to put my arms around either side of his waist. We stay like that for a second, before I put the breaks on, stopping us both.

“Do you want me to settle down?” Sei asks, looking like he might actually comply if I said yes. It's the farthest thing from what I want though.

“You were going to hit the wall” I inform him, with what I'm sure is a bit of a smirk on my face. I give him a gentle shove backwards. He bumps off the little barrier that runs around the edge of the rink a foot later.

“I guess it's a good thing I didn't try that jump then, huh?” he sheepishly rubs the back of his neck. I can't help but laugh with him. I really like how he just accepts the embarrassment, no deflecting, no anger. Moving forward a little, I come up and press him back against the wall, stealing a kiss. Then I run as fast as my skates can carry me toward the other side, looking back to see if Sei's following.

He is.

He chases me for a good while, until I try to bank too sharply for my skill, and end up sprawled on the ice. We're both breathless from laughter and the exertion, our cheeks and noses rosy from the cold. Sei comes to a kneeling stop beside me, flopping on top of me unnecessarily just when I was starting to sit up again.

“Caught you” he says sweetly, “Now, give me back that kiss you stole...”

I could really get used to this. I don't know if all dates would always be this fun, but it's spectacular for a first one. By the time we leave the ice rink, my legs are feeling tired, and my heart light. We chased each other and stole kisses, and stole kisses back for almost two hours. Eventually other people began showing up, and we finally decided we were hungry anyway.

Sei insisted on paying for the ice skating, so I'm going to do my best to make him let me pay for dinner. We sit down in a place advertising 'famous' yakisoba, that Sei says is really good. The tables are small, and we kind of have to tangle our legs together underneath it to fit. Not that I'm complaining.

Whether it was good enough to be called famous, I don't remember. I think I spent almost the entire meal staring into Sei's eyes like a content puppy. We don't do anything too embarrassing there, like feed each other or do any more than hold hands.

He doesn't let me pay.

I do get him to agree that he'll let me next time though. We are _so_ doing this again. Sei's smile gets even wider when he hears me insist on that.

“So, you had a good time then?”

“Yeah, I had an amazing time” I admit. Walking back, we hold hands some more, and talk about the coach Sei is going to swim for next year. He sounds like he's embarking on the adventure of a lifetime. His enthusiasm puts me in a good mood, even if I don't want to think too hard about all the endings ahead for me. Thankfully we've switched topics once or twice by the time we reach Samezuka's gates again.

I'm prepared to say goodbye however he wants, since there are other students still out and about.

“So, when do you have to be back?” Sei asks, sort of hovering in the entrance walkway. By my phone, it's only about 6:30pm, since we got an early start on the date.

“Not for a while. Why, did you have something else you wanted to do?”

“I don't know, I was thinking maybe you would want to come in for a bit... Only if you want to, I mean, I'm not trying to 'put the moves' on you here, I just... I haven't gotten to kiss you nearly enough today” Sei admits with a steady gaze. He's completely serious, and I think my heart might burst out of my chest.

“You mean come in, to, see your room?...”

“Yeah, something like that” he smiles.

“Is that allowed?” I ask, definitely leaning toward getting to make out with Sei alone.

“Sure. Girls aren't allowed in the dorms unless they're family, but boys are ok” he tells me with a knowing grin.

“Convenient” I blush, following him. As a third year, and captain of the swim team, Sei has a single room, which is fairly rare. It's a little cluttered, but not messy. Probably from trying to have everything you need to live crammed into this small area. I can't imagine what it would be like to have two people living in this space.

I don't even get to comment on it, before Sei pushes me up against the back of the door. I wrap my arms around him right away, glad there's no bothering with small talk. Our tongues slide together, and Sei decides to try something new, moving his hand up into my hair. God, it's glorious. I think, to hell with it, and rest my hand on his ass. The firm swell of it feels better under my palm than I would have thought. It makes me warm, and my motions slow down, though they don't lose their intensity.

Sei runs his finger tips along the waist of my clothes, pushing gently at fabric until he's grazing skin. It's just the barest of touches, but damn, I'm getting hard over the combination of sensations. I can't really pull away, and Sei doesn't seem to mind, so I try to just go with it.

We're both boys, it's not as if we've never felt an erection before.

Sei's strong hips roll against mine, and I moan loudly into his mouth. He's as hard as I am. His lips suddenly disappear from mine, and I open my eyes in time to see him close in on my neck.

“Do that again...” he whispers before sucking gently on my skin. My face is on fire with embarrassment, but the heat in my body is starting to match it. Without his lips on mine, the little noises I make seem a lot louder. His hips roll against me again, and my moan sounds surprised.

I think I might die of mortification before I ever actually had sex.

Sei leaves my neck and kisses me with his lips and tongue and teeth, just the way I like. I'm starting to feel this weird sort of ache, the kind that makes me want to do things like squeeze his ass instead of just fondling it... I'm not sure if it's a grunt or a moan that Sei makes when I do, but it sounds primal and like clothes just became incredibly flimsy barriers.

Suddenly there's a slamming noise and an all too loud voice on the other side of the door.

“Stop calling me dolphin boy” is spoken in an almost monotone. I'd know that voice anywhere. If you didn't know Haru, there'd be no indication that he's as mad as he is, but I can hear it.

“Well stop calling me shark face.”

“Then stop trying to bite me.”

“I was just teasing, yeesh, don't take everything so seriously.”

“I didn't take it as teasing” Haru humphs.

They're arguing in the hall right outside Sei's door, which, now that I remember it, is right outside Rin's door too. It's dorms, so there's not a whole lot of sound proofing. I tense up as soon as I hear their voices, and Sei stills when I do.

“Maybe you need to just loosen up a little” I can hear the underlying charm in Rin's voice of him switching tactics. I'm sure he's trying to do his best grinning impression of himself back when he was sweet and cute too.

“Maybe you should just stop being an asshole” Haru is having none of it. Sei sighs in my ear.

“Sorry...” I sort of whisper, not sure how much our voices would carry to them.

“Not your fault” Sei responds, giving me a peck on the cheek. He moves back from me as the heat begins to dissipate between us, and he reaches for the doorknob. I'm still leaning against it, so I don't move right away, blocking him.

“What are you going to do?...” I whisper again in a worried tone. Sei blinks at me a couple times, then an amused smile flits over his face again.

“Nothing, nothing, just act naturally, that's all. They're kind of causing a disturbance” he says, making a motion with his thumb toward the hall. I do step out of the way, but I'm not about to get in the middle of Rin and Haru's fight, so I stay inside.

“Hey, Matsuoka!”

I can practically see Rin jump in my mind's eye. I doubt Haru would be as affected by the sudden intrusion though.

“Try and keep it down, ok? Other people are trying to study, and you're totally killing my vibe here” he admonishes. Even though almost everything Sei says is delivered with casualness, he has this body language about him. The kind that means he's perfectly willing to be friendly, but he's serious at the same time. I think of it as his 'captain stance', because his arms are usually crossed when he gets like that.

I know Rin really takes Sei seriously, as having authority over him. Then again, they weren't childhood friends growing up together either.

“Of course captain, sorry about that” I hear Rin, but Haru doesn't apologize.

“Can we just go swim now?” Haru says in a disgruntled tone.

“Yeah, let's go.”

I'm sure Rin's in a hurry to get out of the hallway after this. Sei starts to close the door, but then opens it again to stick his head out.

“Oh, and Matsuoka,” he calls out, all business this time, no pretense of casualness, “No _overnight_ ' guests'.”

If I were Rin, I'd be red as a cherry right now. Sei's inflection is perfect, and I kind of wonder if he's dealt with members of his team dating other guys before... There's no answer from down the hall, at least verbally, but Sei closes the door after a moment. I feel bad for the two of them, having got 'caught', so to speak, but all Sei's points are valid. If they _are_ spending the night with each other, the walls have just proven a little too thin for decency's sake.

It's prudent information I tuck away for my _own_ sake, at some point in the future...

“It's weird now, isn't it?” Sei gives me a half smile as we stand in the few feet of floor he has.

“Um, a little, yeah... I thought they were getting along pretty well” I know some worry is creeping into my voice, but that's just the way I am.

“But about me pulling rank on your friends, you don't mind that part of it?” Sei asks.

“Oh, no, not at all, I mean, you're probably one of the few people Rin listens to.” My red headed date looks contemplative.

“He got really pale when I called him on the overnight thing. I don't think he knew that I know about them” Sei muses, rubbing his chin. Crap.

“You mean, they don't act like that here? With the kissing and stuff?” I feel horrified that I outed my friends without them having wanted it. “You haven't told anyone else, have you?” I ask in a tiny voice, my shoulders already hunching in defeat.

“Hey, sit down” Sei moves me over to the edge of the bed with a gentle hand on my back. “Look, Makoto, just because I'm enthusiastic about _us_ , doesn't mean I don't realize that not everyone else will be. I mean, you and me make the kind of couple that random assholes aren't going to want to mess with, but it's not like that for everyone. I wouldn't just spout off something like that. I've only been this open in public about dating you because you seemed to be ok with it.”

I'm not sure I agree with him about the part where I seem intimidating in any way, but I'm glad he understands. I'm glad we're actually talking about this.

“Thanks, Sei... I... Have a small confession to make...” No time like the present I think, since we're talking about being open regarding our dating. “I kind of told my parents about you... but I haven't told the guys yet, just because, I wasn't sure how this is all supposed to go. I've never dated anyone before, not because I was trying to hide you or anything.”

Being ashamed of a guy like Sei in any way sounds ridiculous. That's the kind of thing that always gets misunderstood between couples in movies and stuff though. I really, really don't want that to happen with him.

Sei has his serious face on.

“So, do your parents know that you're out with me right now, as a date?” he asks.

“Yeah... I mean, they've been really nice about it, they, kind of already knew I wasn't going to be a son who ended up dating girls” I offer, trying to soften the potential drama in Sei's mind. He pulls out his phone with a frown on his face. He doesn't look at the screen for long though, before looking relieved, and grabbing my hand.

“Good, we still have time” he says, pulling me to my feet.

“What?”

“For me to make it there and back before curfew, it's still a few minutes to seven” Sei says informatively.

“There... To my house?!?”

“Yeah, I mean, I want to make a good impression. I didn't originally allot the time for it, but it looks like it's going to work out anyway” he explains as we head back out.

“You don't have to do that, I mean, take me home. They're not expecting it. Not that I _don't_ want you to...” We're in the hall now, so I'm trying to keep my voice down. Sei is being very courteous too when he steps close to me.

“Look, I had a really good time today, Makoto” he says with a kind of soft urgency.

“So did I” I answer right away, blinking at the quick change of topic.

“I'd like to go on more dates, if that's ok with you...”

“Yeah” I say breathily, my mind already turning mushy at the close proximity and subject.

“Then it's important to me that your parents start off with a good idea of me. Because I hope to spend a lot of time with their son.” He leans in and kisses me, as I whisper an “okay” of agreement right before our lips meet. It's soft and not 'involved', since we're in a semi-public place. I mean, someone could turn the corner, walk into the hall at any time. Nitori could leave his and Rin's room for example.

Which he does. Which is a grand two meters from where we're kissing, so there's no hiding it. Sei doesn't even try to, to his credit. Then I remember we just went over this.

“Ah, Nitori, hey, I've been meaning to tell you” Sei doesn't even move back from me, just pauses what we're doing like Nitori's presence is fortuitous, “I want you to let me know if Matsuoka gets in one of his 'funks' again, ok?”

Nitori's eyes are wide, and he begins blushing, but he nods right away.

“Good, thanks. And let me know if things get too awkward for you, I'll have a talk with him” Sei offers. I seriously doubt Nitori would take him up on that, knowing Rin's moody tendencies. If he did, it's not like Sei's knowledge of _that_ could come from any other source...

“Of course, Mikoshiba-senpai...”

Mine and Nitori's eyes accidentally meet, and I've always been friendly with him before, so I smile.

“Hey, Nitori” I say as a greeting, trying desperately to sound at ease.

“Hello, Tachibana-senpai...”

This is officially about to lapse into awkward silence, when suddenly Nitori's watch beeps a little chime for the hour.

“Man, is it seven already? We better get going” Sei takes advantage of the opportunity nicely. I wave goodbye to a still fairly stunned looking Nitori as Sei grabs my other hand. I wonder as we're walking away how long he'll stand there going over what happened in his mind. With Sei's presence right beside me though, I'm too occupied to look back.

We've just made it out of the building when suddenly it hits me.

“Oh no...” I grab my phone and hit the speed dial for Rin's cell. Please don't let them be in the water yet, please don't let them be in the water yet... There's a fairly good chance they're already in the water, knowing Haru.

“Oi, what's up, Makoto?” Rin answers on the fourth ring, to my great relief.

“Hey, Rin. Could you do me a _huge_ favor and put Haru on?...” I can see him rolling his eyes on the other end of the line. There's some minor muffled noises, and I hear Rin saying “It's for you”. Apparently Haru's not in a talkative mood, so Rin adds, “It's Makoto” a few seconds later.

“Hello?” Haru sounds credulous, because I never call him like this. Usually we don't have things going on that are important enough to bother tracking each other down through people's cell phones.

“Haru, I just wanted to tell you... It's Sei. Ok, see you tomorrow!” I hang up far too quickly. “So, let's get going” with flushed cheeks I turn to Sei, who has been watching me patiently this whole time. He doesn't say anything, but the smile he's giving me makes it look like he thinks I'm doing something cute.

“What?”

“Nothing. Just piecing things together as I go” he says, taking my arm. I pick up our pace a bit. Presumably it's so we don't miss the train, and not because of who I just told and our proximity to them.

“It's just... I promised Haru he'd be the first person I told, because he was upset at the party that I had kissed someone without telling him. I mean, not that he was upset _like that_ , but you know what I mean. Then now Nitori knows, even though I didn't technically _tell_ him, but he's sure to say something to them, or at least to Rin. He can't not know about _them_ , since he lives with Rin after all” I ramble as we go, my face on fire.

“So you were trying to beat him to the punch” Sei says.

“Yeah, exactly.” I feel better that he understands my strange behavior.

“I guess it worked, here comes Matsuoka now...” Sei says, nodding over my shoulder with a grin. I take a deep breath, because I'm a little shaky and confrontation is not my thing.

“Hey, I was just kidding, crap, don't pass out on me” Sei puts a hand on my arm.

“What?” I turn to look behind me, but no one's there. “Oh my god, don't scare me like that...” I let out a huge, relieved sigh.

“Are you getting light headed? Seriously, like, _all_ the blood drained out of your face when I said that, I am so sorry” Sei says earnestly. He looks like he wants to laugh at the same time though, but I'm just glad he's not upset. I don't want him to think this will be my reaction all the time when people find out.

“It's ok, I'm just... It's Rin, you know? He's kind of hot headed, and it sounded like he and Haru were already having a rough day... Plus with what happened in the hall, I just don't want them to think that I'm, or that you're, a hypocrite.” We keep walking as I gather my wits, and do end up making it off the campus without incident.

“There's nothing hypocritical about it, Makoto” Sei says as we walk. “We weren't causing a disturbance yelling at each other, and I'm not having you spend the night. I wouldn't hold other people to standards that I don't uphold myself” he assures me. I feel kind of silly, when he explains it like that. I sure hope Rin sees it that way on Monday for our joint practice...

“So, should I stand a little behind you when I meet your parents, so I can catch you if you feint?” he teases me. I roll my eyes, but the sappiness of him catching me doesn't sound all that bad...

“No. You should probably brace yourself for the twins though. They'll probably have more questions for you than my parents do.”

“I'll try and answer as many as I can before I have to head back” he promises.

The train is too crowded on a Sunday for us to kiss, but we do let our knees touch for the ride. A few minutes into it, I remember my mom's penchant for cleaning like crazy before guests come over... And how at this time of night, the twins are probably running around on a sugar high from dessert... I give the house a quick call to let them know I have Sei with me.

Let's just say my mom is delighted. Then she mentions a freshly baked cake, and suddenly I'm wondering if I was the only one out of the loop here. Was I always supposed to bring him back, like one of those unspoken things? Sei seems to have expected it. I'm usually so good with etiquette too...

Oh my god, I'm the girl.

After all these years of having a girly name, I've just leaned to sweep the offhanded comparisons aside. But that's what this is. I'm being escorted home, with the expectations that my parents will get to meet my 'fella'. Heat creeps up my face, but thankfully Sei only raises an eyebrow in the crowdedness of the car. I guess I am the younger, slightly shorter one of us...but it's still a bit of a weird revelation somehow.

I try not to let it bug me. By the time we get off the train, I'm too nervous about the upcoming introductions to think about it anymore. We walk through the light of dusk, and it's actually pretty nice, with the ocean in the background and all. I stop a block over from my house, and Sei looks at me expectantly.

“So, which one is yours?”

I forgot he's never been to my neighborhood before.

“It's on the next block... Are you sure about this?”

Sei looks around with an exaggerated covertness, and then gives me a quick kiss.

“I'm sure. Come on, let's not keep them waiting. I'll only be able to stay for about 20 minutes as it is, in order to catch the train back.”

I've never felt so nervous to enter my own house. On the porch, I take a deep breath to steady myself before ringing the doorbell.

“What are you doing?” Sei kind of whispers to me.

“What?” I'm slightly terrified by the fact that he's become confused at _this_ juncture of the trip.

“Why are you ringing the doorbell on your own house?...”

“So that they know we're here... Oh...” My mom opens the door right as I'm saying the 'know we're here' part, and just in time to see me flush red with embarrassment.

“Hey mom, this is Sei-uh, Mikoshiba, Seijuurou” I am just going to breeze through this 20 minutes, I can tell already. Sei bows to her.

“It's a pleasure to meet you, Tachibana-san.”

I start to bow with him, just as a reflex, but my mom puts a hand on my shoulder.

“It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Mikoshiba. And darling, no need for you to bow” she smiles at me kindly, patting my arm.

“Please, call me Seijuurou” he indicates right away as she ushers us in. He's respectful and formal and being perfect, while I'm a mess. There's more bowing as he's introduced to my dad, and then they shake hands. I briefly wonder how many pounds of dried squid I'd be worth at our marriage negotiations.

“Where are Ren and Ran?” I ask, since they haven't bolted into the room yet.

“Kids, you can come down now” my father raises his voice just a tad. Ren and Ran come down the hall from their room, walking evenly and calmly. I don't think I've ever seen them do that before. Their manners slip just a little as they're coming down the stairs, but their exuberance is cute, rather than annoying.

“Seijuurou, these are our youngest children, Ren and Ran. Say hello kids” my dad looks very pleased with their performance thus far.

“Hello, Seijuurou” they both intone.

“Are you Oni-chan's boyfriend?” Ren blurts out, obviously fascinated. Ran looks like she's trying not to be impressed, but maybe is, just a little.

“Yes, I am” Sei says with no hesitation, giving the twins a wink. We haven't talked about 'labels' or anything, but I do recall now, him mentioning us being a couple. In less than two minutes I've gone from feeling slightly surreal about all this, to hoping he gets a good deal for me from my father.

“Hmm, you _are_ a lot taller than Haru-chan” Ran says, as if it _is_ a point for him. I know later we'll be discussing the little raise Sei's eyebrows give when he hears that. Probably by text tonight, so maybe I won't actually implode of embarrassment. Apparently the whole world except for Haru and I, thought that Haru and I were more than just friends.

“I _am_ taller than most people, except for maybe your dad” Sei responds smoothly.

“But not taller than Oni-chan, right?” Ren looks scandalized.

“Well, last time I checked, I did have a few centimeters on him...” Sei teases them. It's true after all.

“No way! Stand back to back!” Ren and Ran both run up to try and maneuver us into position. I give Sei an 'I'm sorry for this' look, but he just smiles and lets them line us up. Then they decide his hair is too tall to get an accurate idea, and ask him to put a book on his head.

“All right kids, Seijuurou's been more than nice to go along this far. Leave him be now. Do you have time for some cake, Seijuurou?” my mother is a generous hostess.

“Ah, I have to head back in a few minutes to catch my train. I wouldn't want to do your dessert injustice by eating it so quickly” Sei informs them.

“Isn't there another one tonight?” my dad speaks up.

“Yes sir, but curfew is at nine, and I wouldn't make it.”

“Well, in that case, we won't hold your fast eating against you. No guest leaves this house without trying my wife's excellent baking” my dad is already steering Sei into the kitchen.

“Go wash your hands” I say quickly to the twins, who scamper off to obey with the promise of cake. I follow my dad and Sei, sitting down for a sort of rushed 'welcome' piece of cake. If I had known about all this, I would have made sure we arrived earlier. I'll have to explain it properly later, so my parents don't get the wrong impression...

They casually question him about a few of the big ticket items, like his parents and grades and prospects for the future. I know Sei can talk about any of these things for quite a while, but he manages to give good, concise answers.

It turns out his father is not just a physical therapist, but a _renown_ one. Apparently one of my father's co-workers went to him as a last resort a few years ago, and _miracles_ were worked. I didn't think I'd be the one learning anything new about Sei tonight, but I guess I haven't been asking the same questions...

Finally Sei has to insist on leaving, because he really wouldn't be able to stand the thought of breaking curfew. He promises my mom with no hesitation to come again, just like he did with the twins and being my boyfriend. It's kind of left to me to see him out while the twins are made to help clean up. My family is pretty awesome, I just have to say.

We aren't even halfway across the living room when Haru walks in my front door. No knocking, no doorbells...he's already half slipped off his shoes by habit when he realizes Sei is there with me. He pauses for a second, like a video game without enough bandwidth, and then toes them off the rest of the way.

“Your mom make cake?” he asks, probably able to smell it, and ignoring Sei completely.

“Yeah, they're just putting it away, so you better hurry if you want some” I try to joke. We all know that an infinite number of tupperware would be opened again for Haru by my mother.

“Sure... We'll talk after” he says, and as he's passing he kind of meets Sei's eyes and nods. Ok, this is it. This is the absolute most amount of awkwardness I can handle without keeling over on the spot. Sei nods back coolly, as if acknowledging an underling out of kindness, and I have to keep myself from sighing out loud.

The two of us keep moving, and end up on the porch. The moonlight would be romantic if I didn't feel like my stomach was going to twist itself in half.

“Sei...”

“I don't have time-” he leans our foreheads together, “Just tell me now while we're face to face, am I a rebound?” He doesn't look intimidating, or commanding, full of authority in that moment. Looking into his eyes from this closely, it's like he's holding his breath on the edge of a cliff, hoping blindly that it will support his weight.

“Rebound? No, Sei... You're not, you're... You're the first” I confess, pulling his hands into mine and squeezing them, “You're _my_ first.”

The seriousness in his face as he judges my truthfulness makes me ache to think that I wasn't up front about all my “Haru issues” with him in the first place. The gold of his eyes softens, and he kisses me quickly, giving me a small nod of belief. He pulls back a little, and I know he has to go, but there's so much, so much more I need to say.

“You're my first kiss” I whisper, following his movements so we're still close. “You're my first make out session” I kind of stay attached, him going backwards slowly and me sticking to his front. “This was my first date, my first time bringing someone home to meet my parents – I think that was pretty obvious” I joke at my own expense.

Sei chuckles a little at that, smiling at me like he usually does. I'm so glad, I kiss him again. I want to kiss him for a long, long time for being so understanding.

“Damn it, I really, really have to go...” Sei mutters, bumping our heads together again. “I'll text you...” he says, pulling away from me for real now.

“Ok, I'll look forward to it” I smile. With a nod and a wave, Sei literally _runs_ off into the night to catch his train.

 

I go back into the house, and up to my room. I figure Haru will seek me out for his 'talk' when he's done. Until then, I picture Sei chasing me at the skating rink, and try to remember how our legs fit together under the table at the restaurant. I miss him and he's only been gone for a few minutes.

Another ten later, and I get a text from him, saying he made his train. I'm relieved and start up a conversation with him right away, thanking him for indulging my parents to begin with. Haru comes in sometime around reply number four.

“Hey.”

“Hey Haru, so what did you want to talk about?” I ask, quickly texting Sei that Haru's ready to talk, so I'll reply again in a few minutes. Somewhere between the last kiss we shared and me sitting on my bed, I decided complete and total honesty was best from here on out. That way if things get messed up, at least it's over the truth. I have a feeling there are some things about the truth that Sei isn't going to like, but it's just how I have to be.

“So, Mikoshiba, huh?”

“Yeah, uh, it's kind of new, but I really like him a lot.”

“You brought him home” Haru says with a shrug, as if duh, he already had figured that much out.

“Is that what you wanted to talk about?” I ask, almost hopeful that he'll change the subject. He just shrugs his shoulders again, and doesn't say anything. I know he's got more to say, but probably needs time to process it.

“Maybe we could talk again in the morning then?” I offer. He nods, eyeing my dirty laundry basket.

“Can I borrow a shirt?”

Borrow...

“Haru...” I say softly, “Um, you can't spend the night here right now...” I try to break it to him without breaking him. I'm not sure I succeeded. Haru's lips are a thin line of disbelief, and I'm sure he's going to clam up and leave quietly, too much for him to deal with. He surprises me though, the first of many for the night.

“Why?” he blurts it out like the accusation it is. His eyes are hurt, completely lost... God, I don't know if I have the strength to do this to him after all... To make him, force him into that 'just' a friend category. I have to though, if I want to keep Sei. I have to for myself and being free of this guilt I realize too.

“Haru... Everyone else in the whole town knew I was in love with you, except for us, apparently. _I_ didn't find out until you got with Rin... It, was a...a really difficult time for me, but, I think it was for the best. I'm telling  you because, well, I wasn't honest with Sei about my issues with us. I want to be now though, because I want to keep him. I'm glad you have Rin, Haru, and I'm glad I'm with Sei now. But you need to understand, it's going to be too much for him, it's just too much for you to spend the night here when I've got, and plus you've got, a different boyfriend. I mean, not that _we_ ever were boyfriends, but, you should only be close like that with _one_ person, you know?”

The look in Haru's eyes says that he _doesn't_ know, never did. It makes me feel tired that he really never knew. I look away first, not sure what to say, or if I should just shut up now. I want to tell Haru we'll always be friends. It's my fault for giving him an unrealistic view of how best friends acted anyway, because of my deeper emotions.

When I glance up at him again, he's staring lifelessly at the floor off to the right of my bed.

“Haru...”

“Rin wants to have sex with me” he says in a small voice, shaking his head slowly. “I don't think I'm ready, I just...” Haru is crying silently in front of me, and I'm frozen in shock. He wipes at the tears as if they're some sort of strange substance he's not used to dealing with. “We're probably going to break up soon. He gets tired of me...” Haru's not sobbing, his voice sounds oddly firm, but for the moisture on his cheeks. It's all very matter of fact. Except he's crying. There is never going to be a time when I don't hug a crying Haru, there's just not. Sei will have to deal with it. I stand up and wrap my arms around him.

“Why do think he's tired of you? I mean, Rin's been in love with you for a long time.”

“How do you know that?” he asks, the slightly accusing tone back. But he doesn't pull away.

“I'm sorry, I guess I took a liberty there. I just mean, once I realized what the way he was looking at you meant, it was easy to tell. He's always looked at you like that...” I assure him, my heart aching for this mess we've all managed to make. Haru is quiet, thinking, while I hold him at what I hope is a medium pressure. I don't want to _cling_ to him, but I want him to feel safe and comforted.

“He just gets so stupid sometimes, and what am I supposed to do? He's an idiot.”

“Like what?”

“He got mad that I talked to you on his phone.”

I almost want to smile hearing that, but I refrain.

“I doubt he was mad that you _used_ his phone, probably because you only took the call when you knew it was me. It probably made him jealous.”

“Why would he be jealous of you?” he says like the idea is ridiculous.

I don't say anything for a second, hoping against hope that the reality of him having shown up at my house, confiding in me, being hugged by me, will sink in on it's own. Again, with the surprises. Haru pulls away from the hug, his eyes wide like he never realized he had _two_ arms before. That's how fundamental the shift is. I see it in his eyes, and I smile, then slowly let go of him and sit down on my bed, feeling relieved beyond explanation.

“Oh my god, Makoto...”

“I know, right?” I try to smile and keep it light, but there's another aspect to all this too, “Plus, you'd have to be _completely_ unobservant to not have noticed that Rin has issues too, even aside from all this, Haru” I make a motion with my hands to encompass the entirety of our history together. After thinking for a moment, he asks me,

“And that's what it is with Sei too? Not the issues... It's jealousy?”

“Yeah, I think so... I mean, he handled your so-casual presence here pretty well, but I'm still afraid that it was awkward for him. I don't want that, I really like him, a lot.”

“You said that” Haru says automatically, then goes quiet again. He's never liked it when people repeat themselves. I wonder if Rin knows how much he needs those little moments in a conversation, to process and sort out his feelings. I've given them to him for so long I barely noticed it anymore. But we haven't _talked_ like this in a long time, and it suddenly seems so different from how I communicate with Sei.

“Can I ask you something, for Rin's sake?” I interrupt his processing just a teensy bit, but I don't plan on making a habit of it. Haru nods.

“Do you not want to _have_ sex, or do you not want to have sex with _Rin_?...” I feel my face burning painfully, but no one else is ever going to have this talk with Haru. Well, actually, my dad might, if I asked him...but Haru would probably murder me with his gaze alone afterward.

The answer comes surprisingly fast.

“I don't know... When he kisses me, I can't think... He's overwhelming...” Haru's as distraught over that admission as I've ever seen him. If only Rin could see the way he's confused and blushing over him, I'm sure he'd be willing to give Haru a little more accommodation.

“Haru, I know this is not going to be easy, but I think you need to talk to _him_ , to Rin... Like this, you know, being honest even if it's embarrassing... I can't tell him what you need, about the time to think and the taking it a little slower, or it will just make things worse...”

“Because of jealousy.”

“Yeah.”

“This sucks. Boyfriends are so much effort” he kind of sighs, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well, you get what you put into it” I remind him. I probably shouldn't be surprised that Haru looks like he's just heard some sort of foreign concept.

“That's petty.”

“What, he should give so much more than you?”

“It still sounds selfish. Love isn't like, _math_ , like that.”

“Ugh, not everyone is going to always cater to you out of sappy devotion like I did” I roll my eyes and then wag a finger at him. Tonight I believe in miracles. “It has to go both ways” I say firmly, nodding like he should be agreeing with me too.

Haru just stares at me for a long time. I can see our childhood running through his head. I wait.

“...So...you think, this is good for me?” Haru asks, coming to a conclusion that's close enough to what I'd hoped for to make me smile.

“Yeah, you've got that whole 'passionate rivals' thing going on, you were bound to end up making out in the lanes one day afterward eventually” I softly tease him. Haru blushes at my comment, and looks around my room.

“Ok... I'm going to sleep at home then.”

And that's it, Haru turns to leave, conversation over. I smile to myself, thinking they both have their work cut out for them. I'm surprised by a parting shot from my doorway.

“Thank you, Makoto.”

“You're welcome, Haru.”

After he leaves, I pick up my phone again to let Sei know as much of what happened as I can. A few parts about Rin wanting to have sex with Haru and all that, he probably doesn't need to know those for the sake of our relationship... The hug though, that needs at least some explanation... Where do I even begin with that? I start typing to see where it leads me.

 

// _When we were little, Haru almost drown in front of me. I was already scared of the water before that, and as you can guess, that only made it worse... I think, maybe ever since then, I let losing him get tied up in that fear, and overcompensated_ //

 

It's going to take a lot of texts to tell it all that way... Is this really the kind of thing you talk about in a text message anyway? Working up my courage, because I've been finding lately that I do have some, I dial Sei up instead. He's very happy to get my call. I think he's also relieved for the confirmation that Haru's gone. We talk until 1:46am. I'm not sure if he understands or is comfortable with _everything_ , but he sounds surprisingly like he is willing to still stick with dating me.

Because the fact of the matter is, I'm with him, and not Haru. And that counts for something.

 


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning I'm beyond tired when my alarm goes off, having talked for so long last night with Sei. I just know that his tiredness isn't going to be keeping _him_ in bed though. I had planned to go for a run this morning before school in an effort to step up my game...but I really, really don't want to now. With a groan I roll out of bed, not bothering to shower. I'll just have to when I get back anyway.

I think I got a grand total of four hours of sleep by rising early, but the run does help wake me up. It's beautiful and crisp outside. My legs are starting to get used to the extra exertions too. By the time I get home, my mom is just finishing up cooking breakfast.

“Oh, Makoto, darling, I was just about to go call you down to eat.”

“Give me five minutes to shower mom, thanks!” I kiss her cheek as I trot by on my way to wash up. I'll only know for sure once I see him this afternoon at practice, but things with Sei seem like they're good. I'm in an upbeat mood, very happy with myself for the conversation I had with Haru last night too. I hope things go well for him with Rin...

I forgot that I hadn't told Rei and Nagisa who my mystery man was yet. It's one of the first subjects out of Nagisa's mouth when we see each other at school. They're both quite surprised. Nagisa's teasing comments don't stop for the entire morning, or afternoon, or ride over to Samezuka. As we're getting off the train though, Haru admonishes him, to stop acting so immature. I'm relieved, because I'm a bit nervous about practicing in front of both our teams for the first time. For the first time since we got together that is.

Sei smiles like the sun rose early when we walk in, and I know this is going to be ok. I smile back, drawing an exclamation of “awww” from Nagisa before Rei elbows him in the ribs. Sei hitches his head toward the pool, inviting us to jump in. Even though he's across the way, I can still see every detail of him in high relief.

It takes us hardly any time at all to change and get in the water. We swim, and I don't need Sei's encouragement to push myself now. I remember him saying their team only had one backstroker who could consistently beat me. When we get to the timed sprints portion of the afternoon, I take a deep breath and make my way over to the lane next to him. Isoda. I'm fairly sure his personal name is Shumkichi, but we don't know each other that well.

I manage to make eye contact with him.

“So, Isoda-san, want to go together and see who comes in first?” I ask in a friendly manner.

“You mean, like a race?” he asks. His matter of fact attitude would normally put me off because I don't know him. I decide to press forward though, because this is the guy I need to compare myself to for now.

“Sure, we can call it a race if you want, it's just friendly though” I assure him.

“...Why not...” he agrees with a roll of his shoulders. I know I've been improving, but I don't know how far ahead of me Isoda was before. We have a couple people ahead of us, so there's a little wait. When it comes to our turn, I secure my goggles and promise myself to do my best. I try my hardest not to notice if Sei has caught on to my lane change and what's going on.

The plastic coated handles are cool beneath my fingers as I place my feet. I only let the water hold me for a moment before before pulling myself up into the 'set' position. We get our mark and both spring backward. The race is on. Water briefly covers my face, but I'm used to it after all these years. Kicking my hardest, I see the surface of the water falling down to meet me as I'm rising up.

All the images of swimming are the same, but the burn comes quicker in my muscles and lungs. The flags pass overhead, and I'm accounting for the one stroke less I've learned I need now. Flip turns used to disorient me as a kid, but now they're second nature. We're doing full 100m sprints right now, so I'll have time to make it up if I'm behind coming off the wall.

As I resurface though, I decide I'd rather not know until the end where my 'opponent' is. It's all friendly anyway. It's not like anything is riding on me coming in first. Maybe I need to work on my competitive spirit, but I lose focus sometimes thinking about my position on the field.

When I finally hit the wall and come up, I'm in time to see Isoda's hand striking after mine.

“Since when are you breaking a minute, Tachibana?” one of the third years on Samezuka's team whistles.

“Ah, it's a recent development” I say as I'm still catching my breath. We have to haul ourselves out of the water right away, because the next set of guys has already jumped in over us. Isoda is looking at me much more seriously now.

“What was his time?” he asks the first year timing me.

“58.22 Isoda-san” the boy replies. I raise my own eyebrows.

“Really?” I say without thinking about it, peering at the watch. That's actually a few tenths of a second better than when Sei timed me. There are lots of variables in swimming though.

“You Iwatobi guys are all weird, you know that?” Isoda rolls his eyes, “I guess we'll have plenty of time for re-matches now that you guys will be here everyday.” He doesn't look upset with me, but I can see I've definitely _started something_ here. Perfect. As long as it stays friendly of course... I know I feel good about having swam that fast. Plus, if it inspires Isoda to work all that much harder, then both Sei and I's goals will be getting accomplished.

In the commotion, I didn't notice Sei ambling over our way.

“52” he practically whispers in my ear behind me, scaring the heck out of me. He seems pleased at the frightened squawk I make. Two weeks ago I wouldn't have been that jumpy hearing his voice from that close, but things are different now.

“A time of 52 seconds is what you should be shooting for, if you want to be _serious_ ” Sei elaborates, including Isoda in his proclamation. No one looks like he did anything extremely weird right now, so they must have thought it was a prank or something. Even people who don't go to my school know I'm a scaredy cat.

“That's a gold medal time. While doing well is it's own reward, some people like having something to show for it at the end too, am I right?” he jokes with the other guys around us. I'm impressed that he knows things like that just off the top of his head. Or maybe he did make a special effort to research backstroke times... I'd like to think it was just for me, but in all honesty, from what I've seen of Sei, it's probably not.

Sei is the kind of captain who would know what benchmarks all his different team members should be shooting for. I know by my friends' times if they're slacking off or giving it their all in practice. I don't know however, where they'd _need_ to be in order to advance to an Olympic level in their events.

Looks like I just gave myself some extra homework for tonight. I need to try and remember to talk to them about it too, maybe during class tomorrow. I mean, I assume Haru will want to follow Rin now... He might not though, in that capacity. Jumping through all the hoops to be on an Olympic team doesn't exactly seem his style. Do Nagisa and Rei have any desire for it either? Will they keep up with it their third year when it's just them?

I feel like I might be trying to worry too far into the future right now. In this moment, I should just take the encouragement of having improved and work even harder. I flash Isoda a smile and promise him the re-match he spoke about, before heading back to the rest of my team.

Rin is watching me with calculated detachment, and turns away as soon as I'm heading back. Haru is watching me too, but keeps glancing out over the water. Typical. Rei and Nagisa are both swimming at the moment. Not a word has been said about myself and Sei by Rin, but I can tell it's coming eventually.

I stand beside them and wait for our turns to roll around again, asking them what their times where. Haru doesn't know his. After Rin gets done telling me about his, he pauses.

“Makoto, let's talk after practice, ok?”

I am supposed to see Sei after practice, but, I feel a priority in the situation to honor Rin's request. Sei will understand if I give him a few minutes.

“...Sure, Rin.” I paused just a fraction of a second too long, and I guarantee he now knows I had other _plans_ first...but he doesn't offer to re-schedule.

I know Sei will stay in his suit, swim his extra laps for himself after everyone else is gone. I leave mine on too and just sort of hang out for a bit while everyone else is showering. He glances over at me, but is still busy with giving advice to a couple first years. Which is good, because Rin apparently meant for our talk to happen even before changing when he said “after practice”.

He looks calm and collected, but obviously something's on his mind about the recent string of events. Rin wouldn't want to talk to me alone if not. Just one person swimming is enough noise to dampen the conversation, so we stand off to the side without leaving the building. We all know who that one person left in the pool is.

Rin takes a deep breath, giving kind of a sigh, like he's working up to saying whatever it is.

“So, Makoto... I just wanted to say thanks, you know? Haru told me he went to you, and you told him he needed to actually _talk_ to _me_ instead... I just wanted to say, I really appreciate that.”

I wasn't sure how quickly Haru would follow though on his conversation with Rin, but apparently he didn't put it off.

“Of course Rin, no problem.”

The look he's giving me now is intense, and I suddenly wonder if I fell for some sort of ruse...

“Haru wouldn't talk about it, but I just want to know... Were the two of you _ever_ together?... After the Regional's and our relay and everything, me and him got to talking again. I couldn't believe he was single, and when I found out he was, I kind of just went for it. I didn't think about what might be going on behind the scenes...”

It almost feels like he's trying to apologize for stealing Haru out from under me.

“Rin, Haru and I were never anything but friends... You and him, well, you've kind of always been more than _friends_ , even if not in this way. So it's fitting, right?” I smile, because I don't envy Rin the issues he's trying to work through with Haru right now.

“I'm really glad you see it that way, Makoto. I didn't want things to be weird between us” Rin flashes me a grin, but it's a hopeful one, not a brash one.

“Hey, as long as you two don't start making out in the pool again, it's all good” I assure him. Rin nods knowingly, only the tiniest of blushes creeping across his face. He clears his throat a little before a much more mischievous grin spreads over it.

“So, speaking of making out in pools... You and Mikoshiba, huh? How the hell did that happen?” he throws at me.

“Ah, well, I kind of went to him for advice on how to deal with all of you guys, and one thing lead to another...”

I am _so_ not describing any of my experiences with him in any detail to a member of his team, even if it is Rin. Especially if it's Rin.

“ _Ok_... But like, what do you _see_ in him?” Rin presses me, raising an eyebrow, “He's so strict and everything, plus he's leaving in a couple months anyway, right?”

“I know he's going to university soon, but Tottori's not that far away. And I _like_ that he's strict, because he's serious about what he wants. Sei's laid back when he wants to be, and funny, and pretty smart from what I've heard of his grades. I guess I can't say for sure, but it seems like he handles his emotions well too. I can't believe how lucky I am that he noticed me, or even pays attention to me at all... He just makes me feel like I'm special...” I've probably gone over and above what was necessary to defend my sprouting feelings for him. It's too late to go back now though.

Rin takes me seriously, but toward the end, I can see he's fighting a smile.

“Wow, you've got it bad, huh Makoto? You guys are already on a first name basis and everything...”

“Shut up, Rin” I push his shoulder playfully.

“Well, just don't expect him to be inviting you over for the weekend anytime soon, apparently we have a 'no overnight guests' policy” Rin informs me. I catch movement off to the side and see that the first years Sei was working with have gone. He's heading our way now, but Rin's back is to him.

“Don't worry, he wouldn't hold you guys to that and not follow it himself” I assure Rin. A good deal of the blood drains out of Rin's face.

“He told you about that?...”

“Um, not exactly...” crap, I need to start thinking things through more before saying them, “It's more like...uh...” I'm rubbing the back of my neck as Sei appears. I know once he got closer he could hear what we were saying.

“It's more like my date with Makoto was the vibe you were ruining” he tells Rin, no nonsense in his voice. It doesn't sound malicious at all, but not like it would be tolerated again very well.

“You better go pull Nanase out of the water now, tell him to leave some for the rest of us” he adds jokingly, clearly dismissing Rin from the conversation.

“You in a hurry for us to be gone or something?” Rin asks, taking a step in the pool's direction, but pausing.

“A little” Sei says, taking a step toward _me_ and putting a hand around my waist. Rin doesn't look impressed, but Sei can't see his face anymore. My boyfriend has turned and pulled me into his arms, like he just couldn't hold it back any longer.

“Ok, maybe more than a little” Sei grins at me and suddenly I find we're kissing. I did not mean to be kissing Sei in front of Rin, beside the Samezuka pool, with both our teams only a locker room away... But now that I am, I don't particularly want to stop.

“Oh my god, is that what we look like?” Rin asks in a disbelieving tone, eyebrows furrowed.

“Nah, most of the time you two look like you're about to stab each other in the throat” Sei comments, “So good cover, bro” he flashes a thumbs up in Rin's direction. I giggle. Rin and Sei both crack smiles and then start laughing with me.

“What's so funny?” Haru is suddenly standing beside us, a small frown on his face. “I thought you said no kissing at practice?” he turns to Rin when no one volunteers anything right away. Rin shrugs his shoulders.

“Hey, I didn't know if it was ok or not. And I wasn't going to risk his wrath to find out” Rin tells him, hitching a thumb in Sei's direction.

“You have a wrath?” I ask him quietly, receiving a twinkling grin for the question.

“Hey, none of that now!” Rin says, clearly seeing my curiosity. He's probably afraid the ability to 'wrath' will rub off on me. Sei gives him a look that I best describe as, “Oh really, pup?” and Rin throws a belated “Sir” on the end of his statement...

“Come on, let's go shower” Haru takes Rin's hand and begins pulling him along.

“Just to clarify before you go, I do expect everyone to keep their hands to themselves, etc, during practice. Afterward though, whatever level of risk you want to take on as a couple is up to you” Sei lets them know. His arms are still around me, so I guess it's clear he's willing to invite a little risk himself. It's ok, I am too. Haru nods, and so does Rin, and they don't let each other's hands go as they make their way to the locker rooms.

Sei watches them go, and I can see the gears turning.

“Would you mind showering up now?” he asks me a second later.

“No, of course not, but what about your swim?”

“One day won't hurt... Besides, I think it's important for us to be in there, if they're going to be _that_ open about it. I mean, it's one thing to sneak in a little moment like this, or have rumors float around about you... It's something entirely different to walk into a guy's locker room holding hands...”

“Are there a lot of rumors?” I ask, not really knowing how things are here at Samezuka.

“...A few... I'm not really that outgoing about being bi, I mostly keep things like that to myself. But, I've never liked a guy here enough to hit them either... Some guys will end up getting talked about no matter what. As far as Rin and Haru go, I don't think they've been being _open_ before this. There's certainly enough subtle stuff to make people wonder though.”

Now isn't the time to really psychoanalyze the whole situation, so I just head over with Sei to the lockers. We're holding hands as we go, and before we get to the door, I ask him about it, just to clarify.

“Are we holding hands in there too, or are you planning on letting go once we get inside?”

Sei looks at me for a moment and then down to our hands.

“I wouldn't mind either way, but I think for Rin and Haru's sake, our support should be just as captains at first...”

I totally get what he's saying, and give his hand a squeeze before letting go.

“No problem. You've kissed me on campus here enough, I'm definitely not worried that you're ashamed or anything” I tell him in a low tone. Sei smiles a thankful smile at me, and we go in.

A few guys are looking at Rin and Haru askance, but there's no real aggression in it. It's actually Nagisa that breaks the slight tension by whistling a cat-call at them.

“Oooo, holding hands? I didn't think Rin-chan had a soft side anymore, huh Haru-chan?” he teases them.

“Are you trying to get murdered?” Rin snaps at him, literally, like he was aiming to take off a finger. Some rough housing ensues, but it all seems to be business as usual. Neither Sei or I end up having to do anything, so it's good. I'm hoping the teams are as understanding when they figure out that their captains are dating as well...

“Alright, alright, break it up you guys, we don't need anyone getting hurt” Sei rests his hand on Rin's shoulder, “He's harmless dude, just let it go.”

“If you think Nagisa's harmless, it's only because you don't know him well enough” Rin grumbles as Nagisa scampers away. Haru gives the barest of nods when Sei glances at him. It makes me really happy to see that. To me, it's a signal that Haru is willing to try letting Sei into our little close knit group.

“Hm, thanks for the advice, Matsuoka, I'll keep that in mind” Sei replies, finally removing his hand.

I think I'm starting to develop one of those innate boyfriend senses... The ones that tell you when yours is getting close to touching someone else for more than a casual amount of time. Not that this particular thing bothered me, but suddenly it's like I _noticed_ it, when I never would have before. Interesting. I hope it doesn't mean I'm going to be prone to jealousy or anything.

I feel like I'm already kind of asking Sei to overlook a lot, without throwing that in.

 

The lockers clear out fairly quickly. Most of the guys at Samezuka have homework or even other clubs to attend. Being a boarding school, it's not like they have to go home. Nagisa and Rei have to get out of there pretty quickly though, in order to catch their train. I already have the schedule of the one heading back to Iwatobi memorized.

Without the extra swim, it gives me and Sei over an hour to just hang out today.

I notice Rin and Haru heading toward the front of the school and its gates, but I don't say anything. I'm not going to interrupt them to ask what they're doing. I would have thought Haru would stay a while too, but it's not my business. Maybe they're going to get something to eat, who knows.

“You want to go back to my place for a bit?” Sei gives me a wink.

“Sounds great” I smile back at him, knowing exactly what will happen once we get _there_.

 

Ok, so maybe not _exactly_ what was going to happen...

 

When the door closes behind us, I expect Sei to be slightly aggressive again, but he stops short. With eyes inches away from mine, he asks me seriously, “So, just how far do you want to take this, Makoto?”

My eyes widen, eyebrows raise, and my heart rate doubles instantly. Did he just ask me what I think he asked me? I thought we had already established these walls were not thick enough to get away with anything like that. As a result, I wasn't letting myself dwell on whether _sex_ would be an issue.

“W-What do you mean?” I manage to only stutter a little.

Sei grins, and I know I must be blushing.

“I mean, I may be a guy, but I've never touched anyone _else_... It just, seems like it would be fun, you know? ...Do you mind? If I touch you?” Sei is so up front about it that it kind of shocks me. Do all couples talk about this in such a straightforward manner?

“Just touching?” I can't believe I didn't stutter, but there _is_ a higher pitch than normal to my voice...

“Yeah... God, you're so cute...” he kind of says to himself at the end. Sei runs his fingers through my hair, and I close my eyes for a second.

“Ok, I don't mind” I say breathily, trying to keep my knees from shaking. I don't have time to think about just what he meant by 'touch' or _where._ Sei starts kissing me like we left off yesterday. He doesn't stop with teasingly grazing the skin of my hips this time though. His hand slips under my shirt, rubbing over my stomach and abs. It's like I can feel every place his hand has been with heightened sensitivity.

Sei's hands are large and warm, and palming my pectorals while I try to catch my breath. Suddenly a jolt runs through my chest, heat shooting straight to my groin, and I realize he's pinched my nipple. Only good can come of this. I don't even try to hold back the moan that rises up from my throat. If he can touch, then so can I, right?

The desire to know exactly what his hard muscles feel like under my fingertips is overwhelming in that moment. I ease my fingers under his shirt as well, from the back. I'm going slower than he is, but, I didn't have time to think this through before. His skin is warm and inviting, begging to be run over by my hands and caressed.

Sei breaks our kiss for a moment and pulls up on my shirt with questioning eyes. I know if I didn't want to, he'd stop, but it seems like hardly anything to me, you know? We're around each other in just our swim suits all the time. As soon as mine is over my head, I pull his shirt off for him too.

We come together again, his lips over mine, our bare chests touching. There's something incredibly different about those thin pieces of fabric being gone. I almost feel like I'm doing something wrong or forbidden, but I don't know what it would be. Sei starts kissing my neck, our hands still sliding over each other everywhere.

His thumbs come together just below my navel, and then go lower. My hands stop moving as he slowly pops the button on my jeans. I notice he's not kissing my neck, just resting his head against me. Warm breaths flow down over my shoulder as his fingers unzip me. My own breathing feels ragged, like I can't get enough oxygen. But I don't tell him to stop.

I'm already pretty turned on, half hard under what's left of my clothing. When Sei's hand glides down the front of my shorts, all available blood goes rushing there after him.

“S-Sei...” I hear myself saying his name, but I'm not really sure what I mean by it. My head feels light, and god, what he's doing feels so good...

“Do you want me to stop?” he asks quietly. Maybe I'm just getting that good at reading him now, but it seems to me like there's a hope in his voice. Hope that I don't.

“No, I just...wanted to say your name” I think my response sounds a bit lame, but apparently Sei doesn't. He renews his efforts in kissing my neck, and wraps his fingers around my now firm erection. He gives me a slow, almost tentative stroke, and I make a noise in my throat I've never heard before.

“If you like it, you can, you know, touch me too, if you want” Sei seems a lot more out of breath than he should be, but I guess I wouldn't really know. I've been just kind of clinging to his back while he takes this initiative.

“Ok...” I whisper, trying to keep the noise down. Apparently Sei didn't plan on pausing in his actions while I catch up. He pumps his hand over me a little less slowly this time. My hands feel jittery while I slip my fingers under his waistband. He has on lightweight athletic pants, which sort of pass for the uniform here at Samezuka. Thank god there's not a button for me to deal with.

It's probably the bravest thing I've done in a long time, reaching down and tracing the curve of him with my fingertips. The pillar of strength that is Sei, which I've been sort of depending on while we stand in the middle of his room, wavers.

“Maybe we should, sit, down or, something” I wouldn't put any money on me being able to support us with my knees all wobbly like this. My breathless suggestion isn't thought through at all. We discover when we shuffle and try to sit on the edge of the bed that sitting isn't going to allow us to be as close... I want to be close. I want our chests touching, and for Sei to pinch my nipple again, but I don't think I'd ever be able to bring myself to _say_ it...

Crap.

I don't know what I'm doing, but I push back against Sei as we're sitting. Our hands are still wrapped around each other's dicks, so it's not graceful. The look in Sei's eyes is shocked, but pleasantly so, when he finds himself underneath me. I'm terrified of what I've just done. But I'm not taking it back now.

“Sitting...wasn't working for me...” I try to explain, willing him with my apologetic eyes to understand. Our dicks are touching. I'm going to have a heart attack right here on top of him. I want this, him touching me, me touching him. It feels amazing, but I'm so lost. I think Sei can see me kind of short circuiting, because he rolls us until we're on our sides facing each other.

“How's this?” he asks, kissing me softly while starting to move his hand again. I reciprocate, and his knee slides between my legs.

“Mmm, perfect” I moan. We're laying on Sei's bed, stroking each other, and both of us are breathing so heavily I'd call it moaning the whole time. Never in my wildest dreams...ok, maybe that's not entirely true...

“Shit, Makoto, I'm close...” Sei groans, his lips work their way across my jaw. I can't think about anything past feeling him cum in my hand, my own orgasm building quickly.

“Me too” I admit in a low, desperate tone. It feels like the liquid gold of Sei's eyes is pulsing through my veins, hot and intense. His face is buried against my neck, but I want to see his eyes.

“Sei, can you...look at me?”

Oh god, I didn't know what I was asking for. Sei has an almost wolfish grin on his face as he presses our foreheads together.

“Like this?” he asks, lips slightly open and panting, eyes drilling into me. I don't get a chance to answer him, I cum in his hand right after that. Gasping, I chicken out and try to look away, but he kisses me hard. At least I feel like it's ok for me to close my eyes now. Sei cums too a few seconds later, and the way he arches breaks our kiss for a moment. I peek my eyes open, watching him bite his lip while he splashes over my hand.

It's the single hottest thing I've ever seen in my life.

My body is going limp in his arms, in both respects, when I kiss my way over that lip he abused. It's a slow, sensuous movement, the first time I've ever felt my body move like this. Languid, I guess you would call it. Even though my hand is covered in Sei's cooling fluids, I feel absolutely no desire to get up.

Slowly my mind is starting to register outside influences again though. Like wondering the degree of mess we made, what time it is...

“I don't want to get up yet” I murmur, my head tucked against his on the pillow.

“Me neither...Mako-chan.”

I can tell he's trying to give an intimacy to the moment, but in my head, all I can see is Nagisa begging me for something. I chuckle just the smallest amount, and Sei kisses my cheek.

“Sorry, only Nagisa ever really calls me that... He kind of does it with everybody, Mako-chan, Rei-chan, Rin-chan... Though, sometimes he uses 'Rin-Rin' just to get a rise out of him” I confide. Sei nods and smiles, I think the 'Rin-Rin' thing might be pretty amusing to him. You know, that there's someone out there who's called Rin that and lived.

“So, what should I call you?” he asks.

“Um, just Makoto is fine. Some people call me Mako too, I don't really have a preference” I tell him. Why does this seem like such an important conversation?...

“And what about when we're in bed?” Sei asks, a mischievous light already returning to his steady gaze.

“In bed?!” I'm on my way to the color of a well boiled lobster, I can feel it. “What do you mean, like, for later?” I still have my hand resting over Sei's crotch, and his is still cupping me too. Things aren't so heated and mind-fuzzying though, more like just sticky. “I haven't really had time to think about any of that.”

“Well, we're kind of in bed right now” he points out.

“We're _on_ your bed, we're not _in_ bed, there's a big difference” I counter.

“Ok, ok, fair enough... I just meant, so I can call you something no one else does when we do things like this. What do you say, baby?” he whispers that last line into my ear, and there's nothing cheesy about it.

“O-Oh, ok...” I sigh, the heat in my face beginning to make little pin-pricks of pain in my cheeks. “Should I call you Sei-chan?” I whisper back.

He scrunches up his face a little.

“Nah, my mom still calls me that. With being gone for so long, I think she still pictures me as her little kid, you know?” he kind of shrugs his one shoulder that's free. “Really, I just like the idea of you blushing for me like that, since I'm kind of jealous” he kisses my burning cheek, dropping the topic of parents quickly.

“Jealous?” I kind of pause, _really_ hoping we're not about to devolve into a conversation about some aspect of my friendship with Haru. At least not while we're touching each other like this.

“Yeah, I didn't want to say anything the first time you got hard for me, but damn, you're one well endowed guy, Makoto.”

I didn't really think about sizes and things while we were starting this. Looking back, I can tell that Sei did feel like a little less in my hand then I'd be used to... I mean, the only other people I've actually seen completely naked are Haru and Nagisa. Haru because as often as he strips, almost everyone has. And Nagisa because he's Nagisa. I wish I could say the night we broke in here to see Rin was the only time he's stripped with little to no provocation.

“Oh, uh, thanks, I... It's not like you're small or anything. I mean, not that I've seen a bunch of guys naked...but, I just didn't think I was _that_ different...” I kind of sputter.

“Your team does seem a bit modest” Sei comments, “I guess with more guys, we get a bigger mix of us that don't bother leaving our suits on in the showers anymore.”

Yes, because being on a swim team _would_ be the most logical scenario for me to have seen other guys naked in. I feel like correcting him would be borrowing trouble, and involve a lot of explanation, so I let it go.

“I'm not really that much bigger...” I have a hard time believing it's a large difference, partly because I didn't look down when Sei and I were, uh, doing what we did... One of these days I'll stop being so ridiculously shy about things. Today is not that day though. Sei chuckles.

“Well, you're right, I'm not _small_ , but you're definitely 'above average', we'll just say...” he teases me.

“Do you have any tissues?” I ask, purposefully trying to change the subject before my face sets fire to his pillowcase. He hands me a wad of them with a kiss on my nose. It's unclear to me for a moment how we're going to do this, but we both seem most comfortable with cleaning up our own selves. It doesn't escape me that it's still Sei's cum on my fingers though, and not mine.

Later that night, I have a hard time concentrating on my homework. Sei walked me to the train and I made it home fine, but I can't stop thinking about him. About it. I touched someone, and let someone else touch me. I had another guy's cum all over my hand only a few short hours ago.

Sei's was thicker than mine, I remember that much...

I'll admit, I've been curious. I tasted just a teeny, tiny bit of my own one time, just to see. Now I wonder how Sei's would have compared. It seems weird and kind of like too much to just stick my fingers in my mouth the next time. Who's to say when it will happen again anyway? Normally, we'll be in the water. It probably won't be until next weekend.

We'll have a lot more time then, I mean, provided we go out on another date. I think we will though. If he doesn't say anything, maybe I'll be the one to invite him out. Maybe I should anyway, since he technically asked last time?

While I'm staring blankly at my history textbook, all these thoughts are running through my head. Suddenly it crosses my mind that if we're going to do _things_ like that again, I could just try a blow job. You know, if I want to taste it. The thought of me having Sei's dick in my mouth sends and instant flush over my entire body.

I'll have to think about that...

It's not like I'd have any idea what I was doing. I'm not sure I could really go through with it. I did stroke Sei off though, which I would not have thought I could go through with either. Not if I'd been thinking about it before hand. Maybe I just need to stop thinking about it.

My history homework agrees with me.

 

I turn out to be right about the rest of the week. Sei needs to keep up with his level of commitment to swimming. The last thing I would ever want to do is get in the way of that. I'm pushing harder these days anyway, so it feels natural to join him. We don't really get any time alone that way though. I have to catch my train, and I'm far too nervous to do anything more than kiss inside the locker rooms.

Thursday night I masturbate while thinking of Sei's hand on me and lips sliding down my neck. I just can't take it anymore. The first thing I do when I see him Friday afternoon is tell him I'm proposing to change the schedule of our date tomorrow.

“What do you mean, what part of it?” he asks, keeping his voice low to match mine. No need for anyone else to hear this. We are at practice after all.

“I think I should show up earlier, and we can do our run together in the morning. That way, after the movie, we can go back to your place and, uh, kiss and stuff, instead” I suggest with an earnest blush.

“We'll have to shower and all that from our run, I thought we could work it in afterward...” Sei says objectively. I can see he's enjoying my eagerness though.

“We can do it twice then” I take a small step closer toward him to say, “My way gives us more time.”

“It has been kind of a rough week, hasn't it?” Sei comments, flashing me a brief look that makes sure I know what he's talking about.

“Yeah, masturbating thinking about it just isn't the same” I say almost dejectedly. I didn't know the effect those words would have on him, I swear it. Sei's eyes get a little wide, and a twinge of pink spreads over the bridge of his nose.

“Hey, you know what? Let's get in the water” he says, hand on my shoulder and steering me to the pool. He jumps in before I can really say anything else.

Later, in the showers when everyone else is gone, he confesses to having been half hard already when he hit the water. Apparently the thought of me touching myself while thinking about him was too much for public. Or at least for the confines of his speedo. That night at home I take an unneeded shower and recall as best I can the way he bit his lip when he came for me. I hope to be seeing it again real soon.

 

I've never minded running, but it seems almost fun when I'm with Sei. There's quite a few other guys out getting their exercise too. I think my extra presence on this campus is starting to get noticed, but I don't think Sei cares. If he did, it'd be easy enough to meet at a park or something instead. At least for the jog.

When we touch each other in a shared shower stall afterward, it's every bit as intense and heart pounding as the first time. I delay the maybe blow job thing, because I'm too nervous with being this revealed. The dorm's showers aren't open area communal like the lockers. The stalls are all in a row, one against another though, so anyone else needing to use them would hear everything.

Thankfully it's an odd time of day, so if there were any interruptions, we didn't notice them. Hopefully no one like Nitori needed to take one and ran off once they heard the sounds coming from in them. I'm sure that if Rin or Haru had haphazardly walked in to hear something like that, they would comment on the rudeness of it.

I can't say I really cared too much about being rude though, when Sei decided to experiment with my nipple again. Let's just say I came entirely too quickly for my liking. I'm going to get expelled and I don't even go here.

All I can think about during the movie is how Sei's laugh is so loud and strong, his hand warm where it's resting on my leg. I've forgotten half the plot by the time we leave. The whole walk back to his place, I'm screwing up the courage to drop to my knees in front of him. Will he want to move that quickly? I mean, we're both guys, but will he think it's strange I _want_ to put my mouth on him? I've admitted now it goes beyond just the curiosity thing.

This sex stuff, what leads up to it anyway, is fantastic. I want to try more, even if it makes me so red people wonder if something is _wrong_ with me when I think about it. No more daydreaming in class for me... I wonder if Sei is having the same kind of problems. It seems like he might, with what happened at practice.

“So, am I really that distracting?” Sei grins, looking me over as soon as the door closes behind us.

“What?”

“You've been spacing out and blushing all day, I can only assume it's either out of remembrance or anticipation” he says confidently, running a finger along the collar of my shirt.

“Both” I admit. I don't even bother trying to hide it. “Um, Sei, would you mind if I, uh, tried...something?...” I cannot yet bring myself to say the words 'blow job', but he'll get the picture real fast if he agrees.

“Hmm, something?... Sure, sounds fun” he croons in my ear, bordering on making fun of me, but not quite. I don't mind a little poking fun, since I know where it's coming from.

“Good, now take off your pants” I reply, cracking a grin. Sei seems a little disbelieving that that's really what I want him to do. Like he thinks we're probably only flirting.

“Just my pants? What about my shirt?” he asks innocently, pinching the fabric and pulling it slightly away from his body to emphasize it's presence.

“I can go either way on the shirt, it's up to you” I say nonchalantly, and nudge him toward his bed.

“Either way, huh?” Sei is full-on grinning at me, clearly having a good time with our little banter. “You're getting pretty bold there, Tachibana” he kisses me with lips that come in fast, but then linger surprisingly long, pulling at mine when they leave. He slips his shirt off and tosses it, giving me a wink.

“Now the pants” I say, my voice sounding a little lower than normal.

“If you wanted me to strip for you, you should've said something, we could have put some music on” he teases. Thumbs hook into the fabric at his waist, and soon Sei is bared before me. The phrase 'naked glory' was invented for guys like him. “So, are you joining me?...” he questions, just the slightest hint of apprehension showing through. Probably because I'm still fully clothed.

“Yeah, definitely... Um, I think the bed would be easiest” I pull my shirt over my head as I press him backwards. The backs of his knees bump into the edge of the bed, causing him to sit abruptly. The look on his face is curious, turned on, and fairly willing. It looks like a good combination for an experimental first blow job.

He stares up at me while I bend down to kiss him, cupping his cheek. It's funny, because this is what I always pictured kissing would be like. Having to bend way down for someone shorter than me. Just in general.

Now here's an aspect to putting Sei's dick in my mouth that I somehow overlooked. The fact that I'm going to be getting a very up close and personal look at it.

“So, what are we...oh...” Sei starts to say as I pull away from the kiss. I can't wait any longer or I risk chickening out, so I finally get on my knees in front of him. I rest my hands on his upper thighs and silently ask for permission with my eyes. Like I said, it's one of those universal signals. Is it just my imagination, or did his already firming erection just pulse and get bigger?...

“If you don't mind, I kind of wanted to try this...I don't know if I'll be any good at it” I try not to get his hopes up too much.

“Sure” Sei says breathlessly, like he meant for that to come out casually but hormones got in the way. Now comes the real test. I scoot forward as much as I can, and Sei runs his hands lightly over my arms. I wish I'd had some way to practice this beforehand. Since I've touched him before, that seems like a good way to start.

His erection is full and red, with a slight curve to it. I'm probably staring too much, but it's not something I can control at this point. After stroking him a couple times, I lean down and press a kiss against the end of it. Sei lets out a breath that has more than a little gasp in it. I'm very encouraged by that.

Suddenly it hits me that Sei doesn't have any experience either, for all his boldness. He'd have no idea if I'm doing it right or not, since I'm his first boyfriend too... That thought gives me the nerve to close my lips around him.

I'm not expecting to be able to _taste_ things yet, but there's definitely a distinct difference between this and anything else I've ever had in my mouth. Should I keep stroking with my hand, or just use my mouth now? I move up and down over the tip of him, just kind of getting a feel for it.

Sei _whines_ above me.

I almost forgot he was here in the middle of my concentration, as silly as that sounds... When I look up at him, his face is flushed redder than I've ever seen it. His mouth is hanging open, but he licks his lips when I stop to glance at him. For me. This face, his panting breath, it's all for me.

I don't say anything, but I'm sure I look pleased with what I see. Ok, let's do this then.

I slide my lips back over him and try letting go with my hand. It kind of works while I'm going slow, but once I try actually sucking, I find I need the grip for stability. Besides, there's no way I'm actually getting the whole thing in my mouth, that much is apparent right away.

I had no idea what I was expecting, but it wasn't this. To feel almost close to choking, for there to be so much saliva... My jaw is starting to ache from holding my teeth back, and I'm not sure how much longer I can do this. The thing that keeps me going is hearing the noise Sei is making.

Every breath in is a hiss through clenched teeth. Each one out is a whining kind of moan I've not heard from him before. It sounds delicious and like he's feeling a pleasure I wouldn't want to stop, if it were me.

I try to shift my stance a little, because my knees are starting to hurt. I've gone so far now, I don't want to stop until he cums. It seems almost a point of pride. I mean, who can't make their boyfriend cum from a blow job?

“Makoto-”

I'm not sure what he was going to say after that, because suddenly my mouth, throat, everything is filled with Sei's cum. There's a saying about getting what you wish for, I think... I can't focus on the taste, just coughing and trying to get a breath around it. My body swallows automatically, trying to clear the obstruction.

I can feel my eyes watering as I wipe at my mouth. Shit, I'm such a screw up, I wish I could just sink right through the floorboards and disappear. And now I can't stop the tears as I'm still sputtering at Sei's feet. I try to turn away, but before I can mumble out a 'sorry', I feel Sei wrap his arms around me.

“Shit, I'm so sorry, Makoto. Please forgive me, _please_. I didn't even think, I'm so stupid” he says urgently in my ear.

“You? I'm the one who messed it up” I contradict him through my embarrassed crying. I lean my head on his arm, partially to shield any bit of my face he might be able to see.

“What? I'm the one who went off in your mouth, no warning. Shit, that was a pretty dick move to make, and I didn't even think... It was just so good, Makoto, fuck, I didn't even think about it until it had already happened. You didn't mess anything up” he consoles me, taking the blame for himself.

“It was good?...” I peep, feeling slightly less worthless as a boyfriend.

“It was fucking amazing” he assures me in a low tone, nudging my head with his own. None of the times I've been called amazing before ever meant half so much to me. Relief spreads through my shoulders and body, and I can tell Sei responds by relaxing right away too. He kisses my cheek and kind of shifts around to the floor beside me, instead of hanging half off the bed.

I have to look at him now, and when I do, he's grinning hopefully.

“I'd kiss you back, but I'm kind of a mess still” I explain softly. At least my tears have dried.

“No worries. I'd let you borrow my toothbrush, but that kind of defeats the point I think...” he scratches his cheek while thinking.

“Ugh. I think I've developed a habit of not thinking things through very well” I sigh in a sort of defeated frustration. When I stopped taking Haru's needs into all of my considerations, did I really just stop considering things altogether? Like, what would _I need_ in any given situation?

Sei looks a little unsure, slightly worried maybe, as he leans closer to me.

“Don't,... You wouldn't tell anyone else about this, right? I mean, not the guys or anything...” he asks, cupping my cheek. I wouldn't. Not in a million years. Is he kidding?

“No. Short of a firing squad, this is never leaving this room” I say like that should be obvious. I mean, I just choked on a load of my boyfriend's cum, I can't see how he'd think _I'd_ be repeating the story.

“Ok, good...” he licks his lips, and suddenly his proximity seems like more than just for comforting. I freeze, not wanting to break this moment somehow. Sei is leaning into me slowly, and our lips, they're just a few centimeters apart. He kisses me, me who just sucked him off and still has more than traces of his fluids left on my face. It's soft and hesitant, but then gets more passionate as he goes along.

There's no tongue involved, and I'm certainly not going to push him for it. It's hot though. It's supposed to be bad, right? Tasting yourself... I wonder if getting hard is an appropriate response to this situation as we tease each other's lips.

“Fuck, Sei...” I groan as he finally pulls away.

“This is the part in the porno where I offer to return the favor” he says with his eyes closed, forehead resting against my shoulder, “But I'll be honest, I'm not sure how much of yours I'll be able to get, uh, _in_...” He brings his head up quickly though, moving his hands to my sides. “I still want to try, don't get me wrong, I just...” he kind of shrugs his shoulders and looks away for a second.

I don't think I've ever heard Sei not be confident before.

“It's ok, Sei. It's, kind of, well, it's harder than it looks, I guess. I mean, I won't be offended or anything if it doesn't work.” Given what just happened with me, I'm willing to let him try if he wants to, but I'm not going to _expect_ anything.

“Ok, cool. We'll just, try it and see” he takes a deep breath, steeling himself for the task. He glances down at my crotch, and a more normal grin spreads over his face. “I guess you're ready to go, huh?”

“Uh, basically” I kind of laugh, because there's no denying it, even though I still have my pants on. Sei reaches for my zipper, and I remember how hard the floor got after a while.

“Let's move to the bed, just in case” I suggest. Sei nods, in perfect agreement with that, and we both get up to move. I didn't think at all this morning that I might be having _my_ dick sucked, or an attempt made at it, or whatever... But now that I think about it, as Sei is sliding off my jeans and boxers, maybe he feels like he _has_ to?

“Sei, you know, you don't _have_ to do this, I mean, just because I did... I didn't expect for you to...” I try to explain without actually using the words blow job.

“I don't _have_ to, but I kind of do, if I don't want to feel like an ass once you leave” he admits. I'm completely naked, laying on his bed beneath him, and it hits me then that he's still completely naked too. He takes a hold of me as he leans over, giving me a firm stroke that stills any more argument.

“Ok...” I sigh as he kisses my neck. I... I feel vulnerable like this, more than I would have thought, but it's beyond me to back out now. Sei kisses his way down my neck, and then down my chest as my eyes widen. What is he doing? He's supposed to be kissing my-

“Fuck” I hear myself moan as he sucks on my nipple. It's a fleeting sensation; his grin keeps him from being able to keep the proper suction.

“You really like that, don't you?” Sei seems very pleased with the conclusion he's drawn. He's still stroking me the entire time too.

“I'll cum before you even get down there” I tell the ceiling, refusing to look him in the eye while he's making such conjectures about my body.

“Sorry babe” he murmurs, almost a whisper, as he finally moves down the rest of the way. I get a couple kisses over my abs on the way down, but I can handle that.

I cannot handle the velvety heat that is Sei's mouth. The room is too hot. My body is too hot, I just can't...

“Sei, _Sei_ ” I say in an extremely desperate tone. Even after he takes his mouth away, my hips want to thrust up into his hand.

“Are you ok?” he asks, because really, it's been like 30 seconds I think, and I'm ready to blow.

“Yeah, but I wanted to warn you...” my body is squirming, because he's not giving enough friction with his distracted touch to finish me off. Sei's eyes look me over, as if taking in what he's truly seeing for the first time. I blush to think what I must look like to him, but it doesn't take the edge off. His grip gets firmer over my throbbing erection, and I moan way too loudly.

Dangerous.

That's the look in his eyes. This is a gold that _burns_ ; so hot it consumes. If I touch it, I'll never be the same again afterward. I'll be left with a mark from the heat, and a piece of me will be left behind too.

“Please, Sei” I beg. I want it. I want the orgasm, I want him, I want to see what dipping my finger in that molten gold is like.

I think my pleading startled him, because the look gets muted with a little shock. It doesn't leave completely though, and he looks down at my erection with renewed interest. Oh, fuck yes... His mouth slides over the end of me again. Warm, wet bliss moves one, two, three times up and down me, and I'm lost. My orgasm hits hard, almost surprisingly so for having been delayed a bit.

I'm pretty sure when I first started to go, I was still in Sei's mouth, but he's handling it much better than I did. He strokes me as I swear, watching intently as the rest of my cum falls over my stomach. I've lost all ability to move or function on any more than a primal level. As I lay spent, Sei crawls over me, that edge coming back into his gaze as he speaks.

“You were so loud...” he says, like he's claiming it as a badge of honor. I'm mortified by the idea that anyone would have heard me, but it's secondary to the realization I have at that moment.

This man is going to be the one to take my virginity.

Not today, maybe not for a while...but he'll ask, and I'll give it to him. I can see the ownership in his eyes already. Should I find it this thrilling? I don't know, and I don't care.

“And whose fault is that?” I ask, pulling him down by the back of the neck.

I kiss him, long and hard, and both of us are breathless and panting again by the time we break it.

“Well, I guess me letting you use my toothbrush is a moot point now” he sighs in my ear.

“Oh, shit, I forgot, I'm so sorry!” I groan and smack myself in the forehead.

“It's ok, don't worry about it” Sei grins and shrugs it off. “Hey, maybe if you get dressed and go across the hall, Matsuoka will let you borrow his” he can't even keep a straight face through the entire thing though.

“Oh god, that's so evil” I smack him on the arm, but there's no strength in it.

“I'm just kidding, you know that” he's still chuckling at his own joke.

“Yeah, I know... It's still evil though.”

 

Sei and I have been together for five weeks before I get called on being a hypocrite. Well, Nagisa doesn't say it like that, but he does accuse me of not spending time with them anymore. I was all depressed and feeling sorry for myself when they all got boyfriends, and then I go and do the same thing to them myself...

“I'm really sorry, Nagisa, I didn't mean to do that to you guys, I swear.”

“You need to come hang out with us this weekend! I even asked Haru-chan how you were doing the other day, and he had no idea!” Nagisa pouts.

“Nagisa, we do go to the same school, we eat lunch together and swim together everyday. You could have just asked _me_ how I was doing...” I point out, just for clarification.

“I know, but Mako-chan always just says 'good'. Besides, there's a new store opening in the mall, and I already made Rin-chan and Haru-chan promise to come with us!” he exclaims earnestly.

“Well...” I already have plans with Sei of course, but, maybe we could modify them a bit... “Would it be ok if I bring Sei with me too?...”

“Of course, Mako-chan! We'll meet you guys tomorrow by the north entrance at noon. This is going to be so fun!” Nagisa accepts immediately. I think I may have just got played... I would kind of like to hang out with everyone together though.

“Nagisa, that entrance has the fountain” I point out.

“Yep! That's the one! See you then!” he says excitedly, and then hangs up. He's probably got to call Rei and let him know his plan to guilt me into a triple date worked. I sigh into the dead air of my phone. I hit redial for the last person I called, to let him know about the slight change.

“Hey, Sei?...”

 


	4. Chapter 4

I think Rin has been purposefully hanging out with Haru more at his house than at Samezuka, because we hardly ever see them on campus. The morning of our big group date thing, Sei and I go for a longer run than normal. We need to make up for no swim this afternoon, after all. I now carry everything I would need for getting ready around with me in my duffel bag. Including a toothbrush.

We hop a train over to the mall near Iwatobi, and are the second couple to arrive, even though we're early. I would have thought Rei and Nagisa would be here first, based on his enthusiasm. They're not though. I'm equally startled that Rin and Haru showed up this early to a place where Rin would have to be constantly on his guard...

When we get closer though, I can see they're both sitting on the edge of the fountain calmly. Haru has his hand dipped down into it, swirling against the ripples of the falling water. It looks like he's starting to get a bit mesmerized by it, when Rin leans in and kisses him. It works, and Haru blushes a bit, but isn't leaning quite so far out over the water anymore.

“Huh, I guess they're working it out” I comment with a smile before we get close enough for them to hear us.

“Yeah, they look pretty content” Sei squeezes my hand. We've been holding each other's as we walk, which is pretty standard for us now. I don't think of him as being _nervous_ per se, but I know he does want this to go well. The guys at Samezuka that he hangs out with have accepted me pretty thoroughly. Sharing my mom's cinnamon coffee cake with them definitely helped get me in the door there. We've not really been around my friends in a situation like this before though...

I think Rin is going to be the biggest challenge, because of the gap between friend and _captain_ that they've already established. Hopefully we can all be relaxed and have a good time regardless.

When Rin notices us approaching, he gives us a nod of acknowledgment.

“Hey Rin, Haru” I smile.

“Hey guys” Sei adds as well. I notice he leaves off addressing them by their names. Probably because they're still 'Nanase' and 'Matsuoka' to him, but that would make things sound awkward.

“Hey” Haru replies, not wasting words, as usual.

There's a pause to the moment that threatens to turn awkward all of it's own, when Rin speaks up.

“So, what time did Nagisa tell you guys to be here?” he asks, checking his phone.

“Um, he told me at noon... Why?”

Rin sighs and puts his phone away.

“He told us 11:30, and I was thinking it was really weird for you to be late” Rin nods in Sei's direction.

“Yeah, no, we were told noon” Sei confirms, shrugging his shoulders.

“Here he comes” Haru makes a nodding motion.

“Mako-chan! Sei-chan!” Nagisa is waving wildly, using his arm through Rei's to boost himself into being taller.

“Hey, what the hell, Nagisa?” Rin calls out to him, pulling Haru up with him from the edge of the fountain.

“Oh, Rin-chan and Haru-chan are already here too? See, I told you it would work, Rei-chan” Nagisa gloats.

“What would work?” Sei takes the bait most of us have learned to let lay.

“Well, Haru-chan is notoriously hard to get out of his bathtub, so I told them to be here earlier, so that when they were late, they'd be right on time” Nagisa winks like we should all be applauding his genius.

“Except we've been waiting around here for the last 20 minutes for you, idiot” Rin barks, frowning at him.

“Oh? So you _were_ late then?” Nagisa smiles sweetly back.

“That's not the point” Rin sputters, “I know how to get Haru out of the bath when I need to.”

“He's right, Nagisa-kun, Haruka-senpai's tardiness is statistically much lower now” Rei chimes in. I know he's trying to defend them, but I'm quickly becoming uncomfortable with the direction of this conversation...

“Hmm, Rin-chan must be better at enticing Haru-chan out of the water than Mako-chan was” Nagisa giggles.

This is the second time in my life I've seriously considered kicking him.

“Well, Rin has a much greater _variety of methods_ at his disposal than I did” I shoot back with clenched teeth. I try to imply it wasn't anything to do with me actually having _enticed_ Haru, like Nagisa suggested. I mean, Sei is standing right here, and they have to talk about old stuff like this? I'm trying to think of a way to casually point out that Haru always wears his swim suit in the tub, when I feel Sei's thumb rub over the back of my hand.

“Don't be dumb, Nagisa, Makoto never kissed m-” Haru actually seems right on the pulse of the conversation, but Rin's hand is over his mouth before he can finish defending our old, slightly weird ways.

“Ok, I think the 'too much information' section of our outing is officially coming to an end, _Nagisa_ ” Rin says forcefully to the snickering blonde.

“Nagisa-kun, you promised to be on your best behavior” Rei scolds him.

“But Rei-chan, this is my best behavior” Nagisa bats his eyes at his blue haired boyfriend a few times. Rei's scowl softens and I'm not sure if it's in forgiveness or defeat. He keeps looking at Nagisa intently though, not breaking the gaze. After a moment, a bit of Nagisa's too-innocent facade seems to chip away.

“Ah, well, I just wanted to see how Sei-chan would react, that's all...” he says, almost in a pout. “Sorry, Sei-chan... Just so you know, Haru-chan hasn't taken a bath without his swimsuit on in like three years” he adds cheerfully. Every one of us except for Sei and Haru himself mutter a “True...” under our breaths at the same time.

Haru frowns, and blushes slightly.

“It hasn't been a full three years yet” he says, like we're accusing a 29 year old of being 30 the day _before_ their birthday. I can't help it. I normally don't laugh at Haru, but, it's just too funny. All of us kind of chuckle, or laugh out right, and thankfully Haru doesn't look upset. Even Sei cracks a smile, shaking his head in disbelief...probably at how weird my friends are...

“So, did I pass the test?” he gives Nagisa a steady look after the laughter dies down. There's a smile on his face, so I'm relieved.

“We'll see...” Nagisa answers, his eyes glinting with some secret knowledge.

What the hell have I gotten us into by agreeing to this.

“Ok. I guess we will” Sei says confidently, not backing down from the hint of challenge. This...this could be bad. Sei _is_ competitive, and Nagisa was born without the ability to _stop_.

“Uh, come on you guys, this is just supposed to be a fun afternoon...” I remind them. Why on earth did Nagisa have to take it upon himself to vet Sei's presence in the group?

“It will be, it will be, Mako-chan, don't worry. I have a lot of super fun stuff planned for us to do!” Nagisa's eyes are lit with the prospect of unbridled fun now. “To the arcade!” he lifts an arm in the air as if leading a charge.

It's a good choice, because every guy I've ever met likes video games. We all get to drift from machine to machine in the dim lighting as couples at first, which makes me suspicious. Nagisa convinces us all somehow to take turns on an old DDR setup though, so my fears are allayed for a little while. How bad could it be?

I forgot Rin and Haru were here, that's how bad it could be.

Rei and I have both gone, doing fairly well I guess, and then it's Haru's turn. He looks mildly disgusted with the console, but still gets on the platform. When Rin sees his score at the end, he scoffs, deciding without Nagisa's prompting that it's his turn now. As Rin beats his showing, I see that hard set of competition seep into Haru's eyes. To his credit, he lets Sei and Nagisa both have their turns before demanding another.

“I didn't know he liked to dance...” Sei comments, not having done particularly well himself.

“Ah, I have discovered after careful analysis that the medium is of no relevance when it comes to Rin-chan and Haruka-senpai trying to outperform each other” Rei informs him.

Surprise surprise, it's our little blonde haired instigator who actually achieved the best score. He blames it on having a bunch of older sisters, but not very humbly. I have a sister, but she's much younger. Rei only has the one brother, and Haru no siblings at all. Sei told me once he has an older brother, but there's an even bigger gap between them than the twins and I. Rin, even though he has a sister close to his age, has extenuating circumstances.

Neither Rin or Haru are coming anywhere close to Nagisa's score, but they keep going at it.

I kind of sigh to myself, because we could be here for a while, and Nagisa should have known better.

“Hey...” Sei is pulling gently on my sleeve, and hitches his head to the side in a 'follow me' gesture. I look back to the guys for a second, but they're all focused on the competition. It hasn't gone on quite long enough yet to get boring... I follow him, and he grins, giving me a wink.

Against the wall on the side of the arcade, not too far from where we were, there's a photo booth. The kind couples get in and take silly pictures, then pay way too much for the little strip of four shots.

“You ever been in one of these?” Sei asks me, quite pleased with his find.

“I guess I knew it was here, I mean, I've been to this arcade before... But no, I've never gone in one...” I feel nervous for some reason, like, what if I mess it up and the pictures are hideous?

“Me neither, come on, let's try it” he says, holding the curtain back for me.

“Ok” I slide onto the bench, trying to scrunch over as much as possible. These things are designed to make you have to sit close, but for two huge guys like us, there's a real possibility we won't even _fit_... Sei pays the machine and scoots in next to me, but it's obvious there's just _no_ space for both our shoulders. He's still halfway outside the booth, with the curtain slung hastily over him.

“Here, sideways” Sei thinks fast, pulling me into position. I'm going to thank him, but suddenly I'm pressed against the wall and we're kissing. I'm too shocked, too out of my element to think about anything but kissing him back. His hand goes in my hair, and a few moments later his tongue slides down my throat. I whimper, forgetting where we are, and he pulls back just a fraction to whisper, “Shhh”.

That's the moment I notice the vague clicking sound, with our foreheads pressed together and eyes locked in shared secrecy. I swallow hard, waiting for him to either move again, or the next photo to fire off. He grins and kind of straightens. No more clicking sounds happen.

“Was that the last one?!”

“We can go for another round, if you want” he practically purrs.

“Oi, here they are!” Nagisa says from entirely too close. Sei is still halfway out of the photo booth even in our adjusted position, and our voices were probably heard too. Sei looks a tad disappointed that we aren't going to get another set, but I have more important considerations on my mind.

“The pictures!” I whisper urgently to him, my eyes wide with the possibility of Nagisa getting a hold of them first. Sei is a smart guy. I see the mental leap he makes between what he's seen of Nagisa today, and the look on my face. He rushes to stand up out of the booth, and I hold my breath for a second.

“Aww, let us see, Sei-chan!” Nagisa sounds disappointed, but it's sweet music to my ears. Letting out a sigh of relief, I push back the curtain and get out in time to see Sei giving him a _look_. That look has sent numerous first years scurrying, but it bounces off of Nagisa's pout like jello hitting a window. Don't ask me how I know what that looks like. This is Nagisa we're dealing with after all.

Rei, Rin, and Haru are all on their way over too. Either someone ended things decisively in the game, or the lack of our presence was enough to pull them away...

Sei has already whipped out his wallet and tucked the double strips away securely before they get here, a wise move if I may say so. Nagisa has been known to be lightning quick when he wants to. I forgot Sei can be pretty fast too. He pulls me into his arms and kisses me quickly, but lets go just as fast.

“There, you've seen” he winks at Nagisa. I look around with wide eyes to make sure no one else saw that, and it looks like we've gotten away with it. Nagisa looks almost as shocked as I do, like he's seeing Sei in a whole new light. Not that I think he really cared about getting to see us kiss. I think the fact that Sei had no problem going that far to head off the situation surprised him.

In reality, it's not the kissing in those photos that I don't want seen. It's the intimacy passing between us in that last one...

“Rei-chan! Come take a picture with me!” Nagisa snaps back to his normal self a second later. I want to hope that _it_ will be over now after this, but I can't be sure. After a few rounds of photos, because apparently now it's _cool_ , we leave the arcade. We're all ready to eat, and we manage to find a place with enough variety to please everyone. It is the mall after all.

Sei and I automatically move to sit across from each other, our legs invading each other's space nicely under the table.

“You're not going to sit next to Mako-chan, Sei-chan?” Nagisa sounds scandalized at the thought. Everyone else is sitting _next to_ their respective partner, but Sei doesn't flinch.

“Nope. We're good like this” he says, giving me a knowing smile. I blush, and start eating to keep from having to comment on _why_.

“Jeez, leave him alone already, Nagisa” Rin rolls his eyes. Neither Sei or Rin look directly at each other, but I think the comment meant a lot between them. It's odd to me to realize, that their power dynamic is kind of reversed here. Rin is the one on the inside, and Sei the new guy trying to carve out a spot for himself. Thank god Rin's not exploiting it like Nagisa is trying to.

After lunch is over, we all walk around for a while, looking at the different stores. We stop to check out the new music first, and then shoe offerings in the athletic store after. At the majority's urging, we wander around in the pet store for a little bit too. Haru stands in the middle of the fish isle with glazed eyes while Nagisa tries to convince Rei to buy him an iguana. They have a batch of kittens that Sei and I play with for at least half an hour.

“Oh, good thinking Sei-chan... Maybe Mako-chan will get his favorite with a bow wrapped around it for his birthday” Nagisa winks when he comes by the kitten section.

“Nagisa, don't say things like that, that would be too much” I blush, pulling off a kitten that's trying to climb my arm.

“So...is it coming up soon then?” Sei asks, looking just the tiniest bit worried.

“Ah, it's in a couple weeks” I tell him, realizing we haven't really talked about anything like that.

“And a special one too, 17 on the 17th!” Nagisa proclaims, “I can't tell you what we're planning in the birthday boy's presence though” he grins conspiratorially.

“So, you're still 16 then?” Sei seems a little more serious than normal, and suddenly I wonder if age is a big deal to him...

“For a couple more weeks, yeah” I reply tentatively.

“It's just, you seem a lot more mature... I figured you were already 17... I guess a couple weeks or months don't really make too much difference though” Sei seems to come to a decision about it quickly.

“Thanks... So, how old are you exactly? When's your birthday?” I ask, finding I need to know now too. I already figured he was 18, but I want to be sure since we've had this confusion.

“Well, it's at the beginning of the year, January 9th. So I've been 18 for a while now...”

“Cool” I file that date away, noticing that makes us kind of almost _two_ years apart.

“Oh, so Rin-chan's not the oldest anymore?” Nagisa chortles, “It used to be him, then Haru-chan, then Mako-chan, then _me_ , and then Rei-chan – he's the baby.”

“Nagisa, that's rude, don't be mean” I chide him.

“That's our responsible Mako-chan, he's the group mom, always making sure we have our jackets and don't walk on tall ledges and insult people and stuff” Nagisa babbles. I'm sure it serves a purpose in his mind, but I consider it babbling. Especially when he's comparing me to a mom. I sigh and put the last kitten down.

“So, didn't you say something about wanting to check out a new store that just opened?” I change topics without bothering to try and cover it up.

“Nagisa-kun!” Rei is on his way toward us, “I already told you we are _not_ going in there” he practically hisses, having heard the end of our conversation. Now that gets my attention. What kind of store would Rei not want to go into? It's not like he's a scaredy cat like I am... Nagisa's eyes glint, ready to do battle, but in his own way of course.

“We don't have to buy anything, Rei-chan, we can just look around” he coos.

“Buy anything where?” Rin interjects, towing Haru with him. “We're ready to go anyway, Haru's communed with all the fish now” he tosses a teasing jab at his boyfriend. Haru's lips form a thin line.

“Not with the fish” he says, like Rin implied something silly.

“I know, babe, I was just joking” Rin takes it back, pecking Haru on the cheek. They seem to be getting a bit lovey dovey for the middle of the pet shop...

“Maybe we should all just get going” I suggest. I wouldn't mind having the few hours left in the afternoon to be alone with Sei. Rin and Haru shrug, while Nagisa looks defeated. We all head out of the pet shop without having purchased anything.

“Since we came in the north entrance, we should go out the south” Nagisa proclaims, starting to drag Rei in that direction. The rest of us are starting to follow, when suddenly Rei stiffens and stops in his tracks. Nagisa's continued efforts to pull on him are fruitless. I guess that shows the degree to which Rei really is going along with him most of the time.

“Why do you want us to leave out that entrance, Nagisa-kun?” he questions.

“Um, no reason!” Nagisa answers, smiling sweetly.

“Ha! That is the location of the new store, isn't it?” Rei adjusts his glasses in triumph, “To the east entrance!” he declares, for once dragging the blonde behind him. I have to admit I'm more than a little curious now, what it is he's trying to avoid. We all get to find out a few minutes later when we go around the corner towards the eastern wing of the mall. Signs proclaiming “Grand Opening!” and “20% off!” practically smack us in the face.

Rei looks pale, and releases his boyfriend's arm as his head slumps in defeat.

“Aw, cheer up Rei-chan, you tried your best” Nagisa pats him on the shoulder.

“I tried to tell him that no one else would necessarily be interested in soliciting a store like this, but he wouldn't listen. Please do not take it as a reflection upon myself, Mikoshiba-senpai, Nagisa-kun is sometimes loathe to listen to logic” Rei says abashedly.

“Yeah, I can see that, don't worry about it” Sei says with surprising aplomb, eyeing the display.

We're standing in front of a sex shop.

“Nagisa, you aren't even old enough to go in there” Rin points out, frowning, clearly finding the entire thing ridiculous.

“No, but Sei-chan is...” Nagisa grins. Rin is right, Nagisa is, and always will be, such a little shit. He probably planned this from the very beginning.

“If he wants to be let in on our super secret plans for Mako-chan's birthday, he'll go in.”

Rei looks like he's about to pass out. I may join him.

“Y-You can't just _blackmail_ people into buying those things!” Rei is so pale I'm concerned, but I can't remember what muscles are used to speak.

“It's not about that, I can _get_ condoms” Nagisa informs us, sending another wave of general shock through everyone. Everyone but Sei. He and Nagisa are locked eye to eye, staring each other down. This is a _test_ , and I'm afraid it's about me, but I have no power to interrupt them. I'm frozen, and I may never move from this spot again, ever, for the rest of my life.

“Tch, what do you want then?” Sei uncrosses his arms and gives in, shaking his head. The victory in Nagisa's smile looks like he was just granted immortality or something.

“Those special condoms that glow in the dark, lube, and a cock ring” the petite blonde recites like a grocery list. Sei raises and eyebrow, and I hear Rin choking on something off to the side somewhere.

“You better not be expecting me to pay for all that” Sei tells him.

That's his problem with the list?!?...

“Of course not” Nagisa pulls out a good deal of yen and hands them over to Sei with a wink.

“Can you get in trouble for that?” Haru has his head tilted to the side, brows slightly furrowed, completely unconcerned for Rin's breathing problems.

“Eh?” Nagisa frowns, probably not having expected _Haru_ to intervene.

“Like with alcohol, if you buy it for someone who's not legal” he elaborates in a deadpan tone. Sei scratches his cheek and then shrugs his shoulders. No one else has any idea either.

“You already agreed” Nagisa points out, not willing to back down for a trifle like _possibly_ breaking the law. Sei takes a deep breath and then nods, but walks over to _me_ instead of the door to the store.

“Hey, if I don't make it back, I want you to have this to remember me by” he grins, pulling out the film strips from earlier. I blink at him and a blush creeps up my face. It's about as much as I can muster right now. He seems to find my catatonic state cute, and kisses me lightly, smiling the whole time. Sei takes my wallet out of my pocket to secure them for me, and I manage to rest my head on his shoulder.

“You don't have to go...” I somehow get a few words past my lips, but that's it. 'Buy sex supplies for my demon shota friend' is what I would follow it up with if I could.

Sei is quiet for a moment, but I think he knows what I mean.

“Yeah, I know... But you know me, I can't resist getting to know about the 'super secret' plans” he teases. His voice sounds too warm near my ear, and makes me blush harder. One more quick peck and he's off, walking into the store like it's nothing. I can't imagine being that confident in a year from now when I'm 18. I can't picture myself being that calm and cool about walking into a sex shop at _any_ age.

Nagisa is practically beside himself, incredibly proud of his skill in accomplishing all this. He's trying to look in the windows to track Sei's progress through the store. I realize at that moment I haven't even actually seen the pictures from the photo booth yet. We've been keeping them hidden from prying eyes.

The eyes that do all the prying around here are well occupied right now...

I pull out my wallet, the disbelief of the situation wearing off some now that Sei's actually gone in. There's nothing I can do about it now, so of course the ability to move returns. I want to see what we looked like, kissing like that. I want to see my incredible, confident boyfriend staring into my eyes possessively.

The strip of photos is tucked in next to the condom my dad gave me.

I close my wallet again, still not having seen them, my hands starting to shake. Wasn't there something you were supposed to do when you feel light headed? I put my wallet back in my pocket and sit down, on the ground, right where I am. Crap, I do not want to be known as the high school kid who passed out in front of a sex shop.

“Hey, you ok?” Rin and Haru are both concerned, which just adds to my embarrassment. Maybe the blush helps counteract the desire to pass out though? I'm able to retain consciousness, but when Sei comes back out, I almost wish I hadn't.

When he sees me sitting there on the floor, his grin is a mile wide. He tosses Nagisa a 'discreet' black bag, and then comes to my side. Rin and Haru give him some space, and he squats down, resting his hand on my knee.

“How you doing?” he asks, clearly amused. I can't be truthful with him, so I lie with my lips, and apologize with my eyes.

“I'm fine.”

“You think you can make it back to the train station?” he asks. I kind of wonder what he'd do if I said no...

“Yeah, I think so.”

He takes my hand and slowly pulls me up to my feet, steadying me for a moment. I know it's just because he's afraid standing will be too much, but the hand on my back suddenly feels more intimate than that. How am I going to explain this to him? He'll ask for his set of the pictures back, I just know it.

“We're going to take off too” Rin says, putting his arm through Haru's, “Enjoy your spoils, shota freak.”

“Oi, don't be so mean, Rin-Rin. Now we know Sei-chan would chose Mako-chan over the embarrassment of buying a cock ring!” he says like it was a worthy quest.

“Your life is not a game, Nagisa-kun” Rei turns to him in disbelief.

“But it's more fun if you play it like it is, Rei-chan” he counters wisely. Rei is dumbfounded.

“Hey, give me your number before we go” Sei tells Nagisa, pulling out his phone.

I raise an eyebrow, as does Nagisa.

“You still owe me some super secret plans, remember? And if there really aren't any, you better make some, real quick” Sei informs him. That commanding tone is like honey poured over steel. It sounds sweet, but even Nagisa can tell by it, Sei isn't a guy you break a contract with.

“Wow, what a catch you've got, Mako-chan! Don't worry, I'll make sure this is the best birthday ever!” Nagisa presses his fist over his chest, looking delighted to have been given basically free reign over planning it.

 

“You know, I consider myself a pretty observant guy, but I've lost track of how many times he pulled one over on me today” Sei comments as the four of us walk through the parking lot.

“Don't try, it'll just depress you” Rin gives a huffing sort of snort. We all agree and chuckle from personal experience. It seems Haru is coming with Rin too for now, because we all get on the train back to Samezuka together. It makes me wonder if they really did stay away due to some misplaced tension... Hopefully some of that got resolved today, by us all hanging out.

I will think about their relationship in as much depth as possible to keep from having to think about mine right now. I can imagine what Sei might be thinking, having found that condom. I mean, I know what I would be... The thing is, I don't want to make it seem like I _don't_ want to have sex. I just need to explain that it getting put in there was not my doing. Or at least, not based on some desire I'm hiding from him.

Except, I did pretty much admit to myself already that I _will_ be having sex with Sei, eventually. So, does that mean 'I want it'?... When we reach the campus, I'm still at just as much of a loss for how to address this. Since Rin lives across the hall, they're literally with us right up until the doors close.

Once we're alone, Sei smiles at me. He knows. I know he knows. He can tell, I'm sure, from the way my face lights on fire, that I know he knows.

“Sei...um...it's not...”

“It's not?” he asks, but I can see he's teasing me.

“Ughh, my _dad_ bought them for me, you know, the whole 'talk' thing” I blurt out, shoving his shoulder.

“Makoto, it's ok, I kind of figured afterward it must be that sort of situation. I mean, I was certainly surprised to see something like that in _your_ wallet, but I understand it doesn't  mean... _that_ ” Sei assures me, and I'm kind of glad to see he can't quite bring himself to say the word 'sex' either. I relax a bit, letting him wrap his arms around me.

“Ok” I whisper, my emotions thin and tired after their overuse today.

“But just so you know, I did buy us some lube today, since I was in the store... For later” he winks.

Everything goes kind of splotchy, and then dark.

When I open my eyes again, Sei, Rin, Haru, Nitori, and one of Sei's neighbors whose name I can't remember are all kneeling around me, looking concerned. Shit.

“Hey, he's coming out of it.”

“Are you ok, Makoto?”

“Don't try and sit up yet, give it a bit.”

That last voice is Sei's, and I'm assuming the person holding my hand is him. Apparently no one has explained why I'm feeling lightheaded today to Nitori, and I'm grateful. It also seems that Sei was less than forthcoming about why I _actually_ passed out with Rin and Haru too, but I don't blame him. At least it wasn't in the mall...

“I'm ok guys, really” I almost beg them to believe me, mostly so they'll go away.

“Alright, alright, he doesn't need an audience” Rin stands up and loudly starts herding everyone out, “You guys are sucking up all the oxygen anyway.”

Haru gives him a look like he's full of it, and everyone knows it, but he doesn't say anything to counter Rin. He looks at me instead, ready to accept any silent signal that I'm _not_ alright... I _am_ of course, but I appreciate the gesture. Getting his answer, Haru goes ahead and stands too, following Rin to the door and out after that.

“Your friends are all insane, you know that?” Sei says quietly after we're alone again.

“Yeah, I know... Why, what happened when I was out?” I ask, already mentally wincing.

“Well, let's just say that if I do anything 'stupid', I'm going to get my face bitten off...” Sei doesn't look upset about the threat though, more like contemplative.

“Oh god, I can't believe Rin said that” I cover my eyes with my hand for a second.

“It wasn't Rin” Sei says softly, “Well, I guess he'd still be the one doing the biting, but it was Haru who told me he'd have Rin do it.”

I just blink at him a few times, my mouth hanging slightly open.

“I'm so sorry, Sei”

“Nah, it's ok. I mean, it was kind of a questionable situation, you know, the circumstances. I'd have been a little suspicious too” Sei admits. I sit up and kiss him. He doesn't seem like he expected that, but it's a pleasant kiss nonetheless.

“I guess you'll just have to play it smart then” I whisper, referencing the 'do anything stupid' comment that was apparently made.

“Don't I always?” Sei replies, a grin spreading over his face.

“Well, you did basically give Nagisa permission to do whatever he wanted for my birthday...”

“That was not my finest moment, I'll admit” he sighs.

“At least we can count on it being male, if there's a stripper” I sigh with him in resignation.

“No one else is stripping for my boyfriend on his birthday” Sei says with that possessive light in his eyes again.

“No one _else_?”

“You know what I mean” he blushes, but the look in his eyes doesn't change.

“I don't think Nagisa would _really_ do _that_ , it'll be ok” I tell him.

“I'm not so sure after today” Sei replies.

“Well, I _have_ gotten sucked into quite a few of his schemes over the years” I joke to lighten things a little.

“You know, you don't have to” Sei says quietly, “I know the stuff like today isn't that big a deal... If it was something as bad as an actual stripper though, when you didn't want one, you don't have to just sit there. You can get up and walk away” he says seriously.

“I guess so” I feel kind of awkward having this conversation, and not because of the stripper element.

“I mean it, Makoto. You don't have to let yourself be put through something like that. It's ok to be selfish, every once in a while.”

“You didn't walk away today...”

“That's different, I really didn't mind. The clerk congratulated me when I told him which one of you guys outside was my boyfriend” Sei grins.

“I think I'm going to pass out again” I tell him, burying my head against the crook of his shoulder. “Did that really happen, or are you just teasing me?”

Sei rubs my back and chuckles a little.

“Hey, you're not the only one who landed a good catch, Makoto.”

 

When my birthday rolls around, there's no stripper, thankfully. The card Nagisa gets me does make a naked man pop out of the top of a cake as you open it though. The games seem more like they're for a bachelorette party than a birthday. I draw the line at us trying to see who can put a condom on a banana with their mouth in the quickest time.

I told Sei beforehand, and he was ok with him and Haru both being invited to my 'family' party. I'm kind of afraid Sei is feeling less threatened by him because of Haru's strangeness, rather than them becoming friends. I've always included Haru in our family events though, he'll always be a part of them.

Sei gave me his present when we were alone before either of the parties, not that it was anything obscene. I mean, _things_ did happen afterward, but that wasn't the present. He gave me a beautifully bound copy of Ueda Akinari's  "Tales of Spring Rain", and I'm afraid to ask how much this cost him, but I _love_ it.

I'm already thinking about what I can get him for his birthday. The thing is, by next year, he'll be in college. I'll give it to him a little early if I have to, at New Years maybe... That's a time for family though, and won't Sei be with his then? He only sees them a few times a year, from what he told me before. I guess I'll have to give it to him before school gets out then, whatever it is I decide on getting.

 

The time until he leaves me seems to be flowing by inexorably fast. It wouldn't slow down if I asked it. Christmas will be here in less than a month now. After that, well, he'll be gone to see his family over the break for New Year's, and moving into the dorms at Tottori right away. No reason for him to come back to our area in between.

When we said Tottori wasn't _that_ far, it turns out we were both meaning for maybe a weekend visit. It's over an hour and a half away by train from Iwatobi, too far for a casual after school visit. I try my best to just soak in the time we have, and not think about how lonely it will feel afterward.

The only slightly bright spot is that my mom's cinnamon coffee cakes have secured us continued practices once Sei's gone. Or rather, the promise of a continued supply of them has. I guess Nakagawa is going into the family business, heating and air conditioning, after his studies are over. Therefore, he's not as concerned about his diet and calorie count as us 'serious' guys.

I'm thinking about how I've shaved another second off my times as I watch Sei piggyback the twins around the living room. It's little consolation though. We've been over at my house for the day, switching between carrying and chasing my siblings. My mother calls them to wash up for dinner, and we have a moment to catch our breaths.

“So, Makoto... You're free on the 24th, right?” Sei asks me softly. Even though we're alone in the living room, there's only one '24th' he can mean, so I understand the desire for privacy. Christmas Eve. A time to spend romantic moments with your significant other. My parents usually go out to a fancy dinner while Haru and I watch the twins. It looks like they'll have to find a babysitter this year.

“Yeah, I'm free” I smile, feeling a lightness in my chest.

“And how about the 23rd, and the 25th?” he asks next, confusing me slightly.

“Uh, well, I'm pretty sure we don't have plans aside from dinner on Christmas... Why?”

“Because, I'm thinking of making an extra trip home this year, and I wanted to see if you could come with me” Sei doesn't flinch, doesn't look away at all while he asks to take me home to his parents. The lightness in my chest turns into a kind of tingling feeling, and I practically lunge at him. Wrapping my arms around him, I hug him tightly.

“I'd love to, Sei. I'll ask my parents, I'm sure they'll be ok with it.”

You don't put out that kind of effort for someone you don't plan on making a future effort to stay with. Sei hugs me back, stealing a kiss while we have the moment. His smile is almost relieved, as if he could have ever thought I'd say no.

Maybe it's the willingness of my parents to let me go that he's more worried about though. He certainly seems a little nervous when I blurt out my asking of permission in the kitchen a few minutes later. Was I not supposed to do it right now? I can't possibly wait to have an answer though.

It's a yes, but only after my parents share a look.

The twins want to know if they can come too, and are rather disappointed that they won't get to see Sei-chan's house. The funny thing is, the Mikoshiba's used to live in Iwatobi when Sei was younger, but moved to the big city for his dad's work. It's a shame they're not still closer, but we'll make the best of it.

My mom takes me shopping to make sure I have nice clothes that fit properly and all that for the trip. I'm incredibly grateful, because Sei and I are almost even now in the height department. Not that I care day to day, but my pants were starting to be noticeably short for a more formal event. Like meeting your boyfriend's parents.

We went to a larger city for the Regional's by ourselves, so the journey itself doesn't worry me. Making a good impression does though. I ask my mom what she thinks would be an appropriate gift for me to bring. This is much more than just stopping by after a date with their son. He's making a special trip so that they can meet me, and I them.

I cannot show up empty handed. I vacillate though, between picking out and packing something ahead of time, or purchasing it once we get into the city. Both options have pros and cons.

“We'll have time to stop and get a gift, won't we?” I ask Sei, leaning towards something fresh and not rumpled by travel. “When does the train get in exactly?”

We're laying on his bed in the dorms on a Thursday. There's only about a week left until our departure, and I'm getting more excited and nervous with each day. Sei smiles at me, amused at my fussing, and brings my hand to his mouth. He kisses the backs of my fingers gently.

“It'll be about 2:30, so yeah, we'll have time...” he pauses, “Listen, Makoto, there's something I wanted to talk to you about...” he says softly. There's no reason, alone in his room, for him to use that tone of voice. It sends a shot of worry piercing through me.

“Sure...about what?” I ask, my heart picking up speed already.

“It's about the trip...sort of...” he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

My mind is reeling.

He's backing out. That's the conclusion I immediately jump to.

“More like what's waiting once we go on the trip...” he pauses again, looking deep into my eyes.

I nod, laying bare just how much I care for him as well as I can.

“Remember how I said I had a girlfriend once, at the end of middle school, but we broke up when I came here?”

I do remember, but I'm as confused as I can possibly be by the quick change in topic.

“I remember...” I tell him, matching his soft tone almost fearfully.

“Well, we didn't really break up because of me being too far away. I brought her over to my house one day, and she couldn't handle my brother. She got kind of freaked out, and when she broke up with me, I wasn't upset” he says with a bit of an edge to his voice.

His brother? I thought he was a lot older than him...

“Why, what happened?” I ask tentatively, because it seems like he needs me to ask, to keep going.

“It's not that anything _happened_ , it's just... You know how you told me once that Haru almost drown in front of you? Well, Joji,... He _did_ drown, when he was three... He was clinically dead for almost two minutes... Then, his heart, it just started beating again. None of the doctors were ever able to explain it...” Sei _looks_ emotional, something that's extremely rare for him, and I'm taking this very seriously, letting him talk. I feel like _I_ want to cry just thinking about what his family must have gone through.

“The thing is, he has brain damage, and a lot of other things that go along with not developing properly because of that. He's not stupid though, not at all” Sei says passionately. I'm sure there's a back story to the force of his assertion, but I don't interrupt him.

“He does have some mental handicaps, my parents told me he'll basically be at a kind of young teen capacity for the rest of his life, so that's not _so_ bad, even though he's 34... But physically... Physically, he can't really talk, he doesn't have much control of his muscles. And his arms and legs...most people would call him deformed, because of the way they're bent up... But he's my brother, you know?” Sei seems teetering on the edge after describing it all, and I can tell he's giving an incredible amount of importance to my response.

It's so much to process, but makes so much of who Sei is fall into place for me... I'm not really sure what to say...

“So... What kind of stuff does he like? Should I bring something separate for him then?” I ask, wondering what would be appropriate.

“He'd like that-” Sei isn't able to get out any more than that, because he sobs, his face crumpling. We both move closer to each other automatically, and he cries on my shoulder. I rub his back, giving this moment my all. He confided in me, and I am going to do everything in my power to be here for him.

“I'm not ashamed of him, I'm not” Sei finally pulls back, wiping at his face, “It's just, he can tell. Like I said, he's aware, he knows when people are freaked out by him, when they're staring and don't want to be in the same room because it makes _them_ 'uncomfortable'. I hate putting him through that” Sei says vehemently. I nod in agreement, because it sounds terrible to be in that situation.

Then it clicks.

Sei's dad is a physical therapist. Sei is going into the same type of sports medicine field. Joji is never going to 'get better' or need less care over the years, from what he's telling me. Sei is letting me know before I even step foot on the train, that this is a package deal. I'm not going to meet his parents, that's not the test, Joji is.

“So, if he's not very mobile, he probably watches a lot of shows, huh? Does he have any favorites?” I ask, since the silence seems like there are still things left to be said in it. Sei didn't really get a chance to answer my full question from a moment ago anyway, because of the crying. Not that I hold it against him or anything.

“He likes Sailor Moon, Dragon Ball Z, you know, the classic stuff from when he was young” Sei smiles at me. He looks like he might be a little embarrassed that he cried, but is getting over it quickly.

“Hmm, cartoons and stuff? Does he only like the older ones, or does he watch new series too? The twins like them, so I know a few, but I usually played outside or with video ga-”

Sei kisses me before I can finish my thought, or sentence. It's passionate and lingering, making me forget exactly what I was saying.

“Anything Sailor Moon is a good bet” he says with a smile. There's a look in his eyes I don't think I've seen before, but I like it.

“Ok, I'll see what I can do” I assure him.

So it's decided. I will have 'something' Sailor Moon ready to go for the trip, and pick up a gift for his parents in the city that day. I also realize in that moment, I've been so focused on an item for his family, I almost forgot about one for Sei. We will still be spending Christmas Eve together after all, even if it's with his family too. I'm going to need one heck of a gift to convey just how much I care about him.

 

I ask Sei to come with me to shop for Joji, because he would know better than me what he already has. If he really likes the show, I'm assuming he already has all the episodes, so that rules that out. A lot of the things we come across in the stores are all toys. You have to be able to push a button or wave them around to play with them. Not good for a guy with his limitations, Sei points out.

Then I spot it, in a pile of plushies. It's the cat from the show, as a stuffed animal. I recognize it by the mark on it's forehead, though I can't remember it's name.

“How about this, Sei?” I hold it up hopefully. His face splits into a huge grin.

“Yeah, that'll be good.”

 

I pack, and repack, twice, on the day before we're leaving. My mom watches me flutter around nervously with a knowing smile. She's happy for me though. I told her about Joji. Not in as much detail as what Sei said to me, but she knows I'm nervous about getting along with him.

I don't wrap his present, just stick it in my duffel bag on the top.

I worry the whole train ride about it getting squished too much. Sei puts his arm over my shoulder in a kind of half hug.

“Hey, relax, he'll love it” he says in a quiet voice, just for us. I nod, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly.

“He'll like you too, don't worry” Sei adds. I turn and rest my head on his shoulder.

“I hope so...”

“Come on, name me one person who's ever _not_ liked you, Makoto” Sei jokes.

“...Rin did call me a jerk once...” I offer, but it's slightly teasing now.

“Wow, you want me to have a talk with him?” Sei offers, clearly meaning to set him straight. I chuckle, because we both know Rin has been a lot more caustic than that to other people. For the worst he's ever called me to be 'jerk', actually does say something...

“Nah, it's ok. It was a long time ago anyway”

I notice we're getting a few looks from other passengers on the train, but I couldn't care less right now.

We get a chance to walk around a bit and stretch our legs when we transfer to a different line part way through the journey. Then one more short jaunt of under an hour, and we're there. We pick up a pretty, square watermelon that seems in an appropriate price range on the way. My dad gave me the last minute funds for it, but I'm going to pay him back even though he said not too.

The Mikoshiba's live in a _nice_ suburb. Sei walks down the streets hand in hand with me, looking over to smile at me encouragingly every once in a while. When we get there, Sei doesn't ring his own doorbell. He uses his key to go right in, and I follow behind him into the unknown.

“Hey, we're here!” he calls out excitedly, and drops his bag by the door. I expected his father to be tall like him, but I'm surprised to find his mother is too. She must be the tallest woman I've ever met. Sei looks just like her. As soon as he's done with hugging them, I bow and present them the watermelon while Sei introduces us. He immediately turns to pull me out of the genkan and into the house proper after that.

The Mikoshiba's living room is about twice the size of a normal one, but I can tell why right away. Instead of a couple couches and maybe a TV, there's a queen sized bed set up against one wall. Joji makes a kind of gurgling yell, and I can tell right away it's excitement. Sei heads straight for him, hopping on beside him and hugging his brother. I feel a little misty eyed, watching their reunion.

“Hey bro, I missed you... There's someone I want you to meet” I hear Sei telling him as he sits up again. Joji is propped up at a slight incline, but not enough that he could fall over. Sei was right about his arms and legs, of course. He kind of looks like a baby bird that just hatched, only he's obviously just as tall as Sei and the rest of his family.

“This is Makoto, I told you about him, remember?” Sei says, sitting aside so his brother can see me. Joji makes a sort of noise in his throat that I'm not sure how to interpret. When I look in his eyes though, I can tell it's curiosity.

“It's good to finally meet you, Joji-san” I bow. Sei grins at me while Joji makes a slightly less forceful sound than before. Sei turns and shoves his brother's shoulder gently.

“Wow, don't be rude, bro, you could at least bow back... Man, mom's really let your manner slide, huh?” he teases. Joji laughs. It's kind of gurgled, but there's no mistaking it. It makes the last of my tension drain away to nothingness.

“I brought something for you too, Joji-san” I open up my bag and pull out the stuffed animal. As I bring it over to him, Joji is very still, his eyes wide.

“Yep, it's a Luna plushy” Sei tells him. Joji makes a cooing sound, and his eyes are sparkling with happiness. I don't know how anyone could ever think he wasn't intelligent. I come up close to him and kind of tuck the present between his arm and torso. Sei takes a hold of his other arm and moves it, helping him to pet the fur.

“Makoto loves cats too, he's one of those who secretly feeds all the strays in town” Sei grins and winks at Joji. I feel a hand on my shoulder, and it's Sei's mother.

“That was very thoughtful of you, Makoto, thank you” her smile is warm like my mom's.

“It's no problem. Sei told me Joji-san can't really have solid food, so I figured the watermelon wouldn't be of much use to him” I explain, blushing slightly. Sei's dad looks approving too, and we all sit down to get to know each other.

It doesn't occur to me until halfway through the conversation that his parents may not have known he was dating a guy for very long. I've been so concerned with making a good impression with Joji, that I just kind of assumed his family was already used to the idea. Not that they seem standoffish at all, but his dad does make a comment...

“Well, I'll admit, when Sei told us he was dating another man, I was afraid you would be, rather, flamboyant... You seem like a pretty normal kid though, Makoto” his dad claps my shoulder, and I no longer wonder where Sei got that habit from.

“Thank you, sir.”

 

The Mikoshiba's do not have a dinner table. I'm kind of blown away by that fact, though I don't let it show. It's awesome to me, that in their everyday lives, they just expect everyone to include Joji as they do. We all eat in the living room, with his parents taking turns feeding him. Sei explains that he's got a special kind of protein shake, but he can't always swallow on the first try. It takes a while to feed him because about half the time it just runs out the side of his mouth.

I can't even imagine the patience and caring his parents must have. Maybe I should be though. It's not incredibly visible, but there's some gray in his mom's hair. His dad is starting to bald, and looks like he went gray quite a while ago. With Joji being so much older than Sei, they must be in their late 50's. Sei told me once with a wink that he was a 'surprise' baby, but I guess I didn't put it all together like this before.

They aren't going to be able to care for Joji forever. There isn't a doubt in my mind that Sei will do his absolute best for his brother though. They're obviously very close, have a good bond. If something like that happened to me, I wonder if the twins would be willing to take care of me like that. It's uncomfortable to think about, but I think they would.

It's in between bites of rice on their sofa that I realize I never told Sei that I almost drown once too. Now's not the time though.

Apparently by the end of dinner, I've been deemed worthy of seeing the personal family photos. Joji's finished his shake, and been cleaned up already. Sei groans when he sees the album being pulled down off a shelf.

“ _Mom_ , really? Do you have to bring that out?” he grumbles, but it seems half-hearted.

“Hush dear, you were an adorable child” she chides him.

“Oh god, Joji, stop her!” Sei burrows himself next to his brother on the bed, much to Joji's gurgling amusement. He has a light blanket over him, and Sei grabs the edge of it. Pulling so it's covering his face, Sei groans again.

“Ugh, hide me under here with you!...” he starts to chuckle afterward though, and I'm beginning to think this routine might be a time honored tradition. Joji makes a couple sounds that are almost like distinct syllables, and Sei pokes his head out of the blanket.

“Yeah, bad mom!” he frowns at her, but there's that mischievous light in his eyes. Everyone is laughing, and in the Mikoshiba household, there's no holding back by any of them.

When I finally do get to see the pictures, I can see why Sei might have fussed over a few of them. It looks like he was one of those kids whose parents have trouble keeping his clothes on him. Growing up with Haru, I can appreciate the difficulty. There are official 'family' photos of course, with everyone around Joji's bed and dressed nicely.

In almost all the 'candid' ones though, Sei is either in only underwear or naked. Thankfully it looks like his mom knew how to be inventive with the camera angle to keep things decent. My favorite is one of him at four or five, wearing a pair of his father's boots that go up past his knees. His hair is a little too long, giving him a wild look as he stands proudly at the end of the driveway holding a tire iron. In his underwear. I can't help it, I have to chuckle at that.

Sei shoots me a look that says he hopes I'm having fun at his expense. There's no anger in it though, I think he's pleased this is all going so well. We'll be here for the night, and tomorrow's too, then go back home on Christmas day.

Sei's parents have planned an early, lunch time sort of Christmas dinner for us. Then we'll have another later with my parents when we get back to Iwatobi that evening. I feel kind of bad, almost like I'm taking Sei away from them to go back. He'll be here again soon for New Year's though, so I'm not feeling overly guilty.

The Mikoshiba's have _two_ guest rooms, so I get to have my pick of them. I choose the one that's brown with gold accents.

Sometime after midnight, Sei sneaks into my room. He lays down next to me and we just hold each other for a moment in the darkness.

“Thank you” he whispers.

“Sei... I love you...” I confess softly. His expression is muted, made fuzzy by the lack of light, but my eyes have adjusted enough to see that his widen.

“God, Makoto, don't tell me that here” he says, kissing me desperately. I think I know what he means though.

“Sorry, it just slipped out, I-”

“I love you too” he interrupts, his thumb stroking over my cheek, “I wish I could show you how much...” His voice is a lot lower than it should be for the fact that we're in his parent's house. I push back against his touch, almost rubbing my face in his hand.

“You better get out of this bed right now then” I tell him, sighing.

“I know, I know...” Sei, with what seems a great deal of effort, sits up. I give him an apologetic smile.

“Hey, let's go for a run in the morning” he offers.

“Sure” I smile and refuse to think about the future. I don't know how I'm going to stand being apart from him for weeks at a time. He closes the door behind him softly, an element of not wanting to get caught included in that, I'm sure.

In the morning, when we get up for our run, the entire household is awake, and Sei's dad is going to run with us. His mom waves us off and promises breakfast when we return. All of us say good morning to Joji, and promise to return quickly before heading out.

I am so glad I've been running more in these past few months. It turns out Sei's dad was a track and field man, and never let it go. Don't get me wrong, I'm able to keep up with them, but I wouldn't have been before.

When we get back, Sei's mom casually questions how far we went, looking at the clock on the wall. His dad tells her it was somewhere between 8 and 10 kilometers.

“More like 15...” Sei kind of coughs, like he can't not be truthful. His mom's eyes flash.

“Yano! You're not 18 anymore you know!” she scolds her husband.

“I'm fine, this is how I stay in shape” he huffs. Sei is making eyes at me, and nods his head toward the hallway. We sort of half walk, half sneak away, and Sei pushes me into the guest bathroom around the corner. My heart rate is going even crazier than from our run as he presses me against the counter and starts kissing me.

A minute later, there's a knock on the door, and it opens right away. Sei flinches, but doesn't spring back, though we do stop kissing. He still has me pressed against the counter though, and our arms are around each other. I'm beet red before the door even finishes opening. If Sei has something to prove to his dad, I'm not sure I'm ready to be part of that... But I trust him.

An eyebrow is raised, but there's no immediate comment.

“I was just showing Makoto how to use the shower?” Sei says in a joking tone. His dad sighs.

“Look, I know it's Christmas Eve boys, but I think it would be more appropriate if you showered in your own room, Seijuurou” his dad says evenly. Sei looks back to me and gives me a sheepish grin.

“Well, it was worth a shot” he says, letting go of me. I just swallow hard and try to smile back.

“God, you're so cute” Sei says like it can't be helped.

“ _Sei..._ ” I can't believe he's acting like this all of a sudden in front of his father.

“What? It's true” he teases me as he moves away.

Sei's dad rolls his eyes and calls out over his shoulder.

“Don't come down the hall honey, there are too many hormones flying around for safe passage” he shouts. I wonder if you can die from blushing too hard...

“Well then what are _you_ doing down there, darling?” Sei's mother calls out in an almost sing-song voice.

“Yeah dad, what's the deal barging in like that?” Sei puts his arm around his father's shoulders as he's heading out of the bathroom doorway. Somehow, suddenly Sei is in a headlock while laughing hard, and his dad is tugging him farther into the house. I'm pretty sure I hear the word 'whippersnappers' being muttered, but it looks like it's all in good fun. I can hear his mom laughing from back in the kitchen too.

Just to be safe, I lock the door behind me to take my shower. It looks like all of Sei's family is as open and honest as he is, which makes sense. I still like to be assured of some privacy when I wash up though.

 

Sei prepared me for the fact that we won't go sightseeing in the city, which is fine with me. We stay at home with his family, hanging out and playing games, watching TV. It's fun, because his family is fun. I try and keep an eye out for a good time to give Sei his Christmas Eve present. It seems like we should be alone for that, but I don't want to interrupt the family bonding.

After a few hours though, I get a rather odd chance, and decide to go with it. A smell fills the living room that I remember vividly from when the twins were babies. It makes sense that Joji would have a sort of adult diapers set up, though Sei didn't mention anything specifically about that. I think, if it were me, having the mental capacity of a teen, there'd be a lot of potential for embarrassment right now.

From the look on Sei's mom's face, she's working up a discreet distraction so they can deal with it. I decide to beat her to it, since I have one already. I'm sitting rather close to him, so I nudge his shoulder.

“Hey, Joji, do you mind if I steal your brother for a few minutes? I kind of have a present for him, and it might involve some kissing afterward...” I say in a conspiratory tone. Sei stole a kiss from me earlier in front of him, when both of their parents had left the room at the same time. He made a “Shh” with a finger over his lips, for Joji to keep it a secret. So I know it's ok with Joji because he makes the same cooing sound now that he did then.

“Thanks Joji, I really appreciate it” I smile and hook Sei's arm through mine, pulling him from the room with a wink. I have to go to the guest room to retrieve the gift from my bag.

“I was planning to do this after dinner, but now works” Sei says softly, and I think he knows exactly what just happened. “I got you something too, I'll be right back” he assures me. I wait with a warm feeling of just, pure happiness in my chest. When Sei returns, he shuts the door behind him, holding a brightly wrapped box.

“Mine first” I tell him, because it's making me nervous how much larger his is. I might lose the nerve to give him what I bought if his is significantly more expensive. Not that I think he cares... I decided to go the more heartfelt route, since we're going to be apart. Sei grins and tears open my package.

It's a small _ish_ teddy bear, holding a frame that's sewn to its paws. The size of picture you could fit in the tiny frame was limited...so I went for it and photocopied one from the strip we took at the mall. It's us kissing, and he probably can't leave it out on casual display because of that. I hope he still finds it special though.

“Makoto, aw, man, you're really trying to tug on my heart strings aren't you?” Sei's smiling that knowing grin, “I love it, it's perfect.”

“Thanks, I just, want you to remember me, you know?” I'm starting to tear up, and Sei hugs me tight.

“You'd be impossible to forget... Open mine now, ok?” he suggests. I nod and brush back a few drops of moisture.

Inside the box he got me is a bear also, but what he's holding isn't sewn in.

“A train pass?... An _annual_ pass?! Sei! This is so expensive!” I'm shocked, because these are like _tens of thousands_ of yen.

“This was the only kind that would let you go all the way to Tottori as much as you wanted” he murmurs in my ear, and before I can say anything else, we're kissing. It's a good thing, because I'm speechless. Just when I'm trying to decide if I should put a stop to our kiss before it becomes too heated, Sei pulls back.

“It's really a pretty selfish present for me to give you, so don't feel bad about the price” he says, reading my mind. His eyes are intense and close, making a thrill run through me. I still feel a little bad though.

“Here, let me give you your birthday present now then” I ask. Sei kind of blinks at me, probably because his birthday is still almost three weeks away.

“I brought it with me because...I wasn't sure if I would see you then...” I tell him softly, reaching back into my bag. It in no way makes up the difference between what I already gave him and what he gave me. It's better than nothing though. Sei tries to push it back to me.

“You _will_ see me. Unless you don't plan on using the pass...”

“Sei, of course I'll use it! I'll use it every weekend if my parents let me.”

“Then give it to me on my birthday.”

“Your birthday's on a Thursday” I point out, “Besides, I want you to have it now. I _will_ see you” I promise him. Sei thinks for a moment, and then slowly grins at me.

“So, you already know what day of the week it falls on?” he teases me.

“Of course I do, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I knew it was coming and didn't bother to check?” I defend myself.

“Ok, point taken... So you really want me to open it now?”

“Yes, please, Sei.”

I hope I haven't built it up too much now, by insisting... It's an even smaller package than the first one I gave him. I rest it on his knee before withdrawing my hand, and wait to see how it'll go over.

It's a necklace. Not like anything feminine or necessarily 'romantic' though. Its cord is a thick strip of black, and the hanging part is a silver tooth. It's definitely for a boy and looks masculine, with kind of a beach/surfer feel to it. It looks like something Sei would wear.

“Wow, this is really cool” he says, raising his eyebrows.

“Don't sound so surprised!” I reply, pretending to be offended. I'm relieved when he puts it on right away though.

“Would it be too sappy if I said I'll never take it off?” Sei pulls me close, grinning a grin that usually means I'm going to have my pants removed shortly.

“No, it'd be just sappy enough” I kiss the end of his nose with a quick peck, “So, should we go join your family now?” I ask, to remind him where we are. Sei gives an exaggerated sigh.

“You really are one of those 'good' boys at heart, aren't you?” he asks, probably regarding my unwillingness to _do_ anything while under his parent's roof.

“Pretty much” I shrug, as if he didn't already know that.

“Good” he grins, “You know I am too. You just make it so hard to be good sometimes...”

 

When we have to go the next day, it takes a while for Sei to tell Joji goodbye. He hugs his brother for a long time. The sad noise Joji makes when Sei finally pulls away breaks my heart.

“Hey, it's ok buddy. I'll be back for New Year's in less than a week, and I'll get to stay for even longer then” he consoles him. I'm reminded of a picture from the album his mom showed me. One where Sei is a toddler sleeping curled up at Joji's side. Their bond makes me almost jealous in a way, but I'm happy Joji has someone reliable like Sei as his brother.

“Don't forget, I'll be there Monday around noon with the car, so make sure you're packed and ready to go” Sei's dad says while they're hugging. To my surprise, his parents hug me too.

“You know, having Joji has taught us many things about what's really important in life...” his dad tells me, “We tried our best to teach those things to Sei, but I guess we never really thought he'd be the one to test _us_... For him to have chosen a _person_ like you, well, it makes us proud. You're welcome in our house any time, Makoto.”

“Thank you, sir” my voice sounds too soft to me, but I can tell they heard me. I look over to Sei, and he's crying, but they're quiet tears, tears of thanks.

“Your old man's got a real emotional streak, you know that?” Sei turns back to Joji after a moment and sits beside him.

“Come on, huddle up” he says as he wipes his eyes, hitching his head toward the bed. We all gather around and Sei lifts his brother into his lap, blanket and all. Cradling his head so it rests on his shoulder, we all hug, and all cry at least a little.

When I help Sei straighten Joji's blanket out again afterward, I promise him I'll be back again sometime, not to worry.

 

Once we're on the train platform, waiting for our departure, I call Sei out.

“You are such a liar” I tell him, “You told me you didn't swim for anybody else.” I can see his eyes widen, and he blushes, being caught.

“Well, it wasn't a _complete_ lie...” he clears his throat a little.

“Look, I'm not upset that you didn't tell me about all of this back then. I mean, we were really just acquaintances if you think about it. I do want to hear you admit that you swim for Joji now though” I admonish him. Sei takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

“I don't swim _for_ him, and I don't think he'd want me to. Not out of fear, I mean, he knows I'm good at it, but he wouldn't want me feeling like I _had_ to because of him. I guess it seems complicated because the thing I'm good at is swimming... But whatever it was, I'd do it well, to the best of my ability, because I _can_ , and there are people who _can't_ ” he says earnestly. There's a vague hint of breeze blowing through the station, ruffling his hair while he stares at me seriously. It's been cold, but doesn't start snowing until that exact moment.

I take a hold of his hand, rubbing my thumb over the back of it. Things I don't have names for pass between us in that gaze.

“Ok, Sei. I understand.”

And I do, I really do.

 


	5. Chapter 5

Sei is supposed to be packing in his spare time during the next few days. Samezuka's last practice of the year was the previous Friday, but I still go over each afternoon. My presence may be doing more harm than good, packing wise. I promise to come Saturday and actually _help_ , instead of distract.

“You know, Monday's the last day the dorms are open, but most guys will move out over the weekend” Sei informs me.

“Oh, I guess that makes sense” I don't ask why he's waiting until the absolute last day, just smile thankfully.

“I asked around and most of the team, basically the entire floor, was either leaving today or Saturday.”

“Right, Rin left today” I remind him.

“Yeah, he's more of a local, so it makes sense. Rin doesn't have far to go, so an afternoon is fine” Sei confirms, nodding his head. He seems, almost, nervous somehow...

“So, I was wondering, if maybe you wanted to spend the night on Saturday, after we pack...” Sei's cheeks are streaked with color as he asks.

It's like a switch just got flipped somewhere, and I've been plunged into a dream world where everything feels surreal. He's asking me to spend the night. He's asking me to sleep with him. Sei wants to have sex with me tomorrow night, when I had resigned myself to having to wait quite a while longer than that.

I paused too long while lost in my disbelief.

“I mean, you don't _have_ to or anything, I just was-”

“Yes” I talk over him, suddenly realizing he's afraid I don't want to, “I want to spend the night with you” I say a little too quickly, blushing myself.

“You do?” he asks, confirming hesitantly.

“Yeah, I... I'll bring the... You know, from my dad... If you want” I cut in and out like a bad recording, but Sei definitely gets the picture.

“Sure, yeah, ok” he's turning bright red, maybe even as red as I am, “And I've got the... you know...”

“From the mall?!?”

“Uh,...yeah...” he admits.

“Oh god, I thought you were just teasing me!”

“It totally started out like that, I swear!” he puts his hands up in self defense.

I've no intention of attacking him though. I just blush hard enough to fry an egg on my face, and take his hand. Sei is quick to pull both of mine into his, and kiss me. When I leave later, I take note of how many people are already gone from campus. Hopefully even more have left tomorrow, like Sei said.

My parents have been really, amazingly understanding about the amount of time I'm gone these days. Even so, I've never spent the night somewhere without asking or at least telling them first. My mom would be worried if I didn't come home for one, and two, it's a house rule.

The urge to try lying to them is stronger than I would like to admit. I know I would never be able to do it though. If by some miracle I did, I'd be sick with guilt for the rest of the night. That would probably mar the memory of the evening...

I have to ask tonight, because I'm supposed to be right back at Samezuka in the morning to do a flurry of last minute packing with Sei. Even though 'scheduling' type things are usually mom's department, I seek out my dad for this particular question.

“Hey, dad, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure, son, have a seat”

He's watching TV with mom while the twins play with legos and dinosaurs on the floor.

“Actually, can we talk, alone?” I manage to keep my voice from squeaking. Point for me.

“What is it, Oni-chan?”

“Yeah, what are you talking about?” the twins pipe up as soon as privacy is asked for.

“Hush you two, it's almost time for bed anyway. Let's go brush your teeth” my mom gets up, and I notice she pats dad's knee as she does. The twins whine a little, but scamper off with her. I sit down on the couch, but only start to talk once I hear the bathroom door close.

“So, um, about tomorrow... You know I'm going to Sei's to help him finish packing, since he's leaving on Monday, right?”

“Of course, son. What about it?”

“Well, uh...” I hear my dad's admonishment to be honest rolling through my head, and I know I need to be upfront with him, “Sei invited me to spend the night, and, I said yes.”

My dad raises an eyebrow.

“That is, if it's ok with you guys, of course, I mean, that's what I'm doing, is asking” I sputter, looking down to the cushions rather than at him.

“So, you're talking about sex?...” my dad says evenly, like he's fact checking.

“Uh, yes, sir” I feel lightheaded, but since I'm already sitting, I hope I'll be ok.

“Hm, with the amount of your allowance you've been spending on train tickets, we kind of figured that was already happening...”

I'm dumbfounded, and I think that's the fact that convinces my dad he really was wrong.

“N-No, sir, we haven't...” I cover my hands with my face, bending forward to try and help with that whole blood flow/passing out thing. I feel my dad's hand on my back right away.

“Are you ok, Makoto?”

“Um, I think so... Just, kind of lightheaded, that's all.”

I think it might be easier for my dad to have this conversation without us looking at each other too.

“Do you want me to say 'no', Makoto?” he asks me gently, squeezing my shoulder.

“No, it's not that... I mean, I want you to say 'yes', I just can't believe you thought we were already...that you thought I was lying to you” I feel like crying, like I've disappointed them by even giving them grounds to think I had.

“Makoto, I never said that. If we thought you were _lying_ to us, we would have disciplined you. I've been very pleased with the way you and Sei treat each other, and have treated us. In regards to expectations, I thought they were made pretty clear during our first talk on the front porch. Your mother and I both assumed the two of you would end up here eventually” he tells me. I feel life returning to my limbs. I sit up a bit again, but keep my eyes down.

“So, would you be ok with me visiting him in Tottori for the weekends too? I mean, if the schedule works out and all that?” I ask hopefully. That's the next step in our plans, even though I haven't worked up the nerve to ask mom and dad specifically about it yet...

My dad begins to smile, and then chuckle.

“I'll talk to your mother about it. I have a feeling the fare for those trips will add up a lot more quickly than you realize. I'm assuming these will be college scouting trips, of course” he jokes.

“Actually, Sei got me a pass, so I can come and see him...for the whole year” I try not to smile, and then try not to smile too widely when that fails. It's hard because the gift meant so much to me.

My dad nods in acknowledgment.

“Well, I'll still talk to her. In the end, it will probably revolve around your grades, and whether or not we already have plans as a family” he indicates.

“Thanks, dad... So, tomorrow is ok too?” I have to ask, just to clarify. We kind of skipped over a direct addressing of the issue.

“Yes, tomorrow is ok, as long as you're still prepared to be safe and all that.”

“Yeah, I still have...what you gave me.”

“Good...good... I guess the only other advice I'd give is for, uh, everybody, to just, take things as slowly as they need to” my dad says cryptically.

I am not about to ask him to elaborate.

“Right, we'll keep that in mind” I nod. I am very ready for this conversation to be over.

“Just Saturday night? I thought you said Sei wasn't leaving until Monday?” he asks all of a sudden.

“Uh, yeah, not until Monday... So all weekend?...”

My dad smiles and nods his head in a knowing way.

“You'll wish on Sunday you had already asked, trust me. I don't really want to take that phone call, this conversation is enough, don't you think?” he says lightheartedly.

“Yeah, definitely” I agree with an exhaled breath. We both sit in silence for a second. Then he leans toward me, bumping my shoulder.

“Go pack” he says softly, excusing me. I get up from the couch more gracefully than I expected.

“Thanks dad” I throw out from the other side of the armrest.

“You're welcome, Makoto.”

 

Upstairs, I pack several changes of clothes, more underwear than I could possibly need, and the box of condoms that I opened before. I text Sei to let him know that I'm spending the whole weekend, and he's extremely happy to hear that. He also tells me I'm the bravest person he knows for having had that talk straight up with my dad. I don't know about that... I just did what I had to do, that's all.

When I get to Samezuka the next morning, the campus is a flurry of activity. Parents are everywhere, their cars double parked in the streets. Apparently Saturday is the most popular day for moving out. I take the stairs up to Sei's floor, leaving the space in the elevator for people carrying boxes.

“Hey...” Sei looks as nervous as I've ever seen him when he opens the door.

“Ready to get packing?” I ask with gusto, trying to keep things light for now.

“Yeah... I, uh, had a hard time sleeping last night, so I started on a few of them already...” he confesses, rubbing the back of his neck.

He's halfway done.

“Sei! Did you get any sleep at all?”

“A little, from about 3am until an hour ago.”

I know exactly why he had trouble sleeping, for the same reason I did. I didn't get up and do a bunch of manual labor though. I give him a knowing smile, one that's soft with affection.

“If you want we could take a nap later” I offer.

“Maybe...Sure... I figured, we'd leave the bedding for last, you know, since there's a couple of nights left” Sei meets my eyes when he says the word 'nights', and both of our cheeks flush with color. I'm glad we have a little time before then, to get comfortable with the idea. I also wish it was _right now_ too, so the anticipation was over and we could just lock the door behind us.

As the day goes on, the nervousness over it seems to fade. We start out with bumbling, shaky movements whenever we brush against each other as we pack. By the time lunch rolls around though, the mood has become much more easy going. Touches between us linger, instead of skitter. Sei kisses the back of my neck when he leans over me to get the tape. I brush a stray bit of dusty fluff out of his hair.

Being almost done, we decide to push through and wait to eat. The cafeteria is still open, but since I don't go here, we'll head off campus to eat.

A wave of sadness washes over me when we stack the last of it. There's still one open box left for the last minute things to go in. Aside from that though, we're done. The reality of Sei leaving makes my chest constrict. I cry a little bit on his shoulder before we are able to go out for the food. If we weren't starving, I'd demand to just curl up with him right now.

I do my best to push my lonely thoughts aside and savor these last moments. It's not like I'll never see him again after all. It's not like he's moving to another country. In my mind, I start making plans already to visit him for his first weekend of school.

“Hey, are you going to be ok?...” Sei asks me softly as we finish eating.

“You mean when you're gone? No, probably not” I sigh. The look on his face is so conflicted and sad, it suddenly makes me feel guilty. I mean, Sei is moving on to an exciting time in his life. Not just college in general, but the team and the coach he's been so jazzed to work with. I should be encouraging him, happy for him...instead I feel like I'm holding him back.

“Let's get going, and we can talk more there, ok?” Sei squeezes my hand on the table.

“Sure. I guess, in reality, I'll be ok. Even though I'll miss you a lot, I'll keep going Sei, don't worry. I still want to be the best I can be” I tell him. Sei smiles one of those smiles at me that make it feel like there's only the two of us in the room. Since he's still holding my hand, I use it to pull him up with me from the table.

“So, yeah, let's go back now” I agree, letting my eyes express all the implications in it that they can.

On the way to Sei's room, half a dozen guys stop us to say one last goodbye to him. Most people have loaded up and are ready to drive away now. The courtyard area in the front of the school is teeming with students trying to hang out for just a few more minutes. It's also full of parents looking a bit impatient to get on the road. They are calling for more snow this evening.

When we finally make it back inside the building, there are still a few people bustling around inside it. Nothing like earlier though. It's not quite _deserted_ , but at this point, just Rin and Sei's immediate neighbors being gone is enough for me.

“You want to shower first? I mean, take them in general, from the packing” Sei keeps his gaze down the hall as we walk. I try to memorize his profile and the exact way his hair flairs on the ends just a tiny bit.

“Sure, that sounds good” I agree, feeling a strong surge of anticipation swirl in my stomach at the suggestion.

It's probably the most thorough shower I have ever taken in my life.

We dress in the bathroom because of all the extra people on the school grounds. Walking down the hall in just a towel is normally fine, but would be a little risky right now. In Sei's room, there are boxes and bags piled everywhere, with only the bed left intact. The focus that's drawn to it because of that seems a little overwhelming.

It might have been easier if we were just in towels we could slip off...

“So, how about that nap?” Sei says, putting his arms around me from behind.

“Nap?” I don't know if I'm disappointed or relieved.

“There's still kind of a lot of people around...” he whispers.

“Right. Yeah, let's just, lay down for a bit then” I feel like I need to whisper back too. I do notice that Sei locks his door behind us. I'm sure it's for later, so we don't need to get up again. Though, the condoms are in my bag, which is on the other side of the room... And I have no idea where he has the, um, bottle of stuff... Before he leads me over to lay down, I move my duffel bag near the foot of the bed.

He doesn't say anything about it. A tiny hint of eyebrow started to be raised when I first picked it up, but it never was completed. I'm sure he was able to put two and two together.

“Do you want me to hit the lights?” I ask before actually sitting. Sei's already resting on the bed, waiting for me.

“Go for it” he says, watching my movements. Even after they're off, a good deal of light is still coming in through the closed curtains. It is mid afternoon after all. With nothing left to do, I sit on the edge of Sei's bed and take a deep breath to steady myself.

As soon as I lay down, Sei's arm goes around me, his leg hooking over mine. Then he's still. He doesn't try to kiss me or move his hands to other parts of my body. I close my eyes in what I already know will be a vain attempt to sleep.

…

“So, we really are just going to take a nap?” I ask a minute later, still wide awake.

“It's 3pm, don't you think it's a bit early?...”

“The halls were pretty empty when we went through last” I point out.

Sei is quiet for a moment, then tucks his head into the crook of my neck.

“Ok... So, how do you want to do this?...” he asks, as if there's more than one way for a guy to stick his dick up another's ass... Ok, well, maybe there is, but the question seems kind of like stalling to me.

“If you don't really want to yet, it's ok, I don't want to make you think we _have_ to right now” I tell him. Such a long pause and then large sigh is not the response I had been expecting.

“It's ok, Makoto. I love you. I, trust you, I do” Sei kisses me, and I feel like I'm missing something here.

“I love you, trust you too...” I reply almost quizzically.

“It's in the bedside drawer” he says, blushing, and I know he must mean the lubricant. I'm the closest to it, so I sit up and pull it out of the drawer with shaky fingers. I hold it gingerly for a moment, looking at the label but not really seeing it.

“I guess this is the part where we get naked” I try to joke, but both of us are too serious for the effort to succeed. Neither of us make a move. The amount of time that's passing without Sei pulling off my shirt and pushing me to the bed is becoming awkward.

“Sei, are you... I mean, do you still want to...” I put more of the question in my eyes than my voice, because it's flat with fear.

“Of course I want to” Sei says. He blinks a couple times and then takes off his own shirt, and it's wrong, all wrong. I put the lube down on the bed and try to make sense of this, playing with the hem of my shirt but not removing it.

“It just doesn't seem like... Usually you'd already have me stripped and pinned down by now... Is it just nerves?” I ask, imploring him with my gaze.

“...Do you want me to do the 'pinning' after all then?...” Sei asks hesitantly.

“Of course, why wouldn't I?”

“Well, the way you said earlier...” Some sort of realization seems to pass over his face, and his whole demeanor shifts. “Just to be like, 100% sure, you don't mind being on the bottom?” he asks. I can already see the surety, the confidence, seeping back into him.

“Sei, I always assumed you'd kind of take charge... I'm, not very good with that kind of thing, you know that...”

“Well, you did grab my ass first, and go for the first blow job...” he points out.

“That was way different than this, I mean, I just kind of assumed you'd lead me through it... Do... You do know what to do, right?” I ask, almost fearfully. I mean, if Sei and I got our wires crossed about this, it's going to turn out to be a lot more awkward than I thought.

Sei moves over the bed, not that we're that far apart, and kisses me.

“I know, I mean, not from _experience_ , but I did check a few things out...” he says as he releases my lips.

“Ok, good...” I murmur back, my eyes still closed. I open them when I feel Sei's fingers hitching under my shirt, and smile at him as he pulls it off me.

“I do have a question for you, babe, before we get too far” he says in a sultry tone. It was nice of him to be willing to let me top, but I like this 'in charge' side of Sei much better.

“What is it?” I ask innocently, trying to keep from cracking a smile.

“Can I borrow a condom?” he asks with a wink. I bury my head in my hands, unable to withstand it.

“Sure” I nod into my palms while Sei chuckles, “What color do you want?” I kind of sigh.

“Color? Is there purple?” Sei asks surprisingly quickly.

“Purple?!” I exclaim, popping my head up again.

“Yeah, that goes with red, right?” he asks, grinning and running a hand through his hair.

“Oh my god...” I groan, hanging my head in disbelief.

“What?” Sei teases me, pushing at my shoulder playfully. “Ok, ok, you can pick the color if it will make you feel better.”

“No, it's ok. I'll just have to get used to it. We'll go through them all eventually...” I try my best to stop blushing like a school girl. Sei brushing his thumb over my cheek and then kissing me hard doesn't help. Well, actually it does help, but in a different way. I'm all for this kiss moving on to the next phase, but he pulls back just the slightest.

“Why don't you lay down, and I'll get it then?” he asks, pointing out my lack of retrieving the condom yet.

I nod and comply. I don't even have words to answer that.

I start to unbutton my pants as I'm laying there, but Sei puts a hand on my wrist.

“I'll get it” he says, heat filling his eyes as a slow grin plays over his lips. It feels like the amount of heat in his eyes is directly correlated to the heat in my body. A flush and thrill runs through me when he says that, and I let my hands fall away as requested.

Sei rifles through my bag just a second longer, then pulls out the box of the hour. There is indeed purple, which he holds out between two fingers with a questioning look. Again, all I can do is nod. He doesn't open it right away, just lays it on the bed next to the bottle I set down earlier. It makes sense. I don't know why I expected him to just tear it open immediately.

Even though we still have our pants on, Sei moves between my legs. His eyes are locked on mine, making it hard for me to keep track of what's going on. His hands run over me, up my abs and chest. At first I think Sei is leaning down to kiss me, but it turns out he's not. Warm lips seal over my nipple instead, and I realize Sei knows my body pretty well for us not having done this before.

I'm getting hard with amazing speed as he switches from one side to the other. I run my hand through his hair, not hampering his movements though. I just want to hold onto him, and this way seems the most intimate, you know?

Our crotches start rubbing together, and even through the fabric, it's an overwhelming feeling. Sei moves up to my neck, kissing and giving the lightest of bites to it, balancing on one arm. The other he needs free, because he's working on the front of my pants with it. Reciprocation is standard with us when it comes to removing clothes, so I slide my hands over his crotch as well.

He's so hard, it feels so good rubbing against me. I'm quick to get his button open and zipper down. Sei isn't wearing any underwear.

“God...” I moan as his dick spills out into my hands.

“Mmm, as much as I love that, you should probably turn over, babe” Sei whispers in a throaty request after I've stroked him a few times.

“Oh, ok” I let go of him, and we kiss one more time before I roll onto my stomach. I can barely believe this is happening as my pants slide off the rest of the way. I had put underwear on, but they're removed in one fell swoop. I can feel Sei running his hands over my ass, caressing it. My heart rate is climbing dramatically.

Especially when I hear the cap being opened on the bottle of lube.

“Sei... Can we, go, a little slow?” I ask, feeling more tense than anticipatory all of a sudden.

“We are, I'm going to work my way up to it, ok?” he assures me. I feel him shifting his weight, and a kiss being pressed against my back.

“Ok, thank you” I can tell things are being squirted, and I trust Sei. The thing is, I have no idea what to expect, so I'm not really sure if things are moving slowly or quickly or what. Something cold and gooey presses between my cheeks, and I clutch the sheets reflexively.

“It's just one, we'll do a few more in a minute...” Sei informs me in a thick voice. He must be talking about fingers. He's rubbing them over my entrance, so that has to be it. I feel one pressing against me and then slide _in_ , and just, the feeling is so foreign... It shocks me, and burns a little. My body wants to squirm, presumably away from the intrusion, but mentally I don't.

Sei uses his other hand to spread my cheeks more, and pushes in _farther_.

“Sei...” I whine, embarrassed beyond belief. I bury my face in his pillow because it's cool against my boiling skin.

“Are you ok?” he asks, and I can't believe he sounds so calm talking to me while his finger is up...inside me...

“Um, I think so...”

“Ok. I love you, Makoto.”

“I love you, too.”

The finger begins to retreat, and the relief feels surprisingly good. Then he presses back in again, and I give a little cry. It's not super loud, not really a moan even. More like just an exclamation. I'm still fairly hard from what Sei did a minute ago, but this itself doesn't feel good enough yet for moaning. I'm kind of glad Sei is taking more liberties than he normally would. The finger keeps moving, ostensibly because I didn't tell him to stop.

“Does it hurt?” he asks me after a moment. It's just a mild burn, it never really _hurt_ to begin with, so I shake my head.

“No, I'm ok” I tell him. And I thought I was, until he put in another finger. Ok, so, _this_ is pain.

“Fuck...” I say out loud. To me that sounds like an exclamation that would tell you to prompt the person making it again. Sei just squeezes my ass and moves the fingers around. I am able to adjust to it after a moment, so this must be what the stretching thing is all about. Little noises are coming out of my throat every time he pushes in.

“Are you ready for three?” Sei asks, and I guess seeing me like this must be a turn on for him. His voice is breathless and low, the arousal plain in it.

“I don't know” I tell him honestly.

“Let's try it, and you tell me if it's too much, ok?” Sei leans down and props himself on one arm over me. Enough of us is pressed together now that I can tell he removed his own pants at some point. More kisses fall on my back as the worst pain I've ever felt shoots through me.

It's not even swearing, it's just a noise of surprise and shock that comes out of me.

“Shhh, shhh” Sei whispers to me, and I feel like maybe I've gotten in over my head here. I love Sei. I don't want to disappoint him, but I never imagined it would be like this. I try to just ride it out, but if the whole thing is going to be like this, how can I? But it can't be. Sex is supposed to be the ultimate pleasure.

The other fingers...the pain started to go away with those... I battle with myself not to say anything, and just wait and see... Slowly, slowly I notice the pain receding, and finally feel like I can breath normally again.

“God, Makoto, you're so fucking gorgeous” Sei groans. He lifts himself back into what I assume is more of a kneeling position. Then I feel him bite the swell of my ass.

“ _Sei_...” my voice sounds more like a whine again.

“Do you think you're ready?” he asks hopefully. I'm not sure there is such a thing, but knowing the pain will ebb gives me the strength to go on.

“Yeah, I think so.”

I hear the sound of plastic, and my eyes get a little wider than they were before. Did he mean for _that?_... His fingers are still inside me, so I have a tiny bit of time to evaluate. It's not enough though. No amount ever would be. As soon as they pull back out of me, I feel _it_ moving into position instead. In my mind I'm trying to picture how wide three fingers are, compared to Sei's dick.

As he starts pushing in, I realize quickly it isn't the width, but the length that's becom-

“Fuck... _Fuck_! _Sei_!” there was no time to ask for anything, not for it to be slower, not for him to stop... Tears are forming rapidly, and I can't even think straight, can't comprehend how I'm supposed to do this. Sei is kissing the back of my neck, his arms close at my sides.

“Sei, I don't think-”

“Shhh, just give it a minute, baby.”

I try to scoot my hips forward a little, but movement only makes it worse.

“Give yourself a little bit to adjust, It's going to hurt the first time, from what I heard. It'll get better, I promise” Sei keeps sort of kissing and hugging me, while I breath pained breaths into his pillow. It feels like a small miracle when the pain actually does start to dissipate.

“How are you doing, babe?” Sei asks me after a few minutes. It's starting to get better, but it doesn't feel _good_ by any stretch of the imagination.

“Not ready yet” I say truthfully, just kind of laying tensely beneath him. I'm starting to feel that feeling of being completely pathetic and useless. Either I'm a freak for it hurting this much, or like Sei said, it always hurts the first time, and I'm just a big baby. Maybe I should try telling him to move, and see how it goes? I could always tell him to stop if it's unbearable, I decide. We can't just lay like this forever...

“Ok, I think, maybe you could try it, just a little, and go slow, like really slow” I tell him, preparing to brace myself.

“I will, baby, I'll go slow” Sei promises, his deep voice somehow sending a shiver through me even in my condition.

When he pulls out, it feels _good_ , and I'm suddenly thinking this might have been worth it... When he pushes back in, it stings _a lot_ though... But there's another aspect I hadn't counted on. The groan Sei gives makes me feel like I could get hard again, just listening to that. After a dozen strokes or so, the stinging is giving way, finally.

It... It actually feels ok, my body starting to relax into it. There's even a warm tingling feeling that accompanies some of his thrusts.

“Makoto, baby... Fuck, I'm close...” Sei moans desperately behind me.

“Oh, uh, ok...” I kind of pant, not really sure what to say to that. I mean, I'm a guy too, I know that 'close' usually means no going back. It's not like I can just tell him not to cum yet.

Suddenly the force Sei's using increases dramatically, and I wince when he buries himself in me as deeply as he can.

“Oh, _god_ , Makoto, _Makoto_ , fuck yes...” he grunts and groans while I blush for the embarrassment I know is coming. There's no way I can hide that I didn't cum. I don't even think there's anything I can do to get hard the rest of the way again, without him noticing. I mean, not that I care about it in _that_ way, it doesn't mean I feel any differently about him. I love Sei.

I think I understand why they call it 'giving' yourself to someone now though...

It _will_ be one of those things that gets better over time, with practice, I promise myself.

“I love you so much” Sei says, “That was so amazing, I can't even describe it.”

“I love you too” I tell him, my voice soft “You're welcome.”

He chuckles, and I blush even more.

“How are you doing?” he asks since I'm being terse, and I can feel him starting to pull out of me.

“Ahhh,” I kind of sigh as he leaves me, “Um, I'm ok” I say, not looking back at him. Because if I don't look at him, then it's not real, because I am three years old apparently.

“You're, 'ok'?...” he says, questioning. I don't really elaborate, staying quiet while he takes off the used condom. Sei is a smart guy. The silence spoke for itself I guess, because he lays down next to me quietly.

“So, you didn't cum?...” he asks, and I don't have the heart to say anything, I just shake my head. I'm still laying on my stomach, face obscured in the pillow.

“Here, let me finish you off then, babe” he says, pulling me into his arms. I go to him, because I really hope this will end with him holding me for a while. I'm pretty much completely flaccid though. Sei's already started to rub his hand down over me when I start turning over to him.

I watch the realization flow over his face, and I hate it.

“Sei... It's ok... I'm... I'm good” I say stupidly, not knowing what could possibly make it better.

He moves his hand off of my limp cock, and slides it to my hip, rubbing his thumb over my skin.

“I fucked this up, didn't I?” he says in a flat, resigned tone. He looks like he's about to cry, and I just can't take that. This was supposed to be such a big thing, to bind us together even closer... Now we both just feel like failures.

“It wasn't your fault” I start to say, and he gives me a look that clearly means he thinks that's bullshit. “Look, it was the first time. Like you said, it's going to hurt, but we'll get better at it, both of us, I'm sure.”

“I hurt you?”

That was apparently all he got out of my statement. Sei's face is going pale right before my eyes, and I do the only thing I can think of, and kiss him. I pour everything I wish our lovemaking would have been into it, for next time. When I'm done devouring him, we have to catch our breaths for a moment.

“I love you, Sei. If it had been too much, I would have said something” I blush for the half-truth, but hope he'll just think it's the embarrassment. “It did start to feel good, it's just, uh, we weren't quite on the same page, timing wise... But like I said, I'm sure it'll get better” I tell him earnestly.

Sei is looking at me so seriously, it's got me so worried, but I'm afraid to just keep talking and talking...

“I don't deserve you” he finally says, like it's a fact. I search him for any sign this is heading down a 'breaking up' sort of path. I forgot how piercing those golden eyes can be when they're peering into the depths of me. One look from them, and I know Sei's already seen through my attempt at subterfuge. The good thing is though, that he can see the truth of my love for him too.

“Ugh, just hold me you big sap” I pull myself into his arms for him, snuggling against his chest.

“I'll make this up to you somehow, I promise, Makoto” he swears, and I believe every word.

“Ok, I'll make a list” I hear pop out of my mouth before I can even think about it.

I guess for this little adventure to have ended with us both chuckling is better than it could have been.

 

To make sure no more wires are crossed today, I ask Sei to just hold me for a while, and we actually end up dozing off. When we wake up it's dark outside and both of us are hungry again. It's about 8pm, so it's not surprising, since we've missed dinner. Sitting up is uncomfortable. I try to dress and an aching pain surges through me. I do more than wince, making a little noise as I collapse back to the bed.

Sei looks more worried and guilty than I've ever seen him, even than when that first year slipped and hit his head at practice.

“Uh, I don't think walking to dinner is going to happen for me...” I lay back down on my side. The pain lessens pretty quickly, but I'm in no hurry to push myself. All I really did was stand up and _try_ to move around anyway. I don't want to think about how it would feel to walk a couple blocks right now.

“We'll get something delivered then” Sei says right away, kissing my cheek and being extra lovey with me. He rubs my shoulders a little, probably because there's nothing he can do to make 'down there' feel better. I wouldn't normally let him kind of pamper me like this, but under the circumstances, I do.

“Ok, thanks babe” I lean my head up for another kiss.

Sei keeps watch for the pizza guy to pull up, so he can meet him down at the check in desk. I'm just glad there's no chance of anyone seeing me like this. I guess boxers cover about as much as a regular swim suit does. The issue is more that I'm wearing only boxers while curled up on Sei's bed.

“He's here, be right back babe” Sei kisses me before trotting off. I kind of want to see how much I'm able to do without him staring at me in concern, so I sit up again. If I go slow, I'm able to walk back and forth across the room. Small, gentle movements are ok, so I'm hopeful. Taking too large of a stride makes me cringe though, so I sit back down to wait for Sei.

While I'm staring at a box marked 'sports equipment', it hits me that I'm not a virgin anymore. I don't really feel any different. Like when I became a 'teenager' and there was no huge shift then either. Maybe it's different when it's with a girl, or it goes more smoothly?... Not that I want to do anything like that with anyone but Sei... But maybe I should have looked into it a bit more myself beforehand.

I'm sure there's plenty of information about things like that _online_ , but those kinds of sites are blocked on our computer. The whole family shares one, so it has to be 'twin' friendly. Sei has a laptop, but it's already packed up for his trip home. That kind of seems after the fact, to ask to use his...

I don't get much more time to dwell on it before Sei gets back.

“You know, it's funny, I could have sworn I've seen that guy somewhere before” Sei comments, “But I didn't want to strike up a conversation since you were waiting for me.”

“Who looked familiar?”

“The pizza delivery guy.”

“Was he blonde, kind of middle aged, in a Hawaiian shirt?” I ask.

“Yeah, did you see him from the window?” Sei asks.

“Well, I did get up and move around a little, but no, I didn't see him. It sounds like Coach Sasabe though” I reply.

“Your Coach is a pizza delivery guy?...” Sei asks inquisitively.

“He's not really our _coach_... He used to be when we were kids, and he helped us out of the kindness of his heart to prepare for Regional's this, er, last year” I answer, feeling a bit like I should defend him.

“Hm” Sei opens the box between us on the bed, taking out a slice. “Is this guy someone you look up to?” he wonders.

“As a role model? Not particularly... He knows how to be tough when he wants to, but I get the feeling he's kind of a drifter” I explain, scooping up a piece for myself. Sei seems like he's trying very hard to stay focused on the topic, so it makes me wonder what's distracting him. He nods, but looks like he can't quite come up with anything to add to the conversation himself.

“Are you ok?” I ask him, worried that he's still worrying. I can see several replies being weighed in his eyes. The one he chooses makes heat creep up my face.

“I wanted to make you feel good...” he says with more honesty than I was prepared for. We're far past the point of augmenting what was said before though, even if I wanted to. I finish chewing as a moment to stall. Thankfully the perfect solution presents itself to my brain in the interim.

“You...still could...I mean, in other ways...” I tell the cardboard of the pizza box, not meeting Sei's eyes. Even though we _had_ _sex_ , I feel shy asking him to initiate anything along those lines for some reason.

“Maybe after we eat?” he asks, and there's a hopeful lilt in his voice.

“Yeah, sure” I feel like I should sound more enthusiastic since I suggested it, but I'm nervous at the same time. I haven't felt nervous about Sei touching me in a while. I decide right away that I'm not _afraid_ or anything... Just... A tiny bit worried about how sensitive things are down there right now...

“Ok... Hey, Makoto” Sei reaches over the pizza and cups my cheek, “I'll be gentle, ok? Even though it's not _sex_ , I... I promise I'll pay better attention” he vows. It feels like a vow, like the most serious promise he's ever made me.

“Ok” I whisper, my cheeks flushing.

When we're done eating, Sei makes his dessert of my lips and tongue, devouring me. We kiss for a long time, until I forget _he's_ supposed to be making things up to _me_. I slide my hands up under his shirt, enjoying well defined muscles and warm skin. Only then do his slide over me as well. I'm still only in boxers, so his access is easier.

I get impatient and start pulling on his clothes, until we're both naked and kind of half cuddling, half kissing.

“So, wasn't there something you were going to do, with my dick?” I question him, rubbing my erection against his hip. Sei smiles that brilliant, knowing smile at me, and I'm anxious to see what it is he's going to go for. Blow jobs are amazing of course, and we're both much better at them now. I do really like that thing where he holds both our dicks together in his hand too...

“I was going to ask you first, have you ever used lube for like, regular stuff?” he questions me. I raise an eyebrow. I think I know what he means by 'regular stuff'. If stroking me off is all he's proposing though, I might go ahead and ask for more than that...

“No, I haven't... Have you?” I ask.

“No, it's just, it was so slick and warm...I think you'd really like it” he indicates.

Oh, he's talking about when he...

“Uh, maybe...” I don't think it could possibly be better than him sucking me off though.

“Is it ok if I try it?” Sei asks gently. If he sounded eager, or bold, I would probably be slightly turned away by it. As it is though, it's a true request. A request for me to trust him. I love him way too much to do the harm saying 'no' right now would bring. His eyes are soft and willing to accept anything I might say, it makes my heart ache.

“Ok, if you think it will be good” I kiss him lightly on the lips. As soon as I see the smile spread over his face, I know that trusting even just this little bit really meant a lot to him. “You said it was warm, though? It seemed kind of cold and gooey to me...” I point out, not sure I want that temperature of substance spread over my hard dick. I think he might be confusing _it's_ temperature with having been inside...

“God, I really am a bonehead, aren't I?...” Sei kind of sighs. “We, _I,_ can warm it up first, if that's alright?” he offers.

“Ok, sure, I guess that would work...” I don't really see what the big deal is, but Sei is already going for the bottle. I watch him squirt it into his palm, and rub both hands together. It quickly morphs into a wet sheen over them. We're on our sides still, and to his credit, he doesn't ask me to roll onto my back.

Facing each other is good. The best actually. I feel like it's more meaningful this way. Sei stops warming after a moment, and moves his hands downward as he kisses me. I'm not expecting any pain or discomfort from this, so I'm pretty relaxed. I wasn't expecting it to feel like _that_ though...

“Sei...” I say breathlessly as he slides his cupped palms over either side of me. God, oh, the feeling is heavenly, and I gasp for him on the first stroke.

“Do you like it, baby?” Sei grins. That fucker, he knew exactly what he was doing.

“Yes, ahhh, Sei... Please...” I groan, wanting more. He keeps moving over me, kissing over me, his pace picking up. I wedge my knee between his, wanting to be closer, and he doesn't object. He's using both hands at once on my shaft, like I do when I'm by myself. I moan his name again as our legs tangle together further, encouraging.

“ _Sei.._.”

I can feel him smiling as his own erection presses against me. He loosens his hold just a bit to allow it in, and I make an incredibly approving sound in the back of my throat.

“You like it like this, don't you?” Sei asks, his voice low and smooth.

“Fuck, yes” I exclaim as our lubed dicks rub together. The friction from his fingers keeps stopping just short of how much I want to be stroked right now. Without really thinking about it, I begin to thrust up into his hand. A mild aching runs up my middle, but it's not enough to want to stop.

“Nnngh, ahh, Sei, _Sei..._ Don't stop...” I moan, my arms wrapping around his shoulders. Both our hips are rocking, and I kiss him hard instead of telling him I'm about to cum.

A few moments later, I spill myself into the wet slickness of his fingers while I grunt against his lips. I feel, more than hear, him mouth “oh fuck” back over mine as he cums shortly after that. I have never been more of a mess than I am right now, and it's amazing.

“So, since you're 18, you can get more of this stuff any time, right?” I ask before we've even had a chance to cool down.

“Pretty much” Sei says, his confident grin only a breath away from me.

“Good, because I'm keeping this one” I tell him, matter of fact.

“Oh really? Is that so?” he chuckles, pulling quick kisses from the corners of my lips.

“Yeah, to help me remember you by” I say, smiling contently.

“You know, you could have just asked for one of my shirts or something...” he counters, and this type of teasing banter with him is intimately familiar to me. This idea is one I find I'd like to take seriously though...

“Really? Can I have your orange tank top?” I ask hopefully, trying to look cute so there's a better chance of him going ahead with it.

“I don't know, it depends... What are you going to do with it?” he asks, his eyes full of mischief.

“Wear it...and stuff...” I say like I'm being more shy than necessary on purpose. I bite my bottom lip for him, and he gives in almost immediately.

“Ok, ok, you can have it” Sei says right before kissing me again. As if there was ever a doubt.

 

I spend the next day recovering some more, letting Sei be attentive and returning the affections. When Monday morning comes, Sei is literally the last student to leave. We joke about captains going down with the ship, and I cry. It's a much longer drive than train ride back to the Mikoshiba's house though, so I try not to delay them.

His dad warms up the car while we kiss one last goodbye. I feel desperate and hollow inside when he finally has to leave my arms. Sei cries a little too, but it doesn't make me feel better or anything. It's not an issue of 'looking back' when they drive away. I stand at the gates of the school and watch continually until they're out of sight.

It feels pathetic, but I give one last wave as they're leaving my vision. I've no way of seeing if Sei waved back or saw or what, but I tell myself he was watching. My eyes are already watering again as I pick up my bag and head for the train station.

Not 10 seconds later, I get a text message from Sei, of a waving emoticon.

I'm crying so hard I almost miss the one right after it that says “I love you” with little hearts in it. Needing to reply to him gives me enough purpose not to fall apart completely, and I wonder if he knew I'd need that.

While I'm walking, while I'm on the train, waiting for his replies, I clutch at my stomach. Not because it's upset, but because I'm wearing the shirt he gave me. I hope I look ok in this shade of orange, because I plan on living in this shirt for the next year. It does bring a small smile to my face that my boyfriend and I are of a size where we can wear each other's clothes.

He didn't ask, just put on the shirt I'd come over in when it was time to dress, and never took it off. I was already sure I loved Sei, but now the pain of our separation makes me doubly sure.

I no longer feel it's out of place, so I take a deep breath and make a note in my phone. When third year starts, I am going to my counselor first thing to see what I have to do to get into the university at Tottori.

 

When I get home, it doesn't take long at all for the loneliness to set in. I know from last time I felt like this, sitting alone in my room isn't going to help. I don't want to bug Sei with too many text messages, since he's probably got a lot of catching up to do with his dad. The twins come find me pretty quickly though, so we play some video games together to pass the time.

I try to let them win enough that they don't feel too bad. It's amazing the way brains work, like, how certain things can be totally put out of them sometimes. Watching the two of them fight over first place suddenly reminds me of when I was that age. Only it was me and Haru playing these games. I've forgotten somehow that I live two blocks from my best friend.

Maybe because I haven't just stopped by to hang out with him in a long time... Most of the time I feel like I'd be intruding on him and Rin if I did. Right now though, Rin would be with his family. With him spending so much time with Haru, Rin's mom probably hasn't seen much of him on the weekends.

After dinner, I decide to head out, no call, just to show up and see if he's there like the old days. The Nanase's will sometimes make an indication they're coming back to Iwatobi for New Year's, but it always falls through. I think they offered the first time to have Haru come to them, but his flat refusal turned them off from trying again.

Now I'm starting to worry that without Rin, he'll be all alone for the holiday. I decide that if he is home, I'll make sure and invite him over to our house for dinner this week. If he's already made plans with the Matsuoka's in some way, it'll be ok.

Even though I'm trying to put on a brave face, I find that worrying about Haru just doesn't distract and absorb me like it used to. It still feels like a physical ache in my chest when I picture Sei climbing into that car.

“Makoto” I hear Haru's voice from incredibly close, startling me. When I look up, I'm about to walk right into him on the sidewalk. I had been looking down with the footing being so slippery, and didn't notice.

“Oh, Haru, sorry!” I exclaim, “Where you on your way out?”

“Just to your house” he says, looking at me expectantly.

“Ah, I was coming to see you!” I smile, and he nods like he knew that already. There's not really anything else I'd be walking towards in this direction. We stand on the sidewalk in silence for a second, then I rub the back of my neck.

“Did you want to see everyone, or would you rather us both head back to yours?” I ask, since neither of us are initiating a choice on our own. Haru shrugs.

“My house is fine” he replies, turning around. We both shuffle through the snow for a block, and then Haru unlocks his door. It's still warm inside since he couldn't have been gone more than a few minutes.

“Sorry I haven't been over much,” I apologize as we settle around the kotatsu right away, “I didn't want to interrupt you and Rin, you know...”

“It's ok, we aren't having sex” Haru says with a small blush, cutting to the quick of it. His tone is virtually flat as he tries to nullify my fears though.

There's so much he isn't saying, it almost overwhelms me.

“Haru...” a strange mix of feelings twists inside me. Guilt, that I haven't been trying to be a very good friend to him lately. Loneliness, knowing I'd deserve it if he left things as they are right now. Shame, that I knew he was in a rocky sort of relationship, and didn't ever check to see if he was doing ok...

There's one small bright patch, the fact that I can still see that there are things he's not telling me. The problem is I don't feel like I have the right to _ask_ him to talk about it anymore. The details of his and Rin's interactions have always been private, for them. I certainly never shared any of mine and Sei's...

But, isn't that what a best friend is for though? To be the one who's shared secrets with? Who gives you perspective?

As soon as I think it, an ugly feeling replaces all the twisting uncertainty. Tears start welling up, but I try my best not to sob. Haru's brows furrow, and suddenly his eyes demand the truth from me. He's there, on the edge of being willing to still open up to me, but I have to be honest first. Even I don't normally cry like this for no reason.

“Sei and I did, had sex...or, tried to” I wipe at my eyes, and a kind of laughing sob comes out of me. “I mean, we _did_ , but...” the small bit of mirth I tried to inject dies even before it started. I shrug my shoulders, my head hanging in confusion and discouragement.

“Did you not want to?” Haru demands to know. I can see his hands gripping the edge of the table so tightly his knuckles are starting to turn white.

“I did want to, it wasn't like that... It just...”

How do I explain? Even though my eyes are closed in thought, I can feel Haru's gaze still drilling into me. He's not letting this go, not by a long shot.

...Honesty...

Fuck.

“It was awful...” I confess, mentally telling Rin I'm sorry, “It was supposed to be this amazing thing and...and it was horrible.” At least whatever effect this conversation will have on Haru, it will be a truthful one. Haru is looking at me with an expression of confused shock, like he doesn't know what to do, didn't expect that. I continue crying softly, sniffling every once in a while, not even trying to get a hold of myself. Then I feel Haru hugging me, and I _really_ start to cry.

It takes several minutes but eventually I'm finally back to a dull sniffle.

“Maybe...you didn't do it right?” Haru offers hesitantly now that I've died down a bit. He has his arms kind of awkwardly wrapped around my upper shoulders, because the corner of the table is between us. He doesn't complain about the position though, and I don't try to move. When he's ready, or thinks I am, he'll let go.

“Maybe... I... I just don't know...” I mumble into his shoulder. “How did things turn out like this?” I say more to myself than as anything for him to respond to.

“Did you break up?...” Haru asks, pulling back so he can see my eyes. The look on his face is so serious, so worried for me.

“No, we're still together. It wasn't like he meant for it to be bad...” I try to explain, feeling tired and empty. For once I hardly even think about what the 'right words' would be, just let it spill out of me. Haru nods, but doesn't sit back down yet.

“He tried to make it up to me afterward... I still love him, I miss him so much it hurts... I just... I don't understand. Everything else has always felt so good...”

The wheels in Haru's mind are spinning furiously. I can tell he knows exactly what I mean by 'everything else'.

“Come on” he says, standing up abruptly, pulling on my arm.

“What?” I have no idea what's going on, just that suddenly I'm being pulled to my feet. “Haru?” I ask, and see the set of his gaze harden into a no-nonsense look.

“We need to figure out if you did it wrong, right?” the wording of it is a bit simplified, but Haru's meaning isn't lost on me. “Maybe there's a better way to do it for beginning, or something you forgot” he says earnestly. I'm hesitant, because I can't think of how that might be...

The fact remains though, that _something_ needs to be done. I don't say it out loud, but my thoughts are leaning more toward maybe there possibly being something wrong with me.

“Come on” Haru says again, dismissing that line of thought. As he's leading me to his old desktop computer, I'm really glad that this still goes both ways. Some things I just don't know if I'll ever be able to say out loud, even to Haru.

Three internet searches later, and my face is putting off enough heat to negate the need for a thermostat. Haru is fairly red too, but I think both of us realize this is too important to back out of. The first few phrases he tries all find nothing but porn. I doubt any of that is made with the intent of instructing beginners.

We find a few articles that are rather vague, but they seem to imply the way Sei and I went about it _was_ correct...

“We need different words...” Haru mutters, going back to the search box again. He looks at me out of the corner of his eye, but back down to the keys quickly. I sigh, knowing exactly what he's implying is necessary.

“Maybe try 'anal sex for dummies'?” I suggest, very nearly as a last resort. Haru looks contemplative, and then types it in. I bury my face in my hands momentarily, but then peek up again to see what it returns. Same vagueness, different article. Be clean, be safe, be open minded... Most look like they're written by girls, though I'm not sure that would make a difference.

“But how do you keep it from hurting?” I kind of sigh, feeling ready to give up. I don't think I meant to say that out loud. Haru looks like he's trying to evaluate if I need another hug or not. I give him a weary smile, and that seems to be enough to reassure him. I watch with shame as he types in 'how to keep anal sex from hurting'.

Thank god for persistent friends.

I sit up a little straighter, leaning closer to the screen when we find the blog. This isn't some article written for an internet knockoff of Cosmo. It's by a male for starters, and mixes the technical with the real world. I didn't know there was so much to know about the anus... I can't believe I'm reading this with such seriousness, but I feel hope stirring. He even assumes _both_ partners don't know what they're doing, rather than just the bottom being new to it.

At the end, there's a video.

Haru doesn't even ask me, just clicks on it. I'm not sure if it's because he knows it will be good for me, or because he's curious himself. When it loads, right away our host is in boxers and nothing else. After he explains the step by step nature of the demonstration, he reaches for a bottle of lube. I cover my eyes.

“Oh my god” I groan, unable to believe I'm watching _this_.

“You're not going to learn anything like that” Haru points out. I give in and open my fingers a little. I'm relieved and fascinated to see it's still just the one guy in the picture. When I start paying attention again, I actually learn a couple different things.

Haru is glued to the screen like he's watching a train wreck, which makes me wonder just how far he and Rin have really gotten.

Then there's a cut scene where the guy says proper preparation can take up to 30 minutes the first couple times. Depending on the individual of course.

“Half an hour?” I practically exclaim. There's now a dildo coming into the scene, and Haru pauses it quickly.

“Is that a lot?” he asks, completely serious.

“Well, I guess not, if that's what he said...” my face burns anew. Haru tilts his head, and asks for the more he can see I'm holding back.

“How long did it take you guys?”

“I don't know for sure, maybe, 15 minutes? Total?...” I didn't keep track down to the minute. Really, I wasn't paying attention to that. The only reason I even have an answer is because I _happened_ to glance at the clock afterward. I know the rough estimate of when we started because we talked about how early it was...

“So, it wasn't that you did it wrong, just too fast” Haru supplies. The article preceding the video suggests practicing before actual sex even. I guess I'll have time before I see Sei again... The thought of me doing anything like that _to_ _myself_ just seems overwhelming though.

“Yeah, I guess so...” I have to agree.

“So there's nothing wrong with you, Makoto” Haru adds, but turns back to the video before I can meet his eyes.

“Thanks, Haru... I'm glad you found this site... And now you'll know for you guys too” I tell him.

“I guess, if we ever end up doing that” he says flatly, like there's not a huge chance of it.

“Haru?...”

He doesn't look at me, just unpauses the video. I'm going to try one more time, but if he still doesn't want to talk, I'll let it go. For now.

“Did Rin do something, that makes you not want to?...” I say softly, just barely above the sound of the computer.

When Haru turns to me, at first there's confusion on his face, which comforts me. If he had an example in the forefront of his mind, then he wouldn't look like that. As his eyes meet mine, the thing I'm struck with overwhelmingly is _fear_. After everything we just learned though, it can't be a fear of the actual act, can it?

I don't get a chance to ask him, because Rin pushes open Haru's half closed bedroom door right at that moment. Both of us are obviously surprised to see him. Suddenly I remember what's playing on the screen behind us. The set of Rin's jaw is hard, and not with competition.

“Rin...” I want to say 'this isn't what it looks like', but that makes it sound like we really are trying to cover something up...

“You know what? Fuck you, Haru” Rin spits out, anger radiating from him. I jump up out of my seat, knowing full well what it is he's accusing Haru of.

“Wait, Rin, it's not like that-”

He turns his head like his body is about to follow and leave. Haru is wide eyed and frozen to his chair, and I let go of my last bit of dignity, for them.

“Sei and I, had sex” I say too loudly, trying to make sure I have his attention. Rin freezes for half a second, clearly finding my declaration doesn't jive with his assumption of the situation. He turns back around, and raises an eyebrow.

“We did, and, we didn't know what we were doing...” I wanted to try and save things here, but I'm quickly finding out I'm not over the incident enough to talk about it so blatantly. I open my mouth to say more, with Rin blinking at me, and start to cry. Again. Because I haven't been as pathetic as possible about it yet.

I just can't look him in the eye and tell him that it hurt like hell and I could barely walk afterward. It's not like that between us, like it is with Haru. Plus, Rin knows Sei a lot better than Haru does. I don't want him to think badly of him, because it wasn't Sei's _fault_.

Thankfully Rin doesn't finish his movement to leave. At least my declaration and tears accomplished that much. I see him look over to Haru, and something amazing happens. The knowledge, the importance, the _truth_ , flies between them just from that glance. Rin's fists unclench, but his face gets that look of anger on it again.

“Did he hurt you?” Rin asks assertively, frowning at the thought.

“It, wasn't like that... I mean, I wanted what happened to happen, it just, was a lot different than I thought it would be...” I explain in a small voice. I'm going with the assumption that by 'hurt', he means more like 'force' than actual pain...

The guy demonstrating in the video starts talking about additional measures you can take if your partner is more well endowed than usual.

“What the hell are you watching?” Rin shoots another look at Haru now.

“It's a video on how to prepare” Haru says with 100 times more composure than I have right now.

“...For Makoto...” Rin replies, still looking at Haru intensely. Haru turns away and closes out of the browser.

“Yeah” is all he says.

From the way Rin takes his next breath, it seems like he was going to say something. He doesn't though. He lets it out almost more like a sigh instead. ...And... Cue the silence none of us know how to breach...

“I should go” I say quietly, looking at the door, wanting to give them the time alone they clearly need.

“You don't have to run off, just because he's here” Haru says with surprising force.

I did this.

I let our friendship wain until keeping it alive is infringing on keeping our relationships healthy.

“Yeah, it's not you, Makoto” _Rin_ agrees, making me incredibly uneasy. The look he's giving Haru is far too blank and lifeless to belong on Rin's face. Haru looks like he has no idea how to respond to Rin agreeing with him.

“Come on, Haru, you're practically watching porn with him, but _I'm_ your boyfriend... And when I get here, it's awkward and uneasy, and you turn it off” Rin gestures to the computer with a half hearted wave. Shit.

“Rin-”

“No, Makoto, I'm not saying either of you are doing anything wrong, I get it” Rin interrupts me, “I just don't get _him_.”

“You don't?” I ask, kind of surprised after what I just saw pass between them.

Haru is silent.

“Well, maybe a little, but, that's part of the problem. It's just making it worse” Rin looks desperate. Not taking a swing at people desperate... But like all the fragile things he's been trying to hold together are falling apart in his hands, desperate.

“I know you don't trust me, Haru. I can see it. No matter what I do... I don't even know why. God, why can't you, just a little at least, just let me prove myself?” Rin implores him.

Then Haru does the worst possible thing he can do in this situation. He breaks Rin's gaze, and looks at _me_. I feel so bad for him, for how I know Rin will react to that, that I don't catch what it is Haru's trying to convey.

“You know what, just forget it” Rin's voice is pained. His shoulders lose all life in them, and it reminds me of watching him try to get out of the pool after he was taken off the relay. Haru's eyes are wide and rimmed with tears, and struggling. He looks from me to Rin a few times in the span of Rin turning to go, but there's nothing I can do for him. I stay rooted on the spot, trying to be as small as possible.

“...Why?” Haru suddenly blurts out. I see Rin pause, and Haru with tears streaming down his cheeks. “Why should I, when you're just going to leave?” the accusation is so thick in Haru's voice that it barely even sounds like him.

“Fuck, just because I can't handle anymore of the 'super best friends bond' right now doesn't mean I'm going for good” Rin says with a tired sarcasm.

“But you will, eventually” Haru says back, resignation coating his voice.

“I want to stay, Haru. Don't you want me to?” Rin asks, and I don't feel like I should be watching this. If I move though, it might break the spell. The largest crack in Haru's armor I've ever seen is showing right now. Rin's chances of breaking through are pretty good if he can just focus and not do anything too sudden.

“Of course _I_ do” Haru is earnest, but it somehow also shows his lack of believing in Rin's commitment.

“Well if _I_ want to stay, and _you_ want me to stay, then why on earth would I go?” Rin tries logic this time, but it sounds just as tired as his sarcasm did. I hope the tiny edge of condescension in it doesn't put Haru off...

My best friend's face screws up, his anger, pain, and desperation in that moment matching anything I've ever seen from Rin.

“Because everyone leaves!” Haru practically yells, breaking in half right before us. “ _Everyone_. You did once before already, so how can I...” he's shaking with emotion as he cuts off, and his silence is anything but apathetic now.

Rin's mouth is hanging slightly open. He closes the distance between them with a smooth motion that seems almost intimate in and of itself.

“Hey,” he says, putting his arms around his teary boyfriend, “I was _12_ , Haru, we weren't even together...”

“I know, but I still missed you...” Haru sounds so small and vulnerable, I wish I could hug him too. But I don't exist right now, so it's impossible. Rin kisses his forehead, then temple, keeping him close.

“I didn't mean to leave you, Haru” he tells him softly, “I didn't do it to get away from you, I was just trying to work toward my goal, you know that...”

“But that's just it, you have things, _drive_ , and I, I don't. I don't have anything. It'll take you away from me again, eventually... So why let you in, why when you're just going to move on and leave me behind?” Haru cries against Rin's shoulder, and I move backward slowly toward the door. I've seen too much already, though I'm glad to have been privilege to it.

“Look at me” Rin presses their foreheads together, and does something I wouldn't have given him credit for before this, “I'll always have goals, Haru, but no one said you have to stay behind, now that we're older... I'm taking you with me, from now on, whether you like it or not” he tells him, giving just a hint of grin.

The last thing I see before turning out the door is Haru, his eyes filled with hope, leaning in and kissing Rin hard. Being the big baby that I am, it makes my eyes water to see. The thing at the center of Haru has always been his separation from the rest of the world, his distance. I tried for a long time to coax him into joining us.

I guess he just needed to be drug in kicking by someone like Rin...

I close the door behind me, using a medium amount of force. I want them to realize they're alone now, and free to keep making out as long as they want or need to. You know, all that...

As I'm heading home, my problems with working out the _physical_ stuff with Sei seem suddenly inconsequential. We already trust each other, love each other. I don't worry about our relationship _surviving_ him being away in college.

Plus, I know how to fix the physical issue now, or at least make a good start at it. The start Rin and Haru just made was much more difficult.

Before I go to bed, I text Sei one last time and tell him how much I love him and miss him. I don't tell him about the things I learned tonight, because I decide to show him in person, the Saturday after next. I really like the idea of surprising him like that, and it should be a good way to break in his apartment...

I receive a text at almost the same time I'm sending that one, but it's not from Sei.

 

// Thanks man //

 

It's from Rin, with Haru's name added in next to his.

 

// You're welcome :) //

 

I type in right away. Before I hit send though, I decide to add a few more words.

 

// ...Make sure Haru shows you the website we found //

 

You know, just to make sure. It's much easier to do this way since it's by text.

 

// Will do ;) //

 

I get back a moment later, followed by Sei's reply of how much he misses me already. He also tells me that Joji says 'hi'. After all this, amazingly, I'm able to fall asleep with a smile on my face. Everything is going to be ok.

 


	6. Chapter 6

The next day I go ahead and extend the invitation to Haru for any dinners with my family he wants this week. Because I would like to see my friend. He asks if he can bring Rin on Thursday, since they already made plans for Haru to go to the Matsuoka house for New Year's. I don't even have to ask my parents to know that's fine.

It takes me until the weekend to work up the nerve to try what the video said. I still have another whole week before my planned surprise visit when Sei moves in, so it's ok. I go slow, remembering it's ok for it to take a while...trying to relax...

The finding of my prostate is an event that makes me wish Sei was here with me right now.

It takes a few days, but I get used to the sensation of stretching myself. The guy in the video was right, practice would have helped a lot, I think. I have never masturbated this much before, but it's for a good cause.

Sei gave me his address for the apartment in Tottori before school ended, so I map everything out carefully. Since it's a surprise, I can't ask him to meet me and guide me there. Thank goodness for the internet. I still get a little bit of a twisting feeling in my stomach as I head over Saturday morning. Deep breaths help to calm me though. It's not for the trip, but its surprise nature.

Will Sei be having a good time without me? Making new friends and getting hit on? What am I thinking, he's probably going to be unpacking all weekend. He's always made friends easily even so... I can't help but be afraid I'll walk up to his door and find some gorgeous _college_ girl making eyes at him. Or even worse, a _college_ _guy_. For some reason I find the idea of female competition not as intimidating...

Not that there's a competition. That I know of, anyway... I guess if it was a girl, at least I could tell myself she offered him things I couldn't. I'm starting to make myself sick with worry. This is so stupid. Sei loves me, and he'll be ecstatic to see me. I repeat that as a little mantra whenever my jittery boyfriend blues threaten to take over again.

It's a long hour and a half ride.

When I reach my destination, I have to still my internal monologue a bit, to make sure I take the right streets. It's only a few blocks from the station to the campus, but Sei's apartment is on the other side of the school. There are people everywhere, though it doesn't seem as if they're all moving in or something. I didn't realize Tottori was this much of a population center.

Then I take the last corner, and Sei's complex comes into view. I know it's the right one from the name, Golden Meadows. It seems appropriate. It's shaped like a horseshoe, and obviously caters to students. There are quite a few people milling about, unloading cars, looking at maps, smoking in the courtyard area. Now I just need to find A14, and the wait will be over. Maybe because of the 'A', it will be on the first floor?

I think there's a good chance of me finding it on my own, so I don't want to disturb anyone. I find A3, then A4, and that gives me hope. Before I can get down the walkway much farther, a door opens near the middle of the section. Sei steps out of it. He locks it behind him right away, not looking around much. He's obviously going for a run, wearing his sweats and a signature tank top, even in this chilly weather.

There's a slackness in his movements though, no happy energy in his step. He looks mildly depressed as he stretches a bit and surveys the people chattering in the courtyard. Like he's trying to make the best of his fate. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but he looks absolutely perfect to me.

I wonder how close I'll get before he realizes it's me.

I almost think he's turning to start off in the other direction, but he's just twisting to the side, pulling his arm with him. I can tell from that he's not concentrating on what he's doing. Those are stretches more for getting in the water, like I would do, rather than running. He's absently going through the motions. I decide I am confident enough to assume that it's at least partly because of thoughts of me.

When he turns to stretch the other way, he'll see me walking toward him, grinning at him knowingly.

And he does.

As soon as our eyes meet, he blinks, then blinks again, holding it longer. Has he been seeing me everywhere in these crowds of strangers? I'm still here of course when he opens them again, and a soft wonder fills his expression.

“Hey, mind if I interrupt your workout?” I gently tease him. A smile is replacing the apathy that was set in his mouth just a moment ago.

“For you babe, any time” he says before hugging me tightly. Then he _kisses_ me right out in the open, where everyone can see, and I don't care at all. “I can't believe you're here, why didn't you call?” he whispers to me, still close enough for it to be considered clinging.

“I wanted to surprise you” I don't whisper as much as he did, but I grin bigger, because I know my presence isn't his only surprise.

“You are officially the best boyfriend ever” Sei chuckles, genuine pleasure taking over his countenance. A lady walking by gives us more of a looking at than she probably meant to when she hears him say that. I just smile in Sei's arms and relish the title.

It's silly, but when we head inside, and I offer to help him unpack, it feels like I was always going to be here. He wonders where a few things are, and I tell him what box I put them in before. It's easy to forget that Sunday evening I'll be leaving him again. He kept my place in his life for me well.

Not much was unpacked when I first came, but the bear I gave him for Christmas was sitting by his bed.

“Ok, that was horrible. I'm making a new rule that you're not allowed to be apart from me for more than two weeks” Sei puts his arms around me from behind.

“I'll let my parents know about the rule change” I chuckle, leaning back into his embrace. He kisses the side of my neck, and I think it's time we took a break from unpacking.

“I brought you a couple things to keep here, not really gifts though, because them being mine is kind of the point” I tell him, and I can see I've piqued his interest.

“Oh, like what?”

“A spare suit of mine, in case we want to go swimming sometime, or you know, just mess around and stuff” I joke, and he squeezes me tighter. “I also brought my toothbrush, since you have a bathroom now.”

“The odds are very good of you needing that...” Sei says huskily.

“And I brought the rest of the condoms too” I inform him, waiting for his reaction.

“...Are you sure about that?...” he sounds disbelieving.

“I'm sure” I say with a lot more confidence than usual.

“Not that I _don't_ want to, it's just, I want to make sure you know I'm not expecting it, just because you came here, for us to try again” Sei kind of rambles.

“Sei, it's ok. I looked into it, you know, did some research... And... I've... Been practicing” I reveal just a tiny bit hesitantly.

“You've been, _practicing_?” Sei's grip on me loosens a little, and he turns to be able to see my face. I've nothing else embarrassing to tell Sei about my life now, ever.

“Yeah, just, preparing...and _stuff_ ” I throw on the end, just to give a new edge to our familiar teasings.

“ _Stuff_ really is the best, isn't it?” Sei grins, our faces close and about to meet in a kiss.

“It really is... Let's go to your room and _do_ some of it already” I suggest with a smile, feeling impatient.

“I take it practice is going well then...” he teases again, walking backward with small kisses to draw me to him. I continue to smile, and promise things with my eyes that I don't have the nerve to say out loud.

On his bed, our clothes are shed without nearly the nervousness of before. It helps that I'm aroused as hell from knowing what it _can_ feel like now. My pants get pulled off, and I have to stop myself from leaving a bite mark on Sei's shoulder.

“You do seem a lot more enthusiastic this time” Sei murmurs to me as we kiss. His hands are both firmly massaging my ass, and I'm already rocking my hips against him.

“I missed being naked against you more than I have words for” I confess at a whisper, “Just do the same thing you did last time, but go a little slower. We should be fine then, since I'm getting used to it.”

“Fuck, I'm going to blow just thinking about you getting yourself 'used to' it” Sei groans, biting at my earlobe.

“Well, if you go off early, we can always try again later” I tease him. Sei's hand takes a grip in the back of my hair, more forcefully than usual. My breath is shaky as he looks me in the eye with a challenging stare.

“Get on your knees” he orders with that honey coated growl. It very nearly makes a shiver run up my spine. Perhaps I won't joke with him again about going off early...or on second thought, maybe I will...

He warms the lube this time.

When I feel that first finger slide inside me, it instantly doubles the anticipation that's been building. I push back against him, making sure he's stretching as deeply as possible. I hear Sei make a sort of sighing moan, and he grabs my ass possessively with his free hand.

“You tell me when you're ready, baby, I'm not moving on my own” he says, rubbing my back lovingly.

“Ok, thanks, babe” I smile, sure he can hear the gratitude in my voice even if he can't see my face. In the interest of this turning out much better than before, I try not to let my own eagerness rush things. I wait until all traces of discomfort are gone before asking for a second digit. When it presses in, he comes _so_ close to hitting my prostate, it's almost maddening.

“God, Sei... Just a little further...” I prompt him, wiggling back with a groan. It's so amazing, to be able to relax and enjoy it. Doing it myself was more different than I had realized. Sei takes my guiding seriously, and he _hits_ it.

“Ohh, fuck” I moan, my hips rocking in an effort to encounter it again.

“That's it, isn't it?” Sei says seductively, entirely too pleased with himself as he presses over it again.

“Yes, fucking...yes” I'm starting to pant as he works steadily over and over that spot. My arms feel weak, and there's no reason to tough anything out here. I slowly let my shoulders fall to the bed, spreading my arms above me so I can grab his pillow.

“Holy fuck, you are so beautiful baby” Sei groans almost as one word, they're all strung so close together.

“Another, give me another...” I ask, afraid things will get too heated on _my_ end if we don't move on. I have heard you can come from just two fingers on that spot, nothing else...

“Ok...” Sei kisses over my hips, ass, lower back, all in a near flurry of desire. I'm not looking at the clock, because that's not what I care about. I try to just feel my body and when it's ready, relaxed. Three fingers takes a bit of adjusting to, but I tell myself it will be worth it.

“I... I think I'm ready, for you” I finally decide. Sei leans down over me, pressing against my back while his fingers are still in place.

“Are you sure?” he asks, his voice hardly trembling at all in my ear.

“Yeah... Sei?”

“What is it, babe?”

“Can I turn over first? I, kind of wanted to be facing you...”

As much trouble as I had meeting his gaze when I came at first, now I crave it.

“Of course, here, let me...” Sei gently pulls away and helps guide me onto my back. I pull him down _not_ gently, and kiss him hard. It feels so lewd, so naughty, when I spread my legs and wrap them around his waist. Sei moans into my mouth in response. No more words are needed for this moment. I can feel him lining himself up, and a thrill runs through me.

He presses forward much more slowly this time. I can feel the exact moment inside where he goes farther than his fingers could, but it's bearable. I make a little noise, or maybe not so little, because Sei freezes.

“It's ok,” I lean up the slightest bit and steal a kiss, assuring him. I think it's much better that we can see each other's faces like this. The intimacy of his concern for me is almost as soothing as the pain leaving. Don't get me wrong, there's still _discomfort_ , but it's nowhere near as intense this time.

I experiment as it's ebbing, and use my legs to press Sei's hips even more tightly to me. A little shoot of pain answers me, but it lessens to a twinge as I loosen my grip again.

“Having fun?” Sei says, his voice tight with restraint.

“Yeah... What color is the condom?” I ask breathlessly, to distract him for just a bit longer. Sei grins and puts his lips right next to my ear.

“Take a look for yourself” he instructs me. Playing along, I kiss his shoulder and then push up on it. Sei moves to a sort of push up position so I have room to see down between the two of us. I have to slacken the hold my legs have on him. He'll need to pull out a bit for me to be able to see from this angle.

It's really just, what...a handful of centimeters that he moves? But it feels like more. I can tell we're both fighting the pleasure of it, and I take it as a good sign.

The condom is blue.

“Fuck, just, move already” I groan, far past the point of caring anymore. We'll find out pretty quickly if it was too soon.

It's not.

“Ok, I'm going to...” Sei seems like he was going to say more than that, but as he starts moving, speech stops. It's three slow thrusts later and me grasping at his back before he finishes the sentence.

“God... Try to find _it_ , so tell me if I'm close, alright?” he pants while I'm moaning with each upstroke.

“Ok...ok, god, _Sei_ ” I feel really good right now, but I _am_ looking forward to feeling the whole package, all together. He's going slower with his own movements than the first time, probably in a very real effort to  last. As he concentrates, I kiss his neck, then bite it, moaning into his skin all the while.

“Oh, there! Just a little...Yes!” I exclaim more quickly than I would have expected. Whether he just got lucky, or had some logic to his search, I don't know, and don't care.

“Fuck, fuck yes, ahhh, ah, ah” my attempt at encouraging him is derailed by my own inability to form coherent words. Sei picks up his pace. I've never sworn this much before in my life, though I am pretty sure I will again. Gloriously dirty sounds are being made by our bodies coming together. I wasn't able to enjoy the feeling of fullness, of being claimed by him last time. I am now though.

“Nnngh, ahh, baby, I love you so much” Sei groans, his hand wrapping around my swollen erection. There's already a little pool of clear precum smeared on my stomach from his attentions.

“Oh god, Sei, I'll cum, I'll cum” I feel a jolt so hot it almost burns as it runs through me. The stroking, combined with his thrusts, has my body so tense I'm on the edge of melting completely.

“Good, so will I” Sei confesses, his hips picking up that much more urgency.

I'm done, even though the ride hasn't ended _just_ yet. I cum so hard I _yell_ , and Sei's eyes widen, pleased and proud I'm sure. The frame of the bed is hitting the wall with a telling smack, just in case my shouting didn't clue in the entire complex. I don't give a damn about what anyone else might think though, I just want to see Sei cum.

He groans loud enough to certainly be considered a yell when his hits him too. I cling to his back, pulling him closer with my legs as much as I can.

There's no pain, just bliss.

“I love you too...” I whisper tiredly, realizing I got distracted from replying by the amazing things he was making me feel. I think he'll forgive me.

We lay in a tangled, heated mess for long enough that my eyes start settling closed. Sei pulling out of me keeps my awareness intact though. There's those little kisses like love pecks raining down on me. I smile contently, running my hands through Sei's hair even though my eyes are still closed.

His phone goes off with a text message, but he doesn't make even the slightest move toward getting it. Thanks to all the things we've already done together, we both know we're cuddlers. There's still a whole lot of holding and gentle rubbing and touching in awe left to go. Maybe not so much in awe now, more like appreciation.

Sei has his head resting on my chest, absently stroking my hip, when his phone goes off again.

“Should you see who that is?” I ask, starting to worry about emergencies and fateful timing... In my relaxed state though, I think only a hint of it is coming through in my voice. Sei sighs like even the _idea_ of moving is putting him out. He reaches over blindly with an arm as he kisses the dip between my muscles.

“Shit...” he says with feeling as soon as he looks at the screen.

“What's wrong?”

“It's Ikuda, my captain” Sei frowns as he's reading, “He's calling a practice in an hour.”

It doesn't seem entirely fair to me, with all Sei's dedication, that he be forced to cut into our short time together here. But I also know that this is a critical time for him, starting over with a new team.

“How long do you think it will be?” I try to keep a positive tone in my voice.

“I'm not sure... Do you want to come with me?” Sei asks.

“Um, I don't think I'd be much good in the water right now...” I point out, “But, if you wanted, I could come and watch. You know, sit on the bleachers and bring you your drink during break...”

“And stuff...” Sei adds, smiling. “Yeah, I'd like that... My boyfriend waiting for me.”

“...Have you asked them about that kind of thing? Other people swimming at their practice? They might not be so open about it at this level...” I ask, not wanting either of us to make a bad impression by assuming.

“That's a good point, I'm not the _head honcho_ anymore” Sei says with a horribly broken English accent, making me smile. He picks up his phone as if to reply, but then lets it rest again. “So, just to be clear, I'm asking if it's ok for my boyfriend to come and watch practice?”

My cheeks flush, but it doesn't feel like as bad of one as it maybe would have in the past.

“If you want...to word it that way, I mean...” I kind of whisper.

“I do” Sei says, his eyes lighting up, “I want everyone to know you belong to me already, so they shouldn't bother trying.” His insistence is beautiful, as Rei would say. I pull his hand over and kiss the backs of his fingers.

“Ok.”

Sei sends a questioning text to his captain, waiting for a reply. He gets one back saying sure, a few guys are bringing their families, etc, since they're still moving in. It will be a good chance for them to check out the facilities too.

I'll need to shower before we go, actually, we both do... It's very difficult not to get distracted, but with such an important time constraint, we manage. We also have to take it slow, for my sake, walking over to the indoor, Olympic sized swimming pool.

Sei tells me all about the wealthy alumni that donated the funds for the massive project, and how it's only the second year of use for it. I've already heard about coach Watoga and how he turned down a spot training the National team to come here. I still listen attentively though, not only out of respect for Sei, but interest on my own part. It helps distract from the twinge as I walk too.

When we make it there, an impressive amount of space is taken up by the structure. Inside, rows of bleachers line the walls. A state of the art touch-pad timing system displays on a huge marquee. There are already guys milling around in their suits. Sei goes to change right away, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.

I wonder if he knows how brave he is sometimes. Maybe he just expects that everyone will share his enthusiasm eventually, if they hang around him long enough. I've seen it happen before. There's really not that many people in the stands after all, just a handful of parents. An empty spot is easy to find, so I try to get comfortable.

There's a chance I might get bored, but I want to keep my attention on Sei as much as possible. I don't have any homework yet, but there's always my phone if I need it. When Sei comes out in his speedo, I decide I won't have any trouble keeping my attention on him. They all have matching team suits, but I'm still able to pick out that flaring crop of red hair easily.

It gets a little more difficult to keep track of things once he has his swim cap on and there's four other guys in the lane with him. I do my best though, and I'm glad to see he's easily keeping up with his teammates. They get a break of a few minutes, and I use the opportunity to take Sei the bottle of water we brought with us.

Then he's back in the pool again. I take a chance now and then to look around and see if I can spot the coach. It's fruitless though, no adults are standing around down by the pool. It looks like this may have just been a case of the captain wanting to assert his authority over the new recruits, to see what kind of responses he got.

When they're finally dismissed, most of the guys stand around talking for a minute. Sei is one of them, so I'm not sure if I should go over there, or wait for him to be 'done'. After a moment I catch his eye though, and he makes a 'come over here' gesture with his head. I walk carefully on the wet cement, years of practice making it seem natural.

“Hey, this is Makoto” Sei introduces me, “Tachibana to you guys” he says with a teasing and proud grin. I really shouldn't be blushing, but thankfully it's not a _whole_ lot, while I bow to them.

“Sooo... Oh, that wasn't an auto-correct thing?” captain Ikuda tilts his head a bit. Sei raises an eyebrow at him, and my blush gets more pronounced.

“Nah, I meant what I said” Sei affirms casually, yet carefully taking in the reactions around him.

“Sorry, I just figured when you said 'Makoto', that your phone had changed girlfriend into boyfriend for some reason without you realizing it, you know” Ikuda explains. He gives a little shrug of his shoulders, but doesn't seem put off by it.

“So, are you two from around here then?” one of the others asks. I wasn't told his name.

“No, I'm just visiting Sei. I'm from Iwatobi” I offer in a friendly tone.

“I didn't know there was a university in Iwatobi” he replies.

“Oh, no, I'm still a third year” I explain sheepishly, “I go to Iwatobi high school.”

Ikuda doesn't say anything, but he seems to recognize the name, because he nods.

“And your parents let you come visit your boyfriend all the way over here? Wow, they must be super 'modern'...” the other guy seems surprised. Sometimes I forget just how amazing my parent's acceptance is.

“Yeah, they're pretty great” I tell him, “I'm Makoto, by the way.”

“Konishi, Benkei” he says with a tip of his head.

“Well, if you don't want everyone calling you 'Tachibana' when you come to see me, I'll teach them to address you as 'Sei's boyfriend' if you want” Sei teases me, causing the embers of my blush to flare up again.

“Sei...” it's not a whine, it's really not. Most of the other guys think it's hilarious though, and burst out laughing or at least chuckling. I can't begrudge him the bonding at such a small bit of my expense.

“Damn, now I'm jealous, Mikoshiba. My girlfriend didn't come to see me” one of the others chimes in.

“That's because she's a _girl_ friend” someone else points out. Hopefully I'll be able to put names with faces eventually, if I get to visit Sei enough.

“Shut up, your _boy_ friend didn't come see you either” from a third now.

“He's in America this semester! Not my fault!” the heckler throws back. I feel something uncoil and loosen in my chest hearing that. It's hard to tell, being from such a small town, if this kind of 'openness' on a swim team is normal or not. Sei looks like he not only expected, but demanded of the universe that it be this way. I'd bend fate a little for that golden gaze too, if it were me...

 

When we get back to his apartment, I lay down to rest right away. The metal benches didn't exactly help me to recover in that area...

Sei isn't completely unpacked by the time I have to leave on Sunday, but it's ok. It takes a long, long time to get out of bed and shower that afternoon. Before Sei lets me leave the sheets, he wraps his arms around me one last time.

“Don't go” he whispers in a time honored lover's request for the suspension of disbelief. We both know I _have_ to, but the desire to change it is what counts.

“Ok” I murmur back, playing along with all my heart. He smiles broadly against the skin of my arm where his head is resting.

“Good. They'll never look for you here” he bites me not very gently.

“Sei! Don't leave a mark!” I squeal more than I need to.

“I'm going to have to _carry_ you to the train station, and you're worried about a mark” he teases.

I leave having exchanged another shirt for his, and hopefully enough kisses to last me until seeing him next time. Again, with the pretty lies we tell ourselves. I need more of him before the train even pulls away completely, but I try to be strong.

 

Monday, when I see Haru again for the new school year, is the first time I ever see him smile knowingly. He asks me, “Better?” a short, coded question, and all I can do is blush. Well, I nod too, but there are no words I'm speaking in public about it. I _was_ going to talk to him more about it after practice, but two things happened to derail that.

First off, walking into Samezuka's pool and knowing Sei wasn't there hit me like a ton of bricks. I literally felt my lungs squeeze shut with emotion, and it took a good 10 minutes for me to be ok enough to swim. Secondly, as soon as Haru and Rin got around each other, it was obvious that they'd had sex too. Obvious to me anyway, I'm not sure who else might have picked up on it.

I didn't have the guts to try and pull him aside from Rin after that. When practice was over, I just headed home. Watching Haru blush while Rin did such small things like run a thumb over his cheek got old quick. Not that I'm not happy for them, but it just seems to send sharp pains through my constricting chest to see it right now.

It takes a while, but I'm finally able to go on normally at Samezuka. I do take the time to congratulate Haru and Rin, who deny everything of course. Then secretly, Rin confesses to it all being true, as if I didn't already know.

The next time I go to visit Sei, I'm prepared for there to be mandatory weekend practices. I get to join them in the water though, so they go by quickly. I'm not the slowest, but then again, it makes me think about how much farther I still have to go.

No one else's 'significant others' are there, but it's still early in the season. We've been promised to meet Masashi's boyfriend when he gets back from America. I'm starting to have more and more of their names down. They don't hold it against me since I see them for such short amounts of time.

 

“Alright, let's warm up and then we'll work on our individual strokes” I instruct the Iwatobi guys as we get in the water. “Oh, Haru, there's something I wanted to ask you about” I call out, hoping to catch him before submersion. He doesn't really answer me, so much as blink in acquiescence. He's already in the pool and has done a few laps while we were all changing.

I sort of half kneel, half squat next to him on the edge of the lane.

“I'd like to see you swim a 1500 after the warm up today, if that's ok” I smile congenially.

“That's 30 laps” he says with a tilt of his head. Haru's not arguing, just showing a small bit of curiosity, I guess you would call it.

“Yes. I thought, with your love of the water and great stamina, that you might be really good at an endurance event. Since Samezuka has the lap counters, we should probably try it while we're here” I tell him. Haru looks out over the water as if he's seeing something entirely different than the pool.

“Ok.”

I go to borrow one of the plastic counters from the supply room while they all finish their warm ups. The lap counter is like a flag with large numbers that you flip over to count a swimmer's progress for them. When you're only going there and back for a 100 meter, it's no big deal. Thirty laps though, which isn't even swam at a high school level, is much different. The regions around here only host a 500 meter in their competitions as the longest event.

Once Haru is ready, I start him off with my stopwatch, and follow his movement to the other side of the pool. That's one. When he flips and heads back, I adjust the count to read “03” and dip it below the surface. That way when he sees it on his return to me, it will tell him how many lengths he'll have completed when he does that flip.

It's not that swimmers can't count to 30, just that in the monotony, it's easy to lose track at some point. I know for a fact Haru's swam a longer distance than 1500 meters at once before. It wouldn't have been in this set increment and being timed though.

“Oi, what is he doing?” Rin gives me a head nod of greeting from his neighboring lane, but he's looking at Haru.

“A 1500, I thought he should give it a try, it seemed like something he would be good at” I inform him. I'm not completely sure what to make of the look Rin gives me.

“Hm” is all he says, but I can see the wheels turning. Even guys that consider themselves to have a high endurance have a hard time with the 1500, without training. Somehow, I think Haru will take to it just as naturally as he has to everything else regarding the water.

“I don't know, it just hit me one day, you know...that Haru's love of being _in_ the water is sort of wasted on sprinting” I feel as though I need to explain myself, and my asking this of him, to a greater degree.

“Cool. That's your decision, man” Rin re-adjusts his goggles to finish up his set, “Let me know what his time was.”

I wait to sigh until Rin is under the water. It strikes me later, when Haru's nearing his finish, what Rin's mannerisms seemed to indicate. It was almost _respectful_ behavior, like, as if I was a captain of a rival team or something. Huh.

Haru is closer to having medalled with his time on this _first try_ than I am with mine after months of focus. I shouldn't be this surprised, but at least I'm not shocked.

“So, maybe you should give some thought to it, if you want to keep swimming competitively” I suggest after he's had a chance to digest his performance. It also helps that Rin's time was _minutes_ behind his, because he just _had_ to try it for himself too... Speaking of the shark...

“He is” Rin butts in, putting his arm over Haru's shoulders. “We want to go to a school we can both swim for” he says with authority.

“Are you going to Tottori?” Haru addresses me, cutting ahead several steps in the conversation.

“Yes, I am” I reply right away. Rin seems to be thinking something snarky, or possibly obscene about that, but for once he wisely keeps his mouth shut.

“We're thinking about that too” Haru nods, very serious, “Rin wants to be close to family.”

“So do you” Rin puts in Haru's mouth for him. We all know Tottori actually puts Haru even farther away from Tokyo, but that those aren't the family he'd be concerned with. My best friend doesn't argue at all, accepting Rin's addition as fact, which makes me smile.

“Don't think too long about it though” I warn them, “Applications have to be in by the end of next month. Even then, that's just the school part of it, making the team would be a separate process.”

Haru looks surprisingly engaged by the conversation, and Rin nods some more. Rin then makes a point of telling both Haru and I that he's only considering it with such seriousness if we all agree _not_ to live together. I have to laugh at that, because I agree completely. While Rin and I are shaking on it, Haru has already dived back in the pool.

Some things never change.

 

Knowing that Haru and Rin are serious about their promise to stay together, I start dragging Haru with me for my morning jog. We don't have a whole lot of breath left for talking, but it's as companionable a silence as ever. Working our way up to it, we even run on the beach when it's clear weather. The sand does wonders for our calves, even if it's a pain getting used to.

I've developed a pattern with Sei too, seeing him basically every other weekend. He was excited that Haru, Rin, and mostly I, all got our applications in on time. Now we're just waiting for the results. Tryouts for next year's team won't be until the end of summer, so we have plenty of time to keep working.

“I don't want to talk about workouts anymore...” Sei mumbles in my ear on a Sunday morning. We've already had our run, and been discussing the equivalent effectiveness of distance over pavement versus sand. I think his mind may have wandered though, judging by the way his hands are.

“ _You_ don't want to talk about working out? Are you feeling ok, babe?” I tease him, nuzzling my nose against his cheek.

“I feel fine, just...there's something I kind of wanted to try” he confesses, his hands sliding under my clothes with practiced skill. It throws me off a bit, because, we're already having _sex_ , what else is there left?

“Um, sure...what is it?” I ask, trusting him completely, but still mystified.

“Why don't we make out for a while, and we'll kind of work up to it?” he suggests, his face coloring even as he's pushing me gently toward the bedroom. I raise an eyebrow at the indirectness of his response.

“It's just...something I saw online” he rubs the back of his head. Ohhh. So, he wants to do something he saw in porn?... I guess I don't really have a problem with that, as long as it's not something _really_ weird.

“It doesn't involve being gagged or anything, does it?...” I ask kind of hesitantly.

“No, not at all” Sei says right away, “And you can tell me to stop at anytime, you know that.”

Somehow that makes me feel both more at ease and less. I still take off my shirt though, because the reality of the situation is that it's _Sei_. He would never do anything _bad_ to me. My interest climbs as we make out, naked on his unmade bed. His lips are everywhere, and soon I'm rocking beneath him, firm and aching. I'm glad for the progress when he begins to move down my body one kiss at a time.

Sei's tongue swipes at the moisture collecting in my slit, but he moves on. He's such a goddamn tease. The next thing to come under his attention are my balls, which is sort of new. I'm not sure if this qualifies as a separate new 'thing', but it feels amazing.

My knees are being spread and lifted next, usually the signal more thorough preparations are about to take place. This time though, instead of lube, it feels like something plastic is being put over me?...

“Sei?...” I kind of ask, just to be sure of what's happening. He doesn't speak right away, but kisses the lower part of both my thighs.

“It's supposed to feel really good, baby, I promise” he says soothingly, more kisses falling over me.

“Oh...ok...” I'm not really sure what I just agreed to. After what we went through with our first time though, I know he has a good idea of what it is that actually feels good. There's no mistaking exactly what's going on a moment later when his tongue laves over me. Not my dick, not the balls he was giving such care to a bit ago, but _down there_.

“Relax, baby...” he instructs, doing it again.

“Um, I'll try...” I answer, and my voice squeaks. I'm not sure if I'm redder in embarrassment over that, or the fact that my boyfriend is rimming me. He keeps making those testing passes, pushing against my opening. I pant in disbelief, because, as kinky of a thing as this is supposed to be, no one ever talks about how _good_ it feels.

When Sei's tongue pushes into a point and attempts to breach my ring of muscle, I groan and clasp a hand over my mouth. It turns quickly to biting a knuckle out of desperation. Finally I give up, and reach down to stroke myself along with his movements.

I can tell he's having to concentrate on holding the barrier at the same time he's doing this. So I don't begrudge him the fact that I have to stroke myself. My face is on absolute fire, but it's no hotter than the feeling he's producing. His tongue _swirls_ around _in_ me, and I lose the plot entirely.

“Fuck! _Seeeeei_...” I drag his name out into a profanity with the amount of moan in it as I cum. I can feel him pressing a few more kisses against me as he waits for me to calm down.

“You know, I wasn't sure if you'd actually get off from that” he looks very pleased as he rubs my leg.

“You'll have to try it some time” I tell him in a tired and sated voice. He just grins, but looks like he's not entirely opposed to the idea. I watch him throw away the little piece of plastic with curiosity.

“So, you saw this on the internet?” I prompt him as he settles in beside me.

“Yeah, actually, it wasn't porn. I know, shocking” he jokes. “It was actually a kind of 'be safe' instructional video thing...” he confesses.

“Do they sell those in a sex shop then? Do they have a name?” I ask. Sei gives me an intent look.

“You really did like that, didn't you?” That light of mischief and all things dirty passes back over his face.

“Well, yeah... Wasn't that kind of the point?” I say a tad defensively, but still kind of teasing.

“Ok, ok. Yes, it was... They sell dental dams, but I just kind of improvised that one, from a condom” he explains, and is kind enough to show me how he prepared that one earlier. Snipping off the end and thicker ring before slicing it longways seems almost like a magic trick to me, it's so ingenious.

I can't really see Sei's face while I take the opportunity to return the favor. I can hear every moan and gasp though, all the way up until he cums. When I toss the film and move up to him, he looks like he just realized the world doesn't quite work like he thought it did.

We kiss for a minute, lazily and in new awe of each other's mouths, I'm sure.

“How are you doing?” I ask.

“I'm really, really good” Sei admits, ducking his head against my shoulder.

“So, did one of your team mates recommend that website to you?” I ask with an innocent smile.

“Maybe” Sei blushes a little. It turns out Masashi is quite a bit of a flirt when his boyfriend isn't around. Sei's given him the evil eye a few times for getting too touchy with me, but it seems more like he just wants to get reactions out of people. He treats the straight guys the exact same way. Masashi may get beat up one of these days if he goes too far teasing the wrong person. I don't ever _worry_ about him and Sei though. I just do a little teasing now and then of my own. To Sei of course.

Overall, the Tottori team is just as accepting of me as Samezuka was, and I don't even have to bring them my mom's baking. A few of the guys even congratulate me when they see my speed improving. The way Sei squares his shoulders when he claps my back proudly means a lot more to me though. Coach Watoga is one of those people who just loves the water and the sport. He doesn't mind my presence since I'm not disruptive. Plus, it's not like it's an everyday thing.

 

To make sure my upper half isn't being neglected, I sign up for the special athlete's version of physical education. Anyone involved in a sport is allowed to opt out of the normal class, leaving instructional volleyball, soccer, etc behind. Instead, access to the weight room is granted for that period. Thankfully there's still adult supervision, because I've never lifted weights with any seriousness before.

Of course once they knew I was going to take it to that level, the rest of the team exercised their option too. It's funny to me that we spent so much effort trying to gain year round access to a pool before. Now that we have it, we've ended up working out in this manner anyway.

Rei warns us all not to go too far though, that only a certain ratio of muscle is pleasing to look at before becoming 'too much'. He has a good point. Swimmers are supposed to be lean and aerodynamic anyway.

One warm spring morning, I head downstairs for my run and find Ren and Ran dressed in workout gear. They're waiting for me at the front door, and won't take 'no' for an answer about joining Haru and I. Their little sweatbands are so cute, that I say yes, even though I know they'll only slow us down. It turns out to be an amazing workout before we're done though.

Haru and I end up jogging home with them on our backs for the last few kilometers. It's really an excellent difference for him, since he's focusing on the 1500. My own times are hovering around a low 54 now, but I'll get there. I still have a few months left before the tryouts for Tottori's team. We actually will be finished with our season the weekend beforehand.

There isn't a doubt in my mind we're going to Regional's again this year. It'll be interesting to see if we can win though, with Rin staying in his own lane...

When the time comes to qualify, Nagisa, Haru, and I breeze through our individual events. Rei is still a little short of making his, but Nagisa tells him he loves him just the same afterward. Our relay beats Samezuka's in the prelims, to much whistling and cheering from their team.

Rin's eyes flash with 'rematch' while we all congratulate each other, but it's in a good way. They were never able to fully recover from the edge I gave us over Isoda in the beginning. My fellow backstroker and I shake amicably, but we all know that if he hasn't been able to catch up to me by now...

Anyway, I try not to feel bad about it. Swimming at this level isn't for everyone. Very few of Samezuka's members, as much as they may love the sport, intend to try and do it professionally. Sei got permission to take an extra day off to come see the meet, so I'm in too good a mood to dwell on it.

A few of the less attentive members from last year are surprised to see us kissing. It's really their own fault for not picking up on it by the end of last year though.

“Hey, I've got a surprise for you once you're dressed” Sei winks at me. I'm still in my suit, doing my best to hug him without soaking him.

“Hmm...a surprise for _after_ I'm dressed?” I let my eyes fill with warmth. I was kind of hoping he'd follow me into the lockers, you know, for old time's sake...

“Yep. So hurry up and change, so I can do something about that look you're giving me” he whispers, tickling my ear. Sei's surprises have never disappointed, so I detach, however reluctantly, to go change.

When I'm coming back out, he texts me to meet him in the parking lot. Ok... Looking for red hair, I find him leaning against a car out there, grinning madly. Then I notice he's leaning against his _dad's_ car.

“Is your family here too?” I ask, still not sure what's going on.

“Nope” he says proudly. I'm frowning at the vehicle with my hands on my hips, when it hits me.

“You drove here yourself? Sei, you can't drive!”

He chuckles at my disbelief.

“I've been working on getting my license. It just got finalized about a week ago, but I wanted to surprise you” he puts his hands on either side of my waist and pulls me to lean against him.

“That's amazing, Sei. Isn't that kind of expensive though?...”

“Well, I'll still use the train most of the time, my old man's just letting me borrow it for golden week” he says casually, but his eyes give him away.

“For golden week?... Why's that?” I try to match his casual tone, but my stomach is already getting excited for me.

“So I can take my boyfriend on a romantic getaway” he winks, “He'll be super excited, don't you think?”

“Oh my god, Sei, are you sure? What if my parents don't want me gone for the whole week?” I sputter, afraid to get truly, fully excited yet.

He takes me over to the back of the car without a word, popping open the trunk.

“Then your mom packed rather heavily” he says, motioning toward my duffel bag stuffed to the brim inside it. There's a bunch of other bags all wedged in too. Even though he's less than a foot from me, I throw myself into his arms.

“This is like a dream! I can't believe we'll have the whole week together!” I exclaim. I don't even care where we're going. Just getting to be with Sei is enough.

“Oi, Mako-chan! We thought you'd left without us!” Nagisa shouts from the edge of the parking lot. I can see the whole group is heading over. Rin is trailing along with Haru even though he'll have to go with the rest of Samezuka on their bus.

“Sei-chan, did you steal a car?” Nagisa asks in amusement as Sei shuts the trunk.

“Nah, got my license, so the old man's letting me borrow it for the road trip” he says, giving me a knowing look even though it's the guys he's addressing.

“Mako-chan's so lucky, dating an older man. When are you going to get your license, Rei-chan?” Nagisa immediately starts tugging on his boyfriend's sleeve. Rei launches into an overly detailed analysis of the process, along with the accompanying age limitations.

“Yeah, how come you never take me on a trip?” Rin teases Haru, bumping into him from the side.

“I'll take you on a trip, it just won't be in a car” Haru replies, looking off at the horizon somewhere. All of us kind of pause, because Haru cannot possibly have meant for that to be as dirty as it sounded. The realization seems to strike him a second later, but it's too late. His eyes are getting wide and cheeks coloring, as Rin pulls him into an embrace.

“Oh really? I might just hold you to that” Rin grins, stealing a kiss in front of all of us. Sei coughs loudly.

“Just don't get it on the paint, boys” he says with grin. Even Rin blushes at that, stepping away from the edge of the car sheepishly. Everyone chuckles, and Haru won't look up from the pavement, even though he's smiling.

 

I don't think to be nervous about the newness of Sei's driving privileges until we get on the main highway. He seems to be doing fairly well though. I don't want to distract him too much, but I want to kiss him all over at the same time.

“So where are we going?” I ask, happy energy radiating throughout the entire car from our good mood. The wind is fresh, and it'll be sunset soon, since the swim meet took up the entire afternoon.

“I was thinking just a short jaunt tonight, about an hour or so, then stop to eat. I had to book all our rooms in advance, since things are so packed around this time. I hope you don't mind I kind of planned it on my own” he tells me.

“I don't mind at all” I say sincerely, letting my hand rest on his knee experimentally. I don't plan to do anything frisky, I'm just enjoying the gesture. I can tell he is too from the smile that forms, but he doesn't take his eyes off the road.

“I have a couple thousand yen-” I start to say, because I know a venture like this couldn't have been cheap to arrange for. Sei cuts me off though.

“Don't worry about that. I wouldn't surprise you and then expect you to pay for things. Use it to buy your siblings souvenirs. Which, by the way, was the only way I could get them to agree to letting you go, if you promised to bring them back something” he informs me. I can just picture him taking them aside, so serious, to ask their permission.

The drive is lighthearted and just, perfect. When we reach our destination of a small hotel up the coast, I almost wish we could spend the whole week right there. We walk around the unfamiliar town for a bit, looking for a good place to eat. Several seem nice and busy, so we go with the one that has a view of the beach.

He wasn't kidding when he said romantic getaway. Oranges and purples, soft reds I've not seen anywhere but among the clouds, all fill the sky as we eat. The restaurant has speakers filtering a soft melody to its patrons. It couldn't have been a more perfect start to the trip even if he'd specifically planned this.

We don't check out of the hotel in the morning until the actual deadline comes around. Not that it's an expensive type of place. Sei's just planned a leisurely pace that lets us have sex as much as we want. It's a first for me, to have this kind of adventure as an adult, and with a lover. As a mostly adult, anyway...

We drive for a good six hours, losing one radio station to be replaced by another. We talk for long periods of time, but for others we just watch the world go by. Sei's silences don't say things like Haru's do, but they're just as comfortable between us. Every once in a while, Sei will pull my hand over to his leg as if reminding me of it's proper place.

The town we stay at the next night is having a festival. I don't see that my mom packed my yukata, though she put in practically everything else. I'm prepared for a cold snap, heat wave, or even normal temperatures.

“You know, I've never seen you in anything formal” I mention to Sei as we walk through the crowd holding hands. Many people, and certainly the ones obviously on dates, are wearing their robes.

“I'm pretty sure you'll get to eventually” Sei replies, “My mom was kind of hinting at our families getting together for the next holiday, to meet each other.”

“That would be nice, I'm sure they'd get along” I answer, the significance of such an event not being lost on me.

“Yeah, kind of formal, so yukata would be appropriate. I'll probably need a new one. I didn't exactly have much occasion for it at Samezuka, so I've out grown my old one” he adds sheepishly. I know his pain, all too well.

“My mom scolded me once for growing too much. I cried though, because I felt so bad, and she's never brought it up in that manner again” I tell him in commiseration.

“I can't imagine your mom really 'scolding' anyone that badly, not over something like that” Sei says with a disbelieving frown.

“Well, I was a very sensitive child...” I admit, “I was 12, I think?”

“And probably already taller than her” he suggests.

“Not quite... I mean, I was getting close...”

Sei gives me one of those knowing smiles, and we head over to watch them set off the fireworks.

 

Two more days we spend making our way up the coast. Because of weekends and getting an early start, we'll get to spend three days at our destination. Every time we stop, I look for postcards to send our siblings. I'm sure all three of them will appreciate getting the updates. I have to catch myself sometimes, to not write anything too gushy about Sei in them. I send a couple to the guys, but not so regularly.

The place we're staying at as the actual destination, is more like a resort than a normal hotel. The list of amenities they display offering in the lobby makes me almost uneasy. I wonder if my parents have even stayed in a location this expensive. It's not that I have a problem with being treated to nice things, but this seems entirely _out_ of Sei's price range.

That is until Sei calls out “Oji-san!” and waves spiritedly to a man wearing a tag that reads 'Manager'. This must be his mother's brother, judging from the hair color. I feel like I'm hardly blushing at all for once as Sei introduces me.

Uncle Hanamura checks us in himself, and apologizes for not being able to give us the _best_ room, but hopes we'll be comfortable. A welcome basket is also promised to be delivered within a half hour. I'm still in mild shock, but it's a happy one. I'm just glad Sei isn't being charged out of his own pocket for all this.

Our room has a set of double doors that open onto a small balcony. There's a huge tub in the bathroom, the kind that has jets in it, and a king size bed.

“My uncle can comp the bill for us, but we shouldn't abuse the room service” Sei mentions as we're setting our stuff down.

“Of course not. I'm sure we'll want to explore a little anyway, so we won't eat every meal here... Wow, look at this view” I open the doors and let the ocean breeze in. “Most people don't do so well for their _honeymoon_ ” I add, shaking my head in disbelief.

“So, I did good then?” Sei breaths in my ear from behind.

“You did amazing. Thank you so much for this, Sei. I think I'm going to have to relinquish my 'best boyfriend ever' trophy to you” I lean my head back against him.

“Considering the spirit in which the award is given, I'm fine with you holding onto it for me” Sei jokes, starting to kiss down my neck.

“Don't forget the basket is still coming...” I remind him before things get heated.

“Right, right... Let's unpack a bit while we wait then, since we'll be here for a few days” Sei suggests.

When the welcome basket arrives, it's larger than I thought it would be. Fresh fruit, mocchi, and foreign chocolates are all nestled around a bottle of wine, with a fancy bow topping the cellophane.

“Are you sure he sent the right one?” I hesitate over the wine, knowing we're both under age.

“Well, he is my uncle, so it's technically family providing it to us” Sei says, looking at it contemplatively and knowing exactly what I mean.

“I've always heard most alcohol tastes awful” I remind him.

“It says it's a dessert wine, so maybe it'll be sweet?” Sei picks it up once the wrappings are gone, but he doesn't open it.

“I guess, if we're just going to be here alone, for the rest of the night...” I decide it might not be too bad. If Sei wants to try it, then I will too. It's only one bottle anyway, so it can't do too much harm.

“We should probably eat before sealing ourselves in here for the rest of the evening” Sei sets the bottle down and reaches for my hand. “Come on, uncle recommended a good place for us to try for dinner.”

“Sure, let's go” I take his hand, letting him lead the way.

After we eat, I notice a small novelty shop along the main strip. It proves an excellent source of souvenirs for our families. I hope this is the first of many trips Sei and I go on together, but I don't expect they'd all be this fancy. My head is in a very mushy place right now, so I can picture us coming back here in maybe ten or twenty years though.

Sei carries the bags of our gifts, and I use the opportunity in the empty elevator to fondle his ass. Since his hands are full, his recourse is limited, but I'm sure I'll be paid back in our room. Instead of immediately jumping on me though, he sets the bags down calmly.

“Check for glasses, would you babe?” he smiles sweetly at me. I can see there are things waiting to pin me down just below the surface of his eyes.

“Ok...” I look through the suite's tiny kitchenette with a small nervousness. Not for Sei's mood, which I was purposefully trying to induce, but over the alcohol part. I do find a couple, and Sei fills them with the nearly clear liquid. It smells sweet, so we gently clink our glasses together and take a sip.

“Oh, it's not bad at all!” I'm kind of shocked. Sei grins and nods, taking a larger sip.

“I think the red kind is probably stronger, I got a whiff of one once and it was nothing like this” he adds. As we work on our glasses, I move closer and closer to Sei on the little couch that looks out through the balcony. The sunset is just as brilliant here as it was that first evening. A warm feeling is forming in my stomach, and I picture Rin being jealous of how romantic all this is.

“Do you want another glass?” Sei asks me after drinking the last of his.

“Sure. It's just making me kind of warm, that's all.”

“Well, feel free to take a few things off if you're getting hot” Sei grins as he's pouring us both refills.

“Maybe I will...” I say in a teasing voice. Before I take the glass from him, I remove my shirt, letting it fall to the floor. Sei smiles appreciatively, but I'm not done yet. Instead of reaching for the drink, I straddle his lap, which earns me a much wider smile.

“You know, I'm not sure if it's the wine or what, but the view just got infinitely better all of a sudden” he teases me. I take the glass from him and sip it casually, waiting for him to make a move. Sei rests his hand on my hip, his thumb rubbing over my skin in smooth motions. That's all he does though. Halfway through my wine, I decide I'm tired of waiting. I swallow the rest of it in a few large mouthfuls. Leaning back, I set the empty glass on a little decorative table.

When I turn around to face Sei again, his gaze is locked on my abs. His hand moves from my hip up over them. With a smile, I flex them purposefully this time.

“Damn...” I hear him whisper under his breath.

“I've been working out” I say lightly, but in a conspiratorial tone.

“Have you now?” he smiles with knowing slowness.

“No, really. At school, we've been lifting weights” I inform him in a matter of fact manner. Taking the opportunity, since we're talking about it and he's so engrossed, I do something I normally wouldn't. I show off, just a little. Putting my hands behind my head, I flex my entire upper body, as much as I can without arching ridiculously.

“Do you think it's working?” I ask his stunned expression. Sei manages to tear his gaze away after a long moment, meeting my eyes when he replies.

“You keep your shirt on when you're lifting those weights, right?” he questions, as if that's my answer.

“Yeah... Why?” I play innocent as he tips his head back and finishes off the rest of his wine too.

“Because that's fucking obscene, Makoto” he says, looking me up and down again. His gaze is making me so hot, it's like nothing I've ever felt before. The fact that he said something so sexy about me makes me want to giggle, but I bite my lip to hold it back.

“Shit... Are you doing this on purpose? I can't even tell anymore...” Sei gives me a sort of half frown. I have to think about it for a second.

“I think so... If by 'this', you mean seducing you, then yes” I nod decisively, then give him a heated look.

“Here, set mine on the table too, would you?” Sei asks, the heat growing between us.

“Sure, babe” I've already forgotten somehow in the midst of the flirting, what started it. I lean back again, but this time when I return, it isn't just Sei's eyes that are on me. His hands slide under my ass and lift, bringing me to my knees over his lap.

Pretense is gone as he bites my stomach, no teasing, no working up to it. Then he moves over another ridge of muscle and bites it too. Sei makes a little 'unf' sound in his throat every time his mouth clamps over me. I'm getting hard so quickly it's almost painful.

“Sei...” I moan his name, running my fingers through his hair. It only exacerbates the hint of wildness in his locks. I like it that way though, so I keep doing it as he bites a trail down to the button on my pants.

Instead of undoing it, he mouths his way over my erection, through the fabric. Did I mention my boyfriend is a goddamn tease? Well you know what, I'm not putting up with it right now.

“Alright mister, that's enough of that” I tell him, pulling on his hair, though it's gently. He comes up blinking at me, obviously confused. I move backwards off his lap, standing in front of him. Eye contact is key here. Popping the button on my pants, I start to amble away from him, making a 'follow me' gesture with one finger.

And thank God I did. I totally forgot the balcony doors were wide open behind me while I was on Sei's lap. I mean, we're three stories up, but still... Leaning against the edge of the bed, I undo my zipper and nod toward the doors.

“Close those on your way.”

It's not a request.

“And take your clothes off on the way back” I add, perfectly expecting him to do it.

Sei looks as surprised as I've ever seen him, and I think I like that look on his face. He walks over and closes the doors. He turns around. I've pulled off my pants the rest of the way in the meantime. As he starts toward me, I give him a look like 'get to it'. He's certainly joked about stripping enough times, he must have expected I'd call him on it eventually.

Sei still looks a bit disbelieving as he lifts his shirt over his head. I rub a hand over my abs to encourage him, and slowly stroke myself.

“Should we put some music on?” Sei asks. He's starting to look a bit more back in his element. Now that it's off, he hangs his shirt around his neck and grasps the ends of it, just standing there looking good.

“If you want...you're still wearing way too many clothes though” I keep my cool, trying to keep control of the situation. I feel anything but cool actually. My body feels like it's on fire, and I want to see Sei's eyes go a little wider than normal for me again.

Sei sets his phone to play from it's speaker, then puts it on the bedside table. It's some song in English that seems more rap/pop than we normally listen to... I don't really understand the words, but it does make me want to move.

Sei's eyes think he's firmly back in charge, so I prompt him, “Aren't you supposed to be stripping?”

He steps _closer_ to me, and flips his shirt so it's behind my neck instead.

“Talk dirty to me...” he whispers in time with the song. Because it's him saying it, I can understand the English where I couldn't in the music. His body starts undulating against mine, and he lets go of the shirt. It's resting over my chest now, as his hands move up his own. I'm so mesmerized, I've forgotten how to breath for a minute.

He pops his button, staring into my eyes in a daring fashion, giving me a wink. I lick my lips and break his gaze, letting my eyes travel down to what he's revealing. Every once in a while he leans in closer and whispers “Talk dirty to me...” in time with the music again. I'm stroking myself along with the movements of his hips, slow as they are.

I make the last attempt possible to retain control of this, and comment with as much sarcasm as possible, “Cheater. I thought I said strip, not give me a lap dance.”

“You complaining?” Sei asks, his voice husky and deep. I change my mind quickly and shake my head, throwing his shirt on the floor. He turns around, pressing his ass to me as he writhes out of his boxers.

“Fuck...” I'm getting too aroused here, but the way Sei's moving, I don't have any willpower to ask him to stop. Instead I put my hands on his hips and caress his sides while he rubs against me. He'd be riding me if I was inside him right now. Everything down there is pressed together so closely, I'm not sure it would make much difference.

My hips are rocking underneath his while I bite his back like he bit my abs. For some reason both of us have decided that leaving marks isn't a stopping point tonight. Sei takes a hold of my hand, pulling it around him and up to his lips. Two of my fingers feel his mouth sliding over them.

I cum all over his ass.

I should be more embarrassed than this, but I'm so far gone I barely even care anymore. Sei is chuckling on my lap as I fall back against the sheets. He turns around and crawls over me, the light of victory in his eyes.

“This was fun” he purrs.

“Is this song on repeat or something?” I say tiredly, finally blushing. All I want to do now is fall asleep, but I have a horny boyfriend who still needs to get off...

“Yeah... You seemed to be enjoying it so much, I didn't want to change it when I realized” Sei informs me, kissing over my pecs.

I, Makoto Tachibana, am a freaking genius.

“Just lay down so I can finish you off” I prompt him, trying to keep the idea I just had out of my voice and eyes.

“We could finish like this...” he says, rubbing against my hip. Thankfully he's just as turned on as I was a moment ago.

“Or I could use my mouth...” I suggest.

He rolls over.

Even though it's too late for me to 'win', because somehow this became a competition, I'm definitely going to tie things up now. I ease my way between his legs and start the sloppiest blow job I've given in a long time. Waiting until I can hear the frustration in his groans, I strategically move one of his legs up, spreading him further.

“Makoto...” he says my name almost in confusion, because I'm usually much better than this. I lift my head, letting go of his dick and making it rub over my cheek instead.

“Yes?...” I ask in an innocent tone, but my eyes are lidded. I relish that moment when I see him realize I'm teasing him.

“Fuck. _Please_ ” he groans, his eyes making just the tiniest flick between mine and his dick.

“You want it?” I ask, as if clarifying, keeping as innocent a tone as possible. A smile is already breaking over my face though.

“ _Yes_ ” he implores, having been on the edge for too long now. I stick my index finger in my mouth, slicking it quickly while Sei blinks at me in confusion. As soon as it's coated, I slide my mouth back over his shaft, and my finger into his ass.

I get just a glimpse of his startled expression before I'm pressing too much of him down my throat to look up. It's enough though, and exactly what I wanted. Sei _shouts_ as he cums, his hand fisting into my hair. He doesn't normally hold me down over him, but I can understand, given the circumstances.

“...Fuck...” is all he says after going limp against the bed. The resort has kindly provided a box of tissues on the nightstand, so I use them to clean us up a bit.

“I know, right?” it's my turn to chuckle as I snuggle up to him.

“Cheater” he lobs my own accusation at me, but it's halfheartedly and with his eyes already drooping.

“You know you liked it” I kiss him on the corner of the mouth. Sei is kind of quiet for a minute, but he's smiling contently. He presses his mouth against my temple.

“It's ok, you know, if you want to work up to that... I'm kind of surprised you haven't asked yet” he says with his eyes closed.

“I didn't want to hurt you” I hear my lips telling him before I can think about if it's a good idea to word it like that... Sei's eyes open, and the pain in them has nothing to do with the physical realm right now.

“Was it really that bad?” he asks me softly. There's nothing I can do with that gaze on me but be honest.

“It... It wasn't bad enough that I asked you to stop” I point out, but I know I'll have to go on. Sei knows me too well to be placated with that. Suddenly the hip grinding rhythm we were just enjoying seems incredibly out of place. I sit up and turn off the obtrusive music, letting Sei's phone rest on the night stand again afterward.

“I just, really, really wanted to be with you...but if I hadn't, I mean, if it had been like a casual thing, I wouldn't have...” I leave the implication of 'let you keep going' hanging in the air. I feel Sei's arms wrapping around me from behind, and pulling me back down to lay in them.

“What if I said I really, really wanted to be with you?” Sei whispers to me, his eyes dead serious.

I blush as my answer.

Sei smiles and kisses me, snuggling us as closely as possible.

“I'm sorry I was so selfish, baby. I guess it's a good thing I've got the most unselfish boyfriend in the world, huh?”

“I don't know, I can be kind of selfish when I want too” I blush even harder. Part of it is for what happened in the past, part of it for the potential of the future. The very taking of this trip was pretty selfish of me.

“But you know what you're doing now, where I didn't then” Sei admits, his own cheeks coloring. “Besides, it doesn't have to be like, _tomorrow_. Unless you want it to of course... I just mean, like I said, we can work up to it, if you want” he looks so earnest and heartfelt that I feel tears springing up.

“Sei, I'm so lucky to have you for a boyfriend!” I do my best to kiss him once before the tears start to fall. Then I bury my head in his shoulder and let him hold me while I cry. I didn't know we'd both been keeping this issue tucked away inside, but I'm glad it's out and talked about now. I don't sob for an incredibly long time, but it's definitely enough to count as a good cry.

Even after the tears dry up, Sei keeps holding me tight. He's always been really good about that. I really think I would have been happy for a long time with just being 'the bottom'. It makes our relationship feel deeper though, that he's willing to give me the same thing I gave him.

“Sei?...” I ask, suddenly realizing something.

“Yeah, baby?”

“I was just thinking, it's probably best for you to have some time to, you know, recover, even with me knowing what to do... So, maybe we _should_ try it here, where you can rest afterward...” I point out. It's not like he can just take a day off from school or training for any old reason. Whatever good grace he'd already built up was probably used on getting to come see me swim.

Sei nods, and I can clearly see him remembering how I was that day in his dorm room.

“I shouldn't have waited this long to bring it up” he says, his eyes full of determination.

“I didn't mean it like that... I'm just trying to watch out for you” I want to make sure he understands. This isn't some desire I've been hiding and I'm jumping at the chance for once it's presented. “I think I kind of dismissed it myself, since you said in the beginning, that I'm, uh, a bit, uh, bigger...”

I'm starting to turn red again, because no guy wants to be told he's small. Not that that's what I'm saying. But to some guys, just the implication that they're small _er_ is enough. Sei isn't really like that, but it still feels rude to me.

“Oh, I see... So, it's not really the 'my virgin ass' part of it, it's that monster fucking cock of yours, hmm?” Sei lays it on thick, knowing with this level of blush, there's no going back for me.

“ _Sei_...” I groan and bury my face against his shoulder again to hide it. He chuckles to himself happily at my reaction. I smile, letting my lips rest on his skin so he can feel it. This feels good. Talking and laughing and sharing deep things.

It's not until the next morning, when we both wake up with headaches, that we realize the alcohol _may_ have had something to do with it. Not that we regret our little heart to heart. I like having lost a bit of my inhibitions, since it was with my lover. I also make a mental note, to never, ever, agree to anything involving alcohol and Nagisa. The recipe for disaster that would be is so glaring it makes me cringe just to think about.

We were supposed to spend a good portion of this first day on the beach. We're still going to try to, but the amount of sun reflecting everywhere out there looks head splitting. In a stroke of brilliance, Sei pulls me into the resort's gift shop on our way out, and we both get sunglasses. I feel like sighing happily at the amount of difference that one small thing makes.

This far north, the beach is not a huge draw, because it's still fairly cool this time of year. There's a good number of people around, but it's not packed like it would be in full summer. I'm sure I'll be fine since we don't really plan on getting in the water. Maybe we'll splash around a little, but it's too cold to be submerged, unless you're Haru.

Having slept in, it's after lunch by the time we make it down to kick at the surf. It gets a little boring though, so we go for a walk down the south of the coast. The beach becomes more populated with young people as we go. Probably because we're getting to the section near the normal priced hotels.

Sei, being the enthusiastic guy that he is, somehow gets us invited into a volleyball game. We don't hang around afterward though, even though the crowd insists. This time is really supposed to be for us. From the sound of it, the party they're heading to will be mainly about drinking anyway. Having just had my first taste of alcohol yesterday, I don't think it would be a good idea. Sei seems to agree, and we all part ways casually again.

“Hey, you know what time honored beach tradition we haven't partaken of yet?” he asks me as we make our way back.

“Building a sandcastle?”

“Nope.”

“Putting sunscreen on each other?”

“Good idea, but not what I was thinking of.”

“A barbeque?...”

“Ok, forget the 'time honored tradition' part of it” he finally says, “Let's put our towels together and cuddle while the tide comes in.”

“Oh, _that_ time honored beach tradition, how could I have forgotten” I smile and wrap my arm around his waist.

When we get closer to where our accommodations are, we spread our towels out on the sand. This time we have the sunset to entertain us though. Anyone looking around instead of watching it would probably catch us kissing, but that's their problem. It's just quick moments of caring that pass between us anyway. We wouldn't want things to get _too_ intense out here...

“This is so perfect Sei, thank you” I rest my head on his chest while looking out over the fiery sky. Kind of absently, I run my fingers over the necklace I gave him for his birthday.

“You're welcome. I'm glad you're having a good time” he whispers in my hair. I feel content and happy and warm in his arms. I don't mean to drift off, but it's obvious I did when Sei shakes my shoulder.

“Hey, Makoto, we need to go, babe.”

The nickname on the end doesn't fool me. That's Sei's 'captain' voice, and I sit up right away, blinking.

“It's ok, we just need to head in now” he says, smiling though the wind is whipping his hair around crazily. It's a little past dusk, and when I turn to look out over the ocean, I wish I hadn't. The clouds that were so beautiful before have turned dark and foreboding. I can see in the failing light that the surf is already much stronger, the waves higher and slightly terrifying.

It starts to sprinkle as Sei's tugging on our towels.

“Come on, we'll get soaked!” he seems to be trying too hard to sound cheerful. I can't look at him to see if the strain I'm hearing has reached his eyes or not. I can't take my eyes off the waves. My heart is pounding in my throat, searching them. What if there's someone out there? What if we aren't the last ones left on the beach?

“Hey, Makoto” I hear Sei's voice close, low and right in my ear, “Can you stand up? Can you do that for me?”

I feel his hand gently pulling my head toward him, finally making our eyes meet. When did he kneel and start hugging me?

“Stand?”

“Yeah, stand up. Here, I'll give you a hand” his voice is warm and loving, seeming so out of place in the maelstrom. Once we're up, I hold onto him with a deathlike grip. It's stupid, but I can't help look back, to make sure some huge wave isn't about to swallow us up... We do make it off the beach, but not before it's raining hard. It's a spring storm and is proud of it.

“Here, take everything off and get in bed. You wouldn't want to catch a cold” Sei kisses me on the nose, but I'm too busy staring blankly to enjoy it.

“Ok” I nod, feeling stiff and incredibly cold. Sei is done peeling off his own clothes way before I am, so he helps me. He tucks me in bed and throws our soggy clothes in the bathtub, then crawls in beside my shivering body. He's warm, his limbs strong as they wrap around me, making me finally feel safe.

“Shhhh, it's ok” he whispers to me. I nod in agreement against his chest.

“It's not all water, is it? It's the ocean” he says softly, rubbing my back. “When I woke you up, you went white as a ghost...you just, completely froze. I'm sorry, I should have had us head back sooner.”

“It's ok, you didn't know” I say, but even I don't believe my quivering voice. In my mind, I'm doing everything I can to stop seeing Rei sink beneath the water over and over again. I take a deep breath, because maybe talking about it will help. The story of the fisherman and my goldfish is almost easy to tell, comparatively. It was so long ago now, the intensity of the fear in those memories has faded.

The one of almost losing Haru has not.

The one of almost losing Rei, and myself, seems to have gotten _more_ frightening since the lightning started outside.

“Wait, what do you mean by 'the next thing you remember, you woke up on the beach'?” Sei says with alarm.

“Haru and Nagisa, they saw we were gone and came in after us as well... Haru saved me, and Nagisa pulled Rei out...” I confess in a small, shameful voice. “Rei would have died if it was left to me.”

“Were you coughing up water?” Sei demands to know, eyebrows furrowed.

“Um, yeah... Haru said he was about to try CPR, but that thankfully I started coughing on my own” I tell him. I realize after I've said it, that it doesn't make it sound any better.

“You weren't breathing then?” Sei looks afraid for me and scared to imagine what I'm telling as truth.

“I-I'm s-sorry” I stutter, my chest constricting. I feel so useless and pathetic, crying about things that are over and done with. Sei holds me in a vice-like grip, and my tears wash over his chest. Some minutes later, feeling empty, I mumble to him.

“I'm a lot better than I used to be. It's really more the storm that did it.”

“You were so serious when you told me, I didn't want to question it... I kept looking and you seemed pretty at home in the pool though... I guess that explains a lot, but... Fuck, Makoto, why didn't you tell me you almost died?” Sei asks in a beseeching, choked up voice. We're both kind of clinging to the other now underneath the covers.

“I just...didn't think about it...and then the first time I did...we were at your parent's house...I couldn't...” I can't speak anymore, my throat is too tight. It turns out it doesn't matter, because Sei is suddenly kissing me too hard for words. I can still feel a few tears while we devour each other so passionately, and it's a long time before we stop.

“Ok, it's ok. You're safe now, baby, and that's what counts” Sei presses my head to his shoulder and kisses over my hair. It takes a while for me to get my color back, but eventually his warmth and love does the trick.

I'm far too exhausted to handle anything else tonight, so we use the room service to order dinner, just this once.

 


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, the storm has passed. By an unanimous vote, it's decided to forgo the exploring of the city today. Right now, there is very little in the world that could pull me out of this bed and from Sei's arms. I think he feels the same way. As soon as we agree, he tangles his legs with mine and closes his eyes again.

I know he's still awake because of the small circles his thumb is making over my hip.

We never get to do this, just lay around and be close to each other, no pressure. Just this, even without the fancy room or road trip, would have been worth it to me.

“I love you so much” I whisper to him. His lips curl invitingly into a smile, and I just have to kiss the corner of his mouth. Then I just have to kiss his lips in full, and I think Sei knows where this is going.

“So we're not sleeping in after all?” he says smugly, but still with a little morning haziness. He didn't even open his eyes. Like he's waiting patiently for me to give him a good reason to wake up all the way. What a brat. He's my brat though, my tease.

“I was thinking of making love to you, actually” I say in a manner that is sappier for how much I really mean it.

I'm not sure which thing Sei does first, open his eyes, or blush. It's cute as heck though, the hint of wideness in those golden depths, his eyebrows raising slightly.

“Ok” he says, taking a slow breath. I'd almost think he was trying to psyche himself up for it, if it hadn't been his idea in the first place.

“If you still want to, that is...” I offer.

“No, no. I want to. I'd really like for, that...” Sei says earnestly. “It was just a little sudden, it caught me off guard, that's all.”

“Sudden? We're already laying naked in bed together, how is the idea of sex so 'sudden'?” I tease him. Warmth is already starting to fill my body, in more ways than one. It's obvious Sei is a little nervous, but I think it's adorable.

“Well, maybe not 'sudden', but you know what I mean... Just, shut up and kiss me” Sei pretends to grumble.

“I'll be gentle” I grin and give him the kiss he asked for.

“Oh god, that was so cheesy...” he says in between the meetings of our lips. He's grinning too, so it makes it hard for us to kiss as deeply as normal.

I decide now is a good time to retrieve the lube, so we don't lose momentum. Sei watches me open it with an almost hopeful look on his face. I'm going to do everything in my power to help him feel good. We start with just some rubbing and me teasing over his entrance while we kiss. The actual stretching takes a while. I don't want to rush him, plus, it's quite a turn on for me to get to watch him flushed and out of his element.

When we both agree he's ready, I put on a condom for the first time with shaky fingers.

I can do this.

Sei closes his eyes, but to me, that's not how it should be. Leaning down over him, I rest on one elbow, close enough to touch his face. The other hand I use to stay lined up with him below.

“Hey, you ready?” I ask softly, prompting him to open them.

“Yeah, I'm ready, baby” Sei tells me just as softly. He runs his hands up my back as I ease forward. It's... Well, I'm not really sure what I was expecting... It's a tighter fit, much hotter inside him than I would have thought. I make a noise almost like a sigh, and find myself moaning by the end of it.

Even going slow, even with all that prep, I can tell Sei's more than just uncomfortable by the time I'm all the way in. He's doing his best though, and he doesn't tell me to get off him, so I wait. My god, does waiting suck. And not just for the fact that all my hips want in the world right now is friction. It's just as aching for me, mentally, to see Sei trying to bear it for my sake.

“Do you want me to stop?” I ask, concerned for him even while this aroused.

“Uh... No, no, it's... I'll be ok, just, give me a minute...” Sei is breathing abnormally, but it seems like it's evening out a little. I kiss his neck and upper chest, as much skin as I can while he adjusts to being filled with me.

He finally gives me the 'ok' to move, sealed with a kiss, and it's glorious. The pressure, the heat, the sweet ache that builds in my muscles from pumping into him over and over. This is far and away on a different level than masturbating. Right from the start I stroke him with the same hand I used to slick myself, hoping his moans mean he's enjoying it as much as I am.

We're keeping a fairly even pace with each other. His hands cling to my back as I move in and out. All at once it's obvious I finally found a good angle on Sei's prostate. Suddenly he looks desperate and two strokes away from cumming. He lifts his head off the pillow toward me, straining... I can't hold it back anymore when I hear that loud, groaning exclamation be ripped from his throat.

When I cum, it's nearly mind-numbing, it's so intense. Every consideration I ever had just falls out of my head, replaced with pleasure for a flash of a moment.

I don't remember collapsing on top of him. I open my eyes and find myself laying on his chest, buried inside him. We're coated in sweat, but it feels like we should be.

I ease out slowly, so I don't jar anything down there. The adrenalin could already be wearing off for him, so it can't hurt to be careful.

“Oh god, Makoto...” Sei is still panting, cheeks tinged, laying spread out beneath me. The grin I give is just as much for myself as for him. He doesn't even try to speak as I remove the condom and dispose of it.

“Hey, guess what?” I ask in a soothing tone. While I lay down again to snuggle him, I drop my voice into a whisper, “You belong to me now...my little firefly...”

Sei gives me this look like he's never been asked to dance before, and I just invited him. He blushes _so_ hard, and then immediately throws his arm over his face.

“How can you be this cute?” he groans, because it really is all my fault.

I have to swear not to call him that in 'public', but what he really means is not loudly enough for anyone else to hear. He looks so incredibly pleased, that I can't believe we took so long to do this.

It's good he has a while to recover though. I dote entirely too much on him the rest of that day, and the next, but we both enjoy it. By the time Sei has to start the drive to make our way home, he's basically back to normal.

We have to make a quicker pace on the return journey, but we're both ok with that. Sei needs time to drop the car off with his dad and get back to Tottori by Sunday night. This half does feel like more of a 'road trip', because we spend so many more hours on the road at once. By the time my house comes into view, I'm excited to see it.

Not that I don't wish I could have more time with Sei. I do miss my family, and bed, and bathroom... On this Saturday evening, the twins are playing in the front yard, waiting for us, along with a few unexpected guests. It looks like Nagisa and the twins have conned the larger boys into carrying them on their backs for some sort of game.

“Ugh, he's going to be such a bad influence on them” I sigh halfheartedly, tipping my sunglasses down to look at Sei over the brim of them. I feel very cool right now, arriving back home from holiday with my older boyfriend. Sei and I grin at each other.

“Ah, come on, Rei's not that bad” he jokes, giving me a wink. We're both still chuckling over it when we finally park and exit the car. I don't even get a chance to stretch from the road properly before Ren and Ran are on me, but it's fine. I really do love their enthusiasm.

“Oni-chan, what did you bring us? Did you pick up any hitchhikers? Did you have fun? What did you eat?” a million questions start being pelted at me.

“Eh? Hitchhikers?!” I frown at Nagisa. He just shrugs his shoulders and whistles innocently. Sei is already unloading my things from the trunk, and ends up enlisting my siblings' help to carry it all in. They can't have their gifts until later though, after Sei and I get done washing the car. Though we were good about the inside, the outside is covered in dust and bugs from driving such a long distance.

“You should always return something borrowed in as good of, or _better_ condition then when you received it” Sei tells Ren and Ran so they understand the importance of our task. Sei will be spending the night here, on the couch of course, just as a precedent, so we have time.

“Huh... So, the honeymoon isn't over yet?” Nagisa asks. The kids have gone back in the house to shake their gifts, to see if they can tell what they are. I'm running the garden hose out to the curb when Nagisa says that.

“What?” I frown.

“You know, a lot of couples get into fights when they suddenly find themselves alone together after a long time” Nagisa points out.

“Oh... Uh, no, we didn't fight...” I dismiss Nagisa's assumption.

“Haru-chan and Rin-chan almost broke up over a plastic seahorse toy during vacation” he informs me. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Sei trying _sooo_ hard not to laugh, I feel bad for him.

“What the fuck, Nagisa? We did not” Rin gets instantly defensive. Since nothing large and emotional was going on, the rest of the guys didn't join in tackling me when the twins did. So they've been kind of quiet so far, aside from the initial greetings.

“It wasn't a toy, it was shampoo” Haru corrects in a deadpan.

“But it was shaped like a seahorse, right Haru-chan?” Nagisa confirms while ducking Rin's attempts to silence him.

“This is ridiculous, we did not almost break up!” Rin growls. Haru shrugs when I look his direction, and Rin seems to get all the angry air let out of him.

“We're ok now, it's fine” Haru says.

“Ah, well, I'm glad you two worked it out...” I offer, scratching the side of my head.

A plastic seahorse? Really?

I pick up a rag from the car washing kit my dad had in the garage, and dip it in the soapy water Sei's made.

“Here, let me spray it off first” he says, asking me to hold back. Apparently that helps with keeping those little micro scratches to a minimum?...

“Hey, you guys want some help?” Rin asks, and the rest of them offer as well.

“No, it's ok, you guys didn't really come dressed for washing a car” I smile. Sei and I are just in shorts and tank tops, so it's fine if we get a little wet. I do remember we should remove our cell phones from the area at that point though.

“Are you sure you want to leave it unattended with Nagisa around?” Sei asks as he hands over his too.

“It's locked, right?”

“Yeah, true...”

“What do you think the odds are of him guessing your password?” I ask, knowing he changed it over the trip to something entirely inappropriate. He smiles a mischievous smile.

“Not likely” he affirms. Ok, maybe the word he changed it too isn't dirty in and of itself, but the context he meant it in was... As soon as I set them on the porch, I can _feel_ Nagisa making a B-line toward them.

“Don't you want us to hold them for you?” Haru asks.

“Nah, then you'll just have to wrestle him, and let's face it, he'll win” I tell him with a chuckle. Sei and I get down to the business of washing the car, taking extra care to get all the grit and grime off. I glance over now and then, seeing Nagisa frowning at the screen of one or the other of our phones.

“Now if I had put 'cock' on the end of it, he'd have a better chance of guessing” Sei whispers to me. I double check the guys' proximity before answering.

“Probably... Good thing the one on mine is a new nickname they don't know about” I grin. They might expect something sappy of me, but hopefully Nagisa's not that creative, to guess 'firefly'.

It's not like we usually change ours at the same time or anything. Sei kept teasing me though, about how big I was, after getting to feel the full impact of it... So finally I told him he might as well change the password on his phone, if he wanted to keep thinking about it all the time. 'My boyfriend has a monster horse cock' took up too many characters though. So he just used the word 'horse'.

I did the firefly thing more as a way to show him I was being the mature one. Or at least, the less perverted one...

Nagisa is looking disappointed and slightly bored by the time we're done toweling the car dry. It wouldn't do to leave any water spots. We stand back for a moment, admiring our work afterward. Not two seconds later, Sei snaps his towel at my ass. He misses, but the intent was there.

I know he won't necessarily be expecting retaliation from me, since there was no contact. I fling my own towel over my shoulder, and give him a look like he's being bad, and I'm above that. He grins that loveable grin, but I still go through with it. I smack his ass hard enough that it makes a loud sound, louder than I'd thought it would. I just smile at him when he yelps and turns to me accusingly.

“I think all this power is starting to go to your head, _Tachibana_ ” he says while advancing on me.

Somehow, whenever Sei calls me by my family name like that, he makes it sound so dirty... Like he's about to exert an authority over me that I'm powerless against. I know he does it on purpose too, because he never says it like that when there are other 'Tachibanas' around.

The only problem is, there could be at any moment.

“But _buchou_ , I'm just a high school student, I have hardly any power, really” I remind him, darting my eyes over toward the house to help him remember where we are. I may have been being a little counter productive with the 'buchou' thing, but it just slipped out. Thankfully Sei is just teasing anyway. All he does is bear hug me and threaten to spray me down with the hose if I get too rowdy.

“Oh my god, can you lay off with the flirting in front of the kids?” Rin says like he's getting sick to his stomach.

“What?” I ask him in an almost challenging tone, “There's no kids out here right now.”

“Rei is going to be scarred for life, especially since I'm pretty sure Nagisa caught that whole thing on camera” he nods in the youngest couple's direction. Nagisa quickly tucks his own phone in his pocket and smiles, flashing a peace sign.

“I'm sure Rei's seen worse” I fire back, making Rin grin.

“Since when do _you_ smack people's butts anyway, Mako-chan?” Nagisa asks, while Rei nods solemnly in the 'affirmative' to my statement.

“Since about Wednesday...” Sei says under his breath, causing me to smack him on the arm this time.

“I think it's time to go in now” I say more loudly than necessary. “Are you guys staying, or?...”

“Yeah, your mom invited us all for dinner when she saw we were at Haru's” Rin informs us. That explains a lot. I didn't want to be rude and ask what they all were doing here... My friends aren't the kind to just invite themselves over. Haru would of course, but that's different.

Dinner is loud and boisterous, even with Nagisa on saintly behavior around my mother. It just can't help but reach a certain pitch with all these young people. Afterward, we help with the dishes and all kind of mill about in the kitchen by default. My dad comes in with a stack of mail after a few minutes, prompting an interesting response...

“Did it come?” Haru says, he and Rin visibly perking up. My father blinks at them and then looks over to me.

“Did what come?” I ask, because Haru doesn't ever get mail at my house.

“The letter... From Tottori... We got ours a couple days ago, and Haru keeps checking to see if you got yours yet too” Rin says, trying to make the entirety of our futures sound casual.

“It did come. Here, son. I was going to give it to you to open later, in case you wanted a little more privacy” my dad explains. The cream colored envelope has the university's seal on it, looking very official. I think I may throw up everything I just ate.

“You don't have to open it now, if you-”

“Yes, he does” Sei, Haru, Rin, and both of my siblings all say at once. Rin and my siblings I would expect, but for Sei and Haru to err on the side of potential rudeness toward my dad was unexpected. Looking at Sei, he's nervous, and _so_ hopeful. I know my parents will forgive the outburst in their opinion of him. Haru's face is hope, laced with guilt. He got in then. Which means Rin must have too, or else it would have been the first thing I'd heard about.

I nod in agreement to the general gathering, and my mom hands me a letter opener. It takes me a couple tries to get the edge of it under the corner, but I finally slice it open. As I'm pulling out the papers and unfolding them, I can feel that freezing up feeling wanting to take over. Closing my eyes for a moment, I take a deep breath to solidify my courage.

“Open your eyes, baby, you got in” Sei says right next to my ear. My eyelids fly open, and the first word I read, starting off the paragraph, is ' _Congratulations_ '. Then Sei is kissing me while a tumult erupts around us. I hope my parent's good grace extends to a kiss in front of them too... I think it does. Everyone but them and Haru is pounding on the table and high fiving each other.

My parents look almost as relieved and happy as Haru does. Sei is literally grinning from ear to ear.

“Now I just have to make the team” I say almost wearily, the adrenalin of the moment making me feel almost dizzy.

“Heh, you're practically on the team already” Sei says in a confident tone. I don't think it's quite as easy as that though. I must have made a look or face or something, because he goes on.

“No, seriously, at our last meet, Konishi was wondering why you hadn't signed up for the 200 meter backstroke, until he remembered you don't actually go to our school...” he informs me.

“Did he really ask that?” I can't quite believe it.

“Yep, sure did, and we all had a good laugh too. See the thing is, since you're only there for weekend practices, none of them really know your times. They see you can keep up, but only I know how close you actually are to catching Ikuda” he winks at me.

“Catching him?”

“He's a backstroker too” Sei says nonchalantly, but doesn't volunteer anything more.

“Ooo, does Mako-chan have another rival already?” Nagisa chimes in, his eyes wavering with excitement.

“No, not really” I try to downplay it.

“Yeah, I guess not...the captain's a senior this year, so he'll be graduating anyway... Still... It would be fun, to see if you could catch him by the time tryouts come around...” Sei is teasing, and motivating all at once. Maybe later, once we're alone, I'll try to wriggle what Ikuda's times are out of him...

He doesn't tell.

He puts it to _me_ actually, and I finally side with him and decide I don't need to know. I already have a firm number that I'm striving for, the 52 seconds. Giving myself a little mini goal that's at an unknown between here and there will keep it exciting. Plus, Ikuda could always improve too in the next few months.

The feeling of having attained my goal without having actually swam against him might produce a false laxness. It happens to athletes all the time. A lot of training and keeping yourself going is actually psychological. I'm still a bit off of my target, without a whole lot of time left. I'm going to do my best though.

The tryouts for the Tottori team are actually the weekend right after Regional's, so it's going to be a busy time at the end of summer...

 

And speaking of summer, it _flies_ by.

Between practice, lifting weights, running in the sand, and running with the twins on my back, I do manage to shave off another second. I worry that it might not be enough, but I tell myself I really am doing all I can. For me, I've decided to gauge things by how well we do at Regional's. Haru is as stoic as ever about his performance, of course.

The rest of our team is confident, having all but Rei qualified in our individual events as well. It seems to me though, that a certain red-haired shark is having a bit of nervousness. Iwatobi did beat Samezuka in the qualifier, and all our talk at practices has been about the 'relay rematch'. I think it's starting to occur to Rin though, that being in competition with his boyfriend could have some unintended consequences.

Like one of their performances precluding the other from making the cut to the Tottori team. You can be sure a race of this level will be taken into account on each applicant's file. Hopefully coach Watoga will place equal emphasis on relay vs. individual events, since Rin & Haru's specialties have drifted recently.

Instead of wandering around on our own in the city for the night before finals, we make plans with Rin. Due to our closeness with the entire Samezuka team now, we end up basically spending it as one large group. It helps that our hotels are right next to each other this year.

We do have to part ways eventually though, excitement still singing through all of us. Nitori seems relieved that I suggest Rin and I 'unofficially' switch rooms for the night. It makes me wonder how much they've subjected the poor kid to over the years. I find Haru and the shark in question making out near the exit we're supposed to be making our way towards.

Tapping on Rin's shoulder, I consider reaching into his pocket to grab the room key I saw him tuck in there earlier. The way he and Haru have been kissing though, that might not be such a good idea... I just hold one palm out and open, dangling my own room key in the air between us with the other.

“You're a good guy, Makoto, I don't care what Haru says about you” Rin winks at me, getting the idea right away. Haru is frowning as we trade keys, and I tell him it was just a joke, no one really thinks he's been talking bad about me.

Nitori graciously agrees to show to me to where they're staying, and waits for me at the steps of their building. I retrieve my stuff with Rin and Haru, and make a last minute adjustment before heading down again.

“Here, give me your jacket” I tell him, tossing mine on the bed. Rin's is small on me, but I just don't zip it up. It would look a little out of place for me to be wearing all white and blue in the sea of red and black that is Samezuka. Just in case an adult were to say something.

Nitori makes a funny face at my mismatched outfit, but I don't really care too much. Just so long as I sort of look like I belong.

“Thank you for suggesting a trade, Makoto-senpai” Nitori tells me earnestly once we're inside. It's the closest I can get to him calling me by my personal name.

“It was for our mutual benefit” I chuckle.

“Um, senpai... Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?” he blushes. It's Nitori, so I don't imagine it will be anything too bad.

“Sure, go ahead” I reply, setting down my stuff.

“Well, a lot of the team have wondered, how... How you managed, um, to land Mikoshiba-senpai as a boyfriend” he finally gets out, “I mean, not that it surprising that it's you, but just that we all thought he was into girls, you know.”

And I do know.

“Well, honestly, he was kind of flirting with me before I realized that's what it was...” I rub the back of my neck sheepishly, because I can bet there sure were a lot of guys jealous over him. Nitori looks fascinated, and nods for me to go on.

“I went to him for advice, you know, about being captain, and my stroke, all that... We kind of ended up bonding and talking about a lot more things than swimming” I admit, but hesitate to go into any detail. Sei is very open now about who he is and his sexuality, so to speak. I don't think he'd like me giving _too_ many details to his former team though.

“So, did you kiss him, or did he kiss you?” Nitori asks seriously, leaning slightly toward me as he's sitting on the edge of his bed.

“Um, actually, I kissed him the first time” it makes my cheeks color to say. It can't really hurt anything though, to tell him that much. “Have you ever kissed anyone, Nitori?” I ask, trying to keep the playing field level.

“Hold on a moment, Makoto-senpai, I have to tell the rest of the guys” he's typing furiously at his phone.

“Eh? What!”

“Well, there's a lot of money riding on this answer” he says, like everybody knows that.

“Money! People were _betting_ on that?” I say disbelievingly. Nitori's set his phone down by now, and nods affirmatively. “I thought it could have gone either way, so I didn't bet anything myself. The odds were mostly in Mikoshiba-senpai's favor though, so it's quite the upset, statistically” he informs me.

I'm dumbfounded. Not that people would have assumed he made the first move. Heck, I would have assumed that too. I can't believe other people cared enough to place money on it though, that just seems insane to me.

Suddenly Nitori's phone starts going crazy with message after message. He only reads one before looking back up to me.

“Uh, you wouldn't mind if it's verified in person would you? There's kind of a finder's fee for the first of us to get an answer, and they don't want to believe me...” he blushes.

Before I can even ask what he means by that, there's a knock on the door.

“Ah, I'm sure it'll be quick, Makoto-senpai” he says, getting up with a jolt. I just stare at him, my mouth hanging open. When he opens the door, chaos ensues.

It's not just one person, it's practically the entire team squeezed into the hall. Bodies start spilling into the room, pushing past Nitori without even asking.

“So _you_ kissed _buchou_? Way to go, man” guys are grinning at me, impressed, smacking me on the shoulder. All I can do is nod and blush while they congratulate me. Many want to shake my hand, and a couple even go so far as to ask if he's a good kisser.

I turn bright red, I'm sure, but how can I not answer them like this? If I say nothing, they might assume he's not, and I can't imply that. Besides, he really is very good at it.

“Well, actually, even though I was first, he was practically daring me too. He's definitely amazing at it” I manage to say without stuttering, and feel pretty good about it.

“And what about in bed?” someone calls out from the back, making the others whistle and cheer around him. I'm beginning to think I may have gotten myself into one of those 'passing out from blushing too hard' situations.

“Oi, he's not answering that!” Nitori comes to my rescue. No one fesses up to having been the one to ask it though.

“Ok, but honestly, how long have you guys been together? I mean, it was definitely at least from when everyday 'joint' practices started, right?” I get asked by Nakagawa himself. He's giving me a look like he's put a little too much together on his own, and I better not try lying to him.

“Man, is there a party going on in here? Nice of you guys to invite me” I suddenly hear the best and worst possible voice booming out from the hallway. There's a split second where I can feel the possible tension ricocheting through the room. Then all at once, it's like the whole crowd remembers exactly what kind of guy Sei is, even though they've been basically caught interrogating his boyfriend...

He makes his way in past all of them, and I can see his red hair coming above most of their heads before I can see his face. There are laughs and welcomes being thrown all about, lots of back slapping and people standing up straighter.

It's not necessarily his fault, but Nakagawa is only about half the captain Sei was. His team, even the first years who've never met him, seem coalesced by his presence.

“Hey babe” Sei grins when he finally makes it to me. “What are you wearing?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, it's Rin's, we traded in case anyone might question me not belonging here, for the room trade” I explain.

“Yeah, I was just over at the address you gave me earlier, and let's just say I've never been so happy to have Matsuoka answer the door half naked” he says with a wink. I can imagine the sounds that were probably coming from that room, and blush as badly as I ever have.

“Sorry, I, didn't think you'd be here until tomorrow, or I would have warned you about the switch...” I feel awful.

The rest of the team is snickering and chucking at poor Rin getting interrupted, so to speak. Everyone in the _prefecture_ knows about him and Haru now, so it's not as if Sei's let anything slip by saying that.

“It's ok, here, take that off,” he says, nodding towards me and the jacket, “Nitori, you don't mind holding onto it for Matsuoka, do you?” Nitori nods vigorously, always happy to be of use.

“I was able to make the last train from Tottori after practice, so I thought I'd surprise you” Sei says, pulling off his own blazer. He holds it out for me as soon as I turn over Rin's to his room mate. I'm not really cold since it's summer, but this has nothing to do with that. It started as a 'team' thing, and is ending with a 'me being Sei's' thing. I couldn't be happier.

The whistling starts up from the crowd again as I pull Sei's on, and he watches proudly, his arms crossed over his chest. Somebody even has the guts to say “Poor Nitori”, implying that we will be creating an inappropriate situation for him soon. Sei shakes his head and nudges Nitori's shoulder, who is now bright red as well.

“Don't worry, I've got my own room” he tells him, and Nitori looks relieved.

“I never doubted you, Mikoshiba-senpai” he says with conviction.

“Hey, just remember he has to swim tomorrow, buchou!” it sounds a lot like the voice that asked if Sei was good in bed earlier. And it's obvious he's talking about me, not Nitori, when he shouts that.

“ _Is_ that what we're here for?...” Sei says, his stance shifting. He's been friendly, taking the teasing...and one would almost think the tone in his voice was still teasing...if you didn't know him. This party is officially over, and probably shouldn't have been let to get this far in the first place. I can tell he's trying hard not to step on Nakagawa's toes though.

The former vice captain seems to suddenly remember in that moment that _he_ is captain now.

“Alright, alright, let's break it up. You _all_ should be resting for the match tomorrow anyway!” he says loudly, a clear signal to disperse, “You're going to need it if you want a chance at beating those Iwatobi guys!” he winks at me as people start shuffling out. I smile back while Samezuka gets themselves pumped up as they leave.

Sei remains radiating that authoritative energy while they file out, giving Nakagawa an approving nod.

“I'm so sorry, senpai” Nitori apologizes as soon as they're gone, covering us both with that one statement. Sei looks to me.

“You ok?” he asks, testing to see if I was really pushed past my limit.

“I'm fine, you got here just in time, actually” I tell him, giving Nitori a look of commiseration.

“Don't worry about it then, kiddo” Sei tells Nitori, “That ought to give you some clout for a while though, right?” he's back to normal now, using his enthusiasm to encourage other people.

“Ah, yes, it probably will” Nitori blushes to admit, but he does look pleased.

“Plus the finder's fee” I add, and Nitori's eyes get a little wide. Oops. Apparently I wasn't supposed to let Sei know about the betting part...

“Finder's fee?” Sei says, raising an eyebrow. He starts to open his mouth to ask more, but then stops, pinching the brow of his nose. “High school kids...” he says with a sigh, as if he's so far removed from them. I give him a questioning look, but he waves it off, starting to grin.

“Tell you what, Nitori. I'm willing to put your involvement in this behind us if you'll do me a small favor” he says.

“Of course, senpai!” Nitori says, standing up taller.

“Do you have your phone on you?” Sei asks him.

“Yes, right here!” Nitori pulls it out of his pocket, starting to look slightly confused.

“I've been wanting to set a new wallpaper on my phone, but, the shot I want, it's kind of hard to get by myself” he explains, mischief overriding all his features. Nitori has gone from willing underling to deer in the headlights by the time Sei finishes.

“Um, ok...” the younger boy says cautiously.

“Just snap a few shots and then send me the best ones, would you?” Sei tells him as he's pulling me into his arms. I could see where he was going with this, but not quickly enough to get in an opinion before our lips seal. I blush harder into the kiss with every click of Nitori's camera.

After Sei finishes his little impromptu photo shoot, he goes over the shots, telling Nitori which ones he wants. Nitori complies and emails them to him right away, his face coloring while he waits for further instruction. Like, to delete them now...

Sei would have asked Nitori to just take them with his own phone, if he was worried about that though. Instead of anything along those lines, he makes a motion toward the door, indicating I should grab my bag. We all know I'm not staying the night here anymore. Sei gives Nitori a wink as we're leaving, and then we head out.

And that is the story of how Nitori Aiichirou, in his second year, became the most popular member of the Samezuka swim team.

“You shouldn't encourage them” I say with a sigh.

“A few pictures of us kissing aren't going to hurt anything. Besides, any of them could step out of their rooms right now and see us kissing in real life” Sei tells me.

“They could?” I ask, since we'd have to be going at it in the hall for that to be true. Sei tries to fulfill his own prophecy by kissing me until the elevator gets there, but no one peeks out.

Back in the room he got for himself, Sei tells me he doesn't think we should actually have sex tonight. Not that I couldn't swim just fine after a normal round, but Sei wants me to be in the best condition possible. It's a sweet enough gesture that I'm perfectly willing to settle for blow jobs and cuddling. Especially since Sei confesses that he doesn't want to see me wearing another guy's jacket again, ever.

 

At the actual meet there is one star of the show, as there has always been, and that is Haru. They only swim a maximum of 500 meters in high school, not the 1500 he's been training for. Granted, they _are_ different races, there's different methods to swimming them, but it doesn't matter to Haru. He blows away the record time by so much that they go back and double check his number of laps on camera, to make sure.

Rin takes first in his butterfly events. Even though all the individuals have been kind of overshadowed by Haru, I hope Rin's still at peace. He seems fine though, sneaking over from Samezuka's area all the time to pester his spotlighted boyfriend. I took first in my events as well, going for the 100 and 200 meter in backstroke. Nagisa placed third in his hundred, but managed to pull off second in the 200.

Spirits are high when it comes time for the relay. Rei is giving himself a last minute pep talk while Nagisa stretches happily. Haru looks focused, and when I catch Rin's eye, he nods with determination.

When we get the call for backstrokers to enter the water, my stomach gives a customary single flip. Experience silences it from bothering me any further though. I don't think about any of the things that could go wrong, don't notice anything but the progression of our signals. Hearing that beep means my body is suddenly airborne for a fraction of a second. Then next I'm slicing backwards through the water.

Before I know it I'm turning at the wall. This is going to be a good time, I can feel it. My friends are cheering like crazy for me, I just know it. My boyfriend is up there cheering his lungs out too, beyond a shadow of a doubt. When I hit the wall, I come up gasping, shouting a cheer for Nagisa as he shoots from the starting block above me.

I let myself breathe two breaths, then climb out of the pool so I'm not in the way. I won't look at my split of the time until the entire relay is done. I need every second between now and then to cheer for my teammates and friends.

Rei dives in next, and I have a good feeling about us ending up neck and neck with Samezuka after his leg. The thing is, Haru hasn't lost his sprinting edge at all, and this year Samezuka doesn't have Sei. I almost wish for their team that I could say it was closer than it was.

There's a full second between when Haru takes first for us, and their team touches in. As swimming times go, it's quite decisive. I'm glad to catch a snippet afterward of one of the Samezuka guys telling Rin it was too bad he couldn't swim butterfly and free for them in the same relay. I worry sometimes that with his closeness to us, his own members might shun him for our victories. Checking the clock, I see my time was a 53.44, which is not bad, not bad at all.

“Tachibana, could I have a word with you?” I hear a grown up voice addressing me.

At first I'm surprised to see coach Watoga here at the meet. I guess it makes sense if he's scouting out the incoming talent.

“Of course, sir.”

“I don't mean to interrupt your celebrating, it'll only take a moment” he assures me. Coach Watoga is a very average looking man, but it's obvious he takes care of himself. He's probably old enough to be my father, from what Sei's told me about his career prior to this. We've met, nodded at each other mostly, a few times before this, but never really 'talked'.

Off to the edge of the concrete, where it'll be obvious we're having a private conversation, he stops to face me.

“So, you were captain of your team last year as well?” he asks, already knowing the answer of course, I assume.

“Yes sir, though, we're a very new team and don't have many members” I try to be as honest as possible. He nods, accepting it and moving right on.

“And you know both Nanase and Matsuoka, as more than just fellow swimmers?” he asks, sounding like he knows more in that area than I would have guessed...

“Yes, sir. We've all been friends for a long time” I tell him, starting to wonder where this is going.

“Then, what can you tell me about that stunt the three of you pulled last year?” he says evenly.

Shit.

“Oh, sir, that wasn't a stunt at all,” I try to explain, try to keep my cool, “It wasn't like that... It's a long story, but I'm willing to tell it of course, if you have a moment...” I don't want to launch into some long winded, rambling, half tragedy half love story if it's just going to make me look like an idiot and not help. Coach Watoga checks his watch, then looks out over the pool, taking in the other swimmers.

“Can you pare it down?” he asks.

“Of course, I'll try my best, sir...” Where to start? What about the things leading up to that decision were the most critical?

“Well, it all started when Rin moved into our area when we were kids. His father had just died a few years ago, though we didn't know it at the time. He wanted us all to win a relay with him then, like his father had when he was young. We did, but, afterward, Rin left to Australia, to go to a swimming school there.”

Coach Watoga nods, looking understanding, though I don't know if it's for the relevance of the story or the pace I'm setting...

“The thing was, I guess he kind of hit a wall over there, was having a lot of self doubt issues, I mean, he was only a kid... Anyway, he came back for New Years and challenged Haru to a race, since they've always been rivals from like day one. Haru didn't know what he was going through, and when he beat Rin, Rin told him he was quitting swimming. Haru carried that around with him for years and years afterward, that's the part I saw first hand. When Rin came back from Australia, he was really different, bitter, almost. We kept running into each other, and even though Rin was swimming again, he and Haru had a lot of, uh, issues...”

I don't want to tell their potential coach about the level the drama reached... I feel like it's important for Watoga to understand it wasn't just some childish whim though. He hasn't glanced at his watch again, so I'm assuming I'm holding his attention, or at least not wasting his time.

“Things, were pretty bad, a lot of misunderstandings happened on both sides... Then the two of them decided to 'settle' things at Regional's last year. The stupid thing was, the whole time, they really just wanted to be friends, to swim together...we all did. Anyway, things seemed to level out for a while, until-”

… Until Sei took Rin off that relay … There's nothing for it but to be truthful though, it's not in me to lie about it. Hopefully, as a coach, Watoga will understand Sei's decision, and as a former swimmer, understand Rin's point of view too...

“... Uh, well, until Sei took him off of the relay team the night beforehand, because he wasn't performing like he needed to. He didn't want the rest of the relay being dragged down by Rin's lack of focus. He didn't know why Rin had gotten like that though, not that it would have made a difference...”

“I've already heard Mikoshiba's version of the events” Watoga affirms with a nod, clearly paying attention and evaluating my every word. I don't know if that makes me feel better, or worse. I nod back, and continue.

“So, the day of the relay, Rin was just a mess. He felt like he was losing everything, a total failure, I'm sure. He tends to be way too critical of himself. He tried to swim his individual...”

“Yes, I'm aware of his performance there as well” Watoga tells me, but his voice sounds kind if anything, not accusatory at all.

“Right, so as his friends, we knew he was in trouble... We tried to find him afterward, but it took along time. The boy who swims butterfly on our team, Ryuugazaki, volunteered to let Rin have his spot, so we could all swim together. It, was a beautiful thing that he did for Rin, for all of us. So, you see, it wasn't about attention or doing something silly because of being young. That relay healed them, Rin and Haru, it brought us all back together.”

Coach Watoga looks out over the milling mass of athlete's again, and I'm not sure if I should go on, or what. I tried to keep it as brief as possible, but I'm not sure I succeeded...

“Thank you for being honest with me, Tachibana. From what I've seen of you already, I couldn't believe that you would participate in something born out of immaturity. I have to be sure though. I only want the kind of guys on my team that are serious, who work hard, and love the water. Hotshot attention seekers can go muck up some other university's dynamic” he says with a no nonsense attitude.

I can see how Sei easily made the team under his watch. Also, I can fit Rin and Haru in under those categories quite easily too. There was a time I would have doubted my own spot in that spectrum... I started taking this, and myself, seriously a long time ago though.

“You're welcome, sir. Thank you for giving us the chance to explain” I give him a small bow, which seems to amuse him.

“We'll see you all next weekend, I assume?” he says, as if confirming.

“Yes, of course sir, 10am sharp” I recite.

“Good, good... Well, I've other research to do, so if you'll excuse me... I think Mikoshiba's about to have a heart attack from trying to stay back this long anyway” he says with a nod behind me. I blush a little, knowing our relationship is certainly no secret to him. He gives me a single pat on the arm, meant to be encouraging I'm sure, and then walks away.

Taking a deep breath, I turn around to find Sei, and see he's already heading toward me.

“How did it go?” he asks right away, trying not to look nervous.

“I... I have no idea” I admit, still kind of reeling from the potential impact of it.

“Who was that old guy you were talking to for so long?” Rin says as they come up too. Apparently the conversation attained the privacy coach wanted, but was not exactly secret.

“That old guy is the coach of the team you're trying to make next weekend” Sei tells him with a sigh.

“Really? He looks a lot different in his profile picture” Rin squints at him in the distance now.

“More hair” Haru adds, as if deciding it. Sei ignores them and turns back to me.

“What did he say? What did you say? Singling you out is usually a good thing, it means he already knows who you are” Sei tries to be reassuring, even as he's dying to know.

“Ugh” I bury my face in my hands, “I just spend the last 10 minutes trying to convince him we're not a bunch of stunt-pulling show-offs, because of last year” I whisper, which turns into a sigh as I let my hands fall again. Rin and Haru both look pale, like they hadn't ever considered that. I can forgive them for it, because neither had I. Sei hugs me, telling me he's sure it'll be ok.

“How much did you say?...” Rin asks.

I tell him the truth, that I told Watoga the truth, and try to remember as many of the words I used as possible. He nods in acceptance, which I'm thankful for.

“It's ok, man. I did my essay to the university on pretty much that whole theme, trying to find what you swim for, and my dad...” he admits. Sei looks impressed.

“I did mine on water...and some stuff about you” Haru admits, his cheeks coloring as he briefly meets Rin's eyes. Sei knows what mine was about, but I offer it too, since Rin and Haru don't.

“I wrote about finding why I swim as well, and trying to overcome your fears.” I know all our essays would have produced vastly different outcomes on that same topic though, so I don't worry. It's probably a running theme among those trying out for the team.

 

The next weekend, Rin, Haru, and I all take the train over to Sei's on Friday night. He's been gracious enough to allow them to stay at his place for the weekend. Since they can't both fit on the couch, they end up sleeping on the tatami with a couple of pillows. We all get up at our same normal time, and go for a light run.

The tryouts are taking precedence over practice today, so once they're done, we'll be free to go. Coach Watoga's style is a bit different. He's instructed the current team to show up too, so that he can get an idea for where the spread of potential is. Sei warned me about it ahead of time, with letting me know Ikuda would be here. I passed it on to Rin and Haru of course, but I wonder how many others know.

They would probably think this team is in a lot more demand than it is, even with Watoga's influence. I can tell there's only about 25 of us who are actually on display, but there's a good sixty guys in the lockers. Nowhere near all of them are going to make it. That's ok with me though, as long as the three of us do.

Sei gives me one last quick kiss before we head out, trying to keep distractions to a minimum. A few of the guys from Tottori's team wish me good luck too, and I can see Rin memorizing who they are. Obviously those would be ones we're really being measured against.

Coach explains that we'll have a general warm up first, and then he starts assigning laps. A certain portion of them are set aside for letting each person warm up their own stroke. That makes sure all the right muscles get attention and no one is at a disadvantage.

Once warms up are over, it'll be straight into backstroke. Back, breast, fly, and free; the traditional order will determine our positions here too. Some of the other candidates seem surprised. Usually freestylers are given precedent, since there are so many more of them.

Those who have to wait are given permission to use the diving pool, which is half a dozen yards or so away. That way they can get loosened up when they need to without interfering. I can see Haru eyeing it already, but I know he's going to watch me first, after the warm ups.

There aren't many backstroke specialists, only enough for one heat, so it should be quick. Ikuda takes the lane next to me with a grin. Not every existing member will be put in as a competitor today, but the best ones, certainly. I try not to let any nerves take hold of me while we wait to be told to get in the water.

“I'm watching you, Tachibana” Ikuda teases me, pressing any extra air out of his goggles at the same time. 'Ooo' and 'watch out now' start coming from the crowd of guys who know what's going on.

“Well, keep watching then...” I tell him with as much confidence as I can, a smile stealing over me. I've tested it before, and it's perfectly fine to swim with a grin on your face, so I'm not worried. The bystanders really liked my response apparently, but they die down when coach blows his whistle. That's the signal to jump in, and we all hit the water.

“Take your mark... Set... _Beeeep_ ”

I push off from the wall as hard as I can, my back arching just so. Furiously, I kick under the water, angling up for the surface. I'm not one of those that drags the underwater portion out until the last allowable moment. For backstroke, it's best not to anyway. It's not any faster while under the water than powering over it's surface.

Flags. Flip. Kick. Stroke.

The 100 meters is passing by so quickly it's surreal. It's a good thing I've trained so much to keep my focus. The reason being that even before the final flags come into my view, the spray of Ikuda's kick does.

I've got him.

Because we're on our backs, the only way I could see that without turning my head is if I was pulling in front. The adrenaline of that realization gives me a surge of speed I wasn't expecting. Hm, I guess this is how competition is _supposed_ to work...

When I hit the finish, I look instantly to the marquee, and see my name pop up next to the lit number '1'. Ikuda smiles and shakes his head, mouthing something to me. I can't tell what he's saying over the roar of the guys cheering and hollering though. The other lanes are finishing as we get out, having been half a length behind us.

“Tachibana!” Coach Watoga is practically stomping across the cement toward us. I'm not sure what I did, but everyone is getting out of his way.

“You're still _17_ , aren't you?” he says, almost accusingly.

“Um, yes...but I'll be 18 before next year starts” I confusedly reassure him.

“And did you just swim a _52_ in my pool?” he asks, frowning. I raise an eyebrow, looking back to the board in surprise. '52.97' is sitting proudly next to my name, and I'm almost too shocked for words.

“Yes, sir. Yes I did” I grin from ear to ear, thinking I'm understanding a bit of his disconcert now. It's not a gold medal time, but it's within sneezing distance, as my grandfather used to say.

“Get the fuck out of here” he waves at me with his clipboard, off toward the diving pool, “Go cool down.” The strength of his language puts me off a little, and he pauses, seeing it.

“Look, you _made_ the team kid, now get out of the way and stop making the rest of us look bad” he makes a poking gesture toward me, but eyes Ikuda as if challenging him.

“Hey, I came here as a _favor_ to you, old man” Ikuda spouts back in a teasing manner. Clearly they're used to keeping each other on their toes. Coach breaks into a grin, chuckling to himself as he walks away.

Ikuda holds his hand out to me, for us to shake. I accept it readily, and he doesn't look all that upset that I just beat him.

“Good job, Sei's boyfriend” he says as he breaks into a smile. The version of my 'name' that he's chosen to use is one that's been following me here for months. It's accompanied by a wink of course, and a smack on the arm. Maybe once I'm properly on the team, I'll be able to get them to call me at least by my family name...

“Thanks, Ikuda. It was a good match” I answer.

“I told you not to worry” Sei is right there when I turn around, and I know from his grin that he heard what coach said. He hugs me, but keeps it at a PG rating, for my sake. I finally get to cool down after that, and Haru joins me of course. Sei and Rin go ahead and jump in with us too. We'll all be in and out of the water quite a few times today anyway.

When the butterfly section comes up, we all move into the best position we can to cheer for Rin. Normally I would have swam the 100 and 200 just like he is, if coach hadn't kicked me out. He finishes third in the 100 meter, behind one Tottori swimmer and one other high school student. In the 200 though, he edges out the guy his own age, though neither of them can beat the existing member.

It was a strong showing though, and it's not like only one person from each stroke will get a spot. He seems satisfied that he gave it his all, which is really all you can ask for with Rin.

When Haru's turn comes up, Sei is one of the guys pulled to be in his heat. It gives me the worst queasy feeling in my stomach to watch. I don't know who to cheer for, so I cheer for both. Suddenly, I'm very glad Haru's taken such an interest in the long distance events. How would I feel if I had to watch them go against each other for the National team?

Sei wins, which isn't surprising. A few guys come close though, Haru included, and he eyes them as if marking them for the future. I pull Sei aside and tell him seriously that I knew he could do it, which earns me a quick kiss. There are several more rounds of freestyle left, then Haru will be up again for the 1500.

It's not one of those things where they say it's “anybody's race”. Haru dominates early, and stays strong, which is his key feature. When we practice this at school, he actually has a tendency to _not stop_ when his lap count is up. Not because he loses track, but because he figures if he gets annoying, someone will tell him to stop eventually. So that's my main concern here, that he end when he's supposed to. Haru could probably swim around the world without realizing it.

If he did, it would be in record time too.

There are only three long distance people trying out, and one who's from Tottori. They only take up half of the eight lane pool. To say Haru came in first would be an understatement. He blows past the guy already on the team, beating him by an entire length. That's almost half a minute.

Haru, not paying attention as he should, starts to walk right back over to the diving pool once he's done. I can tell coach Watoga is heading for him though, so I motion for Haru to stop and turn around.

“Nanase, can I expect times like this from you in every meet?” coach asks, knowing full well how Haru did at Regional's.

“Yes, sir” Haru says a little too flatly. I think it might be because he's nervous, but there's nothing to be done for it.

“You've got a few quirks, boy...but I can put up with quirks, for someone who hears the call” Watoga nods, “You're on the team, Nanase.”

I can see Haru's eyes shimmer, but Watoga doesn't say anything more, just nods and moves on to speak with some others. That's the moment it hits me that Watoga didn't address any of the butterfly swimmers after their heat. As soon as Haru turns toward us, he sees the revelation in my eyes, and we both look over at Rin.

“Oh god, don't start up with that now...” he grumbles at our silent communication. “Mine was a much closer thing, he probably needs more time to evaluate what he wants to do there” Rin shrugs. I can tell he's trying his best to keep positive, and I'm proud of him. I don't point out that he's doing the 'just knowing' thing himself, in having answered the concern he saw.

Only after things wind down the rest of the way, does Watoga seek out the butterfly swimmers. Of course, Rin is the last person left to be given his news. The guy who beat him out of the 100 meter didn't look very sad when he and coach parted ways, which makes my heart hurt.

Instead of walking up to Rin as he did with the others, Watoga catches his eye and motions him over with his head. Rin takes a deep breath and makes his way without waiting for any encouraging words from us. We try not to stare, but without being able to hear, it's all we have.

At first Rin looks determined and focused, then shocked. Shocked, and confused. When tears start rolling down his face, Haru stands abruptly. Sei grabs him though, his own face filled with pain on Rin's behalf.

“Don't, you'll just make it worse if you go over there” he instructs Haru firmly. Watoga seems to be talking an awful lot for something that should be quick. Rin nods every now and then, and doesn't make any move to clean off his face. Maybe it's one of those things where because it was so close, he's willing to give Rin another chance to prove himself?...

As their talk ends, Watoga doesn't pat Rin on the arm, or shake his hand. They both just nod and walk away from each other. Rin's heading toward us, but he's clearly not seeing us. His head is somewhere far away. Sad Rin is usually an angry Rin, so this kind of scares me, to see him look so lost.

Haru, bless his heart, makes an almost pouncing move to bring their foreheads together when he gets in range. Rin looks startled, having no choice but to meet his boyfriend's eyes. Haru has his hands on either side of Rin's face too. He starts crying himself, though silently, and says in a forceful tone,

“I'm still going wherever you go.”

Rin looks confused for all of half a second, then puts his hands over Haru's, holding them.

“Oh, no Haru, I made the team, that's not it...” he pauses, like he's trying to find the right words. Haru's hands fall away from Rin's face, but stay clasped within his. All of us slump with relief, the tension leaving our bodies upon hearing that. “I guess, coach Watoga, he...knew my dad...” Rin trails off.

It's a statement that explains everything, and yet not nearly enough. When it comes to Rin and his father though, none of us are going to pry.

“He said, they swam together... He wanted to tell me, I swim just like him...” Rin finally wipes at his face and the moisture there. I'm crying as well, with too much emotion and the relief from it all at once.

“Coach wanted to make sure I knew I had earned this myself, he didn't want me to question later if it had been just for my dad's memory... Then he said something about them being rivals in a lot of different things, but he didn't go into detail... I think... I think I'm going to take him up on his offer” Rin says to all of us, and to no one in particular.

“Offer?” Haru and I both ask at the same time.

“Yeah, to meet with him, and talk some more, if I wanted... I don't know... It seems strange, but then, how many times is an opportunity like that going to come up?” Rin seems to still be talking to himself, lost in thought.

“Do you think there's anything you could learn about him, your dad, that would make you change your desire about swimming?” Sei asks. Rin finally really looks at one of us, and it's him for saying that.

“No” he shakes his head, “No, there isn't.”

“Then you should probably lean toward doing it” Sei suggests. Haru nods, and then kind of collapses against Rin, making him catch him.

“What the fuck, Haru?” Rin grumbles, but holds on tight.

“You scared me, jerk. I thought you didn't make it.”

“Well thanks for the vote of confidence, ass” Rin fires back, nuzzling Haru's temple.

I'm trying to piece the words together to imply that their flirting is going to scar someone around here, like Rin did with us. Sei beats me to the snappy comment this time though.

“Just remember guys, if you have sex tonight, we get to too” he wags a finger at them. Since they're sleeping on Sei's floor again, it's a relevant concern.

“We'll be quiet” _Haru_ says, and Rin grunts in disbelief.

I'm just happy we got our happy ending. That is, until I realize, it's not really an ending, but a beginning.

By the end of the weekend though, I'm glad Rin and I made our agreement at the start. The one about not trying to all live together. Haru is a lot louder than I would have thought... Though, it may have partly been Rin trying to show off too...

 


	8. Chapter 8

Even though we've made the university team, our high school lives aren't quite over yet. In an effort to ensure the Iwatobi team's continuance next year, we hold our own 'open tryouts'. With the success we had winning Regional's, we're the first team from Iwatobi to advance to a National level in a long time. Several people actually show up, wooed into trying it by our sudden fame.

I'm glad things go well, for Rei and Nagisa's sake. Even Kou seems excited about the prospect of a bigger team, more muscles to look at. Haru agrees to let his house be used for a sort of welcome party for the new guys. I'm not really sure that indicates excitement on his part, probably more like Nagisa paid him off in fresh fish. The things that house has seen for want of mackerel...

It's going fine with the meet and greet sort of atmosphere, until Nagisa decides we all need to get to know each other a little better. It turns out he's only passing around photocopied personality quizzes, so I breath a sigh of relief.

Some of the questions though... What does my flirting style have to do with fitting into a sports team?... Upon closer inspection, this seems to be taken from one of Kou's magazines. I look around the room, and no one is getting up in outrage, so I go ahead and fill it out.

“Ok! Let's have everyone put their name at the top and pass your tests to Rei for grading!” Nagisa indicates, shoving his own into Rei's hands. Why is he filling one out himself? And why is Rei not?

“So, what's the purpose of this again?” I ask, hoping to save our brand new recruits from any unnecessary shenanigans. There's a mix of five guys, all first and second years, passing in their tests as well.

“Yeah, this is lame, Nagisa, if I wanted to do homework, I'd have stayed home” Rin complains. Instead of his name, I can see he's hastily drawn a shark at the top of his quiz.

“Every team needs a good dynamic to function properly, I'm just trying to help us sort it out ahead of time for next year” Nagisa says to me, ignoring Rin. Rei is tallying things up seriously, then double checking for accuracy. I wonder if Haru actually answered any of the questions.

“Ok, the results are in!” Nagisa declares excitedly. Rei adjusts his glasses and nods in agreement.

“Haru-chan, you're 'The Cool One' of the group, so your spot will be taken by Kaoru-chan, who scored the same personality type!”

“That's it? That's what your test is for?” Rin grumbles, clearly not in agreement with the result. I'm going to have to side with him on this.

“What does that have to do with how he swims? They're not even doing the same stroke...” I point out.

“But this is about the _dynamic_ , Mako-chan, not what stroke we swim” Nagisa says, as if that should be obvious.

“Since your test came back with 'The Cute One', you'll be replaced by Shohei-chan!” he says with a wink. I think my mouth is hanging open in shock. Shohei just shrugs his shoulders and gives me a look like it can't be helped.

“Next up, Rin-chan! Your results are 'The Sexy One', _ooooo_ , and we've got a two way tie between Morio-chan and Tatsui-chan for that position!” Nagisa seems thrilled that he got to use the words 'two way' and 'position' in that announcement.

“Wait, why is Rin 'The Sexy One'? He's not even on this team!” I'm not upset per se, but kind of disappointed. I mean, I've become a lot more open about myself lately, and I've been working out all the time on top of that. I mean, not that I'm conceited, but I do think of myself as a fairly good looking guy. Sei is certainly always telling me I am...

“Sexy isn't just a good looking appearance, it's a state of mind” Rin tells me, smirking at my disgruntled state.

“Well, someone could be cute and sexy at the same time” I argue, just on precedent.

“But that's really rare, for a person to be both as their _personality_ , like, you have to plan that shit out if you want to be sexy and cute all at once” Rin explains.

“Like wearing a maid costume?” I ask him point blank, my arms crossed over my chest. Oops, I forgot I wasn't supposed to know about that... Haru snorts, and Rin's eyes flash, then he instantly gets defensive.

“You know, it's called 'hazing' for a reason” he frowns, blushing hard.

“Isn't that what's going on here?” one of the new guys asks.

Haru stops chuckling abruptly and looks Tatsui in the eye.

“Don't give him any ideas” Haru says very seriously, making the guy raise an eyebrow. It's sage advice from someone who's been friends with Nagisa this long.

“No, Nagisa, you are not hazing them” I say to the blonde. He starts to open his mouth, but I interrupt him to let him know I'm serious.

“I know where you live” I tell him, uncrossing my arms and putting them on my hips. He sticks out his bottom lip, pouting.

“So, Rei” Rin changes the subject, still blushing slightly, “How come you didn't take a test, and Nagisa did?”

“Ah, I think it's abundantly clear that I am 'The Smart One', so no test is needed there. As for Nagisa-kun's results, I think you'll all agree with the diagnosis of 'The Devious One'” he comments. Nagisa doesn't dispute his findings at all. He actually seems to get happier having heard that, and gives the crowd a peace sign.

“You'll never be bored” Rin says with a sigh to the general group.

 

The next weekend, when I'm over at Sei's apartment lounging in bed, I still feel the 'evaluation' bugging me. All people want to feel good about their partner wanting them, right?

“So, if you had to pick one, which of these would you say is most me?” I ask Sei, “Cool, cute, or sexy?”

I try not to put an emphasis on any of the words, wanting an honest opinion.

“Definitely cute” Sei grins, pecking me on the cheek. Maybe I should have used a little emphasis...

“Really?” I say in a disappointed tone.

“Really cute in a cool way” he says, backtracking.

“Ugh! You'd pick sexy _last_?” I pout, frowning at him.

“No! Of course not, I just guessed wrong when the obvious answer turned out to not be the one you wanted to hear” Sei teases me. I frown further and huff, turning half away from him.

“I can be sexy...” I mutter.

“It might help if you weren't so freaking adorable while pouting about being cute” Sei tickles the back of my ear with his lips.

“Just forget it” I groan, but I really am kind of disappointed that my own boyfriend doesn't think of me like that. “By the way, Haru told me to tell you he'd pay good money for pictures of Rin in that maid's outfit” I tell him in order to change the subject.

“How much money?...”

 

I don't come across an opportunity to prove myself, sexiness wise, until after Nationals. Our relay placed second, which is really very good for that level. I came in second for backstroke and Nagisa fourth in breaststroke. Haru was the only one to take first place in an event, but it's not surprising. In a way, coming in second for the nation gives me motivation to keep improving. Only the absolute fastest swimmers will make Japan's Olympic team.

It's an event organized by our upcoming university team that gave me my current idea. Since coach Watoga forbid any sort of embarrassing initiation ceremony, the team has taken a different approach. Halloween season is coming up, which in college is a very excellent reason for throwing a party. The idea of a costume party isn't all that original in and of itself though.

The new recruits however, will be subject to a _mandatory_ costume requirement. Each person will be voted on by the current members. Those with the worst scores will have to be at the new captain's beckon call for the entire first week of school. So there's a definite incentive to take this seriously.

I don't think, however, that Rin would be willing to go so far as a maid's outfit. He probably would have rather been someone's lackey for a week than wear it in the first place. So I have a very good chance of winning, if I can think of a good costume. And find the balls to pull it off. And somehow keep it all a secret from Sei, so I can get a good reaction in front of everyone. Did I mention finding the balls to really do it?

I can think of a lot of sexy things to dress up as, but none that I can picture myself actually walking around in.

I am probably going to regret this.

“Hey, Nagisa? Listen, I'm calling in a solid 'you owe me'...”

 

After setting a myriad of limits and lines which cannot be crossed, I leave the finding of my perfect sexy costume in his hands. His devious, capable little hands.

I don't really want to know how he ' _came across_ ' the outfit, but I do double check with Rei that it's not stolen. Since it's real, the pants are thick and heavy, but it should be fairly cool during the night anyway. Plus, I won't be wearing a shirt, just suspenders over my bare chest. The hat is really the clincher for the whole outfit, in my opinion.

I mean, who ever heard of a fireman without a hat?

I have to admit, trying it on at Rei's house in secret, that it's brilliantly perfect. We have to meet here so we're away from the prying eyes of Nagisa's sisters. I look incredibly sexy, if I do say so myself. Yet I'm not in anything that would get me arrested for walking down the street in it. The party is on a Friday night, so I'll have to dress here after school, and then ride the train to Tottori in costume. If I was letting Sei in on it, things would be easier just changing at his place.

I feel slightly nervous about the get up, just because of the attention from strangers it will draw. Then Nagisa points out there _is_ a jacket that goes with it, but that it would kind of ruin the effect at the party... So the plan changes to having on the full outfit for the trip, and then just slinging the jacket over my shoulder before I walk in.

Rin and Haru will already be in Tottori, so I'm guessing they'll get there before I do. They have appointments to meet with their academic advisers about majors and classes on that same day. Mine's not until Monday, so we're all taking a three day weekend, just at different times. Sei also told them rather bluntly that they have to get a hotel room, after what happened on his tatami last time.

That's fine with me, because I'm planning on us needing privacy when we get back anyway.

I'd prefer my family not see this particular costume, so it's left at Rei's. The three of us all go to his house after school on Friday, skipping practice. The point at which I almost chicken out is in stepping out the front door.

“Here, Mako-chan! I brought this for you, to help you be confident and loosen up” Nagisa says seriously. He pulls a water bottle out of his backpack that has some sort of orange liquid sloshing around in it. It's only half way full, and has me curious.

“What exactly is it?...” I ask, smelling a citrus scent in the air when he opens it.

“It's called a 'fuzzy navel', and it's just what the doctor ordered” he winks.

“Isn't that an alcoholic drink?” I say with a small bit of apprehension.

“Weeeeeell, yes, technically...but it's not supposed to be very strong” Nagisa assures me. Other than the headache, I didn't have any ill effects from two glasses of wine, so this should be ok... Right?

“Um, I guess it'll be ok... Since it's not very much...” I say as I accept the plastic bottle. Bringing it to my lips, I find it's nothing like the wine was. I can taste a strong underlying flavor that must be the liquor, mostly masked by orange and peach. Still, it's not _bad_.

“Thanks, Nagisa” I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly as I stare at the door.

“You can do it, Mako-chan!” the blonde cheers, “You're a confident and sexy firefighter!”

“Do you really think I look sexy?” I question, including both he and Rei in the asking.

“Of course, Makoto-senpai. Everything about this attire has been calculated to provide maximum attractiveness while showing no more skin than you are accustomed to” Rei informs me.

“What he really means is, he'd do you” Nagisa giggles, “If he was single that is.”

“Nagisa-kun! Do not put words in my mouth!”

“Can I put something else in your mouth then?”

“OK guys, I'm leaving now, thanks for your help!” I call behind me as I rush out the door after hearing that. Thankfully the jacket has pockets in it, so I don't need my backpack or anything. I have enough stuff at Sei's apartment to spend the weekend there without bringing anything now. I'm traveling light with just my wallet and fireman's helmet.

The only small problem I run into is that it's warmer than I would have thought on the train. There's too many people, and perhaps it's partly the fuzzy navel's fault... It's not unbearable, just a little uncomfortable. I'm incredibly glad when I finally make it to Tottori.

The party is being held at the fraternity Ikuda belongs to. Sei and I have been there before, though neither of us have any intention of rushing. Since Ikuda's got seniority there, and it's for a party, they readily agree to host it. As is common, the entire block is lined with frat houses, and teaming with students on a Friday night.

Since it's either show some skin or start to sweat, I take off my jacket at the corner of the block. As a nice feature, the pockets zip closed, so I don't have to worry about losing my wallet. I fling the whole thing over my shoulder as I walk, since that seems coolest.

There's a lot of traffic with students coming and going, and even an accident in the intersection, but I manage to make it. I'm getting quite a few looks as I walk, and feeling very good. When the doors of my destination loom, it's as if all my sexy efforts are culminating into this one moment.

Music is already thumping through the walls, and there are a few guys on the porch, but no one I know. They must be in on what's happening tonight, because they don't try to stop me. One does look me up and down and say “Nice...” in an appreciative tone, so I smile proudly when he meets my eyes.

I don't stop to give him a chance to converse though. I didn't come here to get hit on by strange college guys. I came to prove a point. And possibly, make my boyfriend cum in his pants... Where there's music, there must be a dance floor, right? I might need a few more drinks before being able to get quite _that_ loose...but who knows...

As soon as I push open the door, I'm extremely glad that I decided to do this. Masashi, of course, has been put in charge of taking each new member's photo. I wonder if this counts as hazing in the back of my head. He offers me a drink before I can think about it too hard, and I accept, because I'm really thirsty from my walk.

I should have expected they'd only have stuff with alcohol in it. Just one more should be ok though, until I find Sei. I ask if Masashi's seen him, and he tells me they were in the main section of the house last time he saw. Them being Sei, Rin, and Haru. Then he tells me my ass looks amazing as I walk off to find them.

“Just my ass?” I ask, knowing the sassy reply will not be lost on him. Cat-calls follow me through the doorway. The main room is dominated almost entirely by swimmers. Having already rehearsed this, I let the guys in the immediate vicinity get a good, stunned eyeful before I speak.

“I'm looking for my boyfriend, anyone seen him? He's tall and handsome, looks like his hair's on fire...” I prompt, giving them a wink. One person chokes, and Konishi starts slow clapping as if I've done something thoroughly impressive. I can't count the number of whistles. I just grin and accept the commotion that washes over me as I move through the room.

There are plenty of costumes, but no one else's seem to be drawing as much attention as mine. It might be because I just got here, but I hope it lasts long enough for me to find Sei. I sip on my drink as I look for him. A few guys, mostly existing members who didn't care, are dressed as 'swimmers'. There are ninjas and Pokemon characters, what looks like a robot made from cardboard boxes...

Then I see it.

Slicked back red hair, behaving more than normal, but still too familiar to be anyone else's. I make for it in as straight a line as possible. Guys I know are still congratulating me on the excellent costume as I go. Some girls I don't know get in my path and ask if I want to dance as a new song is shuffling on. When I tell them I don't think my boyfriend would like that, they giggle, but let me go.

Fate has smiled on this evening, I just know it. The song coming on right at this moment, is the same one Sei danced to for me. I will never forget this rhythm, even if I never learn all the words.

It's actually Haru who sees me first, and the way his eyes widen is slightly gratifying. I smile at him and wave as if everything's normal. Rin and Sei both turn around to see what he's looking at, and this is the moment of truth.

Sei is dressed as a vampire, having put a fair amount of effort into it. He's extra pale, and wearing a cape, though the fabric looks a little cheap, from a generic costume shop probably.

His fake fangs fall out of his mouth when he sees me.

My job here is done.

“Jesus, Fucking, Christ” Rin's mouth is practically hanging open too, “Where the _hell_ did you find something like that?” he asks. Rin's costume isn't so much a costume as him playing up on his natural features. He's wearing gray pants, a white t-shirt, and has a plastic shark fin strapped to his back.

“Sold my soul to the devil” I wink, grinning more than I should.

“You did make sure Nagisa didn't kill anyone for it, right?” Haru asks, eyebrow raised. He's got a valid point. He's also dressed as a cat, so I'm having a hard time taking his tone seriously.

“Hmm, all I asked was if it was stolen...” I say teasingly. Sei seems to not be coming out of his stupor, so I focus my attention on him.

“Want to dance, baby?” I ask, resting the hand with my drink in it on his shoulder. I swing the jacket off my shoulder with my other, and thrust it in Rin and Haru's direction.

“You don't mind holding this for me for a dance or two, right?” I ask, and Rin takes it with a dumbfounded look still prominent on his features.

“How come I always end up holding your jacket?...” he grumbles, but still accepts it.

“If you want, I'll hold your fin while you dance with Haru” I offer. That sounds sort of vaguely dirty to me, now that I've said it, and makes me grin more than I needed to. Rin just rolls his eyes. One hand free is progress...

“Hmm, I think I'm going to need both hands to dance with you, _properly_ ” I tell Sei, who's holding his fake teeth in his hands and blinking, looking back and forth between my face and chest. I down the rest of my drink, and then give it to Rin too. He sniffs it and frowns.

“This has alcohol in it, Makoto.”

“You've been drinking?” Sei finally seems to have found his voice.

“Yeah, Nagisa gave me a little before too-” I stop myself from saying anything about needing to work up the nerve to wear this. I'm sure that would detract from the sexiness factor.

“Oh my god... And you've just been walking around like this?” Sei says, and from his tone I can tell he means without my shirt on more than anything else.

“I had the jacket on for most of it. Walking from the train I got hot though, so I took it off down the block” I tell him, pulling him gently with me to the dance area. Sei shakes his head, looking me up and down in a way I like a lot.

“I'm surprised you didn't cause a 10 car pile up, walking out on the street like that” he tells me, putting his hands on either side of my hips.

“That's funny, there _was_ an accident in the inter..section...” I slowly feel the pieces of a puzzle I hadn't been trying to solve falling into place in my brain. “Wait, you don't think that had anything to do with _me_ , do you?”

Sei is snickering at me, _snickering_ , as he says, “Even in that sexy as hell get up, you just can't fight the cuteness, can you?”

“Come on, let's just dance already” I huff, my cheeks coloring.

There are a lot of bodies on the floor, making us have to press necessarily close. The girls from before see us and giggle more, waving at me. I tip my hat at them and kiss Sei, so they will know that yes, this is him, I wasn't lying.

Things are getting a bit heated as we rub against each other, until a guy accidentally spills his drink on me. Thankfully it was something clear, but the ice is incredibly cold. Plus, I reek of whatever kind of alcohol it was now.

“I think I'm going to need a shower when we get home” I sort of half whisper, half chuckle in Sei's ear.

“The only thing you're getting when we're home is fucked” he whispers back, then pauses and turns his head, “And stop spilling drinks on _my_ boyfriend!” Sei says loudly in the guy's general direction, eyeing him. I can feel his hand sliding down to cup my ass as he declares just who's property I am, and I love it.

“Thanks, babe...” I say in between kisses down his neck. We move our bodies against each other for a few more songs, grinding and kissing. Sei calls an end to it though, before he explodes. Knowing he was that on the edge is enough for me, so I feel like I've accomplished everything I set out to do tonight. I don't want to actually embarrass him.

We find Rin and Haru in the same spot we left them, still sober and still not dancing. Haru looks bored and Rin slightly agitated. At least they don't look like they've been fighting.

“Why don't you guys get out there?” I ask, indicating the dance floor.

“They're going to do the judging soon...” Rin shrugs his shoulders.

“Oh... I'm sure you'll have time to after” I tell him hopefully.

“Yeah, Haru's real disappointed about not getting to shake his ass yet” Rin snorts.

“Don't be sad, Haru-chan” I'm kind of surprised to hear that, but I think I know the perfect remedy. Haru just raises an eyebrow at me. Probably because of the 'chan'. It's too late to take it back though.

“Kitties should be happy and purring, not pouting” I tell him, scratching behind his fake ears. I can't help but giggle at the look Haru gives me.

“Hey, can you watch him?” I hear Sei asking Rin, “They want me to help clear the area for the judging.”

“Won't that take like 30 seconds? Why do _I_ need to watch him?” Rin questions Sei. I'm about to ask that too, when Sei lowers his voice a little.

“He's _drunk_ , half naked at a college party... What, you think girls are the only ones who can be taken advantage of?” Sei's concern for me is touching. I'm so lucky to have such a hunky, caring, protective guy.

“It looks more like he's the one taking advantage...” Rin counters in a mumble, eyeing me and Haru. I take my hand out of Haru's hair and say, “What?” kind of defensively. Sei looks back to Rin as if his point has only been validated further.

“Just watch them both, ok? I'll be back in a minute” Sei reiterates.

“Rin... Hey Rin!” I try to get his attention, “Am I really _drunk_?”

“Just go back to petting Haru till Sei gets back, alright?” he scoffs, drawing a disgruntled “Hey!” from Haru.

“Would you rather I rubbed your belly?” I ask him seriously, forgetting for a moment that just because he's dressed like a cat, doesn't mean he's on board with being treated like one.

“Only if you carry Rin over your shoulder to the judging” he huffs, looking at Rin, and not at me. I could probably pretty easily pick up Rin, but my train of thought is cut short.

“No way, don't even think about it!” he sputters, frowning at both me and Haru. “Why don't you carry _Haru_ over your shoulder?” he suggests.

“Because I'll claw him if he tries it” Haru practically growls.

“Aw, you're mean for a cat, Haru-chan!” I complain. To think, he'd scratch me, his best friend.   
“I guess you are better off dating a shark” I sigh. Both of them are suddenly looking at me intently, but not with anger... Like they're waiting for me to say more...

“What? Rin can kill you lots of fish! And all you'd have to do is wait by the shore. I bet you'd be one of those rare cats that like water” I start to tell him.

“Idiot, cats can't live in the water, we couldn't be together like that” Haru seems strangely relieved even though he's admonishing me.

“Well, then why did you dress up as a cat?” I ask him. He seems stumped by that, and I consider that as me having won the argument. Sort of anyway. Or whatever. They start announcing the judging of the costumes at that moment, and I kind of forget what we were saying...

“All future swim team members, come up to the front here! We're going to decide your fates now!” sounds out over the speakers. “Let's see who's going to become the new captain's whipping boys!”

I take my jacket back from Rin, and we all make our way to the edge of the open space. I can see Sei off to the side, and he gives me a thumbs up. I blow him a kiss and wink at him, which for some reason makes him blush happily. He's not usually so easy to get a blush out of, so maybe he's had a drink or two as well?...

The older members line the edges of the space to get a good view, and the newbies are called up one by one. The robot guy has kind of started falling apart, so he gets low marks for that. Rin doesn't do a whole lot better, but does get a reaction when he flashes his teeth.

“Yikes! Are we sure we want to let you in the pool with us?” Ikuda jokes.

“You'll swim faster if you're trying to get away!” Sei yells from the sidelines, and Rin nods with a smirk. I'm glad to see he's trying to help Rin not seem lame with his single-prop costume. Thinking of that though, I'm starting to worry for Haru. Literally, all his costume consists of is a pair of cat ears. I turn to give him an encouraging smile, and notice he's stripping right in the middle of the crowd.

“Haru-chan! What are you doing? Did you see water?” I ask, confused.

“No. I'm not wearing it all night like this” he says, revealing a sort of black leotard thing under his shirt.

“Are you wearing a swimsuit under your clothes?... A _girls_ swimsuit???”

“I sold my soul too. I'm not being anybody's bitch” Haru says with determination. My eyes get wider as he strips the rest of the way. Only the people directly behind us can really see what he's doing, everyone else is watching the pikachu's judging.

Haru dumps all his clothes in a pile, even his socks and shoes. He probably would have looked good in a pair of heels to complete the outfit... Either Nagisa's sisters didn't have any his size, or Haru drew a line though, because he's apparently going barefoot.

When his name is called, he struts out almost angrily, his head held high. Rin just about chokes from the line up of already called contestants. I guess that answers the question of if he knew about this or not. Cat-calls immediately start rising up, and Haru crosses his arms over his chest, frowning at the people who dare find him attractive.

I look over to Sei, to make sure he's seeing this. He's shaking his head in disbelief. I can't help giggling and adding a “Here kitty kitty!” to the mix. When Ikuda asks Haru what his costume is, he gives him a look of death and _hisses_ into the microphone. Haru narrowly manages to avoid being lumped in with the 'questionable' entries. Probably just because he had the nerve to wear a girl's suit.

One other guy is called up, and then I realize I'm going last, apparently. Since the current contestant didn't take the costume _requirement_ seriously, he and robot guy are in bad shape right now. There's no chance of me falling into that category though, so I don't worry about it too much.

Last but not least, Ikuda calls me up, and by my real name at that. I grin at Sei and then walk up, cheers and whistling surrounding me. It's really loud, but I'm glad, because I don't want to be waiting on someone hand and foot myself either.

“Ok, ok, I think we've all got this one, but tell us, just for the record, what's your costume?” he says, humoring the 'rules'. I lean over to the microphone, finding Sei on the edge of the crowd and locking eyes with him.

“I'm a stripper” I say evenly, trying to make my voice a little deeper than normal. I throw Sei a wink as an explosion of applause goes up around us. He's already broken away from the crowd and is heading toward me. Ikuda is howling and pounding me on the back with his palm.

“Aaaand you've had way too much to drink tonight too” Sei says, the microphone picking up on his voice as he stops me from removing my suspenders.

“But Sei, I'm only in high school, I'm not old enough to _drink_ ” I giggle, teasing him.

Apparently the microphone caught that too.

I can't even hear what's going on properly, it's just cheering and noise and Sei trying not to look pleased as hell while dragging me to the door. As soon as we get outside, he pushes me up against the side of the house, kissing me hard.

“ _Just for the record_ , don't you ever strip for anyone but me” he tells me in a voice filled with possessiveness.

“I guess you better get me home real quick then...” I practically moan back, grabbing his ass in full view of anyone walking by. He does. I only remember stumbling a few times, and him putting an arm around me as we walked. Then him turning the key on his apartment.

“Mmm, it's so good to be home” I sigh, pushing him down as soon as we get in the bedroom door. I don't need music. I don't need a stage or pole or any of those things. I pull pieces of costume off one by one in front of him, my body finding it's own rhythm. Things fall to the floor haphazardly, no one caring where they land. It helps that Sei watches me so hungrily, his hands roaming all over me at the same time.

His body is hot against my already heated skin. I crawl over him nakedly, and use my teeth to take off as much of his clothing as possible. A few lustful bites fall on the revealed skin beneath, but the urge to have him naked keeps me going. I have to use my hands for his belt, but that's ok. I make up for it by rubbing my slightly parted lips up and down his shaft, his boxers still on of course.

Sei is _rock_ fucking hard underneath them, and panting almost wildly. I dig my fingers into his skin a little, pulling off his pants the rest of the way.

“...Fuck me...” I hear break the heaving silence. Looking up from his crotch, I stop pulling on the waistband of his underwear with my mouth, though I keep a hold of the fabric for a moment. I'll have to let it go though, in order to respond...

“God, Makoto, just...fuck me, _please_ ” Sei moans, his cheeks on fire and eyes glazed with sex.

“You want _me_ , to fuck _you_?” I ask, clarifying more than I need to. “You want my big, huge cock, as far up your ass as it will go?...” I ask while making his underwear disappear . Oh, I know what he's asking alright... But I'm enjoying the way his dick twitches with every unnecessary adjective.

“ _Yes_ , fuck yes” Sei groans, moving his legs to either side of me. Now that's an invitation if I ever saw one.

I almost make Sei cum while preparing him. I just can't help but love watching the way he reacts to my fingers inside him. I know where his most pleasurable spot is now, and how he likes me to gently bite the insides of his thighs.

There's begging involved, when I finally slide into his hot, tight ass. His hips rock upward against mine almost immediately. I just want to be as close as possible to him, merge with him while I'm in him. I lay over his chest and bite his neck, sucking and teasing until he's _marked_. There'll be no hiding that in the morning, I think proudly to myself.

It's a little difficult to keep the helmet from sliding off my head in some of these positions. I did _not_ remove it as part of the strip tease, at Sei's request. I finally give up and just use one hand to hold it on, while gripping Sei's hip with the other. I wasn't really getting the leverage I wanted laying down anyway.

“God, you're so fucking, goddamn hot, Makoto” Sei groans, his brow furrowed in concentration. He's enjoying himself, I can tell. I may only have been on top a few times, but I think I might be a natural. It's just, bliss. Pumping into him is heaven, it feels so fucking good.

“I think I really love riding your ass like this, baby” I groan, rolling my hips more than necessary. Sei holds onto my sides, and moans as his response. My eyes are lidded, but I can feel his hands start caressing my stomach and chest. He lingers over my nipples, rubbing his thumbs over them. That's the part I have trouble staying focused during.

Trying to distract him, so I can get my focus back, I remove my hand from his hip and smack his ass. Sei gives a surprised shout, and his eyes get a little wider. I move my hand like I'm going to do it again, and his dick twitches.

I could really go for this...

I have to pull out for a second to reposition us. We're too close to the headboard for what I've decided it is that I really want. Sei's eyes keep that excited light in them as I shift, but he doesn't ask what I'm doing. In one strong movement, with my arms wrapped around his thighs, I lift and pull him down the bed. He _gasps_ , just a little, as I do it. Now there's plenty of room for me to pin his arms above his head. I lace our fingers together while I enter him again, no guidance necessary.

I'm glad the helmet stays balanced on the back of my head at this angle, because I don't have a hand to spare. Our faces are inches apart, with Sei groaning hard and looking at me disbelievingly. I use the restrictiveness of the angle his arms are at to keep him from kissing me. I thrust into him over and over, doling out pecks and nips at his lips, teasing him. I make sure I stay just far enough out of his reach, so that he can't initiate them when he wants though.

Sei whines into my mouth when I finally kiss him hard, moving my hips more quickly in and out of him. It's like suddenly my body has just decided we're both about to cum, no discussion needed. I feel the helmet slide off, but it's irrelevant at this point. Hard and fast, with single-minded purpose, I thrust into him continually.

It's more than shouting, more feral, but slightly less than a scream, when Sei erupts underneath me. I can feel the hot splash of his cum between us, hitting my abs, his chest, the sheets. He tests the hold I have on his arms, and I flex my own as well, keeping him held down. That beautiful moment of tension is just too perfect, and I cum in a long, drawn out groan of my own.

It takes a moment for our bodies to stop rocking, for my muscles to obey my command to let him go now. Sei doesn't move yet when I do, just lets his arms rest limply above him. We don't speak, just pant.

“That was so... I don't even know how to...” Sei tries to speak, but it's not exactly complete sentences.

“I'll take that as a compliment...” I chuckle slowly, rubbing my cheek against his chest. I'm still pretty out of breath myself. I know I need to pull out of him and take care of a few things here, but I don't want to move. I guess that's part of the responsibility though, so I grunt and force myself back up after a moment. It's slow going, but I manage to make us presentable. At least enough to fall asleep after exchanging a few mumbled “I love you's”.

 

The next morning, I'm surprised to wake up first. In the gentle light peeking around the edges of the drawn curtains, I study Sei. The headache I know is coming hasn't fully hit yet, so it seems a good opportunity. It really strikes me, watching his chest rise and fall... I love this man.

I vaguely sort of remember trying to take off my clothes, and him stopping me. I don't know, but, that seems like a big thing to me. That he cared enough, that he wanted me to himself enough. Hopefully I didn't make myself too annoying last night, in my quest for sexiness.

I don't want to disturb Sei, since he's so cute when he sleeps. I play with our phones for a while, glancing at him now and then. Eventually I _have_ to pee, so I try to get out of bed without moving him too much. While in the bathroom, my stomach complains about how long it's been since I had solid food. And the headache starts to kick in full force.

For being hung over though, I'm in a pretty good mood. When I get back into the bedroom, I can tell Sei's awake.

“Hey, how are you doing?...” I ask, stroking his back gently.

“...Sore...” he says with his eyes still closed.

“Do you need anything?” I volunteer, since the day after can be uncomfortable when you're not used to it.

“Coffee, and a massage” Sei smiles against the pillow.

“Hmm, in what order?” I kiss his shoulder while waiting for instruction. That massage turns into a round of much gentler morning sex. Because of all the things I'm a little hazy on from last night, the sex is not one of them.

We take a quick shower afterward, since there's still practice later. It should be a fun one, since most of the team will probably be showing up with hangovers. As we're drying off, Sei puts his arms around me, pulling me close against him.

“Are you planning on making a habit of that?” he asks me softly. I can tell instantly from his tone that he doesn't mean the topping him part of it.

“You mean the partying thing?” I ask.

“Well, the drinking, mostly...but I guess I'm including all the flirting and stripping in front of other people in that too” he says evenly. It's not an upset edge that's in his voice, but it's not one meant to encourage those things either.

“No, Sei, not at all” I feel kind of bad now, “I just wanted to prove to you that I could be sexy, that's all...”

“What? I know you're sexy, Makoto. In fact, I'm the only one who really knows just exactly how sexy you are, and I'd like to keep it that way” Sei gives me a smile, one that's encouraging and conspiring all at once.

“I didn't mean to go too far...”

“I know, that's why I got you out of there when I did. I knew you'd regret it if you did any more than just tease the crowd. It was fun, don't get me wrong... Plus, you've seriously put a stop to any questions as to why I'm dating a high school kid... I just don't really want to get sucked into that kind of partying lifestyle” Sei takes the towel we're sharing and dries off my hair with it while he talks. I dry off all of him, since he can't bend over very well.

“I won't make a habit of it, I promise. In fact, I'll probably have a hard time living this down, if what you just said is true...” I blush as I'm toweling.

“Well, you didn't show anything you haven't during practice, it'll be ok” he assures me. Judging from the grin he gets on his face thinking about it, I didn't cross the line he's talking about _too_ incredibly much.

I borrow some to all of his clothes so I can run across the block and get us coffee. Grabbing a pair of sunglasses, I head out into the world still squinting. I don't think either of us are really going to want to cook this morning. Thus the perfect excuse to call him presents itself.

“Hey, babe, do you want a pastry or two while I'm here?” I ask nonchalantly.

“Did you change my phone to read 'Tachibooty' when you call me?” he dismisses my question, which I could have answered on my own anyway.

“ _Maybe_...” I tease him.

“And when did you do _that_?” he asks, quite pleased.

“This morning before you woke up. Oh, gotta go babe, I'm up next” I tell him, having to hang up. After I get our coffees and tuck a bag of unhealthy breakfast under my arm, I head back. While on the sidewalk though, I run into Rin and Haru, heading to Sei's place. I knew they were staying in Tottori today so they could experience a college practice, but we didn't really talk about them coming over. I guess I should have assumed they would...

“Hey, guys! Um, sorry I didn't get you anything...” I say, referencing the fullness of my arms.

“We already ate” Haru says dismissively. I hope he didn't leave the hotel refrigerator smelling like mackerel.

“Yeah, I didn't realize there's a certain time in the morning they kick you out of the hotel, or make you pay an extra day” Rin says, rubbing the back of his head.

“Ah, when was your checkout?” I ask.

“About 11am, so we've been trying to have a really long meal, to keep from disturbing you guys too much” he adds sheepishly.

“Oh, it's ok! Just, uh, wait out here a minute, will you?” I ask as we get to Sei's door. Letting myself in, I call out to him as I'm setting our drinks down.

“Seijuurou... We have company... You might want to put some pants on...”

“Company?” he peeks his head out from around the door of the bedroom.

“Rin and Haru didn't realize the hotel had a check out time in the morning” I tell him.

“Fine, fine, I'll get decent” he only has a little bit of a limp in his walk as he slides on a pair of loose running shorts. That's good enough for me. I open the front door again, letting the two of them in with a smile.

“Aren't you going to change too?” Rin asks, giving me a raised eyebrow.

“What?”

“The last time I saw you guys, Sei was wearing that exact outfit” he informs me.

“I like wearing my boyfriend's clothes though...”

“I kind of have to agree with Rin” Sei says, shocking me, “But only in so much as that it's a tragedy you're wearing any clothes at all” he winks.

“Well, you will all just have to make do with my fully clothed ass today” I reply, biting into my muffin decisively. Sei grins wide and steals a peck on my cheek as he's sitting, helping to hide the slowness with which he's bending.

Watching all this, Rin's comment to Haru is,

“Do you ever get the feeling they're having way kinkier sex than we are?...”

I almost spit out my food.

“Probably” Sei winks at Rin, “And no, you can't borrow the helmet.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

All too quickly it seems, the end of the year is approaching. Thankfully Sei and I don't need to make the pretense with our families of having separate bedrooms. He's able to just renew the lease on his current apartment, and we plan on me moving in there. Rin and Haru end up getting a place that is less than a hundred meters away from us.

Rin told me that Haru initially wanted to be in the same building, but found out none of the units here have bathtubs. At least he's predictable in his priorities, I'll give him that. They're close enough though, that it's not much different than it was before. My best friend is still going to be just down the street.

December is sheer chaos. Between finals and end of the year parties alone, I'd be busy. Throw in _moving_ and getting ready for my start at Tottori, and I'm a little overwhelmed. On top of all that, we're all training as hard as ever. The trials to make the National Team will be held in about six months. For a sport like ours, that's not a lot of time to improve. Anyone who isn't already _there_ with their times, will probably wait to make a bid for 2020.

I think all four of us are going to try for this year though. Rin has made tremendous strides with his performance lately. Haru, well, we all know he's ready. Sei is a bit worried about Michael Phelps having come out of retirement, but he's going to try his best. He's not worried about making the Japan team, but the competition afterward. Both Sei and I are swimming gold medal times right now.

The field is always changing though. The world record for backstroke is quite a bit faster than the last time that won gold in the Olympics. That is what led all four of us to majorly crack down and be strict with ourselves. No more occasionally breaking our diet regimens, no missing a practice or self imposed workout, ever.

Rin was used to pushing himself already, so I think it's a mental breakthrough, more than anything else with him. Haru didn't really have to change his eating habits at all, so this is probably least hard on him. Like anything else though, once you do it long enough, it starts feeling normal. Sei and I even exercise on Christmas when our families get together.

I was right, getting to see him in his yukata is amazing. He looks older, like a real adult, even though he's still sporting the same slicked back hair as always. His robes are a kind of golden brown color that look tastefully expensive.

My mom assured me I look good in mine, that green is a good color for all Tachibana's. We're a very down to earth family, after all. It's easier for us to make the trip to see them, since Joji can't travel very well. We do all get along happily though, so I'm extremely glad. Being dressed up, it's a good opportunity for pictures too. My favorite is the big group one, of both our families together.

Moving in with Sei feels like finally completing a project that we've been working on for a long time. The impact of moving out is lessened greatly by it being _him_ I'm going _to_. This already feels familiar, and that helps a lot with settling my nerves about leaving my family. Sei's lived 'on his own' for a long time, so he didn't have to make as much of an adjustment.

There are lots of meetings and assemblies to go to for incoming students, and ones for athletes as well. I make bit of a bold choice for me, and attend a meeting called 'Orientation, for Freshmen'. It's meant to introduce students of varying sexual orientations to the resources on campus and in the area. It interests me, to see what they'll talk about. Not that I want to take my focus away from swimming at all.

It's just an hour in the afternoon, the day after my first classes, so not a lot lost if it turns out to not be helpful. As soon as I walk in the door though, I feel a little out of place. There's a difference between being open, and being flamboyant. It's a mix of guys and girls too, which I hadn't expected for some reason. I smile to the crowd and take a seat in the front, those being the only ones left.

“Um, are you in the right place?” a girl with rainbow colored pigtails asks me.

“This is Orientation for Freshmen, right?” I double check, but really, how could this not be it?...

“Right, but, don't you want _Freshman Orientation_? Like, the regular one?” she asks, sounding disbelieving.

“Oh, no, this is the one I was looking for” I assure her, wondering why she's even bothering to talk to me if it's causing her such obvious displeasure.

“God, will you can it already Michi? Dude's allowed to be curious if he wants” someone calls out from a few rows back. I blush a little, finally getting it. She doesn't think I'm 'gay' enough to want be at this meeting?... It's not as if I really make an effort to look straight or gay, I just wear whatever my mom buys me...or Sei lends me...

“Alright guys, let's get started-” the instructor is interrupted by a few stragglers wandering in late. And by wandering, I mean one pulling the other forcefully by the wrist. And by one, I mean Haru, and by the other, I mean Rin.

“This is such bullshit” Rin is muttering under his breath. Haru doesn't even answer him, just shoves him into a seat and sits down next to him.

“Hey, Makoto” Haru says politely.

“Hey, Haru. Hi Rin” I lean over a bit to smile encouragingly at him. He sighs and crosses his arms over his chest.

“Hey” he says curtly, but at least he's staying sitting. When I told Haru I was going to this little informational seminar thing, he was a lot more interested in it than I would have thought. Apparently that interest extended to dragging his uncooperative boyfriend along with him.

The instructor, who looks to be a student too, perhaps a senior or something, finally starts. I wouldn't say it was incredibly informative, aside from the feeling of community that's trying to be fostered. The girl with the rainbow hair is skeptical of much more in the world than just me though. It looks like her disbelief extends to basically everything, and kind of kills the vibe.

We do get some info on actual groups to join if we want, support hotline numbers, things like that. I don't expect to ever need anything like that, but then, no one does, I guess... The last thing he goes over are some safe sex _basics_ , and the fact that condoms are available for free to students, in the nurse's office. That seems to be a sticking point for the ponytail girl, Michi.

She starts off by asking what a lesbian is supposed to do with a condom. Then gets going about how it's sexist to only offer condoms, and that lesbians should be given just as much support as gay men... The whole group is shifting in their seats uncomfortably, because the thing is, she's right, even if she's being kind of caustic about it. What is the instructor, a student himself, supposed to do about it though? He looks kind of cornered, but sympathetic.

My brain is churning over just what protective items you would even provide to a girl who likes other girls... Then it hits me.

“Oh, I think I can help you!” I say as soon as it dawns on me, without realizing what I've just gotten myself into. She, Michi, is giving me a look like it will be the last thing I do if I suggest something she doesn't like. Ah, she's probably thinking that if I'm straight, I'll say something offensive along the lines of her getting a boyfriend instead.

“Well, you see, there's this thing I learned a while ago...” I start, and her eyes squint at me. “Maybe it would be better if I just showed everyone” I say, getting out of my seat to put some distance between us. I don't want to make an enemy here, on my first day. I also am having a hard time using words to describe turning a condom into a dental dam. Now that I think about it, I'd rather not explain how I know this to an entire _group_ of people... It's kind of too late now though.

“I don't suppose you have a pair of scissors, do you?” I ask the instructor. This is a classroom, so he's able to locate a pair fairly easily. I have the whole place's attention now. Great.

“So, uh, you just, unroll one” I demonstrate with the one I keep in my wallet, thinking back to when that was such an embarrassment for me. I guess if I lived through that, I can do this. Besides, it really is something that could save people a lot of trouble, health wise.

“Then you just cut the ends off, both of them” I preform the act carefully, because my hands are a bit jittery with nerves. Of course Haru is staring at me intently, but Rin has slid down his chair as much as possible. He's not making eye contact so hard it almost hurts. Actually, that makes me feel a little better, somehow.

“Hey, pay attention” Haru kicks Rin's leg. Rin doesn't acknowledge him. I roll my eyes and finish the demonstration.

“So then you just cut it longways, and that's it. If you've got a condom and a pair of scissors, you've got a dental dam” I explain. Haru holds his hand out to me, and I'm so shocked that I actually start to hand it to him without saying anything. He shakes his head though and points to my other hand, the one with the left over pieces in it.

I frown, and offer that one instead.

Before I can ask what he wants with it, Haru takes the rubber band like ring that's left, and slingshots it at Rin's head.

“What the fuck!” Rin narrowly misses it bouncing off him, and it hits the wall on the side of the classroom behind him.

“I told you to pay attention” Haru says, frowning.

“I still saw! Shit, have you ever heard of peripheral vision?” Rin fires back, red as hell.

“You know you're not a literal shark, right?” Haru says blandly, not impressed with Rin's response, “I thought you said you wanted the sex to be kinkier?”

“I don't know them” I tell Michi, whose eyebrow is raised, as I take my seat again. Haru and Rin both glance at me for that, but I think it's obvious the seriousness of the joke is warranted.

“So, where did you learn that?” the instructor asks me, trying to calm the group down after Haru's “kinkier” comment. Why couldn't he have just left the focus on them?...

“Um, my boyfriend learned about it from a teammate last year... Not, like, in _that_ way, just the information being passed on...” I tell him.

“Teammate? I didn't think many of our sports teams were that...open” he replies.

“Well, he's a swimmer, we all are” I tell him, forgetting to reiterate that I don't know Rin and Haru, “The team is pretty open, I mean, I practiced quite a bit with them last year, and never got any hassle... Except for Masashi...” I kind of sigh at the end.

“You know Masashi? How about Jukodo or Mikoshiba?” he questions me. Of course.

“Yeah, actually, I'm Sei's boyfriend” I tell him, smiling sheepishly. I should have known better than to phrase it that way.

“ _You're_ 'Sei's boyfriend'? No way” the guy starts shaking his head in disbelief.

“Yep, and he's got the fireman's helmet to prove it” Rin snickers, his bad mood evaporating in an instant.

“No fucking way... What are _you_ doing at _this_ meeting?” our instructor says with sweeping gesture. I shoot Rin a dirty look out of the corner of my eye.

“I'm beginning to wonder that same thing” I sigh.

“Me too” Haru grumbles, “I thought we might learn something actually useful.”

“I thought my contribution was pretty useful” I retort, because I'm starting to get into a habit of arguing with Rin and Haru as if they're one person these days.

“What kind of information were you hoping to get?” the older student asks.

“I don't know... Like, where is the closest sex shop? That kind of thing, practical” Haru says, not blushing at all.

“ _Haru_ ” I pinch the bridge of my nose, “You couldn't have just asked _me_ that? _Googled_ it?”

“My phone plan doesn't have internet.”

“Rin owns a laptop, even if you don't have your computer with you...” I point out, gesturing in his direction.

“He's not being helpful right now.”

“Fuck, Haru, if I'd known that's why you wanted to use it, that would have been different” Rin speaks up, “I thought you were just going to kill the bandwidth looking at videos of the ocean again.”

“Well, not only that...” Haru admits.

All in all, I'm surprised to get free of that room without passing out from embarrassment for the second time in my life. It helped divert the attention from me further though, when Haru asked if there was an orientation that was sexually attracted to water... Just out of curiosity of course... Rin groaned and started banging his head on the desk he was sitting at.

I told him he better just plan on adopting a dolphin, not kids, being with Haru.

 

School goes fairly smoothly for all of us. I chose to major in education, a degree that will lead to teaching. I'm not sure exactly what grade level I'd like, but I can decide on that later. Rin keeps sharpening his English even further, and Haru chooses to study ecology, with an emphasis on desert life. Just kidding. He's _livid_ when he realizes how much ocean life is destroyed or polluted each year by careless people.

I think it's a good fit for him, and doesn't require as many years as something like marine biology. I note, just to myself, that no matter where a job that involves English may take Rin, there's bound to be an ecological system nearby.

Maybe I'll end up teaching at the same school where Sei does his sports medicine thing... You never know. All that is a long way off it seems, but college felt the same way when we were starting high school. Sei's right, we're focused on the Olympics now, but we'll have a whole lot of time left to live after that.

I try to keep in mind that even though I've set this goal for myself, it's not the be-all end-all in my life. The main reason for my emphasis on this thinking is because right after school starts, I hit a wall. I do well in our meets, taking first consistently. But my times... I can't seem to get under 52.5, and I know for a fact that's not going to be good enough.

There's a guy in South Korea making headlines about just having set a new world record in backstroke. Not that I'm precluded from making Japan's National team with my lack of progress. It just doesn't bode well for me actually winning in the Olympics. Sei has been very encouraging about it though, as well as Rin. Haru was never in this for the times to begin with, so I'm not sure he really understands, but he is supportive.

 

About a month before tryouts for the National team, another wrench is thrown in things. A wrench in the form of Rin showing up on Sei and I's doorstep. It's Friday evening, already dark outside, and it's obvious he's been crying.

“Hey, do you guys mind if I crash on your couch?” he asks, not looking either of us in the eye.

“Of course you can,” I say right away, letting him in. Sei looks up from where he's sitting on said couch, trying to evaluate the seriousness of this. It's not like Rin and Haru haven't fought before. Neither of them have ever asked to stay _here_ though. I can't imagine what Rin would be staying away from his own place for, if not that.

“You guys get in a fight?” Sei asks, sympathetic to Rin's cause.

“No, I didn't give him the chance to... We're... We broke up” Rin's just standing there after being let in, no anger, no pacing... It's like all the fight has just gone out of him. Shit. This is bad.

“What do you mean, like, _broke up_ broke up?” I ask, shocked.

“Yeah, I'm just...done. I'm done” he says shakily, running a hand through his hair.

“Ok... Well, maybe in a few days-”

“He kissed someone else” Rin interrupts me, and I catch a brief glimpse of eyes filled with such pain, it makes my own heart start to hurt, “I saw it, and I'm just, done. No more excuses for him not having a fucking clue... I can't...” Rin's starting to get worked up, and tears are forming again in his already red rimmed eyes.

I'm in such shock I don't even know what to say. Haru? Kissed someone else? There has to be something else going on here. There's been a misunderstanding, or mix up, _something_... Rin is the only thing that's ever caused enough of a spark in him to be fanned into flames.

I can't believe Haru would so something like that.

I don't say any of those things to Rin though, he's obviously not in the mood to hear me defend his 'ex'. I do hug him tightly, and Rin starts to cry in earnest. There's no doubt of a broken heart here, but my mind is having trouble wrapping around it. Sei comes over too, at first putting a hand on Rin's back. Then he joins in the hug when Rin doesn't flinch away or anything. I have to admit I'm glad for his presence, because I feel kind of adrift myself. I need to be strong for Rin though.

I keep an ear out the rest of the night for any noise from Rin's phone, but there's none. It's on, I know for a fact it is, because I catch him checking it. He looks embarrassed, and just sets it down again.

“It's probably better this way...” he kind of says to himself. I know it's not a statement I'm supposed to answer. “I don't know what I was expecting...” he mumbles flatly, glancing at the device on the end table.

There are no calls, no text messages, no alerts of any kind that someone's trying to contact him. My inner sense of what's wrong and right is starting to wonder if Haru is ok. Even for him, to not even send a text... I feel like I can't really show concern for him right now in front of Rin though, for obvious reasons.

So I go to bed that night with a knot in my stomach, and curled up as closely to Sei as possible. He rubs my back until I can fall asleep, but there's no one to hold Rin, and I feel awful.

The next day, Haru isn't home, or refuses to answer the door, when I go to their place to check on things. This just isn't making any sense. He's... He's not out with that 'someone else' Rin mentioned?... He can't be...

Practice will tell. No matter what else is going on, Haru would _never_ miss a practice.

Haru doesn't miss practice, but he's _late_. Late to the point of just walking in when we're all already in the water. He talks to coach briefly, and then gets in on the opposite side of the pool from us. Something is seriously wrong here, and I'm going to find out what. I tell Sei I'm going to stay behind a bit from practice, and I don't have to explain why. He and Rin go ahead and take off right away. I know Rin knows what I'm doing, but he doesn't stop me.

Either he knows better than to try, or he doesn't care.

...

“I don't want to talk about it” Haru finally addresses the concerned looks I've been giving him, slamming his locker at the same time.

“Haru,” I start, but he cuts me off.

“It's none of your business” he says in a slightly angry tone, “Just leave it alone.”

“Rin's sleeping on our couch, I think that makes it kind of our business.”

“Then kick him out” Haru says with a frown, like that's the most obvious solution to the problem. I'm floored, I can't believe I'm getting this kind of response from him.

“Haru...” I try to make him stop, but he leaves without turning around again.

A full week of this goes by, with Haru showing late and staying late to practice. His anger seems to fade though, a little more each day. By the next weekend, he's looking downright sad, for Haru. I notice him stealing glances at Rin across the pool, watching almost in disbelief.

Even if it proves just as fruitless, I have to try again. Maybe he'll be ready to talk, now that his mood has shifted...

As soon as he comes around the corner of the lockers and sees me waiting, it's like an entirely different Haru.

“Hey...” he says, swallowing hard. There's a fragile air about him that I'm both glad, and sad, to see. It's better than anger anyway... Maybe, anyway... I still have no idea what's really going on here, and can't bring myself to believe Rin's terse version.

“Hey, Haru...” I let the silence be for a second, and he comes and sits beside me. “Did you really cheat on Rin, Haru?”

“ _Cheat_? Is that what he told you?” Haru turns to me accusingly.

“He hasn't told us anything, really. All he said was that you kissed someone else, and that you guys broke up... Is that true?”

Haru slumps, holding his head in his hands and pulling on his hair at the same time.

“It... It wasn't like that... It was just a stupid game, I don't even know why I got roped into playing it. Rin's the one who wanted to go to that stupid party in the first place, then he shows up late, and he won't give me a chance to explain...” Haru's distraught, but not quite crying yet. If his exterior starts to crack, Rin's not here to catch, and I'm not sure what I'll do.

“Haru, what do you mean it was a game?”

“Some guys Rin met in a class, they were having a party and playing games and stuff. I didn't want to play the kissing ones, so we were just drinking... I... I don't know, I just didn't want them to think I was weird before Rin even got there. He's always complaining that people don't want to hang out with us because I'm not friendly...”

“He is?” I have to interrupt to ask skeptically, because that doesn't sound like something Rin would do.

“Well, he did say it once, joking around...”

“And it got stuck in your head?...” I prompt softly, knowing his self esteem issues with things like that. Haru nods, and doesn't look like he's going to volunteer anymore. I've thought of something incredibly important though, that I can't let the conversation go without finding out.

“So, they got you drunk, and then talked you into playing the 'kissing games' you initially didn't want to... What happened after Rin left?...”

“I left right after he did...” Haru pauses, and though the information eases my mind, the way he blushes makes me retain a small amount of nervousness.

“And?...” I ask.

“And, I got stopped walking home...by a police officer...” Haru bends over again and covers his face with his hands, leaving only his mouth to talk. “He gave me a ticket for being intoxicated in public... Because I threw up in a bush... I have to go to court on Tuesday, to pay the fine...”

I pull Haru into a hug, and he accepts it readily, leaning against me.

“I told coach already... He wasn't upset, but he said if they had arrested me, I'd have been kicked off the team by the university's rules... So I guess I'm lucky?” he says in a kind of broken voice.

“God, Haru, I'm so sorry” I feel horrible that he's going through this. Just losing Rin would be bad enough, but all the rest of it too... I'm having a hard time not thinking Rin is kind of an ass for not being understanding about this.

“I was mad at first, that he just broke up with me and stormed off... He didn't even let me say a word. But it's been a week... He's avoiding me, we haven't talked at all... How can I make him understand if he won't come home?...” Haru's never been a fan of pouring his heart out, so when he does, it's a big deal. I promise to do everything in my power to help him, starting with getting Rin to talk to him.

The problem is, as soon as I get home, Rin can see it in my demeanor. It's not that I've 'switched sides' in this conflict they're having. I've always been on both of theirs... But Rin doesn't see it that way. He takes one glance at the look in my eyes, and just walks out. I try to take his arm as he's brushing by me at the door, but he jerks it away from me.

“I told you I'm fucking done, so just, _don't_ ” he seethes, shutting it hard enough behind him to be considered a slam.

“Why am I not happy to be getting our couch back...” Sei sighs, rubbing his forehead.

“It gets worse” I sigh, joining him. After I explain to him what happened to Haru, I can tell he's upset. Not just for our friends' current troubles, but at what _could_ have happened as well. I don't know what to do though, how to make Rin willing to be in the same room with Haru again.

Monday in between classes, I track down Haru, just to spend some time and show him I care. When I come up to the area where his class is about to let out, I see Sei sitting there on a bench. He waves Haru down as soon as the students start pouring out the door. I can tell they're talking, but not what they're saying. Since Sei went to this effort to speak to him alone, I don't want to interrupt. But I certainly am curious...

That evening, Sei volunteers having met with him before I can bring it up. I guess he was feeling the same issue about the situation. There really isn't anything we can do to _force_ Rin to listen to Haru. Sei brings up an interesting point though, that  Haru hasn't exactly been trying to _make_ him listen either...

Rin is hot headed, we all know that. He can be moody and a lot more sensitive than he'd ever admit. He's usually the one pulling back when he's had too much of Haru's stubbornness. He's also usually the one making an effort to patch things up after cooling off. Only he's not cooling off this time.

Sei's advice to Haru was that he couldn't just wait for Rin to calm down. This isn't a flash in the pan kind of thing. Rin is _hurt_ , not simply irritated, and you don't just 'calm down' from that.

Haru's going to have to _try_. He's going to have to put out _all_ the effort if he wants to save this, at least initially. I'm not entirely sure he can do it. When he and Rin get into their competitions, that's different. They have each other to feed off of, to push against and be propelled higher.

Right now, Rin's not even playing. He's taken himself off the field, which is unfamiliar ground for Haru, in every way. Will he run after Rin, like he did that day at Regional's?... Even if Rin's not waiting to be found, but actively running _away_ from him?... It's not that I don't have any faith in Haru, it's just, well, it seems like a lot for him.

Rin doesn't come back to our place, so I'm not sure where he's sleeping. I do text him to make sure he's ok though, and he does respond. He's still going to practice, but he's not at the top of his game. There couldn't have been a worse possible time for this to happen to him. It makes my stomach clench horribly to think he'll miss his shot.

When Haru misses practice on Tuesday, that gets Rin's attention. Coach is out too that day, but practice is as brutal as always. Only afterward does that feeling, of Rin wanting to ask if I know where Haru is, have a chance to pop up. I can tell by the way he's looking at me out of the corners of his eyes.

“If you want to know what's going on, where he is, then you're going to have to ask _him_. I'm not telling you” I say firmly, trying to push them together in any way I can. Sei stays silent beside me, not adding anything since he agrees with the theory. Rin just makes a frustrated 'tch' sound, and finishes changing without another word.

There's a good deal of shock on Rin's face when we leave the locker rooms and his phone goes off with about half a dozen alerts. There's little to no reception inside there, so everything that would have been sent in the last few hours is hitting all at once. He frowns so hard I know they must be from Haru. Rin hesitates for a moment, but doesn't stop to read them.

I'm sure he can feel the two of us staring at him. Shoving the phone back in his pocket, he glances at us as if to tell us to knock it off. I smile at him hopefully, but I'm afraid to actually say anything.

“Look, I'm not reading it. It's too little too late” he glares at the scenery while explaining, “It's been over a fucking _week_ , and _nothing_ until right now?...” He's shaking his head slowly, as if trying to firm his resolve. I can see the cracks, the curiosity and hope, even though he's trying to fight it. Rin is nothing if not stubborn though. Haru certainly has his work cut out for him at this point. And no one to blame but himself for that part of it.

Over the next few weeks, Haru's efforts do indeed escalate. But so do Rin's to avoid him. Haru even tried to ambush him outside one of his classes the other day. Rin still refused to listen to him, literally, by putting his ear buds in and walking off. I hate to say it, but Haru's desperation seems to be slowly eroding into depression.

If I have to, I'll pull him out of the bath every day again, but I'd hate to see things fall that far...

 

The National time trials are actually being held here in Tottori, this weekend. Because of the size and newness of the facilities, it was a natural choice. The stress is getting to all of us though, on different levels. Sei seems a little concerned for the situation lately too. Even if Rin is able to come through and make the cut, how are we ever going to function as a team?

The night beforehand, I'm kind of a wreck. Not physically, but emotionally. Physically, I'm in the best shape of my life, swimming gold medal times, a real contender. Emotionally, I just really need Sei to make love to me tonight. The reason being, I've admitted to myself that my dream isn't just to stay at this level and go to the Olympics, but to go with _him_.

Unfortunately, it looks like in order to do that, I might have to let Rin and Haru go a little bit, in my heart. It hurts just to think about, but the fact is...I _don't_ _like_ this. I don't like feeling sad and anxious over their relationship. I don't want to have a hard time keeping my focus in the water because of their tension.

I don't know how to make myself not care about my friends though. I have to try something, but I don't know if it will work... I lay in Sei's arms after an amazingly tender session, and just soak him in. This is what I want filling my thoughts. His smile, his laugh, the way his eyes burn possessively for me.

When I start to think of how awful it will be if Rin fails tomorrow, I think of Sei driving with the windows down instead. When I start to see the years of overlay in my mind, of Haru's listless eyes surrounded by water and porcelain – I think instead of Sei chasing me in the skating rink on our first date.

I do that, because there's nothing I can do for them, and I am selfish. I can't make them be happy. I can let myself be. I can help Sei be. I don't think anyone has worked harder for this than him, all his life. I know he's hoping I will be there with him, and the last thing I want to do is disappoint him.

When we wake in the morning, a theme I learned in literature keeps running through my mind. You can please some people all of the time, and all people some of the time, but not all people all the time... I'm pretty sure there's a version with the word “fool” instead of “please” too. I don't want to think about what that might mean for this situation though...

This isn't just about who I'm trying to please anyway. _I want_ to make the National team. It's just that I'm not sure I'll be able to enjoy it if I know the same moment I earned it is the one that broke my friends... I hold back a groan of frustration, keeping it mental only, for Sei's sake. I know he needs to stay focused, and not be worrying about me.

Since we live so close, I expect to see Haru on the walk over, but we don't. The aquatic complex is swarming with athletes from all over the country. At least a hundred people all hoping for a spot. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I had no idea there would be _this_ many. I mean, I did well in 'Nationals' at a high school competition, but this is different.

I think it's finally hitting me, that at this level, even Sei and Haru's chances are just that, chances. What are mine in that comparison? What are Rin's? The lockers are packed with guys trying to maintain a jovial atmosphere over top of a pervasive nervousness. I feel right at home with that. Taking deep, even breaths, I follow Sei over to where our individual lockers are.

Rin is already there, his being right in the same section. He's already dressed out in his leggings. The way he's staring off into space, it's easy to see he's a million miles away right now. It isn't until Sei and I greet him that he blinks and looks up at us.

“Hey” he says, too evenly.

“Hey, Rin. Did you get any sleep last night? I had a heck of a time going under” I tell him, not wanting to go so far as to ask him 'how he's doing'. There's obviously a very hard won control he's exercising right now, and I would never do anything to risk that. The entirety of the universe is not under my control though.

“I got enough...” he shrugs, “...Is he?...” Rin starts to ask, but can't seem to make himself finish the question. I'm pretty sure I know what he means anyway.

“I'm not actually sure...if he's still going to...” I'm having a hard time myself, telling him Haru might not follow him after all. The Olympics themselves were never something Haru cared about. I tried to ask him a few days ago if he was still going to try, and couldn't get an answer out of him.

“Hey, let's just change, and try to stay focused. This is a time to be professional” Sei says, squeezing my hand and giving Rin an excellent look of encouragement as his former captain. Rin nods, but he's already dressed, so there's really nothing more for him to do. I begin changing after shooting Sei a hopeful smile.

I retain that hope, that things will work out, all the way until Haru arrives. I'm shoving the last of my things into my locker when he comes in. Rin immediately stands, and opens his own locker, looking like he's busy going through it. The signal couldn't have been more obvious. Haru ignores it completely.

“I need to talk to you” he says forcefully. I notice out of the corner of my eye, that he looks horrible. He seems just a touch thinner to me, and the bags under his eyes speak volumes. Rin takes a deep breath and lets it slowly out his nose.

“I don't have anything to say to you” he tells Haru with a forced politeness.

“Did you ever love me at all?” Haru's voice cracks, “You... You said you would take me with you.”

I freeze in front of my locker. Is he really going to do _this_ , _**here**_? How can Haru have thought such a thing would go over well? I feel like I'm going to cry. For Rin and all the things slipping through his fingers right now. For Haru and how much he's trying so hard and failing miserably.

All I can see is Rin too emotional to pull himself out of the pool right now, as if it's inevitable, doomed to repeat... I close my eyes, trying to picture something else. Anything else.

Behind my eyelids, when I close them, I see the strangest thing. I see Sei squatting next to the pool at Samezuka, that knowing grin plastered over his face, asking me if I've been holding out on him.

Rin slams his locker closed.

“Are you serious?” he practically seethes at Haru, “Did _I_ love _you_?”

Sei uses a different kind of laundry detergent than my mom did. I remember the first time I noticed the smell of his clothes clinging to me after wearing them. Ever since then, it's a scent I've associated with intimacy and closeness. I wonder if he'd think it was weird if I asked to hold his shirt right now, just for a minute...

“I cannot _believe_ how fucking selfish you two idiots are.”

My eyes fly open as the last thing I ever expected to hear hits my ears. The sound of Sei pulling rank on them.

“How dare you” Sei's voice cuts through their argument with an authority that silences them immediately. “ _Everyone_ here has worked so hard for this, to be here, to have this chance. You have no right to cause drama and break people's focus. You know what? Shit happens sometimes. But when you're an adult, you just have to suck it up and do the right thing, move on. You think you two are the only ones being affected by this?” he tells them in a strong tone.

Rin starts to open his mouth, his spine rigid with the telling off I'm sure he doesn't feel he deserves.

“Shut up,” Sei brooks no argument, pointing a finger at Rin “That wasn't a question you were supposed to answer. If you'd done the mature thing and at least _talked_ to Haru, we wouldn't be in this mess right now. It's as much your fault as his at this point.”

He grabs both of their shoulders and turns them, but I don't get what he's trying to do...

“Look at him and tell me he isn't effected. _Tell me_ ” Sei says with the most anger I've every heard. Oh. He's talking about me.

“Sei, I'm ok, I'll be-”

“Bullshit” the anger is bleeding into just raw emotion in Sei's voice, and I have no idea what to do. I get the feeling he may be right... I know he is, so there's nothing I can say. He lets go of Rin and Haru, who are silent now, looking guilty, but not at each other. Sei steps around them, toward me, and pulls me into his arms.

“I just... Makoto... I know everyone works differently, I know you need something to swim _for_ , it's just how you are. I know that, and I love you so much... It would mean a lot to me...” Sei touches our foreheads together, and his golden eyes fill my vision, “It would mean _everything_ , if you would swim for _me_ ” he says softly. The misting of tears clouds the sight, and I'm not sure if they're in his eyes or mine. Maybe it's both.

Yes, it's definitely both.

I nod happily, a smile I wasn't expecting taking over my features.

“Yes, I'll swim for you, Seijuurou” I tell him, my heart swelling. I think I know now, what a girl feels like when she's proposed to. Sei kisses me, softly, so sincere in his every movement. When he pulls back again, the smile on his face is less than cocky, but more than confident. I think it's just love.

“Can you do me one more favor, babe? I think you should go on to the pool, wait for me out there” he says softly.

“Why?” I ask, not understanding why he would choose for us to be separated in this moment.

“Because I'm going to stay behind a sec, try to knock some sense into these two morons, for you” he admits, and the depth of his understanding of _me_ that it shows, makes me blush.

“I love you, so much” I tell him as my response.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I love you too. Go on, I'll be there as soon as I can” he jokes, handing me my towel from the bench. I take it and kiss him one more time on my way out, for good measure. Neither Rin or Haru meet my brief glance at them, but maybe that's for the best... My mind doesn't feel perfectly clear, but it's definitely better. My heart still hurts a little, but the way Sei fills it up helps me push the rest aside. I didn't come here to worry over Haru. I didn't come to watch Rin flounder.

I'm here to swim for Sei.

 

( _Seijuurou_ )

 

Makoto gives that one last wave he always does when going through a door, and then I turn back to the task at hand. Matsuoka looks like he thinks he's going to be allowed to speak now. Kids these days man, I tell you...

“Oi, what the hell?” he calls out, and Nanase struggles a little, but they're no match for me. My upper body strength is the stuff of legends, if I do say so myself. Neither of them have a chance of getting away from my hands on the backs of their necks.

I herd them into the bathrooms off the west end of the lockers, and none too gently. The very first stall is conveniently unoccupied. Perfect. Shoving them both in, I block the door so they can't get out.

“Talk” I order, knowing the seriousness of my mood isn't lost on this audience. I'm trying not to be mad at them, because I know they would never purposefully hurt Makoto. I've certainly seen enough to know they're not paying attention to anything but themselves though. I'm as understanding as the next guy, but not when it comes to those beautiful green eyes being filled with worry.

“Rin, I didn't want to kiss him, it was just a stupid game” Nanase starts off, tears already welling up in his eyes. Matsuoka doesn't say anything, focusing all his attention on not looking at him.

“I didn't even want to play, but later, after a couple drinks, I just... I don't know, you weren't there, and I didn't want you to show up and have them tell you right away how weird I was...ask you why you were even with me... I know that doesn't make a lot of sense I guess... I'm... I'm sorry, Rin...”

There aren't a whole lot of places for Matsuoka to look in the stall that aren't toward Nanase. I can see his mind churning as a result, because he's mostly facing me. It's probably out of a desire to bolt as soon as he sees any weakness in my defense. Needless to say, it's a pointless wish.

“I've only ever loved _you_ , Rin” Nanase's explanation winds down, short as it was. Though Matsuoka looks conflicted, he doesn't look like he's quite ready to get over it.

“Look, I don't mean to step on your toes, Haru, but hear me out, Rin. You pretty much need to either make up, or leave here right now. If you get in the water like this, your career is going to be over. You'd be better off faking a family emergency and waiting for 2020, than swimming like you did last time” I put it in black and white. I'm trying to be kind about it, but someone needs to point this out to him.

Matsuoka looks at me with a sort of dumbfounded expression at first, but it shifts. By the end of my little speech, it's obvious he knows exactly what I mean by 'last time'. He turns his head toward Nanase, bringing a spark of hope into his ex's body language. Matsuoka doesn't quite say anything though, they're just looking at each other for a long minute.

“I've...only ever loved you too” he finally admits, at almost a whisper. Nanase makes a small movement towards him, but it isn't reciprocated, so he stops short.

“But I've never _kissed_ anyone but you, either” Matsuoka continues, defensiveness creeping back into his voice. Really? Come _on_ , we do not have time for this...

“Oh for fuck's sake...” I mutter, grabbing him by the back of the neck again. Matsuoka looks as shocked as I've ever seen when I kiss him, full on the mouth.

“There, now you're even” I tell him sarcastically, letting go with a disapproving frown.

“A kiss is what you make it, Rin. That didn't mean shit, and you know it. What happened to Haru didn't either, and you know it. Can't you see how hard he's been trying? Haru, who never puts out any effort except for water” I remind him.

Not that I'm trying to insult Nanase, it's just the truth. He doesn't look insulted. He looks like he just saw something 'dirty' that he wasn't supposed to, actually... Well, I'll cross that bridge later. After we swim.

“There's water here, that's what the whole point is, always is, isn't it?” Matsuoka is so goddamn stubborn, I'm starting to remember why I always felt bad for Nitori...

“I didn't come here to swim, I never cared about the Olympics, you know that. I just knew you'd be here, that you wouldn't miss this no matter what... I didn't even bring my stuff...” Haru blushes.

It's amazing the things that will finally get through to some people.

“What do you mean?” Matsuoka finally _looks_ at him, looks him in the eye pretty forcefully, actually.

“I mean, I don't even have a suit. I didn't come here for that, I came here because you couldn't run away like-”

At first I think Matsuoka is going to kiss him, finally get over himself, and I feel relieved. Nanase must have thought the same thing, because he looks confused when he's not kissed. Instead Matsuoka starts pulling off Nanase's pants. I stand there ready to offer help if he needs it, but he doesn't even try to stop it.

Jeans slide down, and thankfully Nanase's boxers are left on after the motion. Aside from the pants thing, the way they're looking into each other's eyes is kind of making me feel like I shouldn't be watching anymore.

“Where's your suit, Haru?” Rin asks in a desperate sounding voice, one ready to crumble at any moment.

“I don't know... I, haven't cleaned and, I couldn't find one, and...and it wasn't as important as catching you... Rin, it feels so much worse when I'm away from you, than from the water” Nanase starts crying, but it's ok. It's all going to be ok, because he finally gets that kiss. I sigh in relief, and it's visible, the weight that's lifted off of all our shoulders.

“Well, if you want to get in after all, you can borrow one of my spares” I clear my throat after about five minutes. We're on a schedule here after all, it's not like they can just make out in the stall forever, so I don't want to leave them.

“No, it's ok, I'll lend him one of mine” Matsuoka says, still looking deep into Nanase's eyes with disbelief. Nanase just smiles.

I check on the time, and let them know they've only got 15 minutes or so left before they _have_ to be out there. When Matsuoka hears that, he gets serious again, but in a totally different way. I know it'll be ok to leave them while Nanase changes. Of all the stupid things Matsuoka's done in his life, missing an event like this because he was _making up_ with his boyfriend won't be one of them.

Plus, I need to run a small, tiny bit of interference with Makoto before they get out...

My boyfriend is stretching by the edge of the pool, about to get in and warm up, when I emerge from the lockers. I can't keep from grinning with the good news I'm on my way to deliver. The smile Makoto gives me back is full of appreciation and understanding. It makes my whole body feel light, like I can fly through the water instead of swimming in it.

“Are they really?...” he asks to make sure, as soon as I get in range.

“Yeah, they're going to be ok. Rin's letting Haru borrow a suit to wear, and they'll be right out” I tell him, “I had to use some unorthodox methods, but it all worked out.”

I didn't think about it at all when I did it, which is unusual for me. I'm fairly confident Makoto won't care about the spur of the moment kiss. Like I said, it didn't mean anything. Still... Now that I do think about it, maybe I'll wait to bring up all the details until after we've swam, just in case...

 

( _Makoto_ )

 

When I pull myself out of the water after the backstroke heat, it's hard to keep myself from crying. I walk over to the spectator's benches, pulling Sei with me, my composure hanging by a thread.

“Hey, _hey_ , what's wrong?” he hugs me when I stop, seeing the state I'm in.

“My time...it was so off...” I'm starting to choke up.

“But, you won baby, it's ok” he whispers, stroking my hair. We hesitate to kiss in front of so many people and important officials. You never know what kind of prejudice might effect people... That's not what's paramount in my head right now though.

“I didn't even swim my best though. They know my times from the paperwork we filed. I haven't been progressing... What if they think I've stalled out and won't be able to come through?...” The hot tracks of my tears seem so pronounced against the coldness of my skin from the water. Sei rubs my back soothingly as I let them fall on his shoulder.

“Hey, try to pull yourself together, just a bit. For me?” he asks, nudging me to stand on my own. He's right. We have an image of strength and cool collection to portray here. They will want winners for the National team, not crybabies.

“Ok” I respond, straightening my shoulders as best I can.

“Now, listen to me. You are a good, solid swimmer, Makoto. The kind of guy who is consistent and fabulous. That is exactly what they are looking for. Even if you were off from your best by a few tenths of a second, you won. You beat all the other guys here. _You're_ the one _they're_ chasing” he tells me proudly. It's how much he believes what he's saying that makes me feel better.

“Thanks, Sei” I dry my eyes and take deep, calming breaths, “Hopefully none of the officials noticed me breaking down” I add a little wearily.

“Nah, I don't think they saw. Your buddy Rin, he just broke his personal record for the 100 meter butterfly” Sei nods to the board on the wall, “That would have netted him a silver, the other guys were nowhere close.”

“What?” I spin around, not having realized he was in the first go of swimmers for his event. “I missed cheering for him? He broke his record?!”

Coach Watoga is clapping him on the back, smiling proudly. Most guys have their respective coaches here with them. Haru is standing beside them too, the moon to Rin's sun, reflecting the light pouring off him right now. I don't think I've ever seen Haru smile that widely.

We head over to them right away, and I can't resist hugging Rin. He accepts it readily, but we all have to move and get out of the breaststroke guys' way.

“I'd ask you if you've ever seen anything so impressive, but it looked like you were cuddling with your boyfriend the whole time” Rin teases me. I can tell he's not genuinely upset though. I think it's enough for him that Haru saw, and cares.

“Who, by the way, is not as great a kisser as you're always going on about” Rin says in a teasing tone, while giving Sei a suspicious look.

“What?”

Sei blushes, clearing his throat a little. “Well, _Matsuoka_ was being a stubborn ass, so I kissed him to make them even...you know, to prove a point...I didn't really think about it very well before hand...not at all, really...” he says sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“ _You_ , kissed Rin?” I ask, shocked. It's not that it's really upsetting to me, I know why he would have done it... It's just, surprising to hear. Rin obviously didn't know Sei hadn't told me yet, from the deer in the headlights look on his face.

“So, that's what you meant by 'unorthodox'?” I feel a smile creeping across my face. “Did you give him a 'sports massage' too?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.

Haru snickers, drawing a frown from Rin.

“I told you it sounds dirty” Haru adds, shrugging his shoulders.

“Oh my god, all athletes get cramps and shit sometimes” Rin rolls his eyes, urging the mood to turn playful.

Sei looks like he's only half certain I'm joking, and he's kind of afraid to act _too_ dismissive of it just yet... He obviously thought of a happy medium to dance along when he tells me,

“I've given quite a few 'sports massages' to different people, but none of them were like the ones I give you” he winks. My smile becomes a full on grin after hearing that.

“Well, I think you may owe me a massage or two to make up for kissing another man, no matter what the circumstances” I inform him. I can afford to tease him a little, since he was the first of us to prove himself today. All of us were hitting times that _qualified_ for the Olympics long before this, but there needs to be an official record of them to send in. When the other countries see the times we all posted, they're going to be looking at Japan in a different light.

To my relief and surprise, all four of us get calls to pair up with other contestants for relay timing. It's not a for _sure_ thing, but those singled out like this are normally the ones getting good news at the end of the day. Coach Watoga has been sitting with, and occasionally talking to, the officials this entire time. I wonder if it's his urging that has Haru asked into the relay sprints even though all he signed up for was the 1500.

When I jump in the water for a medley relay timing, I don't know the breaststroker who's coming after me. Rin will be swimming the fly leg, and Sei anchoring. I know for a fact Sei is still faster than Haru in sprinting... I hesitate to let myself think they may be lining up their “A” team with this heat though.

There aren't different lengths of relays for the medley, so there will only be one set. The freestyle relays come in many lengths though, so there's plenty of room for both Sei and Haru to be needed. I hope it doesn't dampen Rin's spirits too much to not get to be in the same relay with Haru if it works out like that. I know for Sei and I, it's just the fact of both of us getting to _go_ that is a big deal...

Later, after we've showered and changed, we all walk home together. I missed this, without realizing it, the habit of all of us heading back together after practice.

“So Rin, if you weren't staying with us, where _were_ you sleeping?” I finally have to ask. He refused to tell me before because he didn't want Haru knowing where he was. So he couldn't be bugged. Staying some place like a hotel this whole time though, would have been ridiculously expensive. Plus, Rin doesn't exactly have the easiest time making friends, so I doubt he was staying with someone from school...

“Ah, well... Coach actually let me crash on his couch for a while” he admits, shrugging his shoulders.

“Things are going that well with him? I mean, you've been getting to know him in talking about your dad, right?” I prompt Rin.

“Yeah. You know how I told you once, all those years ago, about my dad winning a relay in Iwatobi?”

“Of course, that was right before we were going to swim our own” I answer. Haru nods.

“Well, I always figured whoever those guys were with him, they were the best, and I was right. Coach Watoga was one of them” he explains, his eyes getting a far off look in them. He doesn't get teary, just thoughtful, but I decide I don't want to pry anymore. Just in case.

“That's amazing, Rin. I'm sure you'll keep in touch with him well even though you're not sleeping there anymore” I smile at him. Haru takes Rin's hand like the action will ensure he never gets away again. Sei just chuckles at the gesture, his arm over my shoulders as we walk. Our good mood will last quite a while, I think.

After today, we are no longer just four friends who are all swimmers, but four future Olympians.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Once we have been invited onto the National team, we still have to go through a separate 'approval' process. It's more of a technicality though, to make sure we will not embarrass our country. More extensive background checks are run, along with drug tests. We're evaluated physically and mentally by the committee's doctors as well. It takes an entire weekend in Tokyo, but it's at their expense.

Almost a month later, it's finalized, and the letters come delivered along with our uniforms. We won't have 'official' outfits until closer to the games. Interim ones, along with track suits, swim caps, parkas, and goggles are all issued now. We are excused for two weekends a month to meet with the rest of the National team for those practices.

The rest of them that aren't in school get to practice together everyday, but I'm sure it will work out in the end. The four of us push ourselves, and each other, in every way imaginable. And then Coach Watoga pushes us some more. He used to be an Olympian himself, having pulled a silver as his highest medal. He could be a coach for their team if he wanted, but chose university instead.

It probably doesn't hurt that this was his Alma Mater. Rin says Watoga told him he didn't really like all the hoops and political mucking around he had to go through back in the day. I guess I can understand that. A lot of the time coach will join us in the water, even though he can't exactly keep up with us young guys.

To anyone else it might seem like he was picking on us, making us swim extra laps and holding us to higher standards. He's not though. He always goes with us when we head to Tokyo for 'national' practice too. It's nice to have an adult around who knows the ropes, knows what he's doing. I thought Kyoto was large, but Tokyo definitely earns it's metropolis title.

Another New Year comes and goes before we know it. The family time is a great relief from our hectic schedules. I didn't do as spectacularly with my grades first year as I probably could have, but something had to give. I'm still passing all my courses, but I'm not going to be in the top of my class or anything.

Sei and Haru are about in the same boat, but Rin is still in the 90th percentile. I asked him once, how he does it, when does he even find the time? All he did was shrug and mumble something like, “I don't know, I just, do it...” He's always been one of those that retains things like a sponge. Thankfully my parents aren't upset with me at all, they understand the trade off in performances.

The twins are ecstatic about me going to a whole different country. I think I'll have to bring an empty suitcase just to have room for all the souvenirs they want. Which reminds me, Sei and I need to get our photos taken for passports... It seems like the list of things that need doing just never ends.

Literally, there is a paper on the fridge that now includes: shampoo, immunizations, noodles, passport photos, condoms, and a Japanese to Portuguese dictionary. Unlikely we'll be finding them all offered at one place... We probably should have started on the basic Portuguese greetings and stuff a while ago, but finals had gotten in the way.

We manage to get everything but the immunizations done within a few hours on a weekend, but those we have to make an appointment for. As soon as we get back to the apartment, it's straight to homework. Homework is interrupted by practice that afternoon. This is the new story of our lives. Even Haru and Rin have admitted they don't get much 'alone' time these days.

Which is why when Sei starts kissing the back of my neck, I put down my book on literary progressions in the Edo period. We still have sex regularly, I mean, we are young hormonal guys. It's just that Sei and I are not the kind to put off anything truly important for it. I do have a good grade in this class though, so my book can wait...

There are some days Sei just seems to marvel at the feel of my cock in his hands. I like those days. There are others when he gets extra feisty, fisting my hair from behind while he rides me. Today is one of those days. I get a thrill that runs through my stomach when I feel his fingers take hold.

At first it's just the firmness of his grip that's exciting me. As he gets going properly though, his thrusts take precedent in my awareness. It's rare for Sei to really pound my ass so hard like this. I feel like my entire body is throbbing with the sensation.

It's overwhelming, but in a good way. Mostly in a good way, anyway... I, uh, find myself being louder than normal under the roughness of the treatment. It feels really, amazingly good... But... It's just so much... It, actually, is kind of uncomfortable, but it still sends pleasure shooting through me. Each powerful motion is aimed right over my prostate, and Sei is an excellent marksman.

I'm having a hard time distinguishing between all the different sensations after a while, my body is so overloaded. I'm not sure if it's hurting or not when I cum. My breathing is ragged and labored when we're done, with even my in-drawn breaths producing a sort of wheezing moan.

There's no option but collapsing bonelessly to the sheets afterward. My body has never ached like this before, but I don't say anything to Sei about it. He's pressing small kisses across my shoulders, having collapsed with me. Most of his weight is still being supported by his elbows though.

“How are you doing, baby?” he asks me, nuzzling the back of my neck.

“Uh, I'm not, really sure, yet...” I tell him honestly, my breath still catching. I can feel the edge of concern run through his body, and he lifts himself off of me. It kind of hurts when he pulls _out_ , and that's a sensation that's new to me...

“Hey, baby, do you think you can walk?” he asks, more concern filling his voice.

He's kidding, right?

“No, not really” I feel a little sarcasm welling up, because he should know what kind of condition I'd be in after something like that. I guess I've tried a few things without asking him first too, so I don't really feel like I'm one to talk.

“Here, I'll help you... You're, uh, bleeding, babe...” Sei's voice sounds just as tight and strained as the feeling of panic that constricts around my chest.

“What?!”

“Um, here, roll on your side, and I'll help you.”

“Is it a lot?”

“... I, don't know... Let's just get you up and into the bathroom, ok?” Sei is forcing a calmness that _isn't_ helping me at all. I roll like he said, but when I bend to make the motion to sit, pain lances through me.

“Shit...” I freeze, not even sure what to clutch to make it stop... Fear starts being added to the panic, and it's hard for me to see Sei, because of my tears. A few giant drops fall to the bed before I feel Sei's hand on my shoulder.

“Shhh, shhh, it'll be ok...” he tells me, and I nod, because that's what I do. This just doesn't seem right, this shouldn't be happening to me, to us. We had our rocky start, sexually, but things were so good now...

With Sei's help, I slowly make my way to sitting, and then hobble to the bathroom. He keeps a secure hold on me, and lowers me gently.

“Thanks” I whisper, almost in a dismissive tone. As much as Sei and I have seen of each other, this... This just feels different. He promises to wait right outside while I'm cleaning myself up. His eyes are so worried, rimmed with tears that I know only haven't fallen because he's still in crisis mode.

My crisis mode is very different, and involves sobbing. At least when it comes to my own physical pain.

I make the mistake of blowing my nose a little, and have to start all over with the cleaning up. It's starting to worry me, the amount of red... It does seem to be stopping after a minute though, and I sigh in relief. I've always heard that even small amounts of blood look like a lot, because of the color...

“Sei?...” I finally call for him, because I think sitting like this is making the pain worse.

“Yeah, babe? Do you want me to help you back up now?” he asks, peeking in like he's not sure it's allowed.

“Yeah, I'm ready, I think... Just, go easy again” I tell him as he puts his arm under my shoulder. Sei could probably carry me completely if he needed to, but the position would be more painful than just walking. When we get back to the edge of the bed, there's a t-shirt tossed aside on it. I don't waste any movements to brush it out of my way. I just lay on my stomach like I meant to, not caring that it's pinned beneath my leg now. Sei can find another to wear instead if it comes to that.

He said he would be waiting right there for me anyway, not getting dressed.

He's got boxers on now, which I'm actually kind of thankful for though... I don't want to think about any of this any harder than I have to. I just want to sleep, really...wake up and find out this was just a bad dream.

Sei kisses my cheek and tells me he's going to use the bathroom real quick too... I close my eyes, but rest is far away. I hurt, and I feel this horrible, strange, twisting feeling inside my chest. Then a thought pops into my head. What if I'm still bleeding, like, _inside_? And it's just not visible?...

That is why I'm crying again by the time Sei comes out.

“Hey, I'm here baby. Do you need anything?” he rubs my back as be crouches beside me, but I stiffen in response. It's just, everything is so sensitive, I don't really want to be touched at all right now, anywhere.

“W-What if... If i-it's still, y-you know... Inside...” I try to explain my fears, but it's hard to communicate past my constricting throat. Sei seems to understand though, judging from how pale he gets. I see his eyes flick over my body, but they come back up to my face right away.

“Should... I'll take you to the hospital, then” he says, as if working up his determination.

“Oh god... I... I don't think I can...” There are many things I don't think I can do right now. Get dressed, walk, ride or sit on any sort of device for the journey there, show my face _ever_ in public saying I'm bleeding from my... Sei seems to agree with the seriousness of the humiliation, running a hand through his hair.

“Hold on” he suddenly jerks upward, though the distraught look doesn't leave his eyes. “We can look it up online, see if it's really something that serious” he explains, pulling his laptop over onto the bed. I can't see the screen, but I don't think I want to.

This thread I'm hanging by is very different from the panics that used to overtake me before. Somehow, it's like dangling over the edge of a cliff. There's no knowing to me, what the level of fear would do to me, would be like, if I fell over that edge. I can run from ghosts or murderers, but this...if I actually had to explain to someone what happened...

If I have to be hospitalized, how will I tell the university? The team? My _parents_? The thought of a doctor or _nurse_ having to examine me, or do some sort of surgery, almost makes me feint. That's saying a lot since I'm already laying down.

“Ok, I found something babe. It says here that it's definitely _not_ life threatening...” Sei reads to me out loud, which I'm thankful for. I can feel the desperate tension leeching from my body a bit at a time as he goes along. I guess it's not an 'internal' bleeding issue, it would be, uh, 'expelled' from that area if it were continuing... And it's only if it doesn't go away that there could be a problem.

I've cried virtually nonstop for the last 20 minutes, for one reason or another. Now it's out of relief. Sei gets to a part about how these kinds of things are caused, usually by not enough lube, or being too forceful... I hear him waver, but he goes ahead and reads it, incriminating as it is. Not that I _blame_ him per se, I mean, he wasn't _trying_ to do this...

“It says here that an ice pack can help, and some ibuprofen for the pain... Is there anything else you want, babe?” he asks, trying his best to be soothing.

“No, just those, that sounds good.”

“Ok, I'll be right back.”

When he returns, I do my best to swallow the pills and some water without getting up too much. I let him position the ice pack, because really, I'm not going to be able to do it on my own. As soon as it hits my skin, I sigh loudly. I don't know if I've ever felt anything as good as the amount of pain that's lessened by it.

Sei crawls into bed beside me, having put his laptop away now. I don't know, but, for some reason, I just feel...crowded, almost. He's going to have his face close enough that we'll be sharing the same air once he settles. I need fresh air, just, a little room right now... I turn my head so it's laying the other direction, away from him as he comes to rest.

I know the look it will put on his face for me to do it, but I can't seem to make myself not. His hand comes up again, stroking my back, albeit very gently.

“I am so, so sorry, Makoto...” I can hear the emotion in his voice peaking now that the urgency is over.

“I just, need to breathe” I reply lamely, not turning back. I close my own eyes, like that will help.

“...And not look at me right now...” Sei adds to my excuse, as a statement, not a question.

I don't know what to say.

I can't tell him no, he's wrong, because I'd be lying. I don't want to make it worse by agreeing with what he dared to say aloud though. I let the silence stretch on too long, because I am a coward.

“Do you want me to take my hand back?...” he asks softly, no accusation in his tone. I think he really does want to do whatever will help. I think I want to take him up on his offer, because I am confused, and hurting...

“Sure” I whisper, half of me instantly regretting it. He pulls his hand away, without any further questions. I can't ask him to put it back, when I just told him to move it...

Part of me is glad for the small reprieve though.

“I love you” Sei seems to need to say right now, and I can't blame him.

“I love you too” I whisper once more, tired, but glad I can at least be honest about that. We don't say goodnight, and that makes me feel like wanting to cry again. I'm too spent though, my eyes are already raw.

When we wake up, I tell Sei right away that I'm not going to class. He changes my ice pack for me, concern still primary in his features. Though I'm able to move around on my own, it's very slowly. There's no renewed bleeding, so that's a good sign.

“Are you sure you don't need anything else?” Sei has already brought me food and plenty of bottled water for beside the bed. “I can come and check on you around lunch time...” he offers.

“No, I'll be ok. You won't have enough time to eat between classes if you do that” I remind him. I don't feel nearly as unstable as yesterday, and we kiss, however briefly, before he finally goes. I don't think I've ever felt this way before. I really wish I did have someone to comfort me...just, someone who isn't _him_ , who has a different perspective...

All of ten minutes after Sei leaves, I break down and reach for my phone. I text both Haru and Rin at the same time, the same message.

 

// _Hey, are you awake? It's kind of important_ //

 

I know they will be awake now, even if they weren't before, so I slowly move to put on some shorts. Somehow it hadn't been disturbed in my sleep, but the t-shirt I'd been laying on is now. It makes my stomach twist to see the stain of blood under it, where I'd sat before. I lay it back down, and then pull the covers over it too.

I just... I can't deal with that right now.

 

// _What's up? (Haru wants to know if he still gets his bath)_ //

 

Rin texts me back for the both of them. I have to type, then retype, then edit my response like five times. How can I possibly word it?

 

// _I just need you guys to come over. I don't want to be alone right now_ //

 

I end up replying, leaving the underlying issue out entirely. Which also begs the question: If I can't say it in a text, how am I going to tell them ' _why_ ' in person? I don't get a response back by text, just the two of them showing up at my door. I guess they figured the quickest answers would be had by heading right over.

“Are you ok?” Haru asks as soon as I get there, having kept them waiting almost a literal minute while I shuffled to let them in.

“Yeah, you look like shit” Rin says, making Haru nod in agreement.

“I...don't know...I guess...” I answer, sighing in tired desperation.

“Where's Sei?” Rin asks immediately, beginning to grow suspicious I expect.

“He went to class...” I'm having a monumentally hard time starting any sort of explanation for calling them on my own.

“Did you guys break up?” Haru asks, not for the first time, I realize. Like that's his primary reason for assuming anyone would be this upset. For the history of his relationship, it probably is. Sei and I have never broken up though, not even come close. Not that we are now or anything...

“No, but I just... I don't know what to do... I can barely look at him...” I was going to say more, explain better, but the tears come again. Strong sobbing overtakes me, and suddenly both of them are hugging me while I cry. Even though I'm taller, my upper body is kind of hunched over, resting on both their shoulders. It would hurt too much to collapse, so my body holds itself together.

“Did he hurt you?” Haru asks, and though it seems out of the blue, it's based on the pitch in my sobbing, I'm sure. I can't bring myself to say it, so I just nod into his shoulder to confirm his suspicions. Haru lets go of me abruptly, but Rin grabs his arm just as quickly.

“Hold on, you can't just go run off and try to kick his ass. For something this serious, we have to know exactly what happened” Rin frowns. “Sei... I can't believe he'd ever purposefully hurt Makoto. He's not like that, he's never been that kind of guy.”

“No, you're right, he definitely didn't mean to... I just... I don't know how to...” I trail off as words fail me.

“You should sit down, come on” Rin starts to pull the emotional mess that is me over to the couch.

“No, I can't sit... Uh, don't, don't pull me” I tell him, stumbling and wincing a little. Rin stops, frowning at my reaction. Haru looks at me knowingly.

“He hurt you...on accident...while you were having sex?” he asks, still as blunt as ever. I just nod, mortified, but glad I don't have to be the one to say it.

“Did you bleed?” he asks as a follow up. I think he probably suspects the answer to that already. Covering my face with my hands, I nod yet again, feeling the hot tears spilling over my skin.

“It's just, I know he feels bad, he said he was sorry, but, I, everything hurts, and I just...” I don't know how to put into words what I'm feeling.

“You just need some space” Rin offers. I see more knowing in his eyes than I would have thought, but Rin surprises me sometimes.

“You should be laying down, if it still hurts” Haru tells me. I look at our bedroom door with apprehension. I don't want them to see the mess that's still left in there. Plus, I really don't want to have to deal with it myself either.

“You can stay with us for a while, if you need to” Rin offers seriously. Honestly, that sounds really appealing right now... The problem is, I don't want to break up with Sei.

“But I love him” I say quietly, almost to myself, wiping at my tears, “I don't want him to think I'm leaving him.”

Haru takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

“I'll stay here then” he says, looking at me with determination.

“Haru?” I ask, not quite sure I get his meaning.

“You go with Rin for a few days, or however long, and I'll stay here. So he knows you're coming back” Haru explains seriously. It makes more sense than I want to admit.

“Do you think that will work? That he'll understand I really am coming back, but just need the 'space' thing?” I ask. My greatest fear would be making Sei think I've left him. But if Haru was here... Even though Haru's not great with it, he could explain the things I can't to Sei, and keep from getting too emotional about it...

“I think he would. I'll make sure he gets it for you” Haru seems to think for a moment, and then looks over to Rin, as if realizing maybe he should discuss it with him. Rin nods in agreement right away, and starts looking around the room.

“Right, we should grab some of your stuff then. Not too much, just enough for a couple days” he says. I guess the two of them are well versed in the varying degrees of almost leaving... I let them gather up a few things for me, feeling kind of useless as I stand there. I feel guilty, but relieved, and then guilty for feeling relieved, about going.

It takes me almost 15 minutes to walk the block over to their place. I take it slow enough to not bring on any extra pain, partly out of fear. When we make it there, I've not brought on any relapses. Yay me. I do lay down right away on their couch though. I wish I could ask for ice, but I'm at a loss for how I'd administer it in front of them.

Rin actually offers me some though, and makes Haru go with him into the other room while I position it. Once I finish, I flip the light blanket that's on the back of their couch over me. This is about all the modesty my level of discomfort will allow right now.

Later on, Haru gathers up a small bag consisting mostly of swim suits, and heads over to my place. He goes early, just to make sure Sei doesn't arrive to find me gone and no one there... I've never felt so cowardly in all my life.

I still spend a good portion of the day in tears though, over one emotion or another. I know for a fact I'm not ready to have Sei hugging me and looking at me with those worried eyes.

I wish I could just forgive him already, so he didn't have to hurt over this too.

 

( _Seijuurou_ )

 

I've had this bad, twisting feeling in my gut ever since I left this morning. I should have stayed. I should have talked to Makoto right then, and worked this out. The longer I'm away, the more of a big deal this feels like, like I messed up by trying to pretend everything was normal. I didn't know what to do though. I've never screwed up that badly before with anything, ever.

Makoto is a guy who lives for little day to day things, so I bring home curry for dinner. Even though I know this is so far beyond that. I have to try something though, everything possible.

When I open the door, Nanase gets up off my couch, where he was obviously waiting for me. My stomach drops. This... This is _bad_. I set dinner on the table slowly, as if sudden movements will make the world around me shatter.

“Hey” I say with a slowness to match.

“Hey” he nods back, his eyes looking at me sadly. God damn it.

“That's a good effort, but...” Nanase starts, nodding once at the food.

“What do you mean?” I ask, looking at the door to the bedroom, not at him.

“He's not leaving you, but he's not here. He just needed some space.”

“What? What do you mean he's not _here_ , this is where he _lives_ ” I feel scared, frightened that something so solid and steady could be destroyed by a few moments that lacked restraint.

“He's with Rin for a few days... Rin's a lot better at the crying stuff than I am” Nanase tells me, shrugging his shoulders. I run my hands through my hair, trying to breathe and keep from passing out.

“Is he ok?” I ask, my voice cracking like it hasn't since middle school.

“He will be. Makoto... He's just...he internalizes everything.”

I didn't know Nanase knew that word.

“He's a person who's sweet and loving, you know, he just has always had a hard time with... being hurt... in any way” Nanase seems like he really wants me to understand, and I do. At least about how Makoto is.

“So you came to deliver the news... A few days, you said? Anything else to add?” I ask, feeling broken. Right now it's a few days. Then it will turn into a week or so. I wonder at what point he'll admit he's not coming back...

“No, that's about it... If you don't mind, I'm going to clean up a little...” Nanase asks, looking over the room.

“What?”

“Your living room. It's kind of a mess... I'll be quiet, you won't even know I'm here” he nods seriously.

I raise an eyebrow at him.

“Right, yeah. I'm staying here until Makoto gets back.”

I cannot describe the feeling of relief, however bizarre it is, that floods through me.

“Oh, ok. That's good, that would be... Ok, good” I repeat myself stupidly. “I don't suppose you like green curry, do you?” I motion toward the bag.

“It's better than nothing” Nanase shrugs. I nod, because what else can I do? It wasn't meant for him... I wish I could talk to Makoto, apologize again. He has to know it was just an accident, doesn't he? Why does it feel like he's treating me as if it was my fault?... I mean, I know it is in the cause and effect sort of sense... But he was there too, it's not as if he had no say in it...

“I don't suppose he'd answer a call from me right now, would he?” I ask Nanase, who's mostly good at being prompted for info, not volunteering it.

“I don't know. We didn't talk about that.”

More nodding from me.

“I'm going to go see him then, just for a few minutes” I decide. I mean, this is my relationship, I should get to decide at least some of how it goes. I need to see Makoto. I need to look at him and know how bad this really is.

“I don't think that's a good idea...” Nanase frowns.

“I'm not going to try and drag him back or anything crazy like that, I just need to see him, I need to hear from him how he's doing” I say, moving for the door with determination. Nanase doesn't try to stop me, but he follows, looking anxious. I can tell he has no idea what to do. Whatever. I'm not going to let this slip away out of indecisiveness like- … some people...would... It's not that I think badly of Nanase, he's just, well...he's a little weird sometimes.

When we get to the door of Matsuoka's place, I knock politely. I guess the fact that he only opens the door part way means he either expected or saw that it was me.

“Look, buchou, I don't think it's a good idea right now” Matsuoka says, trying to let me down gently, I can tell. I also catch the frown he shoots Nanase too, like he shouldn't have _let_ me come here.

“Makoto” I say loudly, knowing there's a high likelihood he's right there in the living room, “I just want to see that you're ok, that's all” I plead. I don't try to push past Matsuoka, though I certainly could. I guess he's given some sort of signal, because he does open the door the rest of the way after a moment. Trying not to rush, I go inside, and find Makoto sitting on the couch with a blanket around him.

“Hey” he says to me before I can speak, “It...”

He pauses, and I want to give him time to get it out, so I don't interrupt. He's not looking at me though, just at the floor in front of him.

“It's not gotten any worse... I just...needed some space...I... I'm sorry” he adds at the end, twisting the ends of the blanket with his fingers. I'm quiet for a moment, because now I just feel bad again, my desire to 'hash things out' fading once he's in front of me.

“That's probably enough, you saw he's ok, or rather, that he's getting there” Matsuoka makes a movement to kind of usher me out.

“So I'm not allowed to say anything then?” I frown at him, letting him know with that look just what I think of their meddling. Not that any of this is their fault, but I really don't like how they've kind of taken it upon themselves to get in between us. Matsuoka shifts his stance uncomfortably, not sure what to do, I'm sure, because he's never had any sort of authority before in his life. Nanase's just standing off to the side, not adding anything.

“Who decided that, huh? You and Haru?” I ask, a little more accusation in my tone than I meant for there to be.

“Sei, please, it's not their fault. I'm the one who told them what was going on” Makoto interrupts, his eyes squeezed shut with tears.

“So, you told them _everything_ then?” I ask. I'm trying not to sound as tense when I address him, but I'm not sure it's working.

Instead of answering me, when Makoto opens his eyes, he looks at Nanase.

“Look, maybe we-” Matsuoka starts to say, like... Like what? He's going to 'cover' for them?...

“God, don't enable them!” I frown, gesturing at them but facing Matsuoka. He looks shocked, but I'm not sure if it's for my tone, or for my actually addressing it.

“You want to complain about the 'super best friends bond', but you let them get away with it, you let them use that instead of _saying_ something.” Matsuoka opens his mouth to argue with me, but I cut him off. “You think I don't deal with it too? What the fuck do you think is happening right now?”

Confused is the best word to describe his face, but he's not the problem, not really. I turn to Makoto, feeling tears forming in my own eyes now.

“Why are you here? Because you think now I won't stop? That's bullshit, and you know it. I've never not stopped, but god damn it, Makoto, you have to _say_ something. You have to _tell_ me, I'm not going to just magically fucking _know_ ” I implore him, upset that we're even needing to have this conversation.

My words don't exactly have the effect I was going for.

Makoto is not just crying silently now, but sobbing hard. And he still hasn't looked at me.

Shit.

Defeat washes over me.

“Just, don't... I'm sorry baby, so, so sorry, but please don't put all this on me... I never want to hurt you...” There's just not enough words to explain to him, or at least, if there are, I don't know them. Matsuoka goes over and puts an arm around Makoto's shoulders while he cries. I should be doing that, but I can tell I'm not supposed to... Makoto leans against him, wanting to be held, and Matsuoka obliges him, making shushing noises.

I turn to go.

At least Nanase has the grace to look embarrassed by the situation.

“Hey, Sei,” Matsuoka calls to me, making me pause, “He's sorry too.”

I raise an eyebrow, looking at Makoto, because usually he can only do that kind of thing with Nanase.

“He was trying to say it, but he's crying too hard” Matsuoka explains, understanding my confusion. Makoto is kind of hiccuping and crying all at once now, and I feel awful, but hopeful at the same time.

“We talked earlier...” Matsuoka starts, pausing like he's waiting for a signal from my sobbing boyfriend. He still is my boyfriend, as far as I know. Makoto nods against him.

“And he told me from the beginning, he didn't  _blame_ you. He just needs a little time to pull himself together, really. He still loves you” Matsuoka volunteers.  Makoto nods his head again when Matsuoka says the part about loving me, still crying against him. I can't take this much back and forth, up and down. I start to cry myself as the relief hits me.

“I love you, so, so much, Makoto” I answer as if he'd spoken himself. I want to hold him, I want to be the one to hug him and have him cry on my shoulder so badly, but I can't. It would be too much right now. Like he said, he needs some space. I can respect that, deal with that, as long as I know that he still loves me.

I go slowly, because I don't want to upset him anymore. Matsuoka watches me carefully as I come closer. I stop when I can tell he's about to speak up.

“Can I just have your hand for a second?” I ask Makoto, not reaching toward him yet. It's like I can see him thinking about it. Finally his hand uncurls from the blanket, but he doesn't make a move to reach for me. I think that's enough of a signal to go on. Matsuoka doesn't try to stop me when I gently draw Makoto's hand to me. The only thing I can think of to convey how I feel is to kiss his palm.

I try not to let it linger too long, knowing I'm walking a fine line here as it is. Then I close his fingers back up around my offering.

“I'm right here, whenever you're ready. Just know I love you, ok baby?” I tell him softly. Makoto pulls his hand up to his chest. Clutching the closed fist to his heart, he nods, still sobbing almost uncontrollably. I'll take it. With a nod to Matsuoka, I retreat again, leaving him to deal with the teary mess I've created. Nanase heads out with me. Once the door is closed behind us, I give an audible sigh, looking at it one last time.

“Well, that was productive” Nanase deadpans. I can't tell if he's being sarcastic or not. I'm about to give him a 'look', when I realize that either intent is probably valid. Letting it go, I just shrug and head home. A cold dinner and empty bedroom are waiting for me.

 

Over the next day, I realize having Nanase around is not necessarily different than being alone. Makoto has called in sick to practice again, and I back him up when anyone asks. It's two in a row now that he's missed, and I start to wonder how ok he really is because of that.

“He'll be alright” Nanase assures me in an odd display of trying to be comforting. We're not even at the pool anymore, just making dinner. I wonder if this 'knowing' is really just something with him, rather than shared between him and Makoto...

“I've bled sometimes, it happens. Makoto's just...” he adds, not even blushing or anything.

“Sensitive” I supply, since he doesn't seem to have a word to put to it.

“Yeah” he nods, blinking a few times, “But like, in his emotions, not just physically.”

I nod, and we go back to finishing the food, conversation over. I haven't really spent a whole lot of time with  _just_ Nanase... It does make me feel a little better though, to hear it's not some really super unusual thing, and that we're not the only ones it's happened to.

After we eat, I can't summon the caring to do homework. Frustrated, I just sit on the couch, staring off into space. Nanase sits with me, on the other end. He seems much less disturbed by the lack of anything to keep our attention.

“So, Haru, what do you do for fun?” I ask in a tired voice, making mindless conversation.

“Swim” he answers, no elaborating... I nod. I probably should have expected that. Silence settles back around us, and for some reason, I interrupt it again.

“And what do you do when you've fucked up, and all you feel like doing is curling up in a ball and crying?” I ask next, staring dejectedly at the wall opposite us.

“...Swim...” Haru says softly, like he's actually sharing some secret thing with me. “I swim a lot...” he whispers, glancing at me out of the corner of his eye afterward. I'd felt like laughing at the ridiculous of our conversation a moment ago, but suddenly I don't anymore.

“Too bad it's already closed for the night, I guess” I sigh, feeling desperate enough that I wonder if it would have helped. I've always gotten this feeling like when Nanase says 'swim', it doesn't mean what the rest of us would by it.

“I have a key” he informs me, dead serious.

“ _You_ , have a  _key..._ to the  _pool_ ?” I raise my eyebrow at this new information.

“Yeah, coach gave me one. He said it was better than having me try to break in.”

“Did you? Try to break in?”

“Not here, but, he saw my record” Nanase blushes for the admission of breaking and entering more than he did about the one regarding sex. Like, he knows his willingness to ignore custom over his love of water isn't normal. It makes me wonder if he actually understands how weird he comes off sometimes...

Instead of over-analyzing if I've been nice enough to him all these years, I do the only thing I can that makes sense for this moment.

“You want to go then?” I ask, tilting my head toward the door. Nanase's eyes shimmer in this way that makes me wonder if he's actually, literally part mermaid or something. Then he nods vigorously, and stands. 

We don't really have to take much with us, since we have lockers assigned there. He doesn't bother with a cap or goggles, so I don't either. At the edge of the pool, he sort of pauses.

“Just dive in, and the water will do the rest” he instructs seriously. He doesn't look to see if I 'get' it, just plunges in like he's been forced to wait far too long. Suddenly I feel like I really  _am_ being  _shown_ something, like, this is a test almost... 

I watch him swim away, moving with that graceful oneness with the water that inspires so many. I don't feel inspired though. I don't want to have anything to prove. I jump in and swim a few laps, going a little crooked since the lane markers aren't out. This just, it seems like a waste of time. I could still be sitting back on the couch, staring at the wall for all the good it's doing.

Instead of swimming anymore, I come up off the wall and just let myself float. Gentle waves lap at me on the surface from Nanase's motions. That actually is kind of calming. Not completely though. It almost makes it worse, to be kind of comforted, but not all the way. Maybe I'm not doing it right. I feel the heat of tears leaking from the sides of my eyes, and dive back under the water.

Floating is out, so I go back to swimming. I swim, and swim, and swim. I don't keep track of how long, or how many laps. I swim until the motions I'm making have lost all meaning, like when you're little and say the same word over and over. From the tightness in my chest, I think I might be crying again. It's hard to tell, under the water. Somehow, the thought of that  _does_ calm me though. 

It's not like my tears are meaningless, more like...they're part of something bigger, part of existing. I don't know how to explain it, even to myself. I come to a stop at the edge this time, breathing hard and wiping at my eyes. Nanase, who's been floating nearby, stands up and looks at me. I don't know if it's obvious I'm in tears or what, until he speaks.

“It's like a grandmother's kiss. When you cry as you're swimming, and the water washes it away” he volunteers, looking detached yet serious. He's not really looking at me when he says it, more like  _through_ me almost, but I get it. I get it more than I ever thought I would get  _Haru_ . I can barely believe how sane he sounds, saying something like that. Maybe it's not him though, maybe it's all the rest of us...

I just nod, because somehow any words I could say just don't feel like they'd sound right. We end the swim there, and I notice Haru doesn't have any trouble pulling himself out of the water on his own. I don't offer it silently though, like Matsuoka would and Makoto used to. Over the years I've picked up that the gesture is more than just friendly among them anyway. I guess even though we've always been 'friendly', I've never really considered Haru  _my_ friend before.

He was always Makoto's friend, that he used to like. I still may not understand that part of it, but I don't need to. I really never did. I think I may understand Haru a little better though, as a person, even if that's not what this was about.

 

The next day, Makoto is at practice. He and Rin are there before Haru and I arrive. Last night, when I was thinking about all that 'friend' stuff, I realized I've always considered myself closer to Rin than Haru. I just let myself keep the habit of thinking of him as 'Matsuoka' though, from being his captain... Anyway, he's not really my focus right now.

Makoto actually smiles, and even though he only glances at my eyes for a moment, it's progress.

“Hey” he says as greeting.

“Hey” I reply, grinning just for getting to see him. He glances at me again, and blushes. It's a cute, almost flirting one though... Like he used to give me in the beginning when he was unsure of what to do. Hope spreads through me, the relief like aloe on a sunburn.

“How are you?” he asks before I can, and I know it's not just being polite. A dozen ways of answering that run through my head, but I have to pick just one...

“I'm going to tell you I'm ok, so that you don't worry. But honestly, I'm horrible without you” I answer softly. Makoto smiles at me, and I'm glad to see honesty is still always the best policy.

“I mean, you stuck me with Haru, so I might start suffering from chlorine poisoning, but other than that...” I joke, making him smile wider.

“You don't have to go with him  _every_ time” Makoto teases back, knowing exactly what I mean.

“I've got nothing better to do...” I shrug, purposefully implying it's because he's not around. Coach blows the whistle for everyone to get in the water though, so our talk is stopped there. I think it went really well though.

 

The next day at practice, we hold hands, and Makoto kisses me on the cheek. I don't think a simple peck has ever meant so much to me, sent such a happy feeling running through me. I'm in such a good mood, I don't even mind Haru's complaining about dinner.

“You don't eat enough fish” he mutters, rummaging through the fridge.

“Just because I'm not obsessed with mackerel?” I respond, but it's lighthearted.

“What does Makoto even see in you?” Haru tells me flatly, but I see the tiny quirk of a smile at the corner of his mouth.

“Well, I am a sparkling conversationalist” I fire back, but I can't help chuckling. Before we can finish cooking though, there's a knock at the door. I open it, and Makoto is standing there, holding his bag and smiling hopefully. I want to pull him into my arms right away, but I hold back, just in case. He shuffles in place for a second, shifting his weight.

“Hey... Can I come in?” he asks.

“Of course you can” I say, throwing the door open wide. Haru stops what he's doing and looks at him in surprise.

“Rin said to tell you he's making mackerel for dinner, if you want to join him” Makoto says seriously, like it's a formal invitation. I haven't come across it here, the kind of face Haru makes when he hears that. I know I've seen it before though... Must be a Rin and mackerel thing...

Without a word, Haru walks out the door, not even bothering to close it behind him. I glance out as I close it, and see him loping down the street, almost in a run.

“I hope you didn't forget anything... If so, I wouldn't go back for it tonight” I joke as I shut it. We both chuckle a little, and then suddenly we're hugging tightly.

“I missed you so much, Makoto. I don't even want to tell you how much it hurt to be apart from you” I whisper against his hair.

“I missed you too. I'm sorry I freaked out like that Sei, I didn't want to do that to you” he starts crying softly.

“It wasn't your fault, you felt how you felt. I was wrong, to go for something like that without talking about it first” I admit, feeling my own eyes water.

“I should have said something” he nods against my shoulder.

We kiss, and it's almost like we've never really kissed before this.

“I don't want to rush you, but would it be ok if I held you tonight?” I ask, desperate to get to soak him in.

“Yeah, Sei, that would be perfect” he smiles at me, those bright green eyes filled with love.

I will never do anything to make them look away from me again.

 

( _Makoto_ )

 

Maybe it's just me, but the four of us seem like a much closer group after everything that happened. It was only three days that I was gone, but it felt longer. Sei and I are definitely closer, but that's a different type of feeling.

At practice, the four of us all laugh and joke again while changing, and it makes my heart feel light.

“So, Sei, what was it like having to live with  _Haru_ ?” Rin makes a taunting face, trying to get Haru back for a shark toothed comment.

“It wasn't  _that_ bad, he's actually not as crazy as I thought” Sei says, as if he's surprised himself. Overall, he's completely serious about what he just said. Rin and I kind of pause at the bluntness of it, looking to Haru to see how he's taking it.

“What? I'm not” he says defensively, like he thinks we're stunned for some other reason. Sei is fishing out his goggles like nothing, so I look at Rin. He and I seem to be the only ones on the same wavelength here. Rin raises an eyebrow, and shrugs. Clearing his throat a little, he changes the subject.

“Oh, by the way Sei, you owe me like four boxes of kleenex” he hitches a thumb in my direction, grinning like an idiot.

“Hey! I didn't use them all myself you know!” I say with indignation.

“Oi! Shut your face, Tachibana!” Rin throws back at me, half joking, but still kind of serious.

I see Haru lean over toward Sei and tell him, “I told you so.”

What is that about?

Sei kind of smiles, but then shakes his head as if in disbelief.

“I'm getting in the water now” Sei declares, throwing his towel over his shoulder and walking away. Haru springs after him, leaving Rin and I standing there with confused looks on our faces.

“Oh my god” Rin says, looking a little pale, “ _He_ rubbed off on  _him_ ... I... I don't believe it... I am  _so_ sorry, Makoto...”

 


	11. Chapter 11

It's funny how time dragged out when we were going through those rough things. Once we're good again, I can't seem to keep track of it anymore, even for a moment. When our official gear for the Olympics arrives, it's like it all suddenly becomes much more  _real_ . We're going to go to Brazil. We're going to swim with the best competitors from around the planet.

Our tickets arrive a few weeks beforehand, and the university notifies us that they'll be excusing us from almost a month of school. The games themselves are only two weeks, but we have to be there ahead of time, and stay for the closing ceremonies and all that. Plus there will be meet and greet type events afterward, especially if we do well.

Apparently I pack like my mother. I can't afford to bring something for  _every_ contingency though, there's just not enough space. Sei sees the trouble I'm having, and volunteers to let me throw a few things in his suitcase. I know he's just humoring me, to help with the stress, but I'm extremely glad for his understanding. 

By the time our two bags are sitting by the door, ready to go and stuffed to the gills, I'm exhausted. So exhausted that I can barely sleep that night. I was kind of surprised that they wanted me to swim the 100m, 200m,  _and_ be primary on the medley relay. It's an honor, but a lot of pressure too, and it's all coming home to roost right now.

“Don't worry babe, it's like a 22 hour flight, you can catch up on your sleep while we're in the air” Sei comforts me, seeing the dark circles from my lack of rest. I know he didn't get much either, but he's always been better, just in general, about handling stress. We had to get up early to ride the train into Tokyo today. It's the only place international flights go out of.

Rin looks to be a little more sleep deprived than Haru, but I guess that's to be expected. We're not quite as open with how we tease each other, since coach Watoga is with us. He's been allowed to come along as our personal coach. He had to pay his own way though, since he's not 'associated' with the National team. I have a kind of underlying feeling that it's Rin he's here for more than the rest of us, but it actually makes me glad.

We meet up with the rest of the swimming team at the airport. There are literally hundreds of other athletes from different disciplines here as well, waiting for their flights. We've gotten to know the guys in our own sport fairly well, so it won't be awkward. What I didn't expect was for all our family and friends to be waiting at the gate too.

“Oni-chan!” twin squeals greet me as soon as we're in range.

“Ran! Ren!” I drop my bag and scoop both of them into one big hug. I can't get over how much older they look since the last time I saw them in person. My mom smiles and says the same thing about me.

“Don't I get a hug from my oni-chan too?” Kou grins and throws herself at Rin. He actually hugs her back without too much grousing, so I know he's glad to see her. Their mom joins in as well, and both our families take turns hugging Haru. Sei gets a round as well, but then his mom pulls him aside so they can Skype with his dad and Joji back at home.

“Haru-chan! Rin-chan! Mako-chan! Sei-chan!” I hear a distinctly blonde voice calling out as it gets closer. Nagisa and Rei are here too, brought along by my parents. They had gone to use the restroom at the moment we arrived though. I'm just going to take that at face value here in front of everyone...

“Nagisa! Rei!” We all get a group hug going. I'm the first to break it off though, seeing Sei waving me over to the camera to say hi. There's plenty of time still, so everybody hops back and forth between little clusters of people. It's loud and rambunctious, but the entire atmosphere of the airport is like that right now.

“Haruka?”

At first I think my ears are deceiving me, but Haru hears it too, and turns around. The frown on his face slowly melts, replaced quickly by a look of confusion after that.

“Mom? Dad? Are you flying somewhere today too?” he asks as they walk up to him. I can see his defenses sky high, and I don't blame him.

“No, darling, we came to see you. To see you off” his mom starts trying to flatten his hair right away. He doesn't try to stop her, even though he's 20, but he does blush a little. Watching them interact a little disjointedly on the fringe of the group makes me realize coach has hung back too. I suppose since he doesn't really know anyone else here, it's not unusual. I do notice him looking over in Rin's direction occasionally though.

A few of the goodbyes we eventually have to say are teary, mostly on our mother's parts. The only one of them that doesn't cry is Rin's. I suppose she's seen enough sadness in her life, that the happy things aren't as tear inducing...

When we all have to line up to actually present our tickets and boarding passes, the crowd is asked to step back by airport staff. People are making their way politely, when suddenly someone calls out, almost as a question,

“Shiro?...”

Coach Watoga, who was in front of me, turns around, with an almost stricken look on his face. He steps out of line as if drawn by a magnet, but stops a good two meters away from the one who called him. Rin's mother.

“Please... Watch over my son... He's in your care” she says, more meaning than I can decipher behind each of her words.

“Of course,” he answers, bowing low to her. When he straightens again, they take a moment to stare into each other's eyes. I wonder what they would be saying if there weren't hundreds of people around...

“It's good to see you again, Akemi” Coach says softly. The line to board the plane is moving though, so they both know they don't have time. This is the Olympics, everyone is  _ready_ , so there's no delays in getting on. Rin's mother nods, and even though she's smiling, she looks so sad.

“You don't always have to hold yourself back, you know, Shiro...” she tells him right as he's turning to join the line again. I don't think I'm supposed to, but I catch a bit of hope in his eyes as he's turning back to her.

“I... I'll keep that in mind” he replies, bowing again. Rin's mom returns it this time, but then he really does have to go, because I'm being asked for my ticket, and he's the last one left. In the little hallway that leads to the plane, I see Rin has stopped, leaning against the side casually.

“Oi, don't you know it's rude to stare?” he tells me. I blush, because here I've been wondering how to tell him what I just saw...

“So, you know what that was about?” I ask him. He nods, joining me in my walk once he sees coach really is getting on the plane.

“Yeah, I know more than a son probably should... I'll tell you about it later, it'll be ok” he assures me. He doesn't seem upset or depressed or emotional about it, so I take him for his word. We make our way to sit with the rest of the team, our boyfriends having saved our seats. My bag barely fits in the overhead compartment, but we make it work.

I've never flown before, only Rin in our group has, so I pay careful attention to the flight attendant's speech. Even though we aren't in the isle with the emergency hatch, it still never hurts to be prepared. When we're instructed to read the little pamphlets tucked into the back of the seats, I glance over and give Sei a quick smile. He's slower in reaching for his, watching the attendant with almost a frown...

“You ok?” I ask him, whispering. He nods and begins reading like I distracted him or something. When we start to actually move, picking up speed for the runway, Sei takes my hand. I squeeze it encouragingly, excitement tingling through me. He's next to the window, and I'm next to him, a few rows back from the wing.

As I watch the ground slowly move away from us, I feel Sei's grip getting tighter and tighter on my hand. Looking at him, rather than past him out the window, I see he's white as a sheet. The farther we get in the air, the more he's leaning over toward my seat, his eyes locked on the outside.

Oh...

I reach over and close the shade, blocking his view, and he immediately exhales, turning away from it. Sei visibly relaxes, well, relaxes _some_ , but I can still feel the tension in his grip.

“Hey, it's going to be alright” I tell him softly. He nods in quick, jerking motions.

“I'm fine” he says, though that's not a proper response to what I said. Poor guy... I put an arm around him to rub his back, and it seems his behavior is getting noticed by others too.

“You know, you're not any safer by _leaning_ away from the window” Rin jabs at him from the row behind ours.

“Fuck off, Matsuoka” Sei says somewhat weakly.

“Rin, come on, leave him alone, this is serious” I chide him. Haru is giving him a dirty look too.

“Yeesh, sorry man, I didn't think it was like freaking you out for _real_...” Rin sort of apologizes.

“I'm not freaking out” Sei says, taking a deep breath and leaning back against his own seat. From the determination with which he's staring straight forward though, I can tell he's not that far from it. I just nod, pretending to believe him. He still looks pretty pale...

I make sure to stay close to him for the whole ride, holding his hand, letting him lean on me. It's kind of nice to have him depending on me, even though I wouldn't wish this nervousness on him for anything. Everyone reaches a point of feeling a little stir crazy though, cooped up in here for so long. Everyone but Haru. Almost every time I look back at him, he's staring intently out the window at the vast expanse of ocean beneath us.

When it's finally time to land, some 20+ hours later, Sei looks like he's going to throw up. Out of kindness, the flight attendants let us get off first afterward. Sei blushes a little, but accepts the gesture wholeheartedly.

As soon as the hatch is opened, a wave of heat unlike anything I've felt before hits us. At the bottom of the steps everyone starts peeling off any extra layers that they can.

We've arrived in Rio de Janeiro.

 

Our hotels are nice, and the people friendly. Everyone is wearing much less clothing than we're used to, but with this heat there's hardly any other choice.

The opening ceremonies for the games are enough to leave a group of small town Iwatobi boys speechless. I've never been part of anything that big before. Even if I don't win a single medal, the trip was worth it to me, just for that.

Since there are more people who swim qualifying times than lanes in the pool, we have heats for each event. Those winnow the competitors down for the Finals. Some events with a lot of entrants, like the 50m free, have a semi-finals too.

Haru is the first of us to swim, due to the order of the events. He's been placed in the 400m free, the 4 x 200m freestyle relay with Sei, and the 1500m.

Sei is swimming the 50m, 100m, 200m, and 4 x 200 freestyle relay, as well as in the 4 x 100 medley relay. It seems like a lot to me, but we're all confident he can handle it. Not to insult the guys who were here from last season too, but Sei is technically the fastest guy on the team.

Rin will be swimming the 100m & 200m butterfly, along with the 4 x 100 medley relay. Which is basically the same thing I'm doing, just with backstroke.

The 400m free is literally the very first event, with heats in the morning and finals that evening. An excited buzz is running through the entire Japanese team upon seeing how well Haru's heat goes. The gold medal he wins that evening is an inspiration to us all. It's fitting, that it be Haru who brings the whole team along in his wake.

Sei and I are up the next day, him in the 200m free, and myself swimming the 100m backstroke. There are semi-finals that evening for both our events. We make it through to the finals fairly easily, since both of us are near the heads of our packs. I don't want to get overconfident though.

We watch Rin swim his heat for the 200m butterfly the next morning, and he does well. He has semi-finals tonight right before the finals for Sei and I. It's not our only chance, but just like with Haru's showing, it sets the tone for the rest of the competition.

Watching Sei take his mark on the starting block, I feel like my heart is in my throat. His form is excellent, his stroke fast and powerful. He's _right there_ , battling for the lead, and I think I might pass out. My mind knows it's only a fraction of a second, between when they hit the wall and their times pop up on the board. It feels like forever though.

When his name is the first to flash up on the screen, I burst into tears. I can't hear anything over the roar of our team mates, or see anything through my crying. I heard Sei promising Joji before we left, that he would bring him back a medal. Looks like it will be the gold.

We only get a few brief moments, and then he's taking the stage, bending extra low so they can put it over his neck. He's tried to smooth back his hair a little, but with it that wet and chlorine soaked, it's a lost cause. He's beaming like a little kid, hair wild, waving to the cameras just like we were told to do.

The difference between his and Haru's post-performances is like night and day. TV affiliates approach as they're climbing down, and it's ok at this point for us to go join him again. All that the crews could get out of Haru was that winning the gold made him feel hungry. When they approach Sei, he doesn't even need any prompting.

“Japan is back, baby!” he tells the first microphone that gets close enough, winking as he flashes a peace sign. Our country hasn't won a gold medal in swimming for a decade and a half. With him and Haru both pulling them in now, his statement seems electric and unifying. What Haru does by accident, Sei accomplishes by sharing his enthusiasm all around.

I'm on such a high that I barely feel nervous at all, getting in the water for my own race a few minutes later. The water feels inviting, the position old and familiar. This is the part where I give my all. It actually helps, mentally, that I feel so little pressure now. Sei won his gold, accomplished his goal, and I was here to see it. I don't _have_ to win _for_ anybody. It's just me and the water, and whatever I want to do in it.

I think I want to win.

Springing backward at the sound of the beep, I've already decided this swim will be a personal best for me. I just take the medals out of it entirely in my mind. I've always felt happiest knowing I've beaten myself, no matter what position I come in.

Everything happens so quickly once the race is over. Sei is hugging me, Haru and Rin too. I think I saw my name in the top spot, so I can understand why they're excited. I'm completely dazed as they put the thick ribbon around my neck.

I didn't realize gold was so heavy.

Only when the glare of camera lights get right in my face do I realize I'm crying, because of the moisture when I blink.

“They're tears of joy” Sei assures all the reporters, his arm around my shoulder. I nod in agreement, wiping at them with the back of my hand.

“Can I say hi to my Mom?” I ask, not really sure if that's ok. A lady near me with a microphone nods, so I lean over to her. “Hi Mom, Dad, Ren & Ran, I love you guys!” I try to sound normal and not like I'm an emotional mess, but I don't know if it worked. Sei is looking at me like I'm completely adorable, and I blush.

Watching the footage later, it's like, _so_ incredibly obvious to me that we're dating, but oh well... Sei pulled me away into the lockers shortly after that, where we made out for the next half an hour. Rin and Haru even came in and changed, and left again while we were still kissing. Our rooms are all right next to each other though, so was easy to catch up with them later.

Rin made a little “aww” sound when he saw the clip of me asking to say hi to my mom. I refuse to be embarrassed, but jab him in the ribs with my elbow anyway. All playfully of course. Even though Rin hasn't gone through his final yet, his showing was excellent, and his spirits are high.

The next day after that, Rin takes the gold as well.

He cries too, but I don't tease him for it. He and Haru hug for a long time in the lockers, with Rin sobbing against him. I think all of us go in to check on them at some point or another. It looks like Haru is handling it though. I can't imagine what a decade's worth of justification hitting all at once would feel like.

Sei and Haru's 4 x 200m freestyle relay takes gold that evening too. Coach Watoga sits with Rin and us as well, while we cheer them on. After that happens, I start hearing the phrase 'Japan is back' popping up here and there among people _outside_ the team.

One of our breast stroke specialists takes gold as well, and there are a few silver and bronze being won too. Sei wins another gold in the 100m free, and silver in the 50m. I take a silver in the 200m backstroke, but I'm more than fine with that. Rin doubles in butterfly, earning gold in both events.

Finally we're down to the last day, Haru's 1500m and the medley relay for the rest of us. We are not supposed to win this race. This is an American dominated event, just like the individual medley. Japan has come close in the past, but never quite managed to take that top spot.

I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed when we don't make first.

I know the team was thinking it would have been great too, but perfection isn't always necessary for happiness. I'm quite happy to have a gold and two silvers. I'm most happy about my friends having fulfilled their dreams. Everyone is hugging and slapping each other on the back, saying “Next time, next time” about the medley.

Sei and I share a glance, but don't say anything. We've already talked about it, and know that since we did what we came for, this will be our last and only Olympics. Sei has a lot of guilt he doesn't really talk about, for being so far away from his family for so long. I don't kid myself anymore, about being here for any other reason than to be at his side.

Whatever edge to the jubilation that was lost by us taking silver, is renewed by Haru breaking the world record in the 1500m. We are not usually a partying bunch, but there's no way the team is letting us get away that night. Haru refuses to drink unless he and Rin are literally _tied_ together for the rest of the evening though... The mood the team is in, they oblige him.

There are some hilarious pictures on my phone in the morning, though I don't remember taking half of them. I decide not to tell the guys about _every_ _single_ one, because they'd probably try to make me delete a few.

Over breakfast, talk turns to what we're going to do with our prize money. Sei has won the most medals on the team, and the Japanese government is generous. His comes to 45 million yen, which since they compare everything to dollars here, is $450,000 approximately.

Rin makes a sugar daddy comment, winking at me, causing me to blush badly. I don't think he has any idea how well off Sei's family is already without that...

“Last time I checked, Haru's prize was going to be bigger than yours too, Rin” I toss back at him. I can see the flash in his eyes when I point that out. Not that he's mad at me, just that he's realizing I'm right in that moment.

“Do you need me to lend you some sugar?” Haru says seriously to him, making me choke on my orange juice. Even Sei looks a little surprised, holding his hand over his mouth like something almost fell out. None of us were ever in it for the money though, so it's ok to joke.

 

The only way I'm able to get Sei on the plane home is to promise him it's the last one he'll ever have to ride. It would be cute if I didn't feel so bad for him. We've been upgraded to first class seating on the return, so that does help a bit. There's more space, so he can kind of lay on his side facing me. We take the liberty of snuggling for a good long time, though we don't do anything inappropriate.

When we land, all our families are there again, along with more TV crews and cameras. Coach Watoga prepared us for having to do interviews and meet with various officials. I do notice he and Rin's mom exchange a few words to themselves, keeping a respectable distance of course. I don't hear what they say, but they're both smiling when they bow and part ways.

It's quite a few hours before we're able to leave.

It takes a long time for the excitement to wind down. Not just for that day either. We spend the remainder of our time off from class at our parent's houses. People I haven't talked to in years suddenly all want to stop by and chat. I imagine it's much the same for Sei. A few days before we're scheduled to go back, our prize money is hand delivered.

It's actually in the form of a check of course, but there's an added excitement too. Every gold medalist has been awarded the bonus of a new car to go along with it. I don't even have a driver's license, but then again, I don't think Rin or Haru do either. It's a top of the line Lexus, a luxury car meant to turn heads.

When I look it up online later, I'm shocked to see just how much they cost. This car is worth more than my entire course of education at Tottori will be... Of course as soon as I know that, I'm far too nervous to even _think_ about driving it.

I end up trading it to my parents as a partial 'payment' for a life time of meals and laundry and clothes outgrown too fast. They will look much better behind the wheel of it than I would anyway.

Sei keeps his car, since he is actually capable of using it. He picks me up from my parent's house in it, so we can head back to the university. He looks good in his, and I'm happy to go along as a passenger. Neither Rin nor Haru bring theirs back to campus, but it's understandable. I'm pretty sure Rin's mom is the one who'll be driving his around too.

Our first day back at school, we all have a meeting with the University President. Alumni and various people of importance will be there, so we make sure to dress nicely. They are putting a plaque in the pool area, with our names and the events we medalled in on it. As part of the ceremony, we're informed that the Alumni have also taken up a collection. The fees for the rest of our years here have been paid by them.

All of us bow low, as the incredible generosity being displayed to us is a little overwhelming. I'm the only one to actually get a little misty though. One of the wives of the Alumni gives me a tissue, and tells me I am a true son of Japan. I'm speechless, but she just pats my arm kindly and then walks away.

“Makoto's always been good with mothers” Rin teases me once we're done.

“That's just because I'm the good child” I resist the urge to stick my tongue out at him.

“Hey, what are you trying to say, Tachibana?” Rin grouses.

“That Kou's obviously the nice one in your family” I tell him flat out, smiling sweetly.

“He's right, you're a lot more trouble than her” Haru speaks up, and I can't tell if he's adding to the teasing, or being serious.

“And how would you know?” Rin turns on his boyfriend.

“I went to school with her, remember?”

“Well, maybe I'm a lot nicer to my mom than I am around anyone else, did you ever think of that?” Rin crosses his arms over his chest.

“No. You're always the same. You just don't hide your soft heart in public as well as you think you do” Haru refutes him, making Rin blush and sputter. We have to part ways now, each to their own apartments, so Sei and I don't get to hear anymore. I'm sure the conversation didn't end there, knowing Rin and Haru.

 

The rest of my second year in college flows by undisturbed for the most part. My mother 'talks' to me on several different occasions, about not trying for the 2020 Olympics. I have to finally confess to her that it's not just about feeling that I've already accomplished everything. If Sei's not going, then I don't really have a desire to do it on my own.

I have to admit, I kind of like being able to eat pizza and sweets again too, laze around occasionally. I know Sei has. Not that either of us have let ourselves go, we still workout way too much for that. We have a college team to represent with pride after all.

We split our break this year between households, spending half with each. I guess Sei's parents have been giving him the same talks. They pull us aside, away from Joji, the last day we're going to be there, which is New Year's.

“I just think it's an incredible waste of potential” Sei's mom sighs, and we both know what she's talking about. Arguing would be rude, so I stay quiet. It doesn't mean Sei has to though.

“I haven't _wasted_ anything, except maybe time I could have spent helping you guys” he says as if it's for the thousandth time.

“Seijuurou, I don't mean to be blunt son, but we don't _need_ you” his dad says levelly, arms crossed over his chest, “I know you think of us as decrepit old folks, but really we get along just fine.”

Sei looks a little startled at the accusation, but his mom speaks up before he can counter.

“Give it 20, no, more like 30 years or so, and then we'll let you take care of us all, if you still want to” she says with authority, yet kindness. “We all know how much you love your brother, darling, but Joji is our responsibility, not yours. I'm proud that you're willing to give so much for this family, but you have your own life to build. Your father and I have already built ours, there isn't anything else we'd rather be doing with it” she tells him firmly.

I can see her words sinking into Sei, but that he's still hesitant. When we leave, no promises have been made, but I can tell he's thinking of things differently. I don't feel the need to rush him. Whatever conclusion he comes to, I know he'll share it with me.

 

A few more months go by, and spring begins, with all it's blossoming glory. Sei is in his last year of school now, and I'm in my third year. Normally, walking through the tree covered sections of campus is a 'couples' thing. We do double date type stuff fairly often with Rin and Haru though, so none of us think anything of it.

I'm still a little leery of the fountain on the north end of campus, but Haru is much better than he used to be.

Who would have thought that he wasn't the one I had to worry about?

It all starts with a surprising proclamation from Rin.

“You know, one of these days, I should make an honest man out of you” he tells Haru as we're all sitting on the edge of it. Haru pulls his finger tips out of the water and raises an eyebrow at Rin.

“Are you trying to steal your mom's thunder?” he asks, point blank.

“What?! No! Besides, they're not getting _married_ , she and coach _just started_ dating” Rin defends himself without really sounding that defensive...

“They've been dating for months. Plus, they knew each other really well in the past, so they could get married any time, and it wouldn't be surprising” Haru says in a matter of fact tone.

“Oh, is that how it works, huh?” Rin asks, grinning. I'm sure it's because that statement could apply to them in ways too. Are we really watching them argue about _this_?...

“Whatever” Haru blushes, looking away from him.

“So, are we _not_ spending the rest of our lives together?” Rin questions him, his manner making him seem young and sweet again. Considering those are two things Rin usually goes to great lengths to hide from the rest of the world, it's quite telling.

“Of course we are” Haru huffs as if Rin's being difficult.

“Well, then you should let me adopt you” Rin says softly, making Haru look up at him with large, wavering eyes.

“Idiot, you're supposed to have a ring” he replies, taking Rin's hand though as he speaks.

Suddenly there's a huge splashing of water beside us.

Though Sei and I have been trying not to interrupt the moment, we both stand at that. Rin has lunged and pulled Haru into the fountain with him. Haru is so shocked, he's just sort of half sitting half floating in the spray of water. Rin flashes him a soaking grin as he gets on one knee in front of him.

“Nanase Haruka, will you marry me?” he asks, slipping a gold band over Haru's finger. Since he already got his answer, sort of, I guess his unorthodox methods are acceptable. Haru nods vigorously, obviously starting to tear up himself.

I've been crying since Rin got on his knee.

As they kiss in the sparkling fall of water, the wind picks up, blowing a wave of cherry blossoms over the entire area. It's actually the shivering from the wind that makes them break it off, since it is still April, after all.

Rin notices the coating then.

“See, it's a sign” he tells Haru with confidence as they're climbing out.

“I thought it was a _pool_ you wanted to swim in with the blossoms” Haru reminds him.

“I thought we'd save that for the honeymoon” Rin winks. Haru doesn't say anything to that, but his blush returns as he's brushing the petals from his hair.

“Can it be soon?” Haru asks, and I hold back from the congratulations I was about to offer, letting him speak.

“Sure, I'll start the paperwork right away” Rin assures him.

“Can we have it at the beach? The ceremony part?” Haru continues to question.

“Of course” Rin brushes some petals off himself now too, but it may be a lost cause until they can change...

“Can we get married in our swimsuits?” Haru wants to know, never having been a fan of formal wear. That may be taking it a bit _too_ far though...

“ _No_ , it has to be special. You can tough it out for a few hours. When we show the pictures to our adopted dolphin some day, we want him to be proud to have us as parents, ne?” Rin teases him. Oh, he better hope Haru understands he's teasing...

 

Thoughts of possibly returning to training get pushed aside for the excitement of Rin and Haru's plans. Since they won't be having a traditional or even technically legal 'wedding', they just kind of haphazardly plan whatever they want. It will have the popular western style, but there's nothing really religious about it. I know they plan on exchanging vows, but other than that it sounds mostly like a big party.

Rin thinks they should hire a fog machine and make a dramatic entrance just because it sounds fun. Haru points out that's not going to work very well at the beach... There are still kinks being worked out as they go.

The only damper put on things is by Haru's parent's behavior. I guess the son making headlines as a national star is different than the son marrying a man. Not that I'm defending them in anyway, but Haru did kind of go about it in the wrong manner himself. Being in that he forgot his parents didn't already know he was gay.

When they got the call from him randomly saying he was marrying Rin out of the blue, they were a bit shocked. He got a package in the mail a few days later with all his important documents in it, basically disowning him. Which since he's being adopted, isn't really that bad.

Personally, I think Haru is almost relieved to at least have a final answer on just what he means to them. He also discovered in the paperwork that his grandmother had left the house in Iwatobi to pass directly to him. His parents had never told him about it when he turned 20 though. He had some back taxes to pay, but in a stroke of luck, their due date was last summer, during the Olympics.

All extra penalties were waived, provided he paid the original amount, since he was serving his country at the time.

Sei and I are actually fairly involved in the wedding, since we are Rin and Haru's best men, respectively. The Matsuoka family isn't that big, so it will be just those of Rin's that are in the area, and then friends. The rest of the guys, along with my family, will sit on Haru's side, so he doesn't feel alone. We're really all there for both of them though.

Since Rin and Haru don't really know what they're doing, Rin's mom helps a lot with the logistics. We only have a couple months before prime beach wedding weather will be upon us. I think she's glad to help, since she may not get to have one for her daughter for quite some time. The last I heard, Rin was talking approvingly of Kou making up business cards for herself that said “Parasite Single”...

“I'm your mother, Rin, the least you could let me do is pay for your tuxedo” Matsuoka-san argues with him. Rin and Haru have plenty of money, so paying for the festivities themselves isn't an issue.

“No way. You've already done too much for me” Rin is adamant.

“But that's only planning, running a few errands here and there. You have to let me contribute, you're my son.” Rin's mom is softer and gentler than he is, probably where he got his tender streak from. She also has that kind of shojo hair that gets caught in even the smallest puff of wind...the kind she passed on to both her children. Kou can bet on aging well, that's all I have to say.

“There's no way I'm letting you pay for this. You already paid part of college, Samezuka, hell, _Australia_. I could never repay you... And I'm not letting you pay for anything else, I'm a grown man” Rin says firmly, trying to subtly play the 'man of the house' card, I think.

Rin's mom looks contemplative, but not like she's about to give up at all.

“Honey...” she reaches out and takes Rin's hand, holding it in both of hers. “I... ...didn't pay for Australia... I was a young, recently widowed mother, I never would have been able to come up with the funds for that on my own” she pauses, trying to gauge his reactions.

Rin looks skeptical, frowning at her.

“Our situation was known... And, I got a letter in the mail one day saying Shiro had paid for it. He knew an opportunity like that was rare, one neither he nor your father got to have...” she ends quietly, letting it sink in.

I'm stunned myself, that coach's involvement goes back that far. I guess I shouldn't be though, from what I've been told about the 'other things' he and Rin's dad were in competition for... Namely, a certain red headed woman with shojo hair. Like a true gentleman though, coach bowed out when he wasn't the one chosen. I'm sure caring for what happened to his deceased friend's children played into it, but there's no doubt that he never stopped loving her either.

Rin doesn't say anything for a long minute, just looks into his mother's eyes. Finally he nods.

“If you're really going to insist, then you can pay for Haru's tux or something” he finally relents. She pulls him into a tight hug, which Rin returns. I let out the breath I've been holding, because with Rin, things could have gone either way...

 

A few days later, I get a text from Haru saying that our session to pick out and get the tux's fitted has been changed. Sei doesn't get the same text though, so I question Haru about it, to make sure. Apparently we're no longer going all together, but as separate 'sides'... It seems a little picky, but not like a huge deal to me. Maybe Haru is finally being affected by something, and will turn into one of those high maintenance bridezilla's...

It makes me smile to picture, but I doubt it.

Once I get to the bridal shoppe that day though, more of his reasoning starts to be revealed. Haru and Rin's mom are there ahead of me, and are already perusing the offerings...in the bridesmaid's section...

“Haru... What's going on here?...” I ask nervously, because I am notoriously bad at saying no. It turns out I will still just be wearing a normal tuxedo though. I guess Haru asked Rin's mom beforehand, if she thought it would be weird if he wore a dress. He doesn't want a normal one though, he has a specific look in mind.

Something sleeveless, floor length, and sparkling in just a certain shade of light blue.

I'm sure if we had more time, we could have found an exact replica online, maybe had one made... Thankfully the shoppe has a dress that's very, very close, even if it's billed as a 'prom' fashion. Haru doesn't care though. It's actually a very simple and elegant choice.

I'm not going to ask him anything about why he wants to look like this specific Disney character...

 

The evening of their celebration, Haru has successfully managed to hide the wardrobe change from Rin. I know Rin has to suspect something is up, but he's a good fiance and doesn't ask. An area on the sand is sectioned off for our use, and chairs are set facing the ocean. Everyone is dressed up and in a good mood.

Sei looks amazing in a tuxedo, by the way. I stare at him more than I probably should, but it's ok since we're not the grooms. There is a tent meant for changing in that's set up for Haru, so Rin won't see before he's supposed to. Haru has chosen to go barefoot, no headdress or accoutrements, other than a small bouquet.

He doesn't want to ruin the effect.

I'm not sure I would have the nerve to walk in front of everyone dressed like that, but I'm sure Rin will love seeing it. Everyone takes their marks, and a soft music starts playing, giving Haru his cue. When he walks out of the tent, it's easy to imagine he was a creature of the sea just a little while ago. Ethereal, I believe, is the word for it. Something enchanting and not quite of this world.

I steal a glance at Rin's face, because I know his reaction is what this is all for. He looks stunned, simply blown away by the vision he's seeing. As I look back and forth between the two of them, I start to tear up a little, so happy for my two best friends.

Haru makes his way up the isle, but the sand is uneven and he's not watching his step, only where he's headed. He stumbles a little, blushing and remembering to look down. By the time he's scouted out his path a little better, my dad has jumped up, going to his side.

“The sand's a bit tricky sometimes” I hear him say gently as he holds his arm out. Haru looks up at him and nods, slipping his hand into the crook of my dad's elbow. When they turn back our way, Haru's eyes are reflecting the sunset much like his dress is. I don't see any tears escape, but they're brimming as Haru is finally presented to Rin.

I'm sure the gesture meant more to Haru than he'll probably ever be able to express. My dad knows him well enough to understand that too. In fact, if he had known what Haru planned, he'd have offered to walk him down the isle ahead of time.

Exact customs aren't being followed here, so no one objects when Rin slips his arms around Haru's waist right away. Words I know weren't meant for me are carried on the wind as Rin whispers in Haru's ear.

“You are _so_ beautiful, my little mermaid...”

Though he's not facing me, I can tell Haru is blushing by the color creeping up the back of his neck. They promise to spend the rest of their lives together a few minutes later, and _everyone_ is crying, not just me.

It looks like Haru has every intention of staying in that dress for the entire evening. He eats dinner in it for the reception, cuts the cake with Rin, even lets a few photos be taken. When they dance, a dozen lanterns reflect off Haru's attire, and it's simply beautiful.

“I hate to break it to you babe, but I think your shoulders are a little too broad to pull off that look” Sei nudges me, noticing me staring.

“Maybe it's you I'm picturing” I tease him back. The rest of the crowd is invited to join the newlyweds in the dance now.

“Everyone knows redheads look better in earthy colors” Sei says, faking an offended tone, leading me out onto the floor.

“Oh, ok, well I'll keep that in mind” I wink at him. He sends a beaming grin at me, pulling me close as we sway back and forth to the slow music. After a few minutes of looking into his eyes, I decide now is as good a time as any to talk about the future. Our future.

“Sei... So, what would you think... About coming out of retirement?...” I don't think he was expecting me to bring that up right now, but he takes the question seriously.

“Well, I wouldn't want to do it just because you feel as if you owe it to anyone” he says.

“I don't... I was just thinking it really would be a shame to miss 2020, since it'll be in Tokyo... You wouldn't even have to fly there” I mention.

“You do make an excellent point...” Sei looks contemplative. “Knowing I have my parents' support is good too... I guess, for me, the single biggest factor, is what _you_ want” Sei tells me softly, stroking his thumb over my skin.

“It _would_ have been nice to win that relay...” I reply, beginning to smile at him. He nods his head, agreeing, as a smile spreads over his face too. I don't beat around the bush anymore though, because my mind is already made up.

“I think I want to go for the gold, Sei, with you.”

 

 

//Roll end credits as the dance party begins//

 

 


End file.
